Best Dressed: MARION COTILLARD
gown by Christian Dior, jewelry by Chopard
J’ADORE, Y’ALL. J’-FUCKING-ADORE. Marion’s devotion to Dior had gotten a bit repetitive, but if she keeps churning out fan-fucking-tastic, modern ball gowns like this, I’ll be forever happy. I think the proportions are stunning, the fit is perfect, that color blue is so unique and lovely, and the jewelry is just flawless. The sleek bob is chic and of-the-moment, and she looks polished as hell.
Runner-Up: EDDIE REDMAYNE
tuxedo by Boss Black
Deal with Eddie’s brown velvet tux. Most mere mortals would look like the owner of a 1970s swingers’ club in this get-up, but somehow Eddie pulls it off with aplomb.
Honorable Mention: AMY POEHLER
gown by Zuhair Murad, jewelry by Forevermark
Stunning silhouette – her body continues to look unstoppable. The dress is simple but has some intrigue and just the right amount of sex appeal, and her hair looks fucking fabulous. The purse isn’t my favorite, but the jewelry is divine and she looks ten years younger than she did a year ago.
gown by Elie Saab, jewelry by Neil Lane, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Stunning color, fabulous modern silhouette. The fit is a little off, and the hair is really unimpressive, but the jewelry and clutch are stunning and she’s positively glowing.
gown by Rodarte, jewelry by Fred Leighton, shoes by Christian Louboutin
It’s just a touch too bridal for my tastes – it’s the doily-like layer of the skirt that’s pushing it a little bit over the top for me – but the bodice is so beautiful that it’s hard for me to care. I love the neckline, the strange but stunning proportions, the boxy metallic clutch, and the subtle but stylish jewelry. The eye makeup might be a little too heavy, but the pinkish-metallic lipstick is stunning and the hair is sleek and sexy.
gown by David Meister
Oh, go and get it with your studded bodice, Jane Lynch! The hair has taken on a life of its own that I can’t quite support, but she’s breaking out of a major style rut with this gown, and that’s always something I applaud.
gown by Alexander McQueen, jewelry by Harry Winston
Alright, Jessica Rabbit, I’m not going to pretend you don’t look gorgeous, because you do. But I’m going to be picky and mean because, well, that’s why you’re reading this blog, isn’t it? The dress is definitely too tight in the waist, hips, and tummy – the bodice looks lovely, but the area below it is problematic. And Jessica practically lives in slightly boring Sarah Burton for McQueen gowns (I specify that they’re Sarah Burton because I would never want anyone to think that I believed anything Alexander McQueen himself made was boring). I really need to see her wearing something not red and not boring, like, immediately. And the stiff fabric makes the skirt look like it stands up on its own, which is never a look I enjoy.
gown by Dolce & Gabbana, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz, purse by Judith Leiber
Gorgeous color. I hate the matching bracelet and I think the black clutch is incredibly distracting, but this is by far the best the Modern Family star has ever looked. But darling, the prom hair is insufficient for the SAG Awards, okay?
gown by Oscar de la Renta
I’m glad Jennifer is putting in the effort since her husband’s film is so buzzworthy, but this is too tight and too boring. And the slightly mismatched gold purse and bracelet are possibly the most pedestrian styling choices imaginable.
gown by Monique Lhuillier, jewelry by Cathy Waterman, shoes by Jimmy Choo
I thought this was underwhelming for such a big event. The dress is something we’ve seen many times before, and though the color is beautiful, I think it’s a color Viola’s worn a few too many times before. The bedazzled platforms are downright ridiculous, and the chunky jewelry and clutch are equally distracting. She still looks like a goddess, but this gown is a little too ordinary – and way too wrinkled – for someone as fabulous as Viola.
gown by Valentino, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Okay, Lea. I feel like we’ve had about sixty interventions about your sternum and vag-high slits, and I guess those are sort of working, though you don’t actually look fashionable, you just look less like you’re reeking of desperation. I mean, literally everything about this silhouette is 100% wrong for a petite woman – you need legs for DAYS to not look like a little girl in your mom’s old prom dress in this get-up. But now it’s time to once again focus on the ombre hair, which has reached a whole new level of hideousness. Look at the tips of your hair, Lea. Now look at your roots. Now ask yourself, WHY? WHY, when you have plenty of money and stylists at your disposal, do you insist on running around looking like some Jersey shore teen who had a peroxide accident and can’t afford to fix it?
gown by Alex Perry
Stuffy and ill-fitting, and the color and silhouette are about as unflattering as can be.
gown by Johanna Johnson, jewelry by Neil Lane, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Jerome C. Rousseau
I hate the heaviness of the fabric and the giant, ugly seams stretching across her bustline and cutting her off at the thighs. This looks like a Hefty bag that weighs three hundred pounds, and the shoulderpads aren’t helping.
dress by Dolce & Gabbana, purse by Jimmy Choo, shoes by Christian Louboutin
The bustline of this dress looks like it was chewed off by rabid dogs. Also, she is WILDLY underdressed for this event. Not to say a cocktail dress can’t be formal, but this one definitely isn’t.
gown by Chado Ralph Rucci, jewelry by Fred Leighton, shoes by Christian Louboutin
I never understand dresses with giant ropes attached. What are those supposed to do? And the unfinished hemline attaching the white fabric to the black is almost unbearably hideous. And the shoes are just too distracting for a dress that already has too much going on around the ankles.
Worst Dressed: NAYA RIVERA
gown by Donna Karan
A woman this hot in a gown this hideous is a crime against humanity, dear readers. There is NO REASON for Naya Rivera to ever look anything less than fucking sizzling with sex appeal, but this . . . this is the textbook definition of a hot disaster.
Need more? Catch up on Part 1 of the SAG Awards red carpet!