DIANE KRUGER // gown by Jason Wu

Photo: thefashionpatrol.com

Diane Kruger is such a fashion badass, she’s wearing Jason Wu Resort 2013 – a collection that hasn’t even been presented yet. To me, that’s the difference between a designer’s muse (Diane Kruger) and someone they gift dresses to for publicity. I’m not usually a fan of the sheer skirt over another dress, but it’s so masterfully done here. The navy and black lace look beautiful together, and the styling is fantastic.

DIANE KRUGER // dress by Calvin Klein, shoes by Givenchy

Photo: FameFlynet

Diane, darling, that’s just not where breasts go. The dress itself is lovely, if kind of a funny length with those sandals, but her tits look like they’re in pain.

FAN BINGBING // gown by Christopher Bu, purse by Elie Saab

Photo: Stylist.co.uk

Here’s the delicious Fan Bingbing again, and this time she’s donning a dress embroidered with Chinese mythical women, and her hair is apparently also a reference to a Chinese legend. You have to love the woman who mixes high fashion with traditional history, especially when her green striped purse is to DIE for. The pop of green in the earrings and the gorgeous cuff were great styling choices. A toast to the woman who dares to step out of the box!

FAN BINGBING // gown by Valentino, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

It wouldn’t work on everyone, but Fan pulls off this Valentino spectacularly, even with the poofiness around the elbows. The floral print is delicate and romantic, and she’s positively ethereal in it. The dark nails and blinged out purse were fantastic choices, keeping this young and chic instead of Mormon bride. Love the way the waist cinches; it’s mega-flattering and the flowing skirt makes her look deliciously statuesque.

JANE FONDA // gown by Roberto Cavalli

Photo: AGF s.r.l./Rex

Jane Fonda is a sexy scarlet snake, and I fully support it. This is delicious, it’s positively perfect on her, I’m obsessed with the sleeves, and the styling is flawless. There is not another woman on the planet whose age and level of fierceness are both so damn high.

LIU WEN // gown by Roberto Cavalli

Photo: vogue.fr

I’ve been obsessed with Liu Wen, one of my favorite runway models, for a few years now. I’ve never seen anyone be such a chameleon and make so many different kinds of fashion look breathtaking. This is no except. I’m no Cavalli fan, and I know I’d find this trashy or tasteless on someone else. But it’s like a wispy, dark, romantic creation that’s too beautiful for me to take my eyes off, and she carries it so beautifully. The pink bracelet makes virtually no sense to me, and I’d have chosen a much smaller bag so as to not hide too much of that incredible gown, but the rest of the styling choices were perfect. With a gown this complicated and over-the-top, and a woman this beautiful who can make a potato sack look like Oscar de la Renta, not much else is required.

JESSICA CHASTAIN // gown by Giorgio Armani, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Mike Marsland/WireImage

Love the hair and the earrings. The gown isn’t exactly revolutionary – I think we’ve seen reincarnations of this exact dress at every major awards show for the last ten years – but she’s lovely in it. Her face doesn’t need this much makeup, and it’s kind of hard to distinguish her from Amy Adams based on this photo, but it’s a job well done.

JESSICA CHASTAIN // gown by Gucci Premiére

Photo: Matt Baron/BEImages

Again, not revolutionary, but exquisitely beautiful on her. The ombre glitter is gorgeous and trendy, and the gown fits her like a glove.

JADA PINKETT SMITH // gown by Alberta Ferretti

Photo: Bauer Griffin

I’m obsessed with this color, especially on Jada – she’s so freaking beautiful in it. But the dress is too simplistic, and even the subtle design elements of the dress aren’t constructed well. Everything’s sort of wrinkly and the seams are really unattractive, which kind of ruins the lovely effect of that beautiful color.

JADA PINKETT SMITH // dress by Versace, shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: WENN

The shoes are as ordinary as can be, but that dress is killer, and she’s so the woman for it.

FREIDA PINTO // top, skirt, and shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: Aurore Marechal/Abaca

If you’ve got the tummy to rock a crop top, do it, girlfriend! Freida is fabulous in her gorgeous geometric prints – very nautical, perfect for a quick boat ride between premieres. And the shoes are absolutely delicious. She’s got effortless, easygoing chic down to a science.

FREIDA PINTO // gown by Versace, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: Lionel Hahn/Abaca

I so prefer laid-back beachy Freida to glammed-up Vegas Freida. The pink lipstick is a nightmare, and while Ms. Pinto couldn’t look bad in something if she tried, it’s a very disappointing dress. After a certain amount of sheer fabric, glitter, and illusion netting is used, there’s really no saving a gown.

BÉRÉNICE BÉJO // gown by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Rex

She’s statuesque and positively glowing, but the gown is pretty unremarkable and unreasonably long.

LANA DEL REY // gown by Alberta Ferretti, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: Gareth Cattermole/Getty

Uh-oh, someone spent a little too much time laying out by the beach and is hitting the red carpet with a face to match! The gown isn’t bad, it’s just about as underwhelming as possible, and isn’t particularly Cannes-appropriate. I mean, black dresses are always appropriate, but this is the time for bright colors and wild prints and shit you can’t get away with when you’re somewhere that’s not beautiful and beachy and French and dripping with celebrities.

MARION COTILLARD // dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Versus

Photo: Gareth Cattermole/Getty

The dress is so lovely; the combination of colors and textures, and the softness juxtaposed with the funky belt, gives off a very chic-yet-easygoing vibe that’s the essence of French fashion. The shoes are kind of adorable, but also kind of terrible with this dress.

MARION COTILLARD // dress by Basil Soda

Photo: InStyle.com

Oh, good lord. The dress is bad enough – those panels on her hips really couldn’t be less flattering, and every seam looks just a little crooked – but that hair? What is that even supposed to be? I get so frustrated when Marion looks this ridiculous, because when she really puts the effort in, the results can be fantastic. But this? No, darling.

NAOMI WATTS // gown by Calvin Klein

Photo: Andreas Rentz/Getty

Ugh. It’s such a naked dress. I never understood the concept of wearing a dress that strangers would have to do double-takes at from across the room to ensure that you are not, in fact, actually nude. And when it’s got a gaping V-neck and you can see her nipples right through the gown, what’s the point in even wearing clothes? I’ll admit, the cut of the gown from the waist down is lovely, but it’s too long and the color is painfully dull.

EVA LONGORIA // gown by Alberta Ferretti

Photo: Lionel Hahn/Abaca

Does Eva know she’s wearing two dresses stapled to each other?

EVA LONGORIA // jumpsuit by Elie Saab, shoes by Rupert Sanderson

Photo: AFP/Getty

I just don’t understand why anyone wants to wear a low-cut, high-waisted jumpsuit that appear to be tapered at the ankle with the elastic waistband of some old sweatpants.

CHERYL COLE // gown by Stéphane Rolland

Photo: fashionista.com

Well someone’s desperate for attention! Some loved this, but I think it’s just too fucking much for me to take seriously. The mermaid shape, with white and red ombre – including beading AND what appears to be a few dozen slain Tickle Me Elmo dolls protruding from her knees. The matching purse and nails are very Jersey wedding, and the gown doesn’t even come close to fitting her. What can I say? Sometimes you can put all the effort in and just end up on an express train to Tackytown.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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FAN BINGBING // gown by Elie Saab, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: Glamour UK

Chinese superstar Fan Bingbing is my spirit animal. She honestly might be, in my not-even-remotely humble opinion, the best dressed celebrity on earth (though it’s hard to find usable pictures of her since Western blogs don’t write about her enough). But luckily, she’s all over Cannes this week, bringing us beyond divalicious glamour queen gowns like this exquisite Elie Saab number. Nude isn’t usually my favorite, but Fan pulls it out rarely and knocks it out of the fucking park when she does. And I could live without the train, but everything is made better by that stunning lace cape. It was made for her. The dark nails, gorgeous clutch, and mega-glam earrings were all just perfect styling choices. I can’t get enough of this girl!

DIANE KRUGER // dress by Versus, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: AKM-GSI

Side cut-outs tied back together shoelace-style sounds like a terrible idea in theory, and yet Diane makes it look effortlessly sexy and mega-stylish. Love the color, the pleated skirt, the gorgeous shoes – it’s all working beautifully. Let’s get another look:

Photo: Rex

The straps over her shoulders are lovely in the back. And even though her shoes can’t decide if they’re a boot or a sandal, they’re still somehow amazing on her.

DIANE KRUGER // gown by Giambattista Valli

Photo: AFP/Getty

A goddess gown in a truly exquisite color. All this draping isn’t quite my style, but she looks like Aphrodite in it, so I can’t really complain. The satin platforms weren’t the best choice of shoe, though.

MARION COTILLARD // gown by Christian Dior

Photo: FameFlynet

Stunning. I love that midnight-blue-over-black skirt, and the belt makes the gown so much more interesting. I’d kill for her to put on a necklace, but she made up for it with her bejeweled hairstyle:

Photo: redcarpet-fashionawards.com

I’m weeping at how beautiful this is. I will be adopting this hairdo for my big sister’s upcoming wedding, no doubt about it, dear readers.

FREIDA PINTO // gown by Atelier Versace, purse and shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: Villard/Nivierie/Sipa

Holy hell. As if it’s not enough that her hair is shiny as a mermaid’s and her cheekbones could cut glass, add that gorgeous smoky eye makeup and that phenomenal gown, and you’ve got a red carpet dream. The color is a delight and the little waves on the skirt are gorgeous. Obviously, Cannes practically demands a mega-high slit, which she pulls off effortlessly, and the gold box clutch was a nice addition. Once again, I question the value of satin peep-toe platforms with a gown this fashion-forward, but Freida is still killing it. Let’s get another view:

Photo: Rex

I repeat: KILLING IT.

FREIDA PINTO // gown by Michael Angel, purse and shoes by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Tom & Lorenzo

Apparently, for every great gown, there is an equally terrible and opposite gown worn by the same starlet. That’s the only explanation for the cotton candy poof happening below her waist. The bodice could have been lovely, but that skirt is atrocious and the accessories don’t help. It’s even more horrible from the back:

Photo: Tom & Lorenzo

Freida, why would you do that to your beautiful ass? You need to start treating that thing better. No more pink napkins thrown over your butt, or it might just walk out on you.

JADA PINKETT SMITH // gown by Atelier Versace, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: AGF s.r.l./Rex

I love a woman who brings bold color and texture into the picture, so thank you for this, Jada. That slit is seriously high, but I can’t deny that her legs look incredible. The slicked-back hair actually works well with this futuristic gown, as do the disco queen shoes. But fashion-forward and phenomenal as this is . . .

JADA PINKETT SMITH // dress by Paco Rabanne

Photo: thefashionpatrol.com

. . . this was a mistake. Bad Jada! You have extraordinarily strong features and well-defined muscles; whoever told you all these sharp edges and harsh silhouettes worked for you was a filthy liar. The shoulders overpower your tiny frame, and that plunging neckline is just disturbing. Leave the alien-chic thing for Lady Gaga, and go back to your glam self, okay?

JANE FONDA // gown and purse by Atelier Versace, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Mike Marsland/WireImage

This bitch is SEVENTY-FOUR YEARS OLD. And aside from the questionable Kate Gosselin hair, she’s positively dripping with awesomeness. The color and cut of the gown are phenomenal on her, even if it’s a little mermaid for my tastes. But I cannot criticize a diva this old looking this good, so let’s see what else she has to offer:

JANE FONDA // gown by Stella McCartney, purse by Roger Vivier

Photo: Bauer Griffin

Way to keep up with the trends, Ms. Fonda! These Stella McCartney “skinny” dresses are all over the red carpet – Kate Winslet has it in red AND in white! – and the more toned-down hair and makeup are much more flattering. Extra kudos for the killer shoes, Ms. Fonda!

EWAN MCGREGOR // suit by Marni

Photo: Rex

This is why I live for Cannes, dear readers. Fashionable men in blue suits, frivolous ties, and epically awesome shoes that wouldn’t work anywhere but the shores of the south of France. (Not that I’d know – I’m more familiar with the shores of the south of New Jersey, myself.)

EVA LONGORIA // gown by Emilio Pucci

Photo: George Pimentel/WireImage

I find Eva Longoria at Cannes more than a little bit unbearable, since she has no discernible talent stomps around in diva gowns like she’s the most important person there. Exhibit A: her white cut-out Pucci mermaid gown, complete with train and – is it an epidemic in here? – SATIN PEEP-TOE PLATFORMS. What, did they all get the same pair of heels in a gift bag after the opening ceremonies? Anyway, Eva looks lovely, but the dress doesn’t fit her particularly well. Let’s take another look:

Photo: Rex

That train does nothing but trail behind her like toilet paper. What a waste of fabric. Also, if I can literally see the curve of your ass cheek, perhaps your gown is a shade too tight in the rear.

EVA LONGORIA // gown and purse by Marchesa

Photo: Stylist.co.uk

Again, I would just love it if she could tone it down a few thousand notches. Another mermaid cut, another unreasonably long train – except this one’s ruffly! – and a metric ton of sequins. It’s just so clearly meant for a woman who’s about a foot taller than Eva.

Photo: Bauer Griffin

I think that amount of illusion netting could probably suffocate someone.

SHAILENE WOODLEY // gown and shoes by Jason Wu

Photo: Venturelli/WireImage

This was my Fall 2012 red carpet prediction for Michelle Williams, but I think it’s positively delicious (if a teensy bit mature) on Shailene. Of course, the adorable Ms. Woodley manages to muck up all her glammest gowns with poor styling choices, like those beyond-out-of-style gladiator sandals. But still, a much more elegant, put-together look than usual!

NAOMI WATTS // gown by Marchesa

Photo: David Fisher/Rex

This was my Fall 2012 red carpet prediction for Rachel McAdams. It’s lovely on Naomi, but a little underwhelming. I love the flower pedals cascading down the gown, but I think that skirt’s got just a bit too much going on. A few less necklaces would have been better, but I like the 1920s fingercurl hairstyle, even if the color looks completely fake on her.

SALMA HAYEK // gown by Gucci Premiére

Photo: Mike Marsland/WireImage

Oh, Salma, darling. Why would you ruin a perfectly beautiful gown by wearing it a size too small and making some of the world’s most terrible styling choices? Seriously, that makeup is atrocious. Someone needs to be imprisoned for that crime against humanity. The hair is almost as bad, that bracelet too far up her arm adds nothing, and her clutch is as unimaginative as can be. Plus, I’m in pain just thinking about her breasts. Let those puppies breathe, Ms. Hayek! They deserve freedom, and instead they look shmooshed to death.

TILDA SWINTON // gown by Haider Ackermann

Photo: Dominique Charriau/WireImage

Tilda, you are my favorite androgynous alien-chic celebrity. So I do want to like this, because the bronze color is interesting and cool, and there’s something fascinating about the top. But that skirt is awful, and the poor fabric looks like it’s been beaten repeatedly with a hammer. A little more effort next time, Ms. Swinton.

JESSICA CHASTAIN // dress by Calvin Klein, shoes by Elie Saab

Photo: Sara Jaye Weiss/Startraksphoto.com

It’s a Calvin Klein party, so we can’t blame the boring dress on Jessica. But the color is fantastic on her, the shoes are drop-dead gorgeous and the boxy clutch was a good idea (though I’d have switched up the color). But Jessica’s hair is so goddamn beautiful that I can never forgive her when she slicks it back and hides it.

JESSICA CHASTAIN // dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: WENN

Clearly Jessica didn’t get the memo that there are no casual events at Cannes, no matter what anyone tells you. She’s lovely as ever, but the shoes are downright pedestrian and the whole look says, “Um, Eva Longoria’s giant gowns scare me, so I’m just going to keep things simple.” A good instinct, but she needs to pull out all the stops to compete with the big girls.

JESSICA CHASTAIN // gown by Alexander McQueen

Photo: Gareth Cattermole/Getty

Jessica, please don’t ever again do your breasts the disservice of donning that horrible neckline. And if you do, try to pick a skirt that doesn’t look quite so bride-on-the-Oregon-Trail, will you?

—
© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE in London // gown and purse by Jenny Packham, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Tim Rooke/Rex

Can I just say: GO AND GET IT, PRINCESS DIVALICIOUS! Although doesn’t it sort of look like Duchess Kate’s head photoshopped onto a different picture of her body? Regardless, holy hell, is that a beautiful gown for a modern-day princess. God, do I love those lacy cap sleeves! I’d nix the matching purse, but the shoes are fun, and I’m always relieved to see her not wearing pumps. But let’s get another delicious view:

Photo: Tom & Lorenzo

I mean, the back of that gown is exquisite. Those delicate little buttons, the gorgeous lace. And the braided updo is beyond lovely. Keep it up, Kate!

ANNA KENDRICK in Los Angeles // dress by Elie Saab, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

It’s been ages since I’ve seen the adorable Anna Kendrick on the red carpet, but the bitch is back with a vengeance. Or at least, a truly glam outfit. Yes, it’s another nude dress, but the gorgeous beading and metallic embellishments really are lovely. The sleeves that hit right at the elbow are too cute, the hair and makeup are flawless, and though the matching purse is a bit unnecessary, the shoes. Are. KILLAH. Let’s take a look:

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

KABLAM. The double ankle strap and the studded toe are to die for. And though plastic on shoes tends to lean into stripper territory, these just look downright awesome.

ELIZABETH BANKS in New York City // dress by Marc Jacobs, shoes by Jerome C. Rousseau

Photo: PacificCoastNews.com

I just cannot get enough of Elizabeth Banks on the red carpet this year. I’d rip that dress right off her back if I could, it’s so gosh darn perfect. With the wrong accessories, it could be a little too youthful for her, but of course she paired it with killer heels and pulls it off fabulously.

CHLOË MORETZ in London // dress by McQ

Photo: Dave M. Benett/Getty

PRECIOUS. She’s so sweet you could just sprinkle her into your coffee. Gorgeous hair, perfect makeup, and a KILLER dress-belt combo by McQ. The shoes wouldn’t have worked on a grown woman, but on this adorable chick, they’re cute as can be.

CHLOË MORETZ in Hollywood // dress by Proenza Schouler, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Greg Tidwell/PacificCoastNews.com

Ah, we finally found an outfit that your favorite pair of Jimmy Choos won’t work with! This 1970s upholstery-looking dress is SO not for her, and the stick-straight hair doesn’t suit her particularly well. She looks like a kid playing dress-up (which she kind of is, but she never looks like it).

HEIDI KLUM in Los Angeles // dress by Roland Mouret, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Jordan Strauss/WireImage

Adorable! Heidi, see how fabulous you are when you cover up your cooch for a change? Isn’t it refreshing? And I’ll be honest, those are some of the most gorgeous shoes I’ve ever seen.

CHARLIZE THERON in London // dress by Roland Mouret, shoes by Tabitha Simmons

Photo: FameFlynet

It looks a little like a nurse’s costume from a dystopic futuristic movie, but strangely, she’s still working the hell out of it. I’m never a fan of cage shoes, but once again, she pulls them off. I always thought I was immune to the draw of Charlize Theron, because I’ve never really understood it, but this bitch can dress when she puts her mind to it.

NATALIE PORTMAN in New York City // gown and purse by Christian Dior

Photo: PacificCoastNews.com

Disastrous hairdo aside – I’ll just assume she got swept away into a tornado on the way here – I’m glad to see Natalie working some serious fashion on the red carpet again. The gown is lovely, though there’s something about the proportions that isn’t quite working for me. But I do love the bodice and the quilted purse, and I find it really charming that she wears a watch almost all the time.

MINKA KELLY in Los Angeles // dress by Temperley London, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Greg DeGuire/FilmMagic

I rarely have reason to write about whoever the hell Minka Kelly is, but YUM! I love this dress. I think the sparkly gold pumps were sort of a ridiculous choice, but they’re fun and they sure as hell aren’t boring, so kudos.

JADA PINKETT SMITH in Madrid // dress by Versace, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Eduardo Parra/WireImage

I love Jada for stepping out of the box, but this isn’t quite perfect. The black version of this dress looked great on Elizabeth Banks, but there’s a fit problem here. It’s insane, because Jada’s so itsy-bitsy I can’t imagine a size that’s too small on her, but this is way too short and maybe even a bit too tight. That micro-mini length doesn’t work at all with the other half of the dress falling to her knee. But it’s a hell of a dress, and a risky one at that, and her shoes are terrific, so I’ll give her a pass.

GWEN STEFANI in Los Angeles // dress by Georges Chakra, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Jerod Harris/WireImage

I would so love to see her above-the-neck styling change, like, EVER. It’s been platinum locks and old-Hollywood-meets-drag-queen for as long as I can remember. And though this dress is gorgeous, and so much more restrained and mature than the crap she usually wears, I can’t help but be disappointed by the lackluster styling. Seriously, Gwen? Black pumps and nothing else? For shame.

LADY GAGA in Tokyo // coat by Versace

Photo: Just Jared

I’ve missed Gaga. It ain’t easy to find someone with a six-foot rainbow ponytail. Actually, I believe that wig was made from the tail of a gay unicorn. Regardless, I love a studded leather coat as much as the next girl, so I’m on board, even though I think the bug-glasses-and-platforms thing is getting a little old.

HELENA BONHAM CARTER in London // gown by Vivienne Westwood

Photo: Tom & Lorenzo

Thank the heavens for Helena Bonham Carter. And, haters can hate – she looks fierce as hell, and that gown is a goddamn work of art. And I respect a woman who loves a good bolero jacket as much as I do. A little disappointed by the basic black pumps, though. I have to say, I expect more from the woman who has worn different colored shoes on the red carpet.

LEA MICHELE in New York City // dress by Emilio Pucci, shoes by Casadei

Photo: Gregorio T. Binuya/Everett

Well, there’s no thigh-high slit and no sternum-baring plunging neckline, so I guess I should be satisfied. But this is kind of underwhelming, particularly since the shoes match the lacy dress so precisely. There’s nothing wrong with this look, per se, but it would be so much better in a different color and with some better styling.

BROOKLYN DECKER in Los Angeles // gown by Giambattista Valli

Photo: Vince Flores/AFF-USA

Jesus CHRIST, this girl is boring. I can so rarely come up with anything to say about her because she doesn’t bring much to whatever she wears. This may as well be a photo of a cardboard box wearing a Giambattista Valli gown. And not a particularly nice gown at that.

DEMI LOVATO in New York City // dress by Falguni & Shane Peacock, shoes by Topshop

Photo: Frank Micelotta/PictureGroup

Demi, you’re not seriously still trying to make that part-toga, part-miniskirt thing happen, are you? It’s really, really not going to happen. And I don’t know what’s worse – the eyesore of a dress, the extensions she stole from Miley Cyrus’s dressing room, or the makeup, which seems to have been strategically applied to highlight only her worst features. Fire everyone around you, Demi.

CAMERON DIAZ in Los Angeles // dress by Valentino, shoes by Lanvin

Photo: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

She’s kidding, right? I mean, this has to be a fucking joke. No grown woman would be caught dead looking like this non-ironically. I hope.

ZOOEY DESCHANEL in New York City // dress by Carven

Photo: Gregorio T. Binuya/Everett

I swear, she’s intentionally trying to piss me off. Every single time I write about her, I beg her to lose the porcelain doll makeup (grown women in rosy-red cheeks, Barbie pink lips, and doll eyes are an embarrassment, Zooey), the black stockings/black shoe combination (it’s MAY, for God’s sake!), and the schoolgirl outfits. The way she infantilizes herself is beyond disturbing. Grow up and move past this weird, sick little phase, Zooey. Please.

RIHANNA in Los Angeles // gown by Adam Selman, shoes by Manolo Blahnik

Photo: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

Yes, Rihanna, we get it. You’re so hot, clothes literally melt off of you. Now put on an actual dress instead of a shredded-up bedsheet and assemble the nest on your head into something resembling a hairstyle, and maybe we can talk.

KRISTEN STEWART in London // gown by Marchesa, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: PacificCoastNews.com

I was vehemently against this from the moment I saw it, although I have to admit it has grown on me ever so slightly. Don’t get me wrong, I still think this was a laughably terrible idea – I mean, can you think of someone less likely to pull off a gown this lacy, frilly, and ridiculous than Kristen Stewart? – and I’m convinced her stylist got sick of her terrible attitude and chose this dress intentionally to embarrass her. From far away, it’s truly hideous. The jagged lace doesn’t look artful, it looks like a burial shroud, and the frills covering up her southern ladyparts are horrifically unattractive. But let’s get another glance:

Photo: PacificCoastNews.com

Jesus, this girl can’t pull off that sexy over-the-shoulder thing if her life depended on it. But I don’t hate it quite as much close up (even though it’s doing unspeakably unflattering things to her butt, and she is quite literally pooping feathers), because at least you can see the beautiful lace on the sleeves. But Kristen Stewart is so not the woman for this obscene amount of illusion netting and lace. And usually I blame her, because she brings misery and gloom to everything she wears, and this is no exception. But she had no chance at all of making this hideous thing look good.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE in London // gown by Roland Mouret, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: BEImages

Hello, gorgeous! Duchess Kate got her sexy on – the dress has a slit! her shoes are strappy sandals instead of pumps! and they’re Jimmy Choo! and her clutch is sparkly! – and I am loving it. Her hair looks like it was spun from silk by angels (I’m imaging a scene not unlike “Beauty School Dropout” from Grease). And while her under-eyeliner is still kind of bothering me, the makeup at least looks as if it was applied by a professional, and her eyebrows have never looked better. (I’ve brought up eyebrows in a lot of posts recently. Is that weird? Do I have a thing about eyebrows?)

ELIZABETH BANKS in New York City // dress by Peter Pilotto, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Walter Steiger

Photo: Mario Santoro/AdMedia/Sipa

Another day, another totally-risky-but-totally-worth-it red carpet look from Elizabeth Banks. This is definitely a love-it-or-hate-it kind of look, but I am firmly on the side of loving it. The keyhole cut-out is super-sexy and shows off her fan-freaking-tastic rack. Not many women can rock a print this wild, this glittery, this complicated – with black mesh side cut-outs, mind you – but Lizzie knocked it out of the park. The old Hollywood glamour of the hair and makeup juxtaposes beautifully with the mega-modern dress. And the black sparkly accessories are the perfect combination of subtle and chic.

CHLOË MORETZ in New York City // dress by Christopher Kane, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Kristin Callahan/INFphoto.com

Ms. Moretz seems to get more and more fabulous by the moment – so-called fashionistas twice her age are lucky if they can eat her dust. This dress and those shoes are gorgeous on her. Love the subtle navy animal print with the leather trim – it’s very modern and chic.

CHLOË MORETZ in New York City // dress by Stella McCartney, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Rex

Little Ms. Moretz loves those strappy Jimmy Choo shoes -  she apparently wears them with everything – and I don’t object to that, because they’re fierce and they really do go with almost everything. She’s managed to make me like a Stella McCartney dress, which is no easy feat. But the long sleeves and the little pleats in the skirt are totally adorable. I’m never a fan of the stick-straight hair, but other than that, she looks as put-together as ever.

CHLOË MORETZ in New York City // dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Evan Agostini/AP

She owns the same Jimmy Choos in nude! I find it so charming that, like a normal fifteen-year-old, she has a favorite pair of shoes that she can’t give up on. (They’re just a wee bit pricier than the shoes most fifteen-year-olds buy – or thirty-year-olds, for that matter.) I’m not loving the floral print on this dress, which reads a little too “grandma’s couch” for me, but she of course looks adorable in it.

ZOË SALDANA in New York City // dress by Elie Saab, purse by Bottega Veneta, shoes by Brian Atwood

Photo: Craig Barritt/Getty

I have the utmost respect for Zoe because she can seamlessly transition from romantic, feminine chic to badass avant garde couture without blinking an eye. I love the lacy bodice, the cinched waist, and the double-skirt. The purse is too adorable for words, and let’s get a close-up on those shoes:

Photo: Tom & Lorenzo

LOVE. IT.

EVA MENDES in New York City // dress by Jonathan Saunders, sunglasses by Thierry Lasry, purse and shoes by Prada

Photo: FameFlynet

I’m usually very underwhelmed by Eva’s fashion choices, but she is working the hell out of this dress. The nude pumps were actually a good choice, and the white tote is gorgeous, but it’s the color and cut of the fantastic dress that makes me really love this look. Cute shades, too!

DEREK BLASBERG and EMMA WATSON in London // ensemble by Gucci

Photo: Getty

Emma, looking too cute for words decked out in black Gucci, poses with Derek Blasberg, Editor-at-Large of Harper’s Bazaar and all-around fabulous fashionisto. I know I’m not a proponent of the black stockings/black shoes combo as a rule, but when deployed rarely and precisely, you can look schoolgirl chic instead of just schoolgirl. (Zooey Deschanel, I’m talking to you.) Anyway, love her blazer, love her shorts, OBSESSED with her shoes, and loving her delicious fashion editor man-candy. Keep it up, Em!

SCARLETT JOHANSSON in Hollywood // dress by Preen, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

It’s a modified version of my Fall 2012 red carpet prediction for Diane Kruger, but I like it on Scarlett (though the lace in the runway version makes it so much more beautiful). It’s body-conscious but not revealing, and it’s modern and chic. I don’t love the sideswept hair or the red peep-toe platforms, but styling aside, she looks pretty darn fantastic in this gorgeous little dress.

BROOKLYN DECKER in New York City // gown by Calvin Klein

Photo: Humberto Carreno/Startraks

It’s a little too minimalist for me – she really could just be wearing a very well-fitted bedsheet – but she knows how to style it for maximum California girl chicness. The messy waves, the gold choker, and most importantly, the Wonder Woman cuffs – they’re beach babe beautiful, and that’s an aesthetic that works well for Brooklyn. It’s possible that I like it because of Cher Horowitz’s mini-skirted version of this in Clueless (also by Calvin Klein, of course), because I can hear Cher’s dad yelling “It looks like underwear!” in my head and it’s making me giggle.

NATALIE PORTMAN in Hackensack, NJ // dress by Giambattista Valli, shoes by Christian Dior

Photo: Paul Zimmerman/WireImage

The ruffled dress is actually adorable on her, and the pointy pumps keep it from seeming too child-like and precious. The hair and makeup are just lovely and the low-key styling is clearly event-appropriate. Natalie, come back to the red carpet! We miss your darling little face.

EVA LONGORIA in New York City // dress by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Brian Atwood

Photo: FameFlynet

Eva Longoria loves her some Posh Spice dresses! She wears Victoria Beckham constantly, and honestly? It’s improved her wardrobe quite a bit. I mean, she always looks the same, but she also looks pretty consistently chic. Though her makeup is borderline ridiculous, the dress works well on her and the red cuff bracelet is fierce. Let’s get a close-up of those shoes, though:

Photo: Tom & Lorenzo

They’re sort of hideous and fantastic at the same time. The fringe is downright absurd, but I love a two-toned shoe, even if it’s got a masquerade ball mask stuck to the back of it.

SOFIA VERGARA in New York City // dress by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Casadei

Photo: Ben Hider/Getty

Sofia Vergara jumped on the Victoria Beckham train, and I’m thankful, because Posh’s designs are infinitely less tacky than anything I’ve ever seen Sofia wear. Of course, she manages to partially ruin a perfectly nice dress with off-white platform pumps (why?) and, as always, way too much jewelry. We saw the same dress on Jennifer Morrison in March – Sofia clearly should have taken a few tips in more subtle styling from Ms. Morrison.

MALIN AKERMAN in New York City // gown by J. Mendel, purse by Nancy Gonzalez, shoes by Chrissie Morris

Photo: Michael Loccisano/Getty

Jesus, what’s with the hair? Has Malin been wig shopping with Lindsay Lohan? And yes, Malin, we get it, the Angelina leg-pop is huge right now, but on you it’s just exhausting. The dress isn’t bad, and neither are the accessories, but she doesn’t carry this look particularly well.

AMBER HEARD in New York City // dress by Zac Posen

Photo: Thefashionpatrol.com

I find nothing more disrespectful than when starlets hit events in a beautiful, expensive dress and killer heels – with bedhead and no discernible makeup. Amber, darling, your new bestie Zac Posen is not going to keep throwing tens of thousands of dollars worth of free dresses at you if you put no effort into your styling. You got this for free so you could get photographed looking good in it, not so you could roll out of bed directly into your limo and throw the dress on in the car on the way to the party.

LUCY LIU in New York City // blouse by Etro, skirt by Dolce & Gabbana, purse by Honor, shoes by Casadei

Photo: Gregorio T. Binuya/Everett Collection

I love a voluminous shoulder, but it has to be done correctly, and this is NOT. The puffiness of the sleeves would be great if it weren’t so tightly tapered at her elbow – she looks like she’s wearing swimmies, for God’s sake. And it’s a shame, because the necklace is stunning, the purse is absolutely killer, and the rest of the outfit is chic and simple. But you don’t want to hit the red carpet looking like someone had to pump up your dress with an oxygen tank.

JADA PINKETT SMITH in Tokyo // gown by Alberta Ferretti

Photo: Yumeto Yamazaki/Startraks

Ill-fitting illusion netting is by far the worst kind of illusion netting. Jada, any gown with cut-outs and illusion netting needs to fit precisely or you end up looking like your skin is falling off your body. You’re far, far too petite for this gown, which looks cheap and tacky to begin with. I do love your boxy little purse, though!

LADY GAGA in Hong Kong // dress by Moschino

Photo: Splash News

And we’re back to the black stockings/black shoes combo looking ridiculous on a grown woman. But perhaps the Johnny-Depp-as-Willy-Wonka glasses and the Donatella Versace wig are adding to the problem.

JANUARY JONES in New York City // dress by Mary Katrantzou, shoes by Sergio Rossi

Photo: Jason Kempin/Getty

Oh, January. This is not a dress for you. Certainly not with that awful hair and those basic pumps. Your classically beautiful features are not best served by these crazy hipster girl mixed-print peplum-skirted monstrosities.

DITA VON TEESE in Berlin // gown by Jean Paul Gaultier

Photo: Andreas Rentz/Getty

I nearly always love the unique, old Hollywood, dramatic flair that Dita von Teese brings to everything, but this is a nightmare. Chocolate brown is SO not her color, and why she would pair it with black gloves is beyond me. She always wears a lot of makeup, to doll herself up in vintage styles, but this makeup makes her look more terrifying than vintage. And the belly-dancing skirt? I know she’s a burlesque star, but it looks ridiculous.

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Best Dressed
CAMILLA BELLE // gown by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

I rejoiced and clapped and fanned myself like I was in a southern Baptist gospel choir when Camilla hit the red carpet in this luscious gown. Her look, like Beyonce’s, is living proof that when illusion netting is used properly and sparingly, it can be dramatic and gorgeous instead of making you look like an ice dancer. The gown is so lovely and fits her like a glove; the styling is old Hollywood perfection. And the lipstick – oh, the lipstick! A stroke of genius, truly. It brought the already dramatic-diva-glam look to a new level. She could hold her own against Lady Mary in a Battle of the Fiercest Eyebrows – and that’s saying something.

Runner-Up
HAILEE STEINFELD // gown by Miu Miu

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

It’s been forever seen we’ve seen the adorable fifteen-year-old fashionista on the red carpet – I think she’s been eclipsed by Chloë Moretz (in which case, I’m on Team Steinfeld, because as a fellow Jewish brunette, I too have been eclipsed by many a blonde shiksa). Anyway, Hailee’s been the face of Miu Miu before (remember how fabulous she was in their Fall 2011 campaign?), and Miu Miu is owned by Prada and named for Miuccia Prada, the Gala’s honoree. So I’m not surprised, but still thrilled, that she picked Miu Miu for the event, and this gown is just spectacular on her. Whimsical and ethereal and romantic, and so refreshingly age-appropriate. She’s got Disney princess hair, the natural makeup is lovely and subtle, and she’s just so goddamn darling it’s impossible not to love her. Come back to the red carpet, Hailee! You’re a breath of fresh air at these events, truly.

Honorable Mention
IVANKA TRUMP // gown by Peter Pilotto

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

I never really considered Ivanka Trump a style icon – in fact, I don’t think about Ivanka Trump much at all. (Although my mom ran into her on the Upper East Side a few years ago, and Ivanka was very nice to her. So that’s nice.) But holy hell, did she pull out allthe stops for this event, looking like a true NYC socialite in the best possible way. The crushed velvet gown is gorgeous, but the subtle pinstripes in that lush navy fabric? Incredible. The cut-outs are on-trend, dramatic, and sexy, and the styling is damn near perfect. Plus, she’s being photo-bombed by Amy Poehler, so you have to love that.

AMY ADAMS // gown by Giambattista Valli, purse by Judith Leiber

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Amy was lovely in her gown, but to me, that’s a big movie premiere gown, not a Met Gala gown.  I love it, but I’d also love to see her surprise me just a little bit more. The earrings and purse are perfection, but the makeup is a tad heavy-handed. Still, she’s the rare grown woman who can make a giant bow look stylish instead of twee.

KRISTEN WIIG // dress and shoes by Stella McCartney, purse by Reed Krakoff

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

YUM, Kristen! You are simply ravishing in that gorgeous orange lace, and I can’t believe I’ve finally found a Stella McCartney dress I actually like! Now that you’ve mastered the basics, darling, it’s time to work on the details. A cocktail dress at a black tie event can work – if you dress it up with the right accessories, which you did not. The clutch, shoes, and earrings could all be worn casually; she needed diamonds, a sparkly clutch, a sexier shoe, something to keep it a little more formal. But she’s made massive strides in her style lately, so let’s applaud the fabulous dress and impress upon her the importance of pairing that dress with the right accessories.

ROONEY MARA // gown by Givenchy

Photo: Anthony Behar/Sipa

Yes, Rooney, we get it. You like black Givenchy. It’s all you wear. But between you constantly wearing black Givenchy, and a half dozen other stars wearing black Givenchy to this event – this is so disappointingly expected. You don’t get to pull out the same red carpet tricks time and time again, Rooney. Your severity is off-putting, and you need to put a fuck of a lot more work into styling a gown this beautiful – especially when you’ve worn such similar gowns before.

NINA DOBREV // gown by Donna Karan

Photo: Fabsugar.com

During the livestream, I thought the train was downright ridiculous, and the straps on the back looked very desperate and cheap. In photos, though, she looks so incredibly beautiful that she has me convinced that she’s a movie star and not a Degrassi-turned-CW star. It’s certainly not my style, and I’m still thinking it’s a little on the tacky side, but she is working it like her career depends on it. Which it probably does.

ELIZABETH BANKS // gown by Mary Katrantzou, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

I want to like this, Elizabeth. I love you, and you’ve been such a risk-taker on the red carpet this year, and it’s been a pleasure to see you in outfit after fabulous outfit. This, while incredibly interesting, is also basically hideous. She’s actually coming damn close to pulling it off, but it’s got more than one too many design elements, like every Mary Katrantzou dress I’ve ever seen, and the center slit doesn’t work for me at all.

Photo: Getty

Sorry, Ms. Banks, but that silhouette is ridiculous. Your badassness is applauded, but your dress needs to burn in a fire.

KRISTEN BELL // gown by Tommy Hilfiger, purse by Judith Leiber

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

It’s a stunning color and she looks killer in the gown, but it’s far too underwhelming for the Met Gala. I know Kristen’s got a sort of laid-back, California-girl style, but it’s just not dramatic enough for me. I like the detailing on the dress, and she really does glow in it, but it seems very beach wedding rather than NYC red carpet.

LILY COLLINS // gown and purse by Valentino

Photo: Gilbert Flores/Celebrity Photo

This was my Spring 2012 couture red carpet prediction for Keira Knightley, on whom this would’ve been stylishly grandma-chic. But on a girl playing dress up for her Snow White film, it’s just terrible. She looks like a child bride.

MIA WASIKOWSKA // gown by Prada

Photo: Thefashionpatrol.com

Mia, you’re twenty-two years old. You’ve got the rest of your life to wear matronly gowns that make you look like you’re wearing stilts. Why not live a little?

KATE UPTON // gown by Michael Kors

Photo: Celebrity-gossip.net

This gown (in silver) was my Fall 2012 red carpet prediction for Jennifer Hudson, and I stand by that prediction. I’m not loving it on Kate – the fit is kind of terrible and the makeup is even worse. It’s very obvious that she’s a red carpet newbie – she’s just not ready to play dress up with the big girls at an event as huge as the Met Gala.

DEBRA MESSING // gown by Kaufmanfranco

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

That is one mega-unflattering silhouette, Debra. It makes you look like you’re no breasts and all hips, when only half of that is true. The color comes across as kind of dingy, and the accessories she chose are all wrong. Why so dark and dreary, Ms. Messing? Your hair is as perfect as ever, so hit the red carpet with guns blazing next time and all will be forgiven.

SHAILENE WOODLEY // gown by Christopher Kane

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

This dress could work if it were cocktail length, but as a gown, it’s downright hideous. The wacky print, the too-tight fit, the leather accents – maybe in the right fit, on a different star, but she’s too young and adorable for this much weird, ugly fabric.

JESSICA CHASTAIN // gown by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

I have so many questions, dear readers. What on earth is the beautiful Jessica Chastain DOING in that hideous, ill-fitting, wrinkly nightmare of a gown? What’s with that awful shade of lipstick? Where are her eyebrows? And why, why would she pick the Met Gala to debut the ugliest gown she’s ever worn? I am heartbroken, Jessica. Make immediate reparations in the form of something fucking fabulous.

HEIDI KLUM // gown by Escada, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

What a predictable move for Heidi: a vag-high dress, covered in lace, slit up to her ass. And I’d say I don’t like the styling, but I don’t think you can really call what’s happening here “styling.” Throwing fifteen necklaces and forty bracelets on a supermodel does not an ensemble make.

CLAIRE DANES // gown by J. Mendel, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

The hair is beauty pageant to the max, the gown resembles a bathrobe, and the shoes and purse are simply hideous. Don’t let me down like this, Claire! You are destroying the mega girl crush I’ve had on you since I first saw My So-Called Life!

BROOKLYN DECKER // gown by Tory Burch

Photo: Getty

Honestly, Brooklyn’s so boring that I can’t see anything in this picture other than how killer January Jones looks in the background. She’s not even posing for this camera, and January is STILL stealing the scene away from the dull lady in her ordinary dress.

EVA MENDES // gown and purse by Prada

Photo: Barket-Hahn/Abaca

She got the trends right – orange, peplum, Prada – but she also looks like she’s wearing hideous upholstery from the 1980s. I consider that a problem, Eva. And we all expect a shitload better from the woman dating Ryan Motherfucking Gosling. You have to earn your right to stand by that delicious man’s side, by hitting the red carpet in something fabulous instead of whatever the hell this vintage Halloween costume is.

LENA DUNHAM // gown by Wes Gordon, shoes by Stella McCartney

Photo: Erik Pendzich/Rex

This is an assault to my eyes. I will not even dignify this outfit with a response, Lena. I will simply give you three words: HIRE A STYLIST.

Worst Dressed
LANA DEL REY // gown by Altuzarra

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

She’s wearing a cape. Not a fashionable cape, but a brewing-poisons-over-cauldrons, full-on creepy witch’s cape. And that lipstick is even more terrifying. Honestly, I can’t look at this photo any longer without guaranteeing myself several nightmares, so dear readers, I think we’re done here.

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Just tuned in? You simply must get caught up on the rest of the Met Gala fashion – Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3!
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© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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Best Dressed
BEYONCE // gown by Givenchy

Photo: Getty

Bow down, motherfuckers, because the Queen B has arrived – an extraordinarily fashionable two hours late but, as always, worth the wait. It’s a good thing she didn’t hit the red carpet with the mere mortals, because every other celeb in the room would have disappeared. All eyes would be on new mommy Beyonce, her post-but-somehow-already-back-to-pre-baby body, and all those gorgeous purple feathers.

Seriously, let’s gush a little bit. The sleek pony and neutral makeup are perfect – just formal enough for the event (and the mega-dramatic gown) but mostly, it just makes her glow. And though many other ladies donned black Givenchy for the evening, no one came close to rocking it as hard as Bey.

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

And thus, with some beading and lace, a touch of illusion netting, and an ombre train of black and purple feathers, Beyonce announced to the world: “I’M BACK, BITCHES!”

Runner-Up
KATE BOSWORTH // dress, purse, and shoes by Prada

Photo: Marion Curtis/Startraks

I am a sucker for a good 1920s throwback, so Kate Bosworth had me drooling over her modern flapper dress the second she hit the red carpet. The ombre fringe from cranberry to black (another very common trend at the Gala) is breathtaking, the halter neckline is adorable, and her legs look great. She went chic and simple with her gorgeous accessories (love the purse and the cuff!) but that perfect shade of lipstick brought the look to an entirely new level.

Photo: Justjared.com

Many ladies rocked the backless trend at this event, but none looked more glam in it than Ms. Bosworth. Keep up the fabulous flapper style, Kate!

Honorable Mention
COCO ROCHA // jumpsuit by Givenchy, shoes by Sergio Rossi

Photo: Getty

Before you start furiously commenting that I’ve been smoking as much crack as the Project Runway judges if I actually like this outfit, let me state my defense. This jumpsuit was previously owned by none other than Elizabeth Taylor. It even has a tiny wine stain on it – spilled by Liz Taylor herself. Let that marinate for awhile, and then remember that the hot pink is an homage to Schiaparelli (the Costume Exhibit’s honoree, along with Miuccia Prada), and it might start to occur to you that Coco. Fucking. BROUGHT. IT. The jacket and jumpsuit are vintage glam in the most fun, most vibrant, wackiest way, and fuck the haters – I LOVED that Coco dyed her hair to match. Anna Wintour’s lobster dress/homage to Schiaparelli will come off at the end of the night; Coco’s dyed hair is at least slightly more permanent. That’s dedication to the theme, bitches! And the shoes are fantastic, somehow so wrong that they’re right.

Maybe without the back story, this seems insane, and you can make the point that good fashion should speak for itself. But I’ll once again use the argument that it’s the goddamn Met Gala. I mean, when else would you pull out your vintage wine-stained Liz Taylor canary-yellow-and-Barbie-pink ensemble, right?

VICTORIA JUSTICE // dress by McQ, purse by Alexander McQueen

Photo: Thefashionpatrol.com

This was my Fall 2012 red carpet prediction for Emma Watson, but really it’s my Fall ’12 pick for my dream closet. In the terrifying dream world that is my imagination (a magical place where people break into showtunes in the middle of sentences and everyone styles themselves after Effie Trinket), Emma Watson and I will bond over our jealousy that this little Disney star beat us to the McQ dress that was supposed to be ours. I have no idea who Victoria Justice is, but I’d stab her for this dress, and that’s probably the highest compliment I can give. You might say the shoes were an afterthought or a wild card or that they just plain don’t work, but I’m just so happy glad they’re not black, nude, or an obvious color in the dress, and that they’re not peep-toe pumps. It ain’t easy to avoid the overdone, and I actually think the color of the shoe is excellent. It’s the satin/velvetty look and the ankle-strap combined with the platform that I don’t agree with.

JESSICA ALBA // gown by Michael Kors, purse by Roger Vivier

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Pretty disco-diva-glamorous, but other stars did the same trend with the volume turned up to eleven (Karolina Kurkova, to name one such diva). I do love the hair, the lipstick, and the dark bronze color of the gown. Everyone wore gold, but not this gold, and she fucking glows in it. The silhouette is simple and unremarkable (it is by Michael Kors, after all) and it might be a bit too long on her, but she’s radiant as can be.

MARION COTILLARD // gown and purse by Christian Dior

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Oh, Marion, you wonderful, silly French thing. During the livestream, I thought this was a perfect look. But upon close inspection, I wish the opaque part of the dress came down a few more inches so we could avoid asking the “bush or black panties?” question. Aside from that flaw (I mean, really? No one noticed that before she hit the red carpet?), the gown is gorgeous and her shoes/purse combination is chic, but this look begs for more jewelry. Short hair and a strapless gown calls for a necklace and/or earrings – she just looks so naked above the shoulders, especially compared to the ombre beaded black and purple fabulousness hapening below. (I’ve said “ombre black and purple” at least three times in this post already. What a strangely specific trend for so many starlets to don on the same night! Perhaps it’s a reference to Prada or Schiaparelli that I just don’t know about, but regardless, I like it.)

SCARLETT JOHANSSON // gown by Dolce & Gabbana

Photo: AFP/Getty

It’s a lovely gown, but it’s awfully fussy and princessy for Scarlett. And with the beach hair and no visible styling other than a smear of red lipstick, she’s forcing the dress to do all the work. The intricate beading on the gown is exquisite, but the dingy color of that unreasonably large skirt is overdone and frankly, unattractive.

KIRSTEN DUNST // gown by Rodarte

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

I really can’t come to a conclusion on how I feel about this. Is it ridiculous that a barely thirty-year-old woman is wearing this matronly politician’s wife’s jacket with a full-length matching skirt? Yes. But it’s also so unlike anything anyone else wore, and so unlike anything you usually see on the red carpet, that I can’t help but admire it. However frumpy, the cut and silhouette of this look is beautiful and the color is simply fantastic. A weird, burnt orange that’s just a bit more interesting than the oranges donned by Ginnifer Goodwin (whom I’ll discuss in a moment) and Kristen Bell (whom I’ll get to in Part 4). And I like the styling. But I feel like I’m trying to talk myself into liking something just because it’s interesting, and it’s making me feel conflicted, dear readers. Voice your opinion in the comments to get me through this anxiety.

LIV TYLER // gown by Givenchy

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Another beautiful woman looking fan-freaking-tastic in black Givenchy. I loved her Givenchy swan gown from last year’s Met Gala. This doesn’t quite meet that level of fucking awesomeness, but it’s still an excellent look for her. Gorgeous hair and makeup, subtle shoes that are sexy but don’t pull focus, and black nails and jewelry that just look downright cool. Most importantly, Liv Tyler seems to be the one woman in Hollywood who wears a slit that hits at exactly the right spot. Not vagina high, no inner thigh exposed, just a sliver of skin. It’s perfection.

GINNIFER GOODWIN // gown by Monique Lhuillier, shoes by Brian Atwood

Photo: Gilbert Flores/Celebrity Photo

The gown is delicious. The color is so eye-catching and the silhouette is mega-flattering. The satin bridesmaid shoes, however, are a mystery to me. Again, I respect that they’re out-of-the-box, but so are lot of shoes that are way more stylish and event-appropriate than these sad little things.

HILLARY SWANK // gown and purse by Michael Kors

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

She looked heavenly on the red carpet, but the twins could use a tad more support and the gown is unreasonably long. The styling is a little basic, but it did look very glamorous and elegant on the livestream.

EMMA STONE // dress and shoes by Lanvin

Photo: Andrea Renault/Polaris

I swear, I loved this on the red carpet. The dress has 3,000 little plastic flowers on it and she looked beyond adorable; yet in pictures, it just doesn’t work. Emma Stone is 23 – she’s not too old to rock a dress like this. (Perhaps I’m just saying that because I, too, am 23, and would kill to wear this dress.) But all I could think was how much better this would look on Emma Watson – who’s only a year younger than Emma Stone. (Anyone else having March Fabness flashbacks?) So what is the problem? What makes this seem so awkwardly little girlish on Ms. Stone? The shoes are just too darn plain, I think. A strappy sandal, a metallic, a color, maybe even a print – anything but that simple black pump could have stopped this dress from screaming “LOOK HOW TWEE I AM!” (That’s has never been Emma Stone’s aesthetic – she’s not Michelle Williams, after all.) And the truly terrible hair is only making matters worse.

Emma Stone LOOOVES to wear Lanvin – at the 2012 Golden Globes, at a Glamour party, at the German premiere of The Help, and, of course, her amazing floral gown from last year’s Met Gala that I still dream about on a semi-regular basis. But you can see she usually opts for glam gowns rather than girly dresses – and based on this picture, she should probably stick to the former.

ASHLEY GREENE // gown by Donna Karan

Photo: Gilbert Flores/Celebrity Photo

Ashley, darling, that little droopy sleeve – it’s just killing me. As is that random strand of fabric hanging off the bottom of your skirt. But if you cut out those flaws, it’s a gorgeous gown (albeit a bridal gown). It just leaves me mystified as to why Donna Karan throws all her loveliest gowns at Ashley Greene, who brings absolutely nothing to them. She’s beautiful and she’s the only Twilight star who actually fucking smiles on the red carpet, but the limp hair, the ordinary clutch, and the lack of jewelry or any styling to speak of is egregious.

DIANNA AGRON // gown by Carolina Herrera, purse by Judith Leiber

Photo: Gilbert Flores/Celebrity Photo

It’s the Met Gala, Dianna. That means perfecting the details is a must. So if you make the decision to wear a dress that wrinkles every time you move, you assume the risk that your dress will look like hell unless you have an assistant with a handheld steamer following you around the red carpet all night. And it’s a shame, too, because she’s so lovely in that emerald color. The dress is simple yet sophisticated, and so much less boring than what she usually defaults to. Disheveled and wrinkled appearance aside, I can’t support the green dress with the teal purse and blue cocktail ring. It just feels like she went accessory shopping with Princess Ariel. Don’t get me wrong, that sounds fucking awesome, but it doesn’t quite work here.

AMBER VALLETTA // gown by Prada

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Ten points for wearing Prada. Negative fifty points for wearing this Prada, which just ain’t pretty and certainly doesn’t come close to fitting you. And another negative twenty for the all-around terrible styling.

JULIANNE HOUGH // gown by Carolina Herrera

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Yes, Julianne, we see you! You have officially forced us to pay attention to you because you donned the Barbie-est gown in the room. You might think you’re free from mockery because hot pink is a Schiaparelli homage, but you are still indistinguishable from a Barbie doll. It’s a shame, because the two-tone bodice is very chic and kind of mod. But the 80s prom dress happening south of her thighs is terrifying. Anecdote time: I kid you not, I own a 1980s prom dress that I bought my first week of college for twenty bucks from a vintage store, and the bottom of it looks EXACTLY. LIKE. THIS. Same color, same mermaid ruffle, same satin fabric – ask my college roommates, they’ll corroborate my story. I actually had to hack off two feet of it with scissors because I’m so short I couldn’t walk in it. But I digress.

RACHEL ZOE // gown by Rachel Zoe

Photo: Joe Schildhorn/BFAnyc/Sipa

I like to consider myself above body-snarking – I find fashion-snarking much more fulfilling – but I can’t look at this picture without wondering whether this is Rachel Zoe or a skeleton in a wig and lipstick. And does her dress literally need to be falling off of her body like that, like she’s making the very obvious point that even the tiniest of sizes are too large for her? I’ll give her this much – the lipstick, matching the secondary color in the necklace, matching that little strip of color in the purse – that was a stroke of styling genius.

PAULA PATTON // gown by Vera Wang

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

How on EARTH could you wear a mauve satin Vera Wang gown and NOT expect to look like a bridesmaid? I mean, she had to have seen this coming. And the tacked-on train, the puckering seams – it looks like she fought off some vicious bitches at David’s Bridal to get her hands on this crappy gown.

RIHANNA // gown by Tom Ford, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Andrea Renault/Polaris

I just read that Rihanna did a lot of blow had the flu this weekend and was hospitalized after the Met Gala for alcohol poisoning/mouth herpes exhaustion/dehydration. So considering all that went down just a few hours after this photo was taken, she actually looks okay! And while the hair is stupid, if we’re grading on a scale of Rihanna’s ridiculously awful hairstyles, this one is pretty damn good in comparison. And the makeup is surprisingly chic. But the black snakeskin gown felt – I don’t know – kind of expected, if a woman covered in snakeskin can be expected. Between Rihanna’s wackiness and the Met Gala’s formal and frivolous expectations, you’d think something crazy was in order. This was a disappointment.

Worst Dressed
CHLOË SEVIGNY // dress, purse, and shoes by Miu Miu

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Dear readers, I’m very, very worried about Ms. Sevigny’s safety. Anna Wintour herself declared this event black tie, and to defy Anna Wintour is the fashion industry equivalent of spitting in the face of God. Something tells me that the definition of black tie does not include a sheer bathmat over lingerie. I only pray that as she runs in terror down the streets of New York, chased out of the Met Gala forever by Anna’s overworked interns, she manages to lose those hideous shoes.

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The final Met Gala post will be up shortly! Until then, get commenting on Part 1 and Part 2.
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© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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Best Dressed
JANUARY JONES // gown and shoes by Versace

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Mad Men‘s Betty Hofstadt Draper Francis hit the red carpet running in a gown that definitively puts all the “Fat Betty” jokes to rest. January Jones popped a baby out last fall and is already in better shape than ever before, which is impressive in its own right, but it’s her incredible Versace gown that really stops me in my tracks. It emphasizes her killer rack, her itsy-bitsy waist, her perfect hips – it fits her like a glove, turning a great gown into an unstoppable red carpet look. The sleek hair and natural makeup are a welcome change from her sometimes-crazy styling, but that Cartier necklace really is the cherry on top of the sundae. It’s a piece of art in its own right, and it brilliantly it neither matches nor clashes with that gorgeous shade of yellow. I want more like this in the future, J. Jones! Keep it up.

Runner-Up
KAROLINA KURKOVA // gown by Rachel Zoe

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Are there words for a gown that dishes out this much 1970s disco fierceness? I think there are, but it’s faster for you to just Google the lyrics to any Beegees song. You’ll get the same result. Regardless, Karolina looks like a fucking trophy dipped in pink gold and diamonds, and I am downright obsessed. She’s putting Rachel Zoe’s designs on the map (in spite of her notoriety, I never see anyone but Rachel Zoe wearing Rachel Zoe designs on the red carpet) by treating the Met Gala like her own personal photo shoot, as only a true supermodel can do.

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Knocked it out of the park, sister. The back of that gown is ridonkulously sexy and her ass is unstoppable.

Honorable Mention
CHRISTINA RICCI // gown by Thakoon

Photo: Fabsugar.com

Pictures can’t possibly do it justice, but even through the pixelated mess that was the livestream of the Met Gala red carpet, I could not take my eyes off Christina Ricci’s spectacular Thakoon gown. From the front, she was chic and sculptural, a great mix of Prada and Schiaparelli’s aesthetics. And from the back, she was a BOW THAT TOOK OVER THE UNIVERSE! I know, I know, it seems silly in the pictures, but watching that giant bow draped down the red-carpeted steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art was a MOMENT for me. A moment for me and tiny little fashionistas everywhere who often feel like they’re just too darn short to wear the REALLY dramatic gowns. (Ricci is 5’1, and I always tell people I’m 5’1 on a good day.) Tiny girl to tiny girl, I respect her chutzpah (even though what’s stopping me from wearing a Thakoon gown is not so much height as much as it is price and access). And love it or hate it, this kind of antique-inspired but forward-thinking fashion is exactly what the Met Gala is meant to celebrate.

CATE BLANCHETT // gown and purse by Alexander McQueen

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Spectacular. I’d love to see a tiny bit more in the way of some subtle but diamond-heavy jewelry – perhaps a(nother?) bracelet or earrings. But Cate Blanchett is one of those rare, born-to-wear-McQueen women. Plenty of starlets wear McQueen, but there are far less who I see in McQueen and I think, “Ah, yes. McQueen himself would have liked you wearing his work.” When I saw last year’s Costume Institute Exhibit (McQueen: Savage Beauty), which was a life-changing experience, I came across a quote from the man himself: “I want to empower women. I want people to fear the women I dress.” That’s the feeling I get when I see Cate in McQueen, and that’s why I love this look.

GISELE BÜNDCHEN and TOM BRADY // gown by Givenchy; tuxedo by Tom Ford

Photo: Marion Curtis/Startraks

Black Givenchy was a surprise hit at the Gala – Gisele is glowing in it above, and Rooney Mara, Alicia Keys, Liv Tyler, and Beyonce also donned black ensembles by Givenchy for the occasion. I’m loving this gown on Gisele, hugging her delicious curves without showing off too much boobage. (Gwyneth’s sideboob and Lea Michele’s sternum, I’m talking to you.) Love the chicness of the slicked-back hair and natural makeup. And the cut of the dress is perfect, with the dramatic ruffled hemline and the knee-high slit. Perfect shoes, perfect body, perfect man candy in a gorgeous navy crushed velvet jacket – it’s good to be Gisele (as if we didn’t already know that).

ANNA WINTOUR // gown by Prada

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

The Belle of the Met Ball was, as always, Anna Wintour. I nominate her for Best Adherence to the Theme for her custom-made Miuccia Prada gown with a bejeweled and beaded giant freaking lobster on it that Schiaparelli would have adored. Until now, Anna had worn Chanel to every Met Gala since 2007, so this was quite a departure. But the rest of her uniform (fur stole, statement necklace, shockingly perfect bob and presumably Manolo Blahnik kitten heels) was as, well, uniform as ever. She’s pulling this off the way only the editor of Vogue could pull something this absurd off – she’s in a gown worth many, many thousands of dollars and it has a giant crab on it, but she’s got that wry, wise look in her eyes that tells you she’s in on the joke, if there even is one.

SOLANGE KNOWLES // gown by Rachel Roy, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Never before – literally, never before – have I liked what Solange Knowles is wearing. On any given day, she dresses like a blind hipster grandma during an acid flashback. But somehow she whipped a perfect yellow Rachel Roy peplum gown out of her closet, donned her fabulous ‘fro and metallic accessories, and she looks fantastic! Kudos to the woman who’s finally dressing like she’s worthy to be the aunt of Blue Ivy Carter, the most powerful celebrity baby since Her Highness, Queen Suri Cruise.

KATHARINE MCPHEE // gown by Elie Saab, purse by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Hard to tell in this photo, but Katharine McPhee’s hair was a straight-up disaster. It was a disservice to this mega-fucking-beautiful orange Elie Saab gown that oozes old Hollywood glamour. In fact, this is the most like Marilyn Monroe she’s ever seemed (because it’s a total joke that Smash thinks Katharine McPhee can even compete for the role of Marilyn with the diva powerhouse that is Megan Hilty). But her lack of talent aside, this is a totally fantastic gown and it’s lovely on her, even if the three different shades of gold accessories with an orange glittering gown are a bit much.

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY // gown and purse by Burberry

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Delicious, but the seam down the center is distracting and the train doesn’t seem necessary. She looks beautiful and elegant, but it’s a predictable look from her.

CAMERON DIAZ // gown and purse by Stella McCartney

Photo: Gilbert Flores/Celebrity Photo

Another beautiful woman in a gorgeous-but-predictable gown. She looks younger than she has in ages, and her purse is fierce, and the gown fits her beautifully, but it’s certainly nothing we haven’t seen before.

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

The cowl neck in the back is lovely, but the seaming in the gown does make her appear to be – how shall I say this? – pooping liquid gold.

ALICIA KEYS // tuxedo by Givenchy

Photo: Barket-Hahn/Abaca

Another black Givenchy ensemble! From the top of her head to the top of her pelvis, Alicia looks killer. The slicked-back hair with the statement earrings and red lips is a dramatic look that works well on her, and her Givenchy double-breasted peplum blazer is to die for. Unfortunately, those pants make it seem as if she’s hiding a ridiculously large penis beneath them, or possibly a rodent or small woodland creature. I mean, that is a LOT of extra fabric around her vagina. What on earth could she be keeping in there? And the shoes are sexy, but the way the pants appear to be tucked into the shoes is not.

JAIME KING // gown by Topshop, purse by Bulgari

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

I think the reaction she was going for was, “Wow, that’s by Topshop?! I’d never believe it!” But my reaction was more like, “Yep, that’s by Topshop, because no designer at the Met Gala would use this cheap-ass tacky red satin fabric.” I actually think the silhouette is gorgeous on her, but when everyone else is in custom-made couture, something this cheap-looking just can’t quite cut it. And though she’s finally found a normal hair color, she’s clearly a student of the Katharine McPhee School of Not Getting Your Hair Done for Fashion’s Biggest Night of the Fucking Year.

ROSARIO DAWSON // gown by Calvin Klein

Photo: Rex

Mega-flattering, but underwhelming for such a big event. Where’s the drama? Where’s the high fashion?

RASHIDA JONES // gown by Tory Burch

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

It’s very expected – Rashida loves Tory Burch and slightly sad florals. It’s lovely and romantic, but she’s so much hotter than this dress would have you believe. It does nothing for her figure and it’s yet another washed-out color.

DIANE KRUGER // gown and purse by Prada

Photo: Stephen Lovekin/FilmMagic

I applaud your bravery, Diane, but no. This is a dress for a pregnant Muppet.

M.I.A. // dress by Stella McCartney

Photo: Getty

That’s actually a gorgeous suit. Too bad she paired it with that cheap wig, that awful shade of lipstick, and those truly unfortunate shoes.

LEIGHTON MEESTER // gown and purse by Marchesa

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Democracy Diva Rule of Fashion: If you’re going to wear a dress we’ve seen a thousand times before, you better do it perfectly. Leighton Meester, you have broken that rule, and are hereby sentenced to Democracy Diva’s Fashion Rehab. This will require complete and immediate abstinence from illusion netting, heavy-handed makeup artists, excessive layers of tulle and/or crinole, and gowns that are total McQueen rip-offs. It will be a tough road, Leighton, but we’ll take it one day at a time.

ALLISON WILLIAMS // gown and purse by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Sweet JESUS, this chick is boring.

KRISTEN STEWART // dress and shoes by Balenciaga

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

During the livestream, when Kristen Stewart glared at the camera looking glum as ever, I literally shouted at my computer, “THEN DON’T BE HERE! If you’re going to look this fucking miserable, LEAVE!” (Seriously, this happened. Ask my boyfriend.) Her just-rolled-out-of-the-crack-den hair and almost-cool-but-not-quite-getting-there dress aren’t good, but those shoes – they hurt me. It literally pains me to look at them.

Worst Dressed
MARY-KATE OLSEN // gown by The Row

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

I did not know that Dracula had a teeny tiny little gothic grandmother, and I have no idea why Mary-Kate would choose the Met Gala of all events to use her as a style icon, but there you have it, dear readers. At least she stuck to the peplum trend – that is, if an apron counts as a peplum.

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Continue on with Part 3! Or get caught up on Part 1!
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This year’s Costume Institute exhibit (and theme for the Gala) is Schiaparelli and Prada: Impossible Conversations. So look out for dadaist/surrealist-inspired fashion (Elsa Schiaparelli’s pre-World War II aesthetic) and pops of hot pink (her favorite color) – not to mention, of course, a shit-ton of custom-made goodies by 62-year-old Miuccia Prada herself (who almost didn’t make it to the Gala honoring her because she fell in her stilettos)! Now let’s begin the first of four posts (yes, FOUR – that’s how huge this event is!) on the red carpet fashion from the 2012 Met Gala.

Best Dressed
CAREY MULLIGAN // dress and shoes by Prada

Photo: Stephen Lovekin/FilmMagic

It was obvious from the moment Carey Mulligan stepped onto the red carpet that she was officially the woman to beat for Best Dressed at fashion’s biggest night of the year. The dress was custom-made for Carey by Miuccia Prada – and you can tell, because it both physically and aesthetically fits her body and her personal style like a dream. The ombre effect of the gold and silver sequins that get larger towards the bottom of the dress is brilliant, and she practically radiated glitter and fierceness on the red carpet. She was smart to go subtle with the pumps – a dress like this needs little in the way of accessories. And the fucking fabulous hairdo, smoky eyes, and nude lips? Just perfection.

Photo: redcarpet-fashionawards.com

And, like a true red carpet diva, she looked perfect from every angle. She simply blew me away.

Runner-Up
BEE SHAFFER // gown by Erdem

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

This is Anna Wintour’s 25-year-old daughter Bee, and her Erdem gown screams, “My mom is the most powerful woman in this room full of fashion’s most powerful people, and I’m going to reap all the benefits in the form of one KILLER gown.” I’m a big fan of Erdem’s elegant silhouettes in unusual prints, and this gown is no exception. Unlike most 25-year-olds, Bee can totally pull off the train on this gown (and I’m no fan of trains, but the Met Gala is the time to whip ‘em out). The colors, the fit – they’re all spectacular. Bee, can’t you go into fake acting so I can see you on the red carpet all the time?

Honorable Mention
JESSICA PARÉ // gown by L’Wren Scott

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Mad Men‘s Megan Draper is so beautiful and brilliant on the show, and she’s here to prove she’s equally fabulous in real life. This gorgeous L’Wren Scott design was my Spring 2012 red carpet prediction for Anne Hathaway, but I’m thrilled to see it on Jessica. It hugs her amazing curves in all the right places, the texture of the gown is exquisite, and the styling is effortless, yet chic. I’m mostly excited at the prospect of seeing her gorgeous self in similarly fabulous clothes on every red carpet in the near future.

EMILY BLUNT and JOHN KRASINSKI // gown and tuxedo by Calvin Klein, purse by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

There are so, SO many reasons to be jealous of Emily Blunt: 1) She’s English, fierce as hell, funny as can be, and she got to use all those talents (while dressing fabulously) to make fun of Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada. 2) Her breathtaking bedroom eyes. This bitch was smize-ing before Tyra Banks even knew what smize-ing was. 3) She’s a vision in her perfect pink Calvin Klein gown, and she’s somehow making me not bored of a gown I’ve seen time and time again. 4) Hair, makeup, purse: the styling is simple and glam. 5) She has the most coveted accessory I’ve ever seen: The Office‘s John Krasinski. (He’s also in Calvin Klein – how precious!) Seriously, that man is delicious. 6) In case you didn’t already know, she has an unstoppable body, as evidenced by those mega-flattering cut-outs. Apparently, sex with John Krasinski is great for your figure, as well as being great for a multitude of other reasons that I will not describe, because Democracy Diva already gets enough hits from vulgar Google searches. (Example: two hits this week from the search “gaping vaginas.” I kid you not. And I’ve just guaranteed a few MORE hits from that search by typing this here, so, howdy, pervy Googlers! Enjoy your stay!)

GWYNETH PALTROW // dress, purse, and shoes by Prada

Photo: Stephen Lovekin/FilmMagic

There are elements to this look that I love. The silhouette of the dress itself is lovely, and those spangled pockets are to die for. The shoes with the sequined heel are divine, the halter neckline is gorgeous, and her legs look fucking amazing. But the dress doesn’t fit her perfectly, and the amount of sideboob on display might be too egregious to forgive. Let’s see another angle:

Photo: Styleite.com

Much more adorable from the back, where you can really appreciate the silhouette. The backless effect is so dramatic and sexes up an otherwise precious dress. The shoes – and her legs – look even better from behind, and I’m still drooling over the pockets. Just a tad more coverage around the side of her tits, and I’d be happy.

DAKOTA FANNING // gown by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Dakota’s gown – somewhere between periwinkle and lavender – is absolutely gorgeous. The skirt might be just a bit much on such a young girl, but the bodice fits like a dream and the neckline is lovely. Hair, makeup, and the little floral hairclips  are cute as can be. I’m still waiting for her to wear a color – yes, this is kind of a color, but I mean something bold and bright – but this was a beautiful step forward for Dakota.

RENÉE ZELLWEGER // gown by Emilio Pucci

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

This is the first major event in approximately eight millions years at which Renée did not wear Carolina Herrera. That alone was enough to make people care about her even though she’s basically irrelevant – and she seemed like she was on all kinds of fun pills during her red carpet interview. Regardless, this is one spectacular gown, with an added train that looks kind of unnecessary from the front but was extremely dramatic from the back, with the help of the Met’s famous steps. Case in point:

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Wow, girl. I’m no fan of Ms. Zellweger, but this is a hell of a gown on her.

LEA MICHELE // gown and purse by Diane von Furstenberg, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

First things first: Lea Michele’s sternum is back on display! It was only gone for a week, but I know you missed it as much as I did. But all tits aside, she looks stunning. The long, wavy bob is excellent on her – never go back to bangs, Lea! – and the makeup is soft and pretty. The gown, aside from being unreasonably low, is spectacular on her. She looks great in this dress (and particularly, in this navy blue), even if she dons way too many sparkly body-hugging plunging-neckline gowns. And even though she’s so adorably petite, this gown only flatters her tiny figure instead of obscuring it. But I know what you’re all wondering: has Lea finally given up on her other favorite skin-baring red carpet trend? Where is the mega-high slit? Could it be that, in spite of her visible sternum, she has turned over a new leaf that does not involve flashing her inner thigh at every paparazzo she sees?

Photo: Elle UK

Of course not, dear readers. Lea Michele will never change, at least not while her thighs still look this good. (Love the shoes, though, darling!)

LESLIE MANN // gown by Nina Ricci

Photo: Styleite.com

Judd Apatow’s lovely wife Leslie looked incredibly chic and romantic in her pink ethereal gown. This was my Pre-Fall 2012 red carpet prediction for Mila Kunis, but Ms. Mann is killing it, bringing some needed hardness to a very soft gown with the sexy black shoes and the gunmetal purse.

MICHELLE DOCKERY // gown by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Why yes, that is Downton Abbey‘s Lady Mary Crawley! This was my Fall 2012 red carpet prediction for Zoe Saldana, but the Ralph Lauren Fall ’12 runway show was inspired by Downton Abbey and even featured the show’s music, so who better to wear a look from that collection than Lady Mary? The gown is perfect, but I don’t like those gloves. I think she could have rocked gloves with this gown, just not those particular gloves, which seem so heavy. A more sheer glove, perhaps a lace one, might have done the trick, or a metallic one to bring out the gold in the gown. A look this simple begs for a necklace, so I wish she’d borrowed some mega-bling, but she’s still so statuesque and classically beautiful. And those eyebrows – I’d punch a kitten in the face for those eyebrows.

ALEXA CHUNG // dress and blouse by Marc Jacobs, shoes by Tabitha Simmons

Photo: Elle UK

Well, it’s not the stupidest she’s ever looked, that’s for sure. The dress itself is really interesting, but the buttoned-up shirt underneath is too puffy and ill-fitting to be paired with a structured, leather-paneled dress. Spaghetti straps over a Mormon blouse? Doesn’t quite work for me. The makeup is fine, the hair is still approaching normalcy, and the shoes are at least interesting, possibly awesome, but the jury’s still out on that one.

MILLA JOVOVICH // gown, purse and shoes by Prada

Photo: Barket-Hahn/Abaca

From the thighs up, this is pretty nice. It’s interesting and event-appropriate and very fashion-y, for lack of a better term. The hair is chic, the eyeliner and nude lip combination works well, and the bodice really is lovely on her. But the way the skirt turns into panels with those horrible black tassels on the bottom – no. It’s just awful, and the black peep-toe pumps are disappointing.

AMY POEHLER // gown by Fotini

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

The bodice is fantastic and fits her like a dream, and the peplum skirt is very on-trend. The feathered train, on the other hand, feels tacky and overdone. If the feathers were incorporated in a different way, not just tacked-on to make a mermaid gown out of a normal dress, perhaps it would work, but this silhouette is a mess. And she could use a necklace.

AMBER HEARD and ZAC POSEN // gown by Zac Posen

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

If you cut the bustle off her ass, and if the hemline didn’t look so much like upholstery, I might like this gown. The color is interesting, even if pink ruffled satin kind of screams “bridesmaid.” The hair is fabulous and the bodice was all kinds of fantastic on her, even if that red lipstick makes her look like a trollop. But sweet Jesus, the ruffled bustle (say that ten times fast) on the back? It’s a disaster, plain and simple. Zac, on the other hand, looks as sharp and delicious as ever in his cranberry velvet blazer that I would very much love to see hanging in my closet.

SARAH JESSICA PARKER // gown by Valentino

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Someone please tell me how Sarah Jessica looked in the mirror while wearing this and DIDN’T think to herself, “Wow, this is what I will look like when I’m a great-grandmother drinking mint juleps on my southern plantation!”

SOFIA VERGARA // gown by Marchesa

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

It’s very Marchesa, and it’s very Sofia. But I’m not sure either one of those is a compliment. Like most Marchesa dresses, it’s very pretty, it’s unreasonably ruffly, and it does more to obscure a woman’s body than it does to emphasize it. Not that this dress isn’t flattering on Sofia – it’s just that it hides her curves behind curtains. I know I’m always telling her to stop with the skin-tight dresses and the mega-cleavage, but I didn’t mean that she should cover up her ladyparts with RUFFLES. Also, the stick-straight hair does nothing for her. She’d be much more beautiful with soft waves and a lighter shade of lipstick.

JESSICA BIEL and JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE // dress, purse, and shoes by Prada; tuxedo by Tom Ford

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Did you staple that hemline together yourself, Jessica? What the hell is happening at the bottom of that dress? It hits at such an awkward place, and the crooked bubble hemline looks unintentional and sloppy. The rest of the dress is fine, if underwhelming, but I don’t like the mauve satin pumps. It’s just so disappointing to see someone so style-less next to the über-stylish Justin Timberlake. He is all kinds of amazing in that pitch-perfect Tom Ford tux and his shit-eating grin.

EMMA ROBERTS // gown by Escada

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Poor Emma can never seem to find a hair color that works for her, and always settles for dishwater blonde. I think the color of the gown could be great on her – if she had a different hair color. The combination of those yellows washes her out entirely – but with dark locks, I think that yellow dress would really pop. Unfortunately, Anna Wintour’s limo appears to have run over Emma’s dress on the red carpet – what other explanation could there be for such a sad, wrinkled gown?

FLORENCE WELCH // gown, purse, and shoes by Alexander McQueen

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

This is one of those things you see on the runway and appreciate, and think to yourself, “If there’s anyone who can pull this off – and that’s a big if – it’s Florence Welch.” And then you actually see Florence Welch in it, and you think to yourself, “Well, it’s official – no one can pull this off, Florence Welch included.” Flo, you’re a giant three-tiered wedding cake, and it’s ridiculous. But the Met Gala is the time to be absurdist, and so I respect your boldness even though your dress is  making me crave a vanilla cupcake with pink frosting. But I love your shoes!

JANELLE MONAE

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Have you ever seen so many unflattering elements in one look? Let’s go head to toe: The hair is silly. The lipstick; tacky. The earrings might be great if it weren’t for the giant diamond on her tummy, which we’ll get to in a moment. The puffy shoulder-padded sleeves make her look like an alien, and not in a good way. (There is a good way; see: Tilda Swinton’s entire wardrobe.) And the cut of the jumpsuit makes it look like her breasts don’t actually fill it out, just giant padding slightly beneath her breasts does. Then there’s that silver pendant over her belly, which is all kinds of ridiculous, and doesn’t obscure the fact that the cheap satin fabric pulls and stretches in a very unflattering way. Unreasonable, because her figure is killer, but this just doesn’t fit her at all. The wrinkles in the thighs are a complete disaster, and the shapeless, wide-leg pants that obscure her shoes and make her seem like her legs have been amputated are just plain awful.

Worst Dressed
MARC JACOBS and LORENZO MARTONE // dress by Commes des Garcons, boxers by Brooks Brothers

Photo: Stylelist.com

During his red carpet interview, Marc Jacobs defended his outfit by proclaiming that he was tired of wearing tuxedos. I actually find that reasonable, and I’d never begrudge any man the right to wear a dress. It’s this dress that I take particular issue with, because a buttoned-up lace nightshirt over WHITE BOXERS with SCHOOLGIRL SOCKS does not a Met Gala outfit make. At least he’s got one phenomenal accessory: his delicious PR executive/on-again, off-again boyfriend Lorenzo Martone, and Lorenzo’s awesome old man glasses.

And Marc, darling, I’ve been meaning to tell you: the Native American from the Village People called. He’s quite upset that you stole his gay pilgrim boyfriend’s shoes, and he very much wants them back. Your prompt response is appreciated. Love always, the Democracy Diva.

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Keep reading: Part 2 and Part 3 are now up!
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COBIE SMULDERS at the Tribeca Film Festival // gown by Reem Acra, purse by Judith Leiber

Photo: PacificCoastNews.com

Another week, another killer look courtesy of Cobie Smulders. She’s been tearing it up on the Avengers press tour, and this might be her best work yet. The makeup is glam, the accessories are perfect, and that gown is a DREAM on her. The fit is impeccable, and we all know that’s what turns a pretty gown into a killer red carpet look. The embellished cap sleeves are just terrific, and I’m totally gay for how fucking fantastic her body looks.

COBIE SMULDERS at the Toronto premiere of The Avengers // dress by Izmaylova, shoes by Rachel Zoe

Photo: George Pimentel/WireImage

I’d dig the dress, but the slit proves that it’s just a wee bit too tight on her. Waist-up, it’s a pretty fantastic look – and the hair is delicious – but the purse is too matchy and the shoes are just kinda fug.

CHLOË MORETZ in Las Vegas // dress by Kenzo, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Steve Marcus/Reuters

She’s too adorable for her own good, this one. I wasn’t into the collar, but the I’m-a-big-kid-now shoes balance out the twee-ness of the dress. A note to Michelle Williams – please get rid of everything in your closet and sent it Ms. Moretz’s way. Because you basically share a wardrobe, and only one of you is young enough to be dressing like this.

FREIDA PINTO at the Tribeca Film Festival // suit and shoes by Gucci, purse by Fendi

Photo: Evan Agostini/AP

The suit is beyond beautiful, but I’m not sure everything from the belt to the purse to the butterfly pin had to match so precisely. And there’s something very funny about the proportion of those pant legs, no? They should hit just a bit higher if they’re cropped and just a bit lower if they’re not. But, I could do with a strawberry Gucci suit in my closet. I’m just sayin’.

ELIZABETH BANKS in Santa Monica // dress by Matthew Williamson, shoes by Jean-Michel Cazabat

Photo: Donatelo Sardella/WireImage

The dress is sexy and interesting and all kinds of fabulous, but there’s something not right about the shoes. And if you’re going for bold, dark colors in the clothing and accessories, makeup that’s this bare tends to make you look a little unbalanced.

HEIDI KLUM in New York City // gown by Temperley London

Photo: Gilbert Carrasquillo/FilmMagic

It’s a pretty dress, sure. But center slits are never my favorite, and the print and color are a little stuffy and old-fashioned. And then she’s got sideboob and frontboob and all kinds of boob, and it’s just leaving me exhausted. But that might be the four hours of sleep I got last night.

HEIDI KLUM in New York City // dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Thefashionpatrol.com

See, Heidi? You can cover up the twins that made you famous and look even MORE like the hottest woman in the universe. I mean, we’ve seen this dress a hundred times, but it’s perfect on her, the watch is ridiculously cute, and the shoes are fierce as hell.

LEELEE SOBIESKI in New York City // dress and shoes by Chanel

Photo: Craig Barritt/Getty

The dress walks the fine line between Mad Men and batshit crazy hipster girl, but it doesn’t cross over into the dark side. But the earrings and hair are killing me. While from the front, the shoes look a little orthopedic, they’re actually way more interesting than that:

Photo: Red Carpet Fashion Awards

The shoes save the day, girlfriend. Lose the earrings and you’re good to go.

KRYSTEN RITTER in Los Angeles // vintage dress, shoes by Alice + Olivia

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

This girl and her perfect little floral dresses. She’s too adorable, but she needs to start accessorizing as well as she dresses. Black pumps does not an outfit make, Ms. Ritter.

LEIGHTON MEESTER in Shanghai // dress by Marchesa, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Harry Winston

Looks like Leighton has SJP syndrome – while Sarah Jessica Parker thinks she’s Carrie Bradshaw, it appears Leighton has herself confused with Blair Waldorf. But she can’t perfect the details quite like the real Queen B.

KRISTEN STEWART in Las Vegas // dress by Cushnie et Ochs, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Getty

Cute. Not exactly worthy of Glamour UK’s “Best Dressed of 2012″ – also, I don’t live in the UK, but I’m pretty sure it’s still MAY there too, and thus naming anyone the best anything of 2012 is more than a little presumptuous – but it’ll do.

AMY POEHLER in New York City // dress by Black Halo

Photo: Theo Wargo/Getty

GO AND GET IT, LESLIE KNOPE! Keyholes and cut-outs and slits! Who has been dressing up Ms. Poehler, because I want to shake your hand and also urge you away from nude pumps in the future. And Amy, you’re positive glowing. Whatever Will Arnett’s doing in the sack, tell him to keep it up.

JENNIFER LOPEZ in Hollywood // dress by Lanvin, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Lester Cohen/WireImage

It didn’t look good on Emma Stone earlier this year, and it certainly doesn’t work on the much more curvacious J.Lo. And have we stepped into a time machine and entered a Britney Spears video circa 2001? Why is she wearing a snake?

CAMILLA BELLE at the Tribeca Film Festival // dress by Carven, purse by Bulgari, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Stephen Lovekin/Getty

I appreciate the effort – prints! colors! – but honey, this is one hideous fucking dress. And the bridesmaid shoes are only making things worse.

ALLISON WILLIAMS in New York City // gown by Donna Karan

Photo: Gary Gershoff/WireImage

I’ll take this opportunity to address Girls, briefly. I watched the pilot and thought it was boring and sad, and I couldn’t be bothered to watch more when my primary reaction was, “Why do all of these women hate themselves?” But I digress. Here’s Brian Williams’s daughter, and she’s on the show, and she’s in Donna Karan, so we’re obligated to discuss her even though her shoes are hideous. She actually can pull off this ridiculous shade of pink, but the ruffles and the strap and the slit? What extra in “America” from West Side Story did she steal this from?

DAKOTA FANNING in New York City // gown by Elie Saab, purse by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Theo Wargo/Getty

I want to pick her up and shake her and scream, “WHY ARE YOU SO OPPOSED TO WEARING A COLOR?” Seriously, Dakota would be one of my favorite red carpet starlets if she wore everything she’s already worn, but in a color instead of a dingy ivory that blends in with her skin and hair and makes her look washed-out and sickly.

KRISTEN WIIG in New York City // jumpsuit by Stella McCartney, shoes by Gucci

Photo: Fernando Leon/Getty

You know, for a lace jumpsuit, it’s not the worst thing on earth. The top is okay, and the bottom is okay, but it’s the business in the middle that makes this unforgivable. At least the shoes are beautiful, but they can’t save this jumpsuit from its super-unflattering proportions.

COCO ROCHA in New York City // dress by Jason Wu

Photo: Sara Jaye Weiss/Startraksphoto.com

Why, Coco? Why must you ruin such a beautiful cocktail dress with ankle booties? I would gladly rip that dress off your back and don the appropriate footwear with it.

CHARLIZE THERON in Las Vegas // dress by Dion Lee, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Tsuni/Gamma

Oh, sweet Jesus. This amount of illusion netting is just depressing. And those stripes couldn’t be less flattering.

ZAC EFRON at the Germany premiere of The Lucky One // suit by George Clinton

Photo: Tom & Lorenzo

In case you were wondering, yes. Zac Efron CAN rock the shit out of a shiny purple suit. You can all sleep soundly, with that knowledge safe in your heart.

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© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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MICHELLE OBAMA // gown by Naeem Khan

Photo: Getty

I am so sad there are no full-length pictures to be found of Michelle Obama, since it’s kind of unseemly for a First Lady to strut down the red carpet with Kim Kardashian. And I respect that – lord knows if I were Michelle Obama, I’d steer clear of the black hole of bullshit and sad, sad desperation that is the Kardashian family. (Actually, that desire isn’t exclusive to First Ladies.) But the 21st century Jackie O looked so goddamn beautiful in her printed Naeem Khan gown that I had to weep a few tears for the lack of photos of this full-length gown (which was my Fall 2011 red carpet prediction for Zoe Saldana).

Photo: redcarpet-fashionawards.com

Being a feminist, and a person with immense student loan debt, and just a human being with a pulse, I worry about America a lot these days. But honestly, I look at our brilliant and beautiful, classy and glamorous, successful and confident First Lady, and it makes me feel a little bit better about the state of the world. Even if Lindsay Lohan is sitting six tables away.

DAKOTA FANNING // gown and purse by Prada, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Rex

Dakota! Look at you, you fabulous thing! Note the marvelousness of this particular gown on this particular starlet. Underage stars seem desperate to wear full-length gowns best suited for ladies decades older for them, and it’s understandable, when they’re trying to bridge the gap between child star and serious performer. Dakota’s seventeen, but she’s been in this business FOREVER, and I wouldn’t still want to be wearing cute little party dresses either. But she managed to modernize and youth-ize (I almost wrote “youthenize,” but that’s really, really not what I meant) her grown-up gown. And I mean, there can’t be a span of more than a couple years when you can wear a full-length, long-sleeved gown with a keyhole cut-out, right? So kudos to Ms. Fanning, the rare teenager in Hollywood who can give us elegance and youth and glamour all at once. (Lose the shoes, though, sweetheart.)

RACHEL ZOE // gown by Valentino

Photo: Fabsugar.com

It’s a beautiful dress, but I’d love to see how it looks on a person instead of a clothes hanger.

ELIZABETH BANKS // gown by Antonio Berardi, purse by Lara Bohnic

Photo: Nicholas Hunt/PatrickMcMullan.com/Sipa

God bless Elizabeth Banks. Ever since the Hunger Games press tour, she’s displayed quite a knack for always looking classically beautiful while maintaining a modern and ceaselessly event-appropriate style. Case in point: Her red gown. It’s on-trend (the ubiquitous peplum, but a subtle one), it’s a great color for her, and it’s formal enough to wear to meet the President, yet fabulous and fun enough for cocktails with Leslie Mann (who we’ll get to in a bit).

IVANKA TRUMP // gown by Naeem Khan

Photo: Styleite.com

Ivanka couldn’t let the First Lady be the only one to rock a Naeem Khan gown from the Fall 2011 collection – this one was my red carpet prediction for Eva Longoria. The shoes aren’t my favorite, but she looks statuesque and sexy as hell.

VIOLA DAVIS // gown by Amsale

Photo: Styleite.com

It’s a great color on her, and her hair and makeup are simply lovely. But that is a WHOLE lot of dress, Viola. A woman as fierce as you doesn’t need this much shiny fabric to draw every eye in the room.

KATE HUDSON // gown by Jenny Packham, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: Johns PKI/Splash News

The blogosphere raved and raved over this, which I couldn’t understand – it’s a lovely gown, of course, but let’s not pretend long-sleeved sequined gowns are a new invention. The makeup is much more chic than usual, and the purse is cute, but I’m over the topknot hairdo.

LESLIE MANN // gown by Naeem Khan

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Apparently, Naeem Khan was the go-to designer for this particular event. I think it’s because of the label’s gorgeous-but-not-overtly-sexy appeal: perfect for nerd prom. The proportions and fit are a little off – she’s so petite, a train like that overwhelms her and makes her legs look shorter – but I think the gown is lovely.

ANNA PAQUIN // gown by Hervé L. Leroux

Photo: Styleite.com

I thought this was kind of dull, but apparently Anna’s pregnant, which means a draped, comfortable, fabulous gown in a slimming shade is probably all she wants to wear right now. And I can’t fault her, because damn, does she look good doing it.

GINNIFER GOODWIN // gown by H&M

Photo: Rex

Oh, please. You can see the ratty, unfinished hemline and the strands of fabric very not-purposefully falling apart before your very eyes. I don’t give a shit how organic or inexpensive or interesting or innovative your gown is. If the hemline can’t hold together for the length of a red carpet, it ain’t worth shit.

KERRY WASHINGTON // gown by Calvin Klein, purse by Roger Vivier

Photo: Johns PKI/Splash News

I rarely say this to starlets, but she might actually need to go DOWN a size in that dress. She’s kind of swimming in it, and minimalist gowns like this only work when they’re perfectly fit. I think the purse is beyond tacky and the lipstick is worse, but the color is way better on Kerry than it was on Emma Stone at the 2011 Golden Globes.

CHARLIZE THERON // gown by Emilio Pucci, purse by Judith Leiber

Photo: Styleite.com

We’ve seen thousands of this pretending-I’m-naked-under-this-lace thing, and this is probably the least impressive incarnation. Not flattering, not sexy, and all-around dull.

JULIE BOWEN // dress by Monique Lhuillier

Photo: Styleite.com

Nothing wrong with this, except it seems to be the only thing Julie Bowen wears, ever.

SOFIA VERGARA // dress by David Meister

Photo: Styleite.com

Well, it’s not a skintight strapless mermaid gown, so, that’s a victory. But the platforms are silly, and I have never once approved of her earrings/bracelet combination on the red carpet. She just always looks so over-accessorized to me.

RASHIDA JONES // gown by Tory Burch

Photo: Styleite.com

Rashida, you are so much better than this dress. Call me, and you and Amy Poehler and I can go shopping and live out all my fantasties of being best friends with Leslie Knope, and I’ll get both you funny, gorgeous ladies into gowns that actually work for you.

REESE WITHERSPOON // gown by Monique Lhuillier

Photo: Nicholas Hunt/PatrickMcMullan.com/Sipa

Anna Paquin wasn’t the only pregnant star to whip out a sexy, breezy black gown – Reese followed suit. But all those criss-crossing straps aren’t very aesthetically pleasing, and the hair/makeup/earrings look like they belong with a totally different outfit.

EVA LONGORIA // dress by Marchesa, shoes by Brian Atwood

Photo: Styleite.com

How is she still getting invited to things?

ROSARIO DAWSON // gown by Armani Privé

Photo: Styleite.com

Rosario, I am sure that your breast enhancement surgery was expensive and painful, so I can understand your desire to get your money’s worth. However, your chest is indistinguishable from that of a Barbie doll, and that is certainly not a compliment. Furthermore, this dress? It is not your friend in any way. This “we’re off to see the Wizard!” green is all wrong for you, it’s at least a size too small, and the shiny fabric combined with all those busy elements on the bodice make for one hot mess of a dress.

MALIN AKERMAN // dress by Odicini, purse by Anya Hindmarch, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Rex

She’s useless and the dress is worse, but once I realized those were two-tone shoes (nude and black, very subtle), I kind of fell in love with them.

KATE UPTON // gown by Alexander McQueen

Photo: Styleite.com

Seriously? This is Kate Upton? I’m sorry, but I really don’t see what the fuss is about. Darling, there’s no need to wear your bathrobe to meet the President. It’s not Bill Clinton, after all.

CLAIRE DANES // gown by Vivienne Westwood, purse by Lena Erziak

Photo: Johns PKI/Splash News

No, Claire. No. This is not a dress. This is a wrinkled satin bedsheet, and that lipstick makes you look like a French prostitute.

LINDSAY LOHAN

Photo: Styleite.com

Once again, I’m mystified by the poor fit, the shiny fabric, and the fact that this satin looks like it was beat with a rock before Lindsay hit the red carpet. But, considering it’s Lindsay Lohan – well, she’s looked worse, right?

ZOOEY DESCHANEL // gown by Oscar de la Renta

Photo: Styleite.com

Based on your expression, Zooey, you clearly believe that wearing a dishwater-gray shower curtain that’s a foot too long on you is simply ADORABLE (and no, I will not add a “K” to that word, not if you paid me – unless it’s a lot of money, in which case, let’s talk because I’ve got loans to pay off). I am here to tell you that you are wrong, and that this is hideous, and I beseech you to hire a stylist. A gay one. Who doesn’t give a fuck about what you think. Trust me – they’re the best judges.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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