We’re in the home stretch of skinny bitches in runway tents. Slap on your bitch face and let’s dive in.
Welcome back to New York Fashion Week! Let’s judge those lucky few with front row seats to the runway shows.
Welcome back! More bitchery ahead.
After weeks of deliberating, one of the year’s biggest blogging projects is complete. I’ve analyzed every dress from the Resort 2012 collections and predicted which star will wear who. And without further adieu, I present part one of my Resort 2011 Red Carpet Predictions.
Merry Sunday, dear readers.
Click through for the fashion from this week’s red carpets.
Happy Memorial Day, dear readers! Pour yourself a stiff cocktail and get ready to judge.
Click through, dears.
Welcome to Cannes, bitches! Click through for the fabulous fashion in the south of France.
Welcome back, lovers.
The Busiest Divas in the Business
It looks better sitting than standing, possibly because the top is more beautiful than the bottom, or possibly because Ms. Hayek looks a bit more of a hot mess in the last picture. But definitely a dress worthy of the front row at Paris Fashion Week.
… and then, there’s this. Is she kidding with those pants? How am I supposed to take them seriously? I don’t care how hot you are, you’re not going to be able to pull off giant baggy red-and-black color-blocked pants.
Someone got a fierce new haircut! Definitely loving the bob, and she’s decked out perfectly for the Chanel show, complete with the signature purse and stunning shoes.
Not as impressive as the Chanel getup, and I’m not sure how these two pieces go together, but I like seeing the new bob done wavy. The blouse is nice enough, but the skirt is a little tacky. Again, though, I approve of the shoes.
I remember drooling over this dress months ago, but I never knew what the back of it looked like until I saw this photo. As if I weren’t already obsessed with this dress, the back is simply spectacular. But can Keira actually smile? Her lips are pursed like she just swallowed a lemon in every single picture. Honey, you’re thin as a rail, your haircut is fierce, you’re rich, and you’re wearing Chanel. Smile.
Cute dress, but that hair is the reason pixie cuts are generally a mistake. Because in the interim period between the pixie and when it’s fully grown out, your hair nearly always looks stupid.
Oof. Even worse hair, and a far worse dress. And this bitch won’t smile either? What is wrong with these ladies?
Wow. I never thought I’d say this, but Courtney Love actually looks… classy. Seriously. The dress is mature but still gorgeous, the coat is ridiculously gorgeous, she’s wearing pearls, and the bitch even styled her hair and makeup like a normal person! What is happening to the world when Courtney friggin’ Love looks this good?
Oh, there we go. That’s much better. This is the Courtney we know and Love (pun intended) – Courtney, the hottest mess on the red carpet.
Cute, but perhaps a little too conservative. I know Mormon chic is a thing, but this looks far too covered up. But the shoes are killer.
It looks way cuter on Alexa than it did on Blake Lively in July – further proof that skin-tight dresses don’t necessarily look better than dresses that actually fit. Ms. Chung is absolutely nailing this adorable little dress.
I usually try to forget Sienna Miller is a person, but I must admit she looks mighty fierce here. Good hair, good makeup, a killer skirt, and a sweet blazer. It’s all simple but totally chic, and it reminds me that Ms. Miller can dress like a classy-sassy broad.
And then I see this dress, which screams “I was that drunk topless biddie fucking someone else’s husband on a boat!”
Oh, good lord. This is what you’re wearing to promote yourself as a fashion designer? The world’s largest pants, a weird scarf attached to a shirt, an ill-fitting vest, and the ugliest hat you could find? I mean, I know you’re in Canada, so the rules are different there, but this is an internationally recognized hot disaster.
Adorable. I wish she dressed like this more often instead of always wearing over-sized, over-flowing hippie dresses. She looks so adorable in things that are a little more structured and have more texture to them. I’d wear this fab little sweaterdress every day.
Fashion Dos and Don’ts
Oh hey, Fleur Delacour! You’re looking mighty fierce. The darker hair is working for you and the outfit, like all good French fashion, is minimalist but incredibly fabulous. I hope you’re also planning on donning Chanel at your upcoming wedding to Bill Weasley. Even the Death Eaters would have to stop killing bitches long enough to say “Dayummm, girl! You lookin’ fiiiine!”
I don’t know who this woman is, but I do know that I already blogged about how awful this dress is when Katie Holmes wore it last week. And it doesn’t look any better on this biddie than it did on Joey Potter.
Well, this is perfect. I’d expect nothing less than classy glamour from Dita, but she is really nailing this dress. Love the black-on-black detailing, the sleeves, the neckline, the shoes, the sunglasses – it’s all coming together beautifully.
I honestly did not believe that this was Marion Cotillard when I saw this picture. To me, she’s one of those women who epitomizes simple elegance, and this look is anything but. The hair and makeup are trashy and tacky as can be, the dress is horrible, and WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH HER BREASTS? Why hasn’t Hollywood learned that two beach balls stapled to your chest don’t actually look good? What a disappointment.
See, the problem with white-blonde hair is that sometimes, it just looks white. And when you pair that with a matronly dress and makeup that ages you, you can end up looking approximately 85 years old. But the shoes are awesome – are they half leopard print, half zebra print? Because that is absolutely killer.
Dakota Fanning, you’re not the only fabulous child prodigy on the block! Little Miss Sunshine is looking pretty fierce with her gorgeous auburn hair, brown-and-black striped dress, and fab accessories. I’m looking forward to seeing more like this from Ms. Breslin.
SJP is a new exec at Halston, so don’t expect her to be wearing anything else on the red carpet this year. But this is still pretty darn chic. It’s Carrie Bradshaw-level fabulosity, and those stockings are to die for. Love the hair, and she looks younger than she has in recent years. Keep it up, Sarah Jessica!
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© Democracy Diva, 2010.