Welcome to the mother-fucking Golden Globes, dear readers. Let the bitchery begin!
By now, dear readers, the tryptophan-induced comas have subsided, as have the red wine hangovers. Let’s celebrate the fact that we survived another family holiday by judging some pop stars! They deserve it, after all.
The fabness continues here, dear readers. I’m not done judging just yet.
I’m a bit late on the Teen Choice Awards coverage, but whatever – it’s not like anything’s happened in Kristen Stewart’s life since then, right? I mean, unless she got caught having an affair with a married father of two young children and Robert Pattinson is currently in the process of moving out of the apartment he and Kristen share together or something . . . But let’s talk about what matters: fashion.
Welcome back to your slightly-less-than-weekly celebrity fashion recap!
Here’s Part II of your weekly fashion recap!
Now that March Fabness has ended, it’s time to get back into the swing of things with your good ole celebrity fashion recap. We’re so behind, we’re splitting into FOUR posts to keep you 100% up-to-date on all the fugliness and fabness you’ve missed.
Stars brought the glam, the boring, the slutty, and the downright crazy to the Oscars after-parties. Let’s judge.
Biggest Step Forward
My little girl is growing up so fast! 9 times out of 10, Ms. Swift shows up to events looking boring but fabulous in a red gown or glittery cocktail dress. It’s nice to see her step out of that rather primitive box and wear something that takes a little more effort to pull off. She looks glamorous and elegant; older, but by no means old. Darling, you’re blonde, thin, tall, and rich – you better wear that fierce Marchesa gown while you still can! Kudos for showing us something new.
Most Disappointing Winner of a Project Runway Challenge
Well, this is just about the worst Mrs. Seal has ever looked. And it’s really her own fault.
One of this season’s challenges on Project Runway was to create a red carpet look for Heidi herself. Emilio made exactly this (though his version was full-length and looked a little more gold on television). And as you can plainly see, this dress does nothing for one of the world’s most beautiful women. Her tummy looks poochy, her boobs look flat, and she looks like she’s forcing herself to smile to promote her show, but deep down, she knows she looks freaking terrible. This is a basic, ugly American Apparel dress with a little cuff on top. And the shoes don’t work. But that’s what you get, Heidi, for over-praising Emilio so much during this snooze-fest of a season.
That is one ugly dress. Who decided a seam down the center of the entire dress was a flattering look on anybody? And who designed those tacky sleeves, Elton John’s costume designer circa 1979? And don’t get me started for the zillionth time on how damn old she looks. Listen chica, if you want to date men twenty years your senior, just do it. Don’t age yourself so that people don’t ask your boyfriend if he’s your grandfather.
But wait, it gets worse -
It’s not even that it’s a bad haircut – though I sort of think it is. It’s more this entire matronly style that she’s going for. Some girls just don’t know how to appreciate their own youth and beauty, and they go and get the haircut that Kate Gosselin should be getting.
Battle of the Demis
Demi has her own personal fountain of youth that keeps her looking more delectable than ever, but even if she weren’t one of the hottest women around, this is the kind of dress that works for everyone. Gorgeous print, interesting colors, short but not slutty, can go easily from work wear (with a blazer) to evening wear (with fierce heels and a clutch). It’s nice to see celebrities in ridiculous shit we could never pull off, but it’s also refreshing to see an impossibly beautiful women in a dress that would look great on me or my mother.
It must be a little hard to be Demi Lovato. I mean, yeah, she’s cute and famous, but she’s clearly the red-headed stepsister of Selena Gomez, which is hard on a girl. And even though her face is a different color than her arms which are a different color than her legs, I like this look. It’s hella loud, but she’s at a Disney event. The red carpet is blue. The rules are different here. The shoes are a little much, but the dress is fun and flattering; it shows that she’s a teenager and wants to dress a bit adventurous, but it’s not at all slutty. If she could just relax her facial muscles a bit more, I think I’d finally be able to like her.