Awards season waits for no one, dear readers. Hop on the judgment train.
Welcome to the SAG Awards, bitches! It’s judgment time.
Let’s wrap this awards show up once and for all. Fabness awaits…
The 2011 Emmy Awards have come and gone, and we’ve got judging aplenty to do. So let’s dive in.
I was all set to post my regular weekly fashion recap, but celebs donned SO many black, white and gray outfits this week that I decided the trend warranted its own post. So let’s dig in.
8:00 – All my GLEE biddies being adorable in the first one minute of the show? YES!
8:02 – “BACK THAT MOTHER UP!” Betty White to Jon Hamm, living every woman’s dream.
8:03 – The singing has begun!!!!! We’re loving ALL OF THIS.
8:04 – Um, okay teen mom from Degrassi / biddie from Vampire Diaries. What are you doing in the all-star cast song?
8:05 – Tim Gunn has already made his epic cameo, Randy Jackson is playing bass, and JON HAMM IS DANCING.
8:06 – Mercedes rocked that last note! And that was the most incredible opening performance. What an unexpectedly wonderful group of people! Such a great idea.
8:07 – Emi: Jimmy Fallon looks a little inflated.
Matt: He probably had Chipotle two nights in a row.
8:08 – Amy Poehler is looking gorgeous, but you can see her nips through that dress a bit!
8:09 – We’re screaming over the clips of NPH, Jane Lynch’s amazing one-liners, and everything Cameron from Modern Family.
8:11: What a scene to end on, Emmys comedy clip! Awkward. But now Jon Hamm and Betty White are walking out to the theme from The Odd Couple, and everyone’s being sexual. And we’re loving it.
8:11: Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy: Chris Colfer, Jon Cryer, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Ty Burrell, Neil Patrick Harris, Eric Stonestreet. And the Emmy goes to… ERIC STONESTREET! (This Diva is now 0/1 for predictions, as she thought it’d go to NPH.
8:13: Jesse Tyler Ferguson is CRYING for Eric Stonestreet, and I am so emotional. Until Emi says, “Where’s Lily?” [Cam and Mitch's Asian daughter on Modern Family.] But I teared up again when Stonestreet mentioned his father.
8:14: Room consensus: Amazing speech.
8:18: Aaaand, we’re back! Jon Hodgeman from The Daily Show is already making me giggle. Fun fact from Diva Headquarters: According to Justin, Jim Parsons is gay! And my lesbian side hopes co-presenter Sofia Vergara is gay too!
8:19: Writing for a Comedy Series: And the Emmy goes to… the writers for Modern Family! So deserved. Brilliant writing, and a particularly brilliant pilot. MF is now 2/2 for Emmys! Also, they showed Julie Bowen beaming during the writer’s speech, looking absolutely flawless and so happy for her team.
8:22: Stephen Colbert looks good! And Tom Hanks’ wife Rita looks unbelievably beautiful. Outstanding Performance by a Supporting Actress in a Comedy. The nominees: Julie Bowen, Jane Krakowski, Jane Lynch, someone I missed, and Sofia Vergara, and Kristen Wiig.
8:24: JANE LYNCH, OF COURSE! I’m now 1/3 for predictions. And Jane Lynch deserves this beyond belief. Her speech is heartfelt and beautiful and funny, and she’s so incredibly likable. “I’d like to thank my Lord and Creator, Ryan Murphy.” Another perfect speech.
8:30: Lauren Graham and Matthew Perry. He looks slightly busted and her dress is fug. And could their back-and-forth be more awkward? Anyway, they’re talking about who won Guest in a Comedy awards last week. Obviously Betty White won for SNL and NPH won for Glee. Both deserved.
8:34: Ryan Murphy wins Best Directing for GLEE! His blue jacket is super-cute, even if his bow tie is too big. Plus, I also love fingerpainting.
8:35: The Family Guy/Modern Family skit is pretty hilarious. And Clooney in bed with Stonestreet and Ferguson at the end was just priceless.
8:37: Lead Actor in a Comedy. The Emmy goes to… Jim Parsons for The Big Bang Theory! Well, that was a disappointment. 1/4.
8:44: NEIL. PATRICK. HARRIS. Just called Jimmy Fallon gay, which was pretty epic. Lead Actress in a Comedy. And the winner is… EDIE FALCO! No surprise there, even if she wasn’t my pick. But she gets applause from me for giving a shout-out to her 94-year-old grandma.
8:47: Kim Kardashian sang. Let’s watch the Reality clip show. Epic because of Snooki’s “McCain would never put a tax on tanning” line.
8:49: Keri Russell and Jewel are in the house? What year is it? Will Arnett could make a statue giggle. Best Reality Show: Top Chef! Congrats, Collichio and Co.
8:50: This room is convinced that Padma is high as a kite. I can’t quite disagree.
8:56: Um, okay Ernst & Young accountants.
8:57: Drama clip reel. The clip from True Blood makes it seem like the stupidest fucking show on television.
9:00: Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series. King and King for The Good Wife, Levy and Weiner for Mad Men, Jones for Friday Night Lights, Veith and Weiner for Mad Men… I got distracted. But Weiner won for Mad Men.
9:04: Best Supporting Actor in a Drama, and the Emmy goes to Aaron Paul for Breaking Bad. I liked him on Big Love (thank you Nate for reminding me why I recognized him).
9:09: Emily Deschanel’s dress is a whole lot of look. Not sure I can handle that many eggplant doilies.
9:10: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama. And the Emmy goes to… Archie Panjabi! I don’t know who you are, but you’re beautiful and so is your accent.
9:12: Edie Falco looks pretty fabulous. A little thin, no? Lead Actor in a Drama. Ryan Cranston from Breaking Bad! I wikipedia-ed him to figure out why I know him – he was Ted Mosby’s douchey boss on How I Met Your Mother!
9:17: Fun fact, this is what Christina Hendricks is wearing tonight:
I’m actually loving this. Zac Posen usually only works on itsy-bitsy girls like Rachel Bilson, so it’s nice to see a woman with serious curves rocking this gown. Her hair versus the mauve color of the dress is fabulous, no? And it’s dramatic, but only as dramatic as a woman nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama should be.
9:20: Announcing last week’s Guest Actress and Guest Actor in a Drama awards. John Lithgow and Ann Margaret – congrats! Don’t care.
9:21: Best Directing for a Drama. The Emmy goes to… Steve Schill of Dexter.
9:23: “Jimmy Fallon is inflated, so he looks like Elton John!” – Emi
9:24: Love me some quick change! Now it’s time for Jimmy to dress like a… a… oh, honeys, even I don’t think I have words for this.
9:25: But his Billy Joe Armstrong is pretty great, and the Lost song was damn funny.
9:31: Un-funny Mr. Schue hair jokes. But Matt Morrison and Tina Fey? Two of my favs. Lead Actress in a Drama: Connie Britton, Glenn Close, Mariska Harigtay, January Jones, Julianna Marguiles, and Kyra Sedgwick. And the Emmy goes to… Kyra Sedgwick!
9:33: Barely audible, Tina Fey says “At least I’ll hold one tonight!” when Kyra passes Tina her Emmy. Kyra’s speech is obnoxious and self-serving. But her dress is nice.
9:35: The variety clip reel! Ending with gorgeous shots of DC. We live here.
9:38: Jeff Probst looks like the Mayor of Munchkin land next to Joel McHale.
9:39: The TONY awards won Best Writing for a Variety Show! I hope the Backstage Barbie is kvelling right now.
9:43: Are these commercials a joke? We’ve seen a miniature pet giraffe, the ghost of Billy Mays, an ungodly amount of advertising for AVON, and more weirdness.
9:45: Ricky Gervais! One of the funniest men on earth. Hope he’s got something good. He is dressed FAR too casually.
10:07: Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie: Julia Ormand for Temple Grandin.
9:47: Perfect Mel Gibson joke: “He’s been through a lot…. Not as much as the Jews.” – Ricky Gervais. Followed by beer for the front rows.
9:48: Directing for a Variety Show. BUCKY GUNTZ for the win! Hilarious not only because of Gervais’s comments, but awesome because he’s Nate’s friend’s dad!
9:51: Outstanding Variety Show. Nominees: The Colbert Report, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Real Time with Bill Maher, Saturday Night Live, and CONAN. But the Emmy goes to The Daily Show!
9:59: John Schaffman is one queer bird.
10:00: I’m not crazy about Juliana Marguiles’s dress. It’s a little meh. And she looks like she goes to the same plastic surgeon as Madonna. But George Clooney is honored with the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award. And he’s getting a standing ovation. Even Betty White stood, slow as the old bitch is.
10:06: January Jones and John Krasinski? Delicious. But why is she wearing a dress made of melted solo cups?
10:14: Claire Danes looks beautiful. Supporting Actor for a Miniseries or Movie. And the Emmy goes to… David Strathairn for Temple Grandin! “In many ways, we are teachers…” Oh, honey, get off your high horse.
10:17: Jewel’s performance is TERRIBLE. The baby voice is so unnecessary. You’re a grown woman.
10:19: I completely forgot that Corey Haim passed away. And I can’t believe how sad I am about the voice of Charlie from Charlie’s Angels passing away. Sad all over again about Rue and Brittany.
10:20: I’m sorry, but can someone remind me how they landed on JEWEL for this performance?
10:25: Writing for a Movie/Miniseries winner: Adam Maizer for You Don’t Know Jack.
10:27: Lead Actress in a Movie/Miniseries. CLAIRE DANES IS THE WINNER! She looks fucking INCREDIBLE and she is my BIGGEST LESBIAN CRUSH and her dress and hair are PERFECT. I am Angela Chase.
10:32: I like this commercial with everyone putting their arms up. I have pictures of me doing that on a mountain in Israel and a moor in England.
10:34: Here’s team True Blood. They’re boring and none of them are good looking. I’m not into vampires. Vampires are just the poor man’s wizards.
10:35: Directing for a Movie/Miniseries. The winner… Mick Jackson for Temple Gradin! A beautiful speech for what seems like an amazing show about an incredible person. I’d really like to watch that.
10:38: Lead Actor in a Movie/Miniseries. The Emmy goes to… Al Pacino for You Don’t Know Jack. And did y’all hear that Angels in America shoutout? My favorite.
10:40: Is Al Pacino really still talking? JACK IS REALLY IN THE HOUSE! Whoa.
10:45: Oh hi Laurence Fishburn. Outstanding Miniseries… Pacific wins! And Tom Hanks is accepting the award. I just love the sound of his voice.
10:47: Outstanding Movie… Temple Grandin wins it again! They sure have swept. I plan on seeing that and You Don’t Know Jack as soon as possible. I’m almost crying at this incredibly emotional and beautiful speech.
10:50: Tom Selleck in the house. “Best Moustache in the Business,” according to Nate. Outstanding Drama Series nominees: Breaking Bad, Dexter, The Good Wife, Lost, Mad Men, and True Blood. And the Emmy goes to… Mad Men for the third consecutive year! 17 nominations this year – unbelievable.
10:51: Elisabeth Moss’s left shoulder looks amazing during this speech. And little Draper daughter looks SO ADORABLE! Basically, everyone but January. Sigh.
10:56: Cheers guy announcing Outstanding Comedy Series? Okay. And the award goes to… MODERN FAMILY! Definitely deserving. And Manny looks beyond adorable. Actually, the entire cast and crew looks pretty perfect.
10:59: Thank you and goodnight! Don’t forget to check back later this week for the Emmys red carpet recap!
Alright, kittens! I was a good girl and briefed all my cases yesterday, so it’s time for a little bloglove. You’ve already seen my Emmy predictions, but the awards are this weekend! So let’s revisit those predictions and compare them to those of other incredibly famous and fabulous bloggers. That way, when all of my predictions turn out to be correct, I can laugh in the face of New York Magazine.
The Democracy Diva’s predictions are in bold.
The predictions of Vulture, New York Magazine‘s entertainment blog, are in red.
Awards Heaven’s predictions are in blue.
[Red and blue is purple, duh.]
Television Without Pity’s predictions are underlined.
The TV Addict’s predictions are in strikethrough because I’m running out of options.
Outstanding Comedy Series
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
Larry David as Himself, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Matthew Morrison as Will Schuester, Glee
Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk, Monk
Steve Carell as Michael Scott, The Office
Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Lea Michele as Rachel Berry, Glee
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Christine Campbell, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
Tina Fey as Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
Toni Collette as Tara Gregson, The United States of Tara
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Chris Colfer as Kurt Hummel, Glee
Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet as Cameron Tucker, Modern Family
Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy, Modern Family
Jon Cryer as Alan Harper, Two and a Half Men
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester, Glee
Julie Bowen as Claire Dunphy, Modern Family
Sofia Vergara as Gloria Delgado-Pritchett, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski as Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock
Holland Taylor as Evelyn Harper, Two and a Half Men
Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series
Modern Family, “Pilot”
The Office, “Niagara”
30 Rock, “Anna Howard Shaw Day”
30 Rock, “Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter”
So what have we learned?
- All the predictions are favoring Glee or Modern Family for Best Comedy. Honestly, both shows are new and hot and hilarious, and either one would be more than deserving of the win.
- Nobody can agree on who should win Lead Actor in a Comedy. Place your bets carefully, kittens, because it really could go to anybody.
- Nobody can agree on Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy either, except for the fact that it should not go to Jon Cryer of Two and a Half Men.
- The blogosphere is united on something: Jane Lynch will win an Emmy this year. Not only is she pegged as the most deserving of the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy, but experts agree that she’s also most likely to win.
- Modern Family has possibly the best Emmy campaign of all time:
Even more amazing:
Vergara says she’ll speed-walk, but not run, so who wouldn’t give the show an Emmy just for that? But she also says Ed O’Neill is ready to run in her place. Eek.
Well, kittens, I’ll see you Sunday night for the liveblog and later next week for the red carpet recap! And of course, expect a Project Runway recap sometime this week as well.
Well, kittens, it seems as though all of my dreams have come true. Ryan Murphy announced yesterday that next season of Glee will feature a Rocky Horror-themed episode. As a Rocky expert (I dare you to challenge me on that) and Glee fanatic, this is basically the biggest news in my life right now (sad but true). So without further ado, I present my dream casting for the episode – who I think should sing what song and why. Now, these are not predictions, mainly because I trust my own judgment better than that of Glee‘s producers. I do not expect Glee to always make the right choices; sadly, they have yet to hire me, so clearly they will be ill-equipped to make the proper decisions regarding their Rocky Horror episodes. But should they choose to come to their senses, they need not look any further than the Democracy Diva.
Song: “Science Fiction, Double Feature”
Who should sing it: Brittany and Santana (Heather Morris and Naya Rivera)
Why: A sexy, sultry song fit for a true alto, “Science Fiction, Double Feature” is the opening number in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, actually sung by a man (Richard O’Brien, the film’s creator/resident creeper Riff Raff) but portrayed in the film by the iconic red lips of a woman (the lips belong to Patricia Quinn, who plays Magenta).
The song is basically just a list of sci-fi references, so I think the odds of this making it into the Glee episode are pretty much nil. It doesn’t have the sort of climax that most Glee songs have, nor will it forward the plot in any way. But I think if they arranged it as a sexy duet between our two resident bicurious cheerleaders, it would be unstoppable. Plus, Naya Rivera’s deep rasp is perfect for this number.
Song: “Time Warp”
Who should sing it: Artie (Kevin McHale) as Riff Raff, Kurt (Chris Colfer) as Magenta, Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) as Columbia
Why: The most famous song from the show, the Time Warp has it all: sex appeal, creepiness, ridiculous dance moves, and lots of trannies running around in tuxedos. Now, I’ve heard that Ryan Murphy announced the Rocky episode of Glee by telling Chris Colfer that he would get the opportunity to live out his dream of singing “Time Warp,” which would presumably mean he’d be singing the part of Riff Raff (or perhaps they’ll re-arrange the song as a solo). But there’s only one man on Glee suited fill Richard O’Brien’s shoes, and that man is Kevin McHale. Though wheelchair-bound Artie would probably be unable to do Riff’s infamous “kick! kick!,” he’s by far the strongest male vocalist on the show (with the exception of Jon Groff, but I’m not sure if he’s returning next season). And he’s the only one who can sing the sort of rock-theatre style that this song demands.
But Kurt as Magenta? In a big ridiculous wig and a French maid’s costume, with a hilariously bad accent? That would be pure perfection. And Tina’s whiny voice is perfect for Columbia’s solo.
Song: “Sweet Transvestite”
Who should sing it: Puck (Mark Salling)
Why: We’ve seen Finn finally stand up for New Directions by donning head-to-toe Lady Gaga drag; now it’s time for McKinley High’s other resident jock to don some drag and gay it up. Puck is a total rock star in his head, which is why he’d be perfect for this ego-driven song of pure attitude. Because as super-queeny as Dr. Frank N. Furter is, he’s also a totally badass maniac, and Puck would not only rock this song, but he’d look damn good doing it. He’s totally the sort of character who would do this as a “look how confident in my sexuality I am” kind of thing – like he’s the only straight guy cool enough to get away with it. Which he is. (Because Finn would just look super-gay.) I don’t know that Glee would want to put their hottest male character (aside from the yummy Mr. Schue) into such a dragtastic role – I only know that if they choose someone else to do it, I won’t be satisfied.
Song: “I Can Make You a Man”
Who should sing it: Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch)
Why: Should Sue Sylvester not have an entire song dedicated to what a weeny Will Schuester is? I’d love to see Sue take on the challenge to whip Mr. Schue (or any other character) into Cheerio-standard shape, using this song as her get-pumped anthem. Jane Lynch would be as hilarious imitating Tim Curry as she was imitating Madonna in the “Vogue” video, and she could slip in all sorts of jokes about his hair. After all, even if she’s going to stand up for Glee club, she will still forever be Will’s rival, and we love her for that.
Song: “Hot Patootie”
Who should sing it: Finn (Cory Monteith)
Why: The perfect combination of cheese and rock, this song was made for Finn. He’d be strong on the high rock vocals, and the song is right in his territory – loud and fun, but theatrical as well. Plus, Meatloaf is one rock legend Finn has yet to conquer on the show, so it’ll be interesting to see how he handles it.
Song: “Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me”
Who should sing it: Rachel (Lea Michele)
Why: Nobody can over-emote like a stage actress, so only Lea Michele can bring to “Touch-a” the over-the-top campiness that it deserves. Not to mention it’d be the perfect song for Rachel to lose her virginity to – a song about an uptight priss wanting to be bad and give it up? It’s the “You’re the One that I Want” from Grease all over again – the good girl gone bad. Lea would destroy the high notes while keeping the princess-gone-wild attitude strong. I can’t see the Glee producers denying this chance for Rachel Berry to diva out and go crazy.
Song: “Rose Tint My World/Floor Show”
Who should sing it: April Rhodes (Kristen Chenoweth) as Columbia, Finn as Rocky, Kurt as Brad, Rachel as Janet
Why: I see no possible way that the producers would allow this to happen, but it would be beyond perfect. I know they’re bringing both Kristen Chenoweth and Idina Menzel back next season for more guest appearances, and I’d love to hear Cheno do her squeaky little-girl voice for Columbia’s solo. Finn as Rocky is easy – they’re both dumb as hell and can’t dance for shit – and Rachel the ingenue is of course Janet. But Kurt in fishnets and heels, writhing on the floor with a feather boa, playing Brad even gayer than Barry Bostwick played him, would make television history.
Song: “Wild & Untamed Thing”
Who should sing it: Mr. Schue (Matt Morrison)
Why: Who better than the fearless leader of New Directions to lead the most upbeat, frantic, dance-crazy song in Rocky Horror? He’d be able to fit it into some schmaltzy lesson that uses words like “freedom” and “expression” and “passion” and some other crap that fits in with Mr. Schue’s character perfectly. And of course, Matt Morrison would get to show off his impressive dance moves, and this song would also be a great way to feature some of the show’s best dancers, like Brittany and Mike Chang (Harry Shum), better known as “Other Asian.”
Song: “Don’t Dream It, Be It”
Who should sing it: Kurt
Why: A gay anthem if there ever was one, “Don’t Dream It, Be It” is not only a celebration of self-awareness, but a ridiculously flaming, over-the-top, Liza Minelli-style ballad with meaningful (if repetitive) lyrics. Its message is not as simple as “be who you are” – instead, you should drape yourself in feathers and be the person (or transvestite alien) of your dreams. And who better than Kurt to give us that message?
Thoughts? Feelings? Leave your comments, as always. And don’t forget to follow me on twitter @democracydiva!