You didn’t really think the Oscars after-party coverage was over, did you? There’s so much left to judge!
Welcome, dear readers, to the third and final portion of the fabulous Golden Globes red carpet. Last chance for bitchery!
The bitchery continues! Click on through!
Here is the second and final portion of your weekly fashion recap! Don’t forget to check out Part I as well.
Grab your leopard-print snuggie and a bottle of wine, bitches, ’cause this could take awhile.
I’ve been trying for days to like this dress, and I just can’t. It just looks like melted-down solo cups. The texture is horrible, and those cones on her boobs are absurd. That blue might be one of the best colors I’ve ever seen on the red carpet, particularly with January’s coloring, but even that can’t save this hot disaster. And that hair? If you want to have sex in the limo on the way to the Emmys, more power to you. But that does not give you license to have sex hair on the red carpet. Your all-American beauty looks will only take you so far, January. They may get you an Emmy nomination, but you won’t get this Diva’s approval until you learn how to dress.
My sister Haley brought up an intriguing question to me today: Does Christina Hendricks have an unusually small head? Or, as I posited, is it merely that any head would look tiny atop those giant hooters? Just something to think about. Regardless of the answer, Hendricks is rocking this dress. Totally unusual color, and it complements her hair beautifully. Redheads always rock green and purple outfits, and Miss Joan is no exception. Loving how this dress cinches her waist, shows off her ta-tas without looking vulgar, and then gets all soft and billowy and feathery at the bottom. I think there’s a little too much length at the bottom, but it’s a small complaint. And the sleeves are to die for.
Beautiful, simple, and classic, just like Elisabeth Moss herself. The draping is incredible, the color makes her glow, the shoulder piece adds a little intrigue, and I even like the train (and I hate trains). The bling is AMAZING – those bracelets are seriously opulent – and nothing’s better than that sassy little smile.
You can take your Bettys and Joans and Peggys, but Sally Draper is the real deal. That dress is precious, the hair is awesome, and my ten-year-old self would have killed for those little tiny high heels. Also, her name is Kiernan Shipka, which is awesome.
It’d be fine without the awkward stripe down the middle. It’s a perfect cut and color for her, but I wish it had some more intrigue and complexity other than the stripe, which is just not particularly beautiful. But the hair is amazing.
This just has too much going on. Less is more, people, and those ruffles over her boobs are just masking Julie’s beauty. This bitch doesn’t age, and has the hair and skin of a freakin’ newborn, but I look at this photo and I only see fabric, not the fabulous woman underneath it.
This is incredibly mature (but not aging) for someone as young as Sarah Hyland, who plays Claire and Phil’s oldest daughter on Modern Family. And she is rocking the hell out of this dress. The fabric is so luxe, it looks like liquid. It also makes her look about six feet tall and totally stacked. The braided/twisted straps are a dream, and the hair is perfect. I hope she doesn’t end up doing crack in five years.
And our favorite middle child is also nailing something chic beyond her years. I could do without the Bat Mitzvah hair and the embroidery on the bodice, but I’m loving the black-on-blue skirt and the funky, stylistic draping.
Easily the best dressed of the night, Claire Danes proves that simplicity is the name of the game. This dress is phenomenal and it fits her like a glove. I love that the color is just a sparkling version of her own skin tone. I may prefer her with bottled-red hair and flannel shirts, but I will always love Angela Chase.
Gleeks Gone Glam
Hello, gorgeous! This was my other favorite gown of the night. Not every designer can take a 5’2″ girl and make her look statuesque, but of course Oscar can! The color is amazing, the gown is divalicious, her jewelry is awesome (I bet we’re going to see knockoffs of that necklace EVERYWHERE), and this bitch knows how to POSE. The hair could have been a little more formal, but that’s my only complaint.
Jayma’s beautiful, but this dress is Lea’s dress’s less hot little sister. The jewelry is tacky and her hair is a mess.
The cutest little queer on two legs. LOVING the treble clef pin on his lapel!
Work it out, Quinn! Black and pink lace together is one of my favorite things on the planet, especially in formal wear. Gorgeous dress with perfect hair and makeup to boot. But she does look a little sad, especially for a ridiculously hot girl on a hit Emmy-nominated TV show. Maybe she’s sad because she’s secretly in love with Matt Morrison, who is over her right shoulder, staring at her shoes instead of her ass. He’s a closet case, honey. Move on.
Brittany pulled out all the stops, rocking some serious old-school Hollywood glam. Very impressive for such a red carpet newbie! The makeup artist was a little heavy-handed, but the hair is flawless.
If you took Cha Cha DiGregorio from Grease and added a Lady Gaga wig, you’d get this photo. Seriously, Naya, we all like to play dress-up, but this is your first Emmy red carpet. Is this how you really want to be remembered? In a slutty 80s prom dress, boring shoes, and a hairstyle so stupid even Rihanna hates it?
Funny and Fabulous
Holy couture! Kathy Griffin’s body has never looked better, and it takes a confident bitch to rock Oscar with that much certainty. Get it, girl.
Amy Poehler gave birth THREE WEEKS AGO and already looks this good. We should all be so lucky. The color is gorgeous, her tits look amazing, and she’s allegedly wearing half a million dollars worth of Stephen Russell jewelry, though I can’t really see much of it.
I could do without the hieroglyphic print, but for a woman who never looks comfortable in a dress, Tina is posing the hell out of this Oscar gown. It’s incredibly flattering to her figure, and it’s much funkier and fancier than she usually goes. It’s curve-hugging but not tight, and the hair and makeup are looking beautiful. Kudos to Ms. Fey for taking a fashion risk and finally having it pay off.
Funny and Feh
I think Elvira wore this to her high school prom. The shoes are cute, but that hair is much funnier than this season of The Office and this haphazardly-draped crinoline disaster is no better. And a petite girl should know better than to wear a dress with such wacky proportions that ends in the middle of the calf. Unless you’re a supermodel, that’s going to make you look stumpy.
Awful print, stupid belt, poorly fit, and stupid shoulder ruffles. Plus I don’t like the hair or makeup, and the purse is too busy. Fire your stylist, Kristen.
New Diva on the Block Award
Last I checked, Nina Dobrev was just another teen mom on Degrassi, and then she was just another teen vampire on Vampire Diaries, and then suddenly she was KILLING IT on the red carpet and performing in the epic Emmys opening number alongside the Glee cast, Tina Fey, Jon Hamm, Betty White, and the rest of TV’s elite. I can’t even believe how stunning she looks. The dress is borderline bridal, but it’s exquisite. The draping at the top is actually breathtaking. The hair is classy and glamorous, and those earrings were the perfect choice. Keep it up, Nina! Looking forward to seeing what else you’ve got.
NPH’s suit is beyond chic. It seems men fall into two categories: basic boring suit/tux, or trying and failing to spice it up. Neil Patrick Harris, of course, is classy and stylish enough to pull off a funky suit and just look even more dashing. And David looks adorable, as always.
Oh, lord. A potato sack on top, a magician’s slutty assistant on the bottom, fugly shoes, and way too much jewelry. And that hair? Unless you’re in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerrys, that mess is inexcusable.
Nope. No. Just… no. Your puke-colored, flowered and rhinestoned dress should not have love handle cutouts.
What part of wearing a purple hairy tiered gown appealed to Emily? Because I think she needs to seek mental help.
Sometimes I forget my pants in the limo too, Steph. It happens.
Lo Bosworth thought she was dressing like Mad Men here. She didn’t get the memo that a dress that looks amazing on a 1960s secretary in an office does not necessarily look awesome on a 2010 red carpet. She looks like she’s off to a business lunch, not an awards show. And that skirt should be about four inches shorter. The shoes don’t go, she’s wearing a stupidly large number of rings, and the hair is so bad, it’s almost funny.
For the love of God, just go be with your children and leave us all alone.
I love a girl who’s loyal to a designer, especially McQueen, but there’s a time and a place, and this ain’t it. The armored top looks insane, and the skirt is totally wrong. Way too many bracelets, and no hair style to speak of.
We get it, Heidi. You like short dresses. But you’re also not 18 and while I’d never tell a woman who looks as good as you that she needs to cover up, this shtick is getting a little tired. It’s not that you’re too old to wear dresses that show your cooter – it’s that your vagina must be tired of all the attention, because we’re tired of seeing her. And is your hair in a flip? The same style that all the boys in my middle school were rocking circa 2001? Because it didn’t work on them, and it sure as hell doesn’t work on you.
Later this week: Your weekly fashion recap (cover all things non-Emmys, from red carpet to editorials and more) and of course, your weekly Project Runway recap! Follow @democracydiva on twitter for updates.
Glee Dos and Don’ts
Glee‘s resident “Asian” (not to be confused with “Other Asian”) finally looks chic, mature, and utterly fabulous on the red (well, technically blue) carpet. Nude dresses are all the rage, and the interwoven print of those two different fabrics is subtle but gorgeous. I’d have done a lighter shoe (the dress is so pale, plus it’s the middle of the summer) but this is definitely a hit. And her makeup looks absolutely beautiful. She’s glowing.
Kudos to Santana for stepping outside the box. It feels like at every red carpet event, young Hollywood tends to wear the same short, tight, sparkly dress over and over again. Just seeing a different silhouette is refreshing. I’m not in love with the pattern (it matches my bedding perfectly, but I’m not sure it’s great on a dress) but it fits her well. I love the length and the way the skirt flares out. I do wish she’d worn a little bling, but she chose the right shoes, and her hair and makeup are natural-looking and perfect. She’s an incredibly beautiful woman, and with a little coaching (and the right gays) she could become a real fashionista.
Everybody’s favorite dumb blonde is a beautiful girl who consistently looks terrible on the red carpet. This poor girl has no idea what works for her and what doesn’t. First of all, her hair always looks stupid. I don’t understand why she can’t be content to just show off the natural beauty of her gorgeous blonde hair. And her makeup always ages her about ten years. On Glee, Brittany looks fresh-faced and youthful, but this sort of looks like she used ten pounds of makeup to try to achieve a “natural” look. And the outfit is clearly a disaster. Is it an ugly dress, or is it a mismatched top and skirt? The patterns are too much, the proportions are way off, and the fit is terrible. And I’m not sure whether or not I support those shoes. I’m wary of them, to say the least.
But zoom in on that big chunky cuff bracelet, with the exposed zippers and the gold and silver safety pins. That bracelet is gorgeous, and huge, badass bracelets are uber-trendy right now, from the Chanel runway shows to the street. So I am holding out hope for you, Heather, because I know you have potential.
I think this is a great dress for Jayma. It says “I may not be a teen, and I may play a teacher, but I’ve got style and a teensy waist and am overall adorable.” Seriously, her tiny little figure is too cute, and the dress is perfect for her. All Jayma needs is some help with accessories. The belt only distracts from the beauty of the dress, and I don’t like those shoes with it at all. And girlfriend needs some bling. But the dress is supremely cute and the hair and makeup are perfection. Keep it up, Emma!
First of all, let’s say what needs to be said: Lea is looking a little thin lately. She used to be normal-woman thin, but now she’s Hollywood thin, and although she looks incredible, I think there is cause for concern. Lea, do not lose another pound, especially if you’re going to be flying back and forth between LA and New York every day to film Glee and perform in the Funny Girl revival. You’re way too classy to become one of those scary-thin, coked-out, over-extended Hollywood starlets. You’re a nice Jewish girl from Jersey – please don’t turn into Lindsay Lohan.
All public service announcements aside, Lea Michele is once again KILLING IT on the red carpet. This dress is mega-sexy, but not inappropriate for a teen event. Her legs are astounding, the Christian Dior shoes were a stroke of genius, and her hair has never looked better. That natural windblown beach hair look is great for her. She could have eased up on the makeup a touch, but that’s a minor complaint. Say what you will about this diva, but bitch knows how to dress like a winner.
Gomez Gone Wild
The little white dress, like the little nude dress, has taken over the red carpet recently. And Gomez rocks the look, particularly because of those fabulous, 1970s sleeves. The hair is effortlessly beautiful, and the makeup is fresh and natural with heavy eyes, which I love. The shoes aren’t for me, but the black nail polish is badass against the white dress. (Remember: black nail polish is okay on the red carpet; it’s dark toe nail polish that makes starlets look like they’re growing fungi.)
But once you see the back, the look goes from fabulously 70s to Studio 54 cage dancer. I’m not saying I hate it, but there’s something a little trashy about all that silver running down her back. But I do commend her for steering away from the shiny, tight, short dresses or red cocktail dresses that she and Taylor Swift basically live in at most events. It’s always good to try something new, even if from the back she looks like a Cher video.
Oof. This is a disaster for quite a few reasons. That lime green color is terrible on Emma’s ghostly white skin. I’m pale as can be, but even I know that porcelain-skinned girls need to stick to certain colors or get a tan before appearing on the red carpet. Her skin looks grey, the shoes are too much, and the bag is ugly. But what the hell is happening with her makeup? Who on earth told her that brown shadow UNDERNEATH her eyes was a good idea? The grey skin with the brown bags under her eyes makes her look like she belongs in a hospital, not on a red carpet.
Best Reason to Not Loathe Twilight (But I Still Do)
Simple silhouette with a unique and beautiful print – always a solid choice. Ashley brought out all the stops in this fabulous little Valentino number. The peep-toe pumps are perfect, the purse is cute, and I’m loving the ring on her left hand. And the hair and makeup are flawless. She’s a stunning girl who made all the right choices, and that’s simply unstoppable on the red carpet.
© Democracy Diva, 2010.
Forgive me, poodles. I just moved to a new place and just got internet today, so this Diva has not had much time for blogging. But it’s Fashion Week in gay Par-ee, so we’ve got some red carpet looks to catch up on before we hit the big time. Let’s dive in.
Repeat Winner: Prodigy Edition
Head-to-toe perfection, as per usual. I particularly love the natural makeup; too many young starlets, even if they dress well, tend to age themselves ten years with heavy makeup, but this styling lets Dakota’s youth and beauty shine. The dress is obviously to die for, but I think we need a close-up on those shoes:
Those sexy studded shoes just jumped to the top of my MUST HAVE list. (By “must have,” I of course mean “could not dream of affording.”) This outfit is the textbook definition of gritty-meets-pretty – the girl’s hair, skin, and dress are practically glowing with angelic beauty, but she throws on her studded Loubs and suddenly it’s a whole different ball game. (That’s the first and last sports reference you’ll find on this blog, kittens.)
Fugly Beyond Her Years
I’d like you all to guess how old this woman is. If I was in a bad mood, I’d probably guess 45; at my most forgiving, I’d say mid-thirties.
SHE’S TWENTY-TWO. This bitch is MY age and already looks like she’s been chasing her pack-a-day habit with a bottle of gin every night for twenty years. Let’s forget the fact that she broke one of the most important Diva Commandments: Thou shalt wear your actual dress size, not the dress size you aim to be. Other bloggers and fashion experts have wisely said, “Wear a size bigger, and you’ll look a size smaller.” Certainly, this unforgivingly tight dress supports that claim. If only it supported McCord’s breasts.
Fun fact: I wikipedia-ed McCord (to find out her age), and my boyfriend Nate looked at her picture and said, “That looks like Carrot Top.” I rest my case.
InStyle informs me that Clemence Poesy, who has probably the worst stage name I’ve ever heard, is one of the new stars of Gossip Girl. I stopped watching that show when the guy from Next to Normal left the girl from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants for dead in a car crash. (I know their names, it’s just way more fun to refer to them that way.) Anyway, she needs her roots touched up, and I’m not sure her face is quite beautiful enough to be going for that fresh-faced, natural thing that Dakota Fanning nailed above, but this dress is amazing. It’s not exactly hard to wear a perfect, simple vintage Chanel dress, but she kept things neat and simple with the accessories, and I respect her for that. Even if she has a dumbass name.
[Diva's Note: It just came to my attention (thanks, Thu) that this girl actually played Fleur in the Harry Potter movies! Something I totally should have known, but what can I do, kittens? But the point is, maybe it's not a dumbass name - it's really just that she's French, and has a French name, and I'm an idiot.]
First Lady Fashion
Too bad for the Canadian Prime Minister and his wife – they’d look pretty cute, if they weren’t standing next to such a fabulous looking couple. Sorry, Canada, but you lose even in this photo, as it is clear that Americans have infinitely better fashion sense. Our First Lady looks truly amazing here – we all know it’s not easy to wear a white dress outside your wedding day, but Michelle not only nails it, but pairs it with great shoes, a fabulous bracelet, and her most flattering hairstyle to date. Not to mention that her arms, legs, and yes, FLOTUS cleavage look simply spectacular.
Well. Everything about this is terrible. Actually, to be fair, that tuxedo jacket would be fierce with a t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans, but this… this is worse than Jada’s Tony awards mishap. I just don’t really understand what’s happening on top of her head, but I know it’s giving me a migraine.
Risks That Pay Off
Kudos to Claire Danes – this is definitely not a dress that the average woman, or even the average Hollywood woman, can pull off. But I think she’s absolutely glowing in this fabulous Zac Posen mixed print. It could have come off as costumey or even clownish, but Claire nails it, proving that a great smile makes every outfit even more fabulous.
Underage Stripper of the Week
The photo on the left, though it should disturb me, unfortunately is not a surprise. It’s downright tame for Momsen, and actually would make a pretty fantastic Rocky Horror costume.
But the shoes, my friends. The shoes. Clear platform shoes. With actually dollar bills in them. AND THE SHOES SAY “TIPS” ON THEM. I mean, the girl is sixteen – shouldn’t that be illegal?
Best and Worst: Most Surprising Makeovers
I never dreamed I would say this, but K-Stew looks pretty fucking awesome right now. The new hair color is doing wonders for her. Usually when someone dyes their hair an entirely new color, it looks completely unnatural, but this feels so much more natural than her nearly-black hair did. The highlights frame her face beautifully, and I think the short hair is working for her as well. Not to mention the fact that she’s wearing a killer dress and fabulous heels (Brian Atwood shoes, to be exact). For once, her pale skin looks like beautiful porcelain instead of deathly ill. And those legs? Goodbye, knobbly knees; hello, supermodel. (Well, not quite. But in the immortal words of Whitney Fetterhoff, she’s got one hell of a set of getaway sticks.) And although she’s not smiling in this picture, she also doesn’t look like she wants to kill anyone, and has clearly been making an effort to not look so fucking miserable lately. I don’t know if the Eclipse producers picked a hot new stylist for her to drum up even more press about the film, but big hugs to whoever made this look happen. Let’s hope it stays.
Again, something I thought I’d never say: Heidi Klum isn’t looking so great, guys. Her new haircut fully sucks. It’s like if a scissor-happy kindergartener went to town on Anna Wintour’s bob. I guess the choppiness of it is a look, but it just looks sloppy, not chic. And it ages her about a decade – as does the skirt, which could be worn during Klum’s gynecologist appointment, as it provides such easy access. Heidi is a gorgeous woman with killer legs, but a slit that high does favors to absolutely no one.
Best Street Fashion: Diva’s Pick
Recently, someone asked me what I’d wear every day if I could wear anything. I told them it was cocktail dresses with sneakers, but clearly I was wrong. Because this, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly what I would wear to walk around the city. A vintage sundress, hipster sunglasses, my signature messy bun, and the perfect pair of heels. I’ve never seen such effortless fashion before – I actually can’t stop looking at this picture. I think the lipstick matching the shoes is what really seals the deal for me. Never-ending kudos to Drew for wearing this casually around the West Village. I envy you.