CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE vs. EMMA WATSON
DUCHESS CATHERINE: dress by Erdem // EMMA WATSON: dress by McQ, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Emma: Agreed, Your Fabulousness. Agreed.
DUCHESS CATHERINE: coat by Alexander McQueen // EMMA WATSON: dress by Marchesa
Duchess Kate: I do sometimes wish I could get a pixie cut, but the Queen Mum threatened to put me in the dungeons if I did.
Emma: That’s so sad! With your stunning WASPy features, you’d make a lovely pixie… if you hired a makeup artist.
DUCHESS CATHERINE: dress by L.K. Bennett, hat by James Lock // EMMA WATSON: top and skirt by Jason Wu, purse by Charlotte Olympia, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Duchess Kate: What? What’s wrong with my makeup? (And how fierce are our belted peplum ensembles?)
Emma: (So fierce!) And darling, it’s just something in the eyeliner that makes you look ever-so-slightly terrifying.
Emma: You’re a princess, darling. Who on earth would tell you that your makeup is fug?
Emma: Ah, yes. But just look at me in this yellow frock with my pink lippie. I’m just too chic to not offer you a bit of friendly eyeliner advice!
DUCHESS CATHERINE: gown by Alexander McQueen // EMMA WATSON: dress by Elie Saab
Duchess Kate: Well aren’t you sassy. Just so you know, I was lying about that pixie thing! I have hair like a Disney princess, and I’d never cut it like yours.
Emma: Really? Because that thing with the dungeons totally sounded like something the Queen Mum would really say.
DUCHESS CATHERINE: gown by Alice by Temperley // EMMA WATSON: dress by Valentino, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Duchess Kate: Well, she did say it. But it was when I asked if I could wear that red Valentino dress you’re wearing to her Diamond Jubilee.
Emma: Well, in her defense, you could never rock this badass ballerina chic thing like I can.
DUCHESS CATHERINE: gown by Alexander McQueen // EMMA WATSON: dress by Elie Saab, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Duchess Kate: How dare you! And regardless of what you think of my eyeliner choices, your lipstick makes you look like a trollop.
Emma: Well, to be fair, you’re in a custom-made McQueen wedding gown. Anyone can look a little whorish next to that.
Emma: And you’re all right yourself, Princess. Let’s go shopping together in London sometime?
Duchess Kate: Sure! If by “go shopping in London,” you mean “have stylists bring fabulous garments to the castle for us to try on and have a makeover montage.” Because that’s how princesses do it.
Emma: I am there, Your Highness. I am so there.
EMMA STONE vs. DITA VON TEESE
EMMA STONE: tuxedo by Gucci // DITA VON TEESE: dress by Elie Saab, purse by Lulu Guinness, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Emma: Dita, let’s be honest – I had a hell of a year, fashion-wise, and I just don’t think you can compete with that.
Dita: My lips-shaped clutch begs to differ, Emma.
EMMA STONE: dress by Giambattista Valli, shoes by Christian Louboutin // DITA VON TEESE: vintage dress, purse by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Emma: Really? You think some random burlesque star whose red carpet appearances mostly include launches of, like, a new kind of Skyy vodka can beat ME?
Dita: I’ve got incredible street style and a vintage flair. And I’m fiercer at the most C-list of red carpets than you are at the A-list events!
EMMA STONE: dress by Elie Saab, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Brian Atwood // DITA VON TEESE: dress by Alexis Mabille
Emma: Well, that’s just not true at all. Look at me in this thing. I’m positively precious.
Dita: MY HAT IS A FLOWER. You cannot defeat that.
Dita: I didn’t want to have to do this, but it looks like it’s time to let my cleavage do the talking.
EMMA STONE: gown and shoes by Lanvin // DITA VON TEESE: gown by Hervé L. Leroux, purse by Christian Louboutin
Emma: Do you know how many Lanvin gowns I have in my arsenal, Dita? Even your fabulous tits can’t top that.
Dita: Well, they’re sure as hell going to try.
Dita: It’s no more ridiculous than your bouffant, Ms. Stone.
EMMA STONE: gown and purse by Lanvin // DITA VON TEESE: gown by Jenny Packham
Emma: Fine. Try and defeat me when my hair is long and ginger and fabulous, with my stunning draped gown and my metallic mustard purse. Yes, metallic mustard. It’s a thing.
Dita: Metallic mustard is NOT a thing. But head-to-toe blue sequins are!
EMMA STONE: gown by Lanvin // DITA VON TEESE: gown by Vivienne Westwood
Emma: Okay, Dita. Let’s get our sculptured dark dramatic strapless gowns on, put our hands on our hips, and agree that I am the fabbest.
Dita: I’ve got more fabness in my adorable little gloves than you do in your entire body!
EMMA STONE: gown and shoes by Lanvin // DITA VON TEESE: gown by Alexis Mabille
Emma: I beg to differ. Have you seen these stunning bejeweled cap sleeves? The fuchsia and eggplant draping? The eagle on my belt?
Dita: What about black velvet, cascading baby pink flowers with matching cap sleeves, and a metallic bodice straight out of the Victorian era?
Dita: Bring it on, bitch.