AREEEEE YOUUUUU READYYYYYYYY?
LÉA SEYDOUX vs. FAN BINGBING
Léa: What day is it?
Léa: No, what date is it.
Fan: April 21st.
Léa: Isn’t this called March Fabness?
Léa: Then I don’t understand.
Fan: Well, we don’t all live your glamorous celebrity lifestyle, Léa.
Léa: YOU do, though.
Fan: Well, of course I do. But some people do not have personal assistants, stylists, or the ability to blog full-time.
Léa: How sad for them.
Fan: Yes, yes, très pathétique.
Léa: So… it’s definitely April, then?
Léa: This shit’s going to go on until May, isn’t it?
ZENDAYA COLEMAN vs. KIERNAN SHIPKA
Zendaya: Well, I guess I’m woman enough to admit it.
Kiernan: This is quite a match-up we’ve got here, isn’t it?
Zendaya: Dammit, Kiernan!
Zendaya: I was going to be the mature one who commented on how equally matched at utter fabness we are.
Zendaya: So, now YOU have to go on and look like the bigger person.
Kiernan: I’m not the one complaining about not being able to look like the bigger person, so I think by default, I’m the bigger person.
Zendaya: I don’t even know what you just said.
Kiernan: Forget it.
Zendaya: I have a feeling it was insulting.
Kiernan: It probably was.
Kiernan: I mean, I’m not even sure what I said, but odds are, it was shady as hell.
Zendaya: Oh, shit. Sally Draper is not fucking around.
NAOMIE HARRIS vs. LUPITA NYONG’O
Naomie: Pardon me, but I have to go, I’m extremely busy.
Lupita: Stop and soak up the limelight, Naomie.
Naomie: No, I’m sorry, I was in thirty nine thousand movies this year and I have to go promote all of them.
Lupita: Bitch, we’re all busy. You can still take the time to actually look at a camera.
Naomie: Fine. Are you happy now?
Lupita: Happier than you, that’s for sure.
Naomie: Now, that’s not fair. Look at my face. Totally pleasant.
Lupita: That’s practically a grimace!
Naomie: How about now?
Lupita: That’s more of a smirk.
Lupita: That’s just sort of a very subtle Elvis lip.
Naomie: Alright, NOW?
Lupita: Do you even want to be here?
Naomie: Whatever, weirdo. Who smiles with their teeth in every paparazzi photo? Fuck off already.
CATE BLANCHETT vs. KRYSTEN RITTER
Cate: Triple espresso over ice, please.
Krysten: Excuse me?
Cate: I’m sorry, what is it you’re doing here?
Krysten: Kicking your ass.
Cate: Oh, that’s simply hilarious. Are you Janelle Monae’s personal assistant?
Krysten: I’m the one you’re competing with, asshole.
Cate: Oh! Well, I suppose you’ll do.
Krysten: What is your damage?
Cate: Nothing! It’s just, well, you’re no Emma Watson, that’s for damn sure.
Krysten: Well, none of us are Emma Watson, but the March Fabness audience will somehow go on living.
Cate: Do you really think so?
Krysten: Nah, she’d probably still win a write-in ballot.
Cate: Fuck, I’d vote for her.
Krysten: Me too. WATSON 2016!
Cate: For March Fabness? Or for president?
Krysten: Since when are they mutually exclusive?