Get into it, dear readers.
Best Dressed: JANELLE MONÁE
gown and hat by Chanel
We can’t officially ring in a new year until Janelle Monáe has worn something stunningly regal and impeccably cool that no one else should ever bother attempting. Happy 2019, everybody!
That pillbox hat is to die for. Jackie O only wishes she could look this fly.
Runner-Up: REGINA KING
gown by Alberta Ferretti, jewelry by Messika
Regina King dominated the Globes in disco-mirrored pink and perfectly matching lipstick, with her handsome son on her arm discussing what a powerful and brilliant mother he has. Is there a better red carpet accessory? I think not.
Honorable Mention: DANAI GURIRA
gown by Rodarte
Danai left me positively shooketh, swirling her little shoulder-bow-capelet thingie all over that red carpet. Loved the colors, the print, and the overall attitude.
Sure, it looks like two different dresses, but at least it’s two different dresses I adore. Also, if you’re wondering if Michelle is wearing *that ring* from Crazy Rich Asians, she is, and it is excellent.
gown by Christian Siriano, necklace by David Webb, purse by Tyler Ellis
Love the draping, the extra-long sleeves, and the color, which truly shines on her. The necklace is almost stupidly large, but when you’re as statuesque as Ms. Janney, you can pull it off.
Robb Stark in velvet… is my preferred PornHub search terms.
gown by Gucci, jewelry by Chopard
A moment of silence for all the Slinkies that had to die in order for Saoirse to have this very chic art deco gown.
gown, earrings, and purse by Louis Vuitton
It’s romantic and sweet and lovely, though it does seem like the matronly older sister to Saoirse’s gown. It’s pretty enough, but the perfect match to Emma’s skintone makes it a little less interesting to me.
harness by Louis Vuitton
Snaps to this boy for making every bisexual on earth drool when he hit the red carpet in a bedazzled harness. (Also, I saw one fashion blogger call it a “formal bib.” Oh, you sweet summer child.)
gown by Jason Wu
I’m usually all for a bold makeup choice in a funky color. But between the exact match to the color of the embellishments on her gown, and the mermaid shape of the gown itself, this is started to feel a little dated.
gown by Galia Lahav, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz, purse by Tyler Ellis
I really wanted to love this. I’m always encouraging celebrities to opt for more bold prints on the red carpet. But this feels less “bold print” and more “pre-school art project gone awry.”
gown by Tanya Taylor
Great sleeves, adorable shoes. I would have pulled that bustline seam down an inch or two, though.
ALISON BRIE and DAVE FRANCO
Alison’s gown by Vera Wang
Dave’s tuxedo by Saint Laurent
They’re astonishingly pretty, and I appreciate his textured jacket and her weird sparkle-bra, but I can’t get too excited about this one.
gown by Ralph & Russo, jewelry by Swarovski
This looks like 300 pounds of toxic sludge. Penelope really should have saved it for the premiere of a sci-fi blockbuster where toxic sludge provides her with superhuman powers.
gown by Louis Vuitton
The fabrics don’t make sense together, and the fit is a mess.
gown by Valentino
Love her; hate this.
dress and pants by Stella McCartney, jewelry by Chopard
This might be my favorite thing she’s worn in years, but that’s a pretty low bar, because this is still a walking Ambien.
gown by Monique Lhuillier
gown by Miu Miu, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz
Pale girls with greenish tones to their skin should stay away from canary yellow. It has the unfortunate side effect of making Claire look jaundiced. And the sparkly sunbursts just look tacky and cheap.
gown by Celine, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Did you get your period at the Golden Globes? Not to worry! Rachel’s dress comes fully stock with every feminine hygiene product imaginable, for all your menstrual needs.
gown by Elie Saab, earrings by Lorraine Schwartz, shoes by Olgana Paris
We’re not doing leopard print on the red carpet, okay? That’s just not a thing I’m going to condone.
Worst Dressed: KATE MARA
gown by Miu Miu
She looks like she wants to murder the person who put her in this dress, and honestly, I can’t blame her.