Are you ready for Project Runway: Beefcake Edition? Grab your tear-away pants and let’s do this, dear readers.
The Challenge: In two teams of four, the designers were tasked with creating three tear-away performance looks for the beefy and deliciously Australian male dancers of Thunder from Down Under. This resulted in the worst but most hilarious runway show in history. The episode was worth watching just for Nina Garcia’s complete breakdown into a fit of giggles that lasted throughout the entire judging session. (And for the stripping portion of the runway show, obviously.) The designers were rightfully mortified to watch those so-called garments come down the runway, and so the episode devolved into all the contestants and judging laughing at how shitty everything looked, particularly when one team’s designs failed to tear-off at the pivotal moment in the beefcake dance. (In fairness to the designers, one day to make tear-away clothes for gigantic men was a virtually impossible challenge.) The judges refused to name a winner so that none of the Australian beefcakes actually had to suffer through the indignity of performing in these “clothes,” which was the first good decision they’ve made this season.
Guest Judge: The adorable Emmy Rossum. Not sure how they landed on her for this challenge, but she was game for the absurdity of it all and she was actually pleasant and constructive.
Losing Team: Slick and Hip
AMANDA VALENTINE, Eliminated
RICHARD HALLMARQ, Bottom 2
Photo: Lifetime
During the critiques, these pants were literally falling off the model while he was standing on the runway. You kept hearing this awful Velcro noises and he’d suddenly grab himself, and that’s when Nina started REALLY losing it. Like, laughing-til-you-cry kind of losing it. I swear, I thought she was going to fall off her chair. But aside from the model being unable to control the timing of his striptease because of how shitty those pants were, there was nothing enjoyable about this look. That – well, you can’t really call that a collar, right? The fit of that shirt is atrocious, and that sad, sad little tie – somewhere backstage, Tim Gunn was weeping at this so-called menswear.
AMANDA VALENTINE, Eliminated
RICHARD HALLMARQ, Bottom 2
LAYANA AGUILAR
Photo: Lifetime
These shirts are just atrocious. In my opinion, it should have been Patricia who went home, but since it was between Richard and Amanda, I’m still unsure as to how the judges landed on Amanda for the auf. Richard made all three of the shirts, and all of them were a sorry excuse for clothes.
RICHARD HALLMARQ, Bottom 2
SAMANTHA BLACK
Photo: Lifetime
That collar. I can’t even LOOK at that collar without cringing, dear readers.
Winning Team: Shades of Gray
DANIEL ESQUIVEL
PATRICIA MICHAELS
Photo: Lifetime
It’s still boring and awkwardly proportioned, and the guy’s wearing a flasher coat, for God’s sake, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as anything on Team Slick and Hip. (The team names were almost as atrocious as the clothes this week.) Also, the only thing Patricia made in this entire challenge was the shirt underneath this coat, which we barely saw – and it was better when we didn’t see it, because it was an over-designed mess of a textile.
MICHELLE LESNIAK FRANKLIN
Photo: Lifetime
Halfway through Michelle’s never-ending rant about how sexy bike messengers are, my boyfriend yelled at the television, “WE GET IT! YOU’RE FROM PORTLAND!” Yes, this vest was basically the only interesting thing on the runway, but the shortness of it looks positively comical, as do the little tissues or whatever is stapled to his right man-boob. And those sad, sad pants – long in the crotch, and baring way more ankle than any pair of men’s pants should.
STANLEY HUDSON
Photo: Lifetime
Boring, but the only thing on the runway that actually resembled clothes, so yay for Stanley, I guess.
Judges’ Bottom 2: Richard and Amanda
Diva’s Bottom 2: Richard and Patricia
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© Democracy Diva, 2013.
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The Democracy Diva 
How much opportunity did the designers have to measure their models? Seems to me that should have been the first thing done. Or don’t they get to measure and have to guestimate for sizing? Also don’t understand why the lengths were so short? Thought everyone who sews knows to allow extra length if there’s not an accurate measurement.
I saw Amanda taking neck measurements the moment they were introduced to the models, but I’m not sure if full measurements were taken until late in the game. Either way, I agree – you can’t fake a good fit, but you can definitely allow some extra length in the sleeves and pant legs if you know your measurements aren’t accurate.
Part of the problem was that the forms in no way resembled the physiques of the actual models, and no one in the workroom had enough brains to pad the mannikins to more closely resemble the actual victims.
Contrast that with the drag queen challenge in season 5, when one of the guys left his bra for his designer to put on the mannikin.
I’m laughing so hard.
I couldn’t even get my usual level of angry over how shitty the challenge and designs were because I didn’t stop laughing for like, twenty straight minutes of the episode. Nina’s breakdown made me lose my shit.
I’ve obviously been to the Thunder from Down Under show in Vegas #sexual
I actually felt bad for Samantha, who was the only one who came close to getting it right. Too bad her vest and pants wound up with Richard’s “shirt.”