Vampires! Witches! Velvet scrunchies!
Welcome, dear readers, to the 2019 Oscars!
Your Cannes coverage ends here, dears.
And the LEWKS just keep on coming.
Welcome back to the French Riviera, where things continue to be breathtakingly glamorous.
Welcome to opening day of Cannes! (What? It was only like a week and a half ago. I’m not that far behind). For the uninitiated, the week-long Cannes Film Festival offers some of the best fashion of the year, every year. I’m not sure what makes stars bring it so hard to this particular festival – the French Riviera sunshine? The constant presence of March Fabness 2018 Champion Fan Bingbing? The knowledge that someone important could walk out of your new movie ten minutes into its premiere and ruin your entire life? Whatever magic is in the air, I’m grateful for it.
Your Met Gala finale is here, dear readers.
From floral wreaths to spiky crowns to beaded hoods to halos, headpieces were the favored accessory of the evening. They’re so crown; bow down, bitches.
A toast to those who shot for the moon, landed amongst the stars, and promptly burst into flames. In all fairness, there were far fewer Valiant Failures this year than at most Met Galas, because this was the rare year where it was possible to hit the theme and still look kind of average. But let’s discuss those stars who aimed, but missed the mark.
Please, no loud noises or sudden movements. These stars have all suffered head injuries that caused them to believe they are attending the Oscars. They think they look amazing – and they would, on any other red carpet. But friends, the Met Gala is not the goddamn Oscars. (Though this year’s theme was a little more traditional-red-carpet friendly than previous years, I still can’t bring myself to put anyone in the Best Dressed post who didn’t really commit to the costume.)