Please, no loud noises or sudden movements. These stars have all suffered head injuries that caused them to believe they are attending the Oscars. They think they look amazing – and they would, on any other red carpet. But friends, the Met Gala is not the goddamn Oscars. (Though this year’s theme was a little more traditional-red-carpet friendly than previous years, I still can’t bring myself to put anyone in the Best Dressed post who didn’t really commit to the costume.)
TRACEE ELLIS ROSS
coat and gown by Michael Kors, jewelry by Repossi
This is so loud and fun and gorgeous and perfectly Tracee Ellis Ross that I’m actually angry. That is, angry she didn’t guarantee herself a Best Dressed spot by wearing this dress to literally any other event.
gown by H&M, jewelry by Bulgari, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
I love the way this flows like liquid gold. Usually, you can spot the stars wearing H&M from a mile away, because it just can’t compete with couture. But this looks expensive as hell.
gown and headband by Prada
This was the wrong venue to serve Belle-waltzing-with-the-Beast realness.
gown by Givenchy
The shape of this actually does feel relevant to the theme, but I find myself wishing she went further.
gown by Louis Vuitton, jewelry by Cartier
She would’ve scored some Joan of Arc points if Zendaya hadn’t done it a thousand times better. (Don’t worry, we’ll get to it.) Also, I hope the end of Michelle’s Louis Vuitton contract is in sight, because I can pretty much guess what she’s going to wear before she wears it. It’s getting painfully predictable.
tuxedo by Tom Ford
Gorgeous jacket for a nominee at the Tonys. He only needed to save it for a few more weeks…
gown by Saint Laurent, jewelry by Jacob & Co.
This dress is wandering around wondering where LL Cool J is because it doesn’t understand that we’re not at the Grammys.
gown by Michael Kors, jewelry by Cartier
Same as Rooney Mara, really – one vaguely clergy-esque bib-cape-thingy and I’m supposed to be floored? When Rihanna came as the ACTUAL FUCKING POPE? (Again, don’t worry, we’ll get to her.) I know I can’t hold everyone to Rihanna standards – that’s just unreasonable – but when so many people turned it out SO hard, I just can’t get excited about subtle nods to the theme.
KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS
gown by Erdem
This is a Cannes gown if I ever saw one. (Get ready, I’ll be getting to that in like a week, when I’m finally done with the eight billion Met Gala lewks.)
jumpsuit by Brandon Maxwell
The formal version of the middle school band recital outfit.
gown by Prabal Gurung, jewelry by Tasaki, shoes by Stuart Weitzman
This is very Vanity Fair Oscars party, but she should nix the matching shoes.
gown by Prabal Gurung, earrings by Tasaki
Are matching shoes back in style? Not saying they can never work, but they tend to take things to a bridesmaid place. And that’s dangerous territory.
gown by Ralph Lauren, headpiece and jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz
From the neck up, she’s never looked better. The dress is meh.
tuxedo by Prada
Great shade of blue. Don’t love the shoes with such a pastel color palette, though.
AMAL CLOONEY and GEORGE CLOONEY
Amal’s gown and pants by Richard Quinn, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz
I expected a lot more from Amal, one of the co-chairs of the event. But this just felt like too many different shiny fabrics tacked together.
gown and purse by Michael Kors, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz
A strong contender for the SAG Awards red carpet.
gown by Atelier Versace, jewelry by Jacob & Co.
Well, she’s fucking ageless, I’ll give her that much.
MARY J. BLIGE
gown by Atelier Versace, earrings by L’Dezen by Payal Shah
I think she resorts to the matching boots a little too often.
gown by Marchesa, jewelry by Fred Leighton
That wig is fucking hilarious.
gown by Stella McCartney
One of the biggest disappointments of the night. I know Miley’s in her “thirsting to be seen as mature” phase now, but a few years ago, she would have hit this red carpet in nothing but a hot pink cross that barely covered her genitals, and I would have lived for it. Or maybe read her for filth. Either way, it would’ve been more fun than this.