Met Gala 2018: This is not the Oscars.

Please, no loud noises or sudden movements. These stars have all suffered head injuries that caused them to believe they are attending the Oscars. They think they look amazing – and they would, on any other red carpet. But friends, the Met Gala is not the goddamn Oscars. (Though this year’s theme was a little more traditional-red-carpet friendly than previous years, I still can’t bring myself to put anyone in the Best Dressed post who didn’t really commit to the costume.)

TRACEE ELLIS ROSS
coat and gown by Michael Kors, jewelry by Repossi

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

This is so loud and fun and gorgeous and perfectly Tracee Ellis Ross that I’m actually angry. That is, angry she didn’t guarantee herself a Best Dressed spot by wearing this dress to literally any other event.

JASMINE SANDERS
gown by H&M, jewelry by Bulgari, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

I love the way this flows like liquid gold. Usually, you can spot the stars wearing H&M from a mile away, because it just can’t compete with couture. But this looks expensive as hell.

AMANDA SEYFRIED
gown and headband by Prada

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Rex/Shutterstock

This was the wrong venue to serve Belle-waltzing-with-the-Beast realness.

ROONEY MARA
gown by Givenchy

Photo: People.com

The shape of this actually does feel relevant to the theme, but I find myself wishing she went further.

MICHELLE WILLIAMS
gown by Louis Vuitton, jewelry by Cartier

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

She would’ve scored some Joan of Arc points if Zendaya hadn’t done it a thousand times better. (Don’t worry, we’ll get to it.) Also, I hope the end of Michelle’s Louis Vuitton contract is in sight, because I can pretty much guess what she’s going to wear before she wears it. It’s getting painfully predictable.

ANDREW GARFIELD
tuxedo by Tom Ford

Photo: People.com

Gorgeous jacket for a nominee at the Tonys. He only needed to save it for a few more weeks…

ZOË KRAVITZ
gown by Saint Laurent, jewelry by Jacob & Co.

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

This dress is wandering around wondering where LL Cool J is because it doesn’t understand that we’re not at the Grammys.

NAOMI WATTS
gown by Michael Kors, jewelry by Cartier

Photo: Marion Curtis/Star/Rex/Shutterstock

Same as Rooney Mara, really – one vaguely clergy-esque bib-cape-thingy and I’m supposed to be floored? When Rihanna came as the ACTUAL FUCKING POPE? (Again, don’t worry, we’ll get to her.) I know I can’t hold everyone to Rihanna standards – that’s just unreasonable – but when so many people turned it out SO hard, I just can’t get excited about subtle nods to the theme.

KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS
gown by Erdem

Photo: John Nacion/Startraks

This is a Cannes gown if I ever saw one. (Get ready, I’ll be getting to that in like a week, when I’m finally done with the eight billion Met Gala lewks.)

TIFFANY HADDISH
jumpsuit by Brandon Maxwell

Photo: Charles Sykes/Invision/AP/Rex/Shutterstock

The formal version of the middle school band recital outfit.

GABRIELLE UNION
gown by Prabal Gurung, jewelry by Tasaki, shoes by Stuart Weitzman

Photo: People.com

This is very Vanity Fair Oscars party, but she should nix the matching shoes.

DEEPIKA PADUKONE
gown by Prabal Gurung, earrings by Tasaki

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

Are matching shoes back in style? Not saying they can never work, but they tend to take things to a bridesmaid place. And that’s dangerous territory.

KERRY WASHINGTON
gown by Ralph Lauren, headpiece and jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

From the neck up, she’s never looked better. The dress is meh.

DANIEL KALUUYA
tuxedo by Prada

Photo: Rex/Shutterstock

Great shade of blue. Don’t love the shoes with such a pastel color palette, though.

AMAL CLOONEY and GEORGE CLOONEY
Amal’s gown and pants by Richard Quinn, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz

Photo: Rex/Shutterstock

I expected a lot more from Amal, one of the co-chairs of the event. But this just felt like too many different shiny fabrics tacked together.

ISSA RAE
gown and purse by Michael Kors, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

A strong contender for the SAG Awards red carpet.

CINDY CRAWFORD
gown by Atelier Versace, jewelry by Jacob & Co.

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

Well, she’s fucking ageless, I’ll give her that much.

MARY J. BLIGE
gown by Atelier Versace, earrings by L’Dezen by Payal Shah

Photo: Dia Dipasupil/Getty

I think she resorts to the matching boots a little too often.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON
gown by Marchesa, jewelry by Fred Leighton

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

That wig is fucking hilarious.

MILEY CYRUS
gown by Stella McCartney

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

One of the biggest disappointments of the night. I know Miley’s in her “thirsting to be seen as mature” phase now, but a few years ago, she would have hit this red carpet in nothing but a hot pink cross that barely covered her genitals, and I would have lived for it. Or maybe read her for filth. Either way, it would’ve been more fun than this.


© Democracy Diva, 2018.
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