A toast to those who shot for the moon, landed amongst the stars, and promptly burst into flames. In all fairness, there were far fewer Valiant Failures this year than at most Met Galas, because this was the rare year where it was possible to hit the theme and still look kind of average. But let’s discuss those stars who aimed, but missed the mark.
ensemble by Atelier Versace
Disco in the front; college theater production of Angels in America in the back. These damn wings are simultaneously too much and not enough. If she’d paired them with wisps of organza and tulle, she could have walked the red carpet as an actual angel. But tacking them onto a pretty basic, tacky dress was a perplexing choice.
gown by Louis Vuitton, jewelry by Nikos Koulis
Well, Alicia didn’t really shoot for much besides “Louis Vuitton, but make it churchy.” It’s definitely on brand, but it’s not a brand I want to buy.
ANYA TAYLOR JOY
gown by Dolce & Gabbana
I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and assumed those ridiculous flowers on her head were actually part of someone else’s outfit behind her. The gown, necklace, and copper floral crown are all curated so perfectly together for maximum baroque fierceness. Surely she didn’t ruin that whole gorgeous effect by tacking some random extra flowers that have nothing to do with the florals she’s already wearing onto the back of her head? Alas, my dear readers:
What a fun way to ruin all the gorgeous detailing by pulling focus to a white rose. You were SO CLOSE to a hit, Anya.
gown by Vera Wang, jewelry by Butani
The Sistine Chapel-inspired gown is definitely on theme, and she looks beautiful, but I couldn’t bring myself to put this on the best dressed list. I guess I’m more interested in stars who made themselves look like a Michaelangelo than the stars who just wore one on a dress.
dress by Ralph Lauren
Sorry, sweetheart, but this was only the third-best Joan of Arc cosplay at this event. And nobody remembers who came in third place.
gown by Atelier Versace, headpiece by Lorraine Schwartz
I’ll admit it, this is pretty damn good. Blake just has the misfortune of being upstaged by that guy just over her shoulder, who looks SO FUCKING ON POINT, OH MY GOD, WHO IS THAT, SOMEONE IDENTIFY THIS FASHION MAVEN PLEASE, I WANT US TO BE BEST FRIENDS. (Update: A+ sleuth and devoted reader Kati tells me that is Christian Louboutin. Because OF COURSE IT IS.)
gown by Prabal Gurung, jewelry by Tasaki, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
One word: nunsense.
gown by Louis Vuitton
What… what am I even looking at right now? This makes me feel as lost and confused as when I try to understand Catholicism. So, right on target, I guess.
necklace by Stephen Russell, purse by Tyler Ellis
Could have made my best dressed list if I didn’t hate her so much, and if she lost the purse. (I may be biased, but at least I’m honest about my biases.)
gown by Moschino, jewelry by David Yurman
This is cheating! Pick ONE!
gown by Diane von Furstenberg, jewelry by Jacob & Co., shoes by Christian Louboutin
Well, she certainly committed. But for me, the best looks were not just clergy cosplay, but costumes that inhabited the Heavenly Bodies part of the theme. The more mystical and magical, the better. This was literal enough to do the job, but not imaginative enough to claim a victory.
gown by Jean Paul Gaultier
I mean, this is basically exactly what all of us expected, but the heaviness of it is a let-down. And despite the sheer cross down the center, it’s strangely covered up. Goodbye, Madonna; hello, grandmadonna.