Vampires! Witches! Velvet scrunchies!
Welcome, dear readers, to the 2019 Oscars!
Welcome to the Tony Awards, theater kweens!
Every year, like clockwork, somewhere between a dozen and a score models take to the Met Gala in dresses that can only be described as UNDERWHELMING. They may be on theme, or they may not; they may be pretty, or they may not. But they all make me roll my eyes to some degree.
Please, no loud noises or sudden movements. These stars have all suffered head injuries that caused them to believe they are attending the Oscars. They think they look amazing – and they would, on any other red carpet. But friends, the Met Gala is not the goddamn Oscars. (Though this year’s theme was a little more traditional-red-carpet friendly than previous years, I still can’t bring myself to put anyone in the Best Dressed post who didn’t really commit to the costume.)
Let’s keep the party going.
Let’s finish this damn thing.