Met Gala 2018: Basic Bitches and Crucifixes

“Basic Bitches at the Met Gala” has become a time-honored tradition here at Democracy Diva Headquarters. But 2018 blessed us with a Met Gala theme even boring stars could latch onto, with the mere addition of a cross necklace. So let’s dive into some unimaginative attempts at the theme – and no attempts at all!

TOM BRADY and GISELE BÜNDCHEN
tuxedo and gown by Versace

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

These two are basic defined. And as a friend of mine said, Tom looks like he’s in Vegas filling in for Siegfried and fucking Roy.

ALEXA CHUNG
dress and purse by Alexa Chung, necklace by Buccellati

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Rex/Shutterstock

I’m actually very much digging the necklace and the lipstick, but this hipster LWD is just tired.

KERI RUSSELL
jumpsuit by Chanel

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

I’m sorry, but a rope for a belt does not a Heavenly Body make.

LAURA DERN
gown by Proenza Schouler

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

The necklace gives the slightest of nods to the theme, but it doesn’t work with this dress at all.

MARY-KATE OLSEN and ASHLEY OLSEN
ensembles by Paco Rabanne, jewelry by Stephen Russell

Photo: Amy Sussman/Rex/Shutterstock

THIS IS WHAT THEY WEAR TO EVERYTHING. Seriously, are these two ever NOT wearing duvet covers?

SALMA HAYEK
gown by Altuzarra

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

I read that this is supposed to be the Garden of Eden, but it just feels like a counterfeit Monet.

RILEY KEOUGH
gown by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

Are opera gloves a Catholic thing that I just don’t know about because I’m too Jewish? Or do they just make people feel old-timey and European, which they figure is close enough to the theme?

CLAIRE DANES
gown by Marni

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Rex/Shutterstock

This isn’t really basic so much as it is horrible to look at and monumentally confusing.

ELLA PURNELL
gown by Chanel

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

It’ll be a miracle if I stay awake long enough to make fun of this.

COLE SPROUSE and LILI REINHART
Cole’s tuxedo by Thom Browne

Lili’s dress by H&M, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

An over-long suit jacket paired with cropped suit pants virtually ensures you will look like you’re wearing someone else’s clothes. And she’s not really improving things.

DAKOTA FANNING
gown by Miu Miu, jewelry by Fred Leighton

Photo: People.com

She’s so basic, she’s literally getting upstaged by Lena Waithe’s pride cloak.

KYLIE JENNER
gown and sunglasses by Alexander Wang, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Getty

Everything about this is stupid.

NICK JONAS
suit by Dolce & Gabbana

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

I hate the too-tight suit almost as much as I hate the prepubescent stubble.

BEE SHAFFER and ANNA WINTOUR
Bee’s gown by Valentino
Anna’s gown by Chanel

Photo: Shutterstock

The Prime Minister of the Met Gala and her daughter. They always look pretty, and they always vaguely disappoint.

DIDDY and CASSIE
Diddy’s suit by Musika Frère

Cassie’s suit by Thom Browne, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

I expected more from the man who literally laid down across the steps of the Met last year.

 

MICHAEL B. JORDAN
suit by Off-White c/o Virgil Abloh

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

Someone please explain the cuff to me.

KATHARINE MCPHEE
gown by Georges Chakra

Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Rex/Shutterstock

This is a stupid amount of jewelry, none of which goes with the dress. It feels like she forgot about the theme and robbed an old Madonna video accessories closet on the way to the gala.

RUBY ROSE
gown by Tommy Hilfiger, jewelry by Fred Leighton, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: People.com

The outfit doesn’t live up to the pose.

HELEN LASICHANH and PHARRELL WILLIAMS
ensembles by Chanel

Photo: Justin Lane/Shutterstock

I expected these two to REALLY come to play. She did alright, but he’s another one who just added some cross necklaces and called it a day.

KIM KARDASHIAN
gown by Atelier Versace, necklaces by Lorraine Schwartz

Photo: Dia Dipasupil/Getty

I can’t roll my eyes hard enough.

UMA THURMAN
gown by Gabriela Hearst, earrings by Giampiero Bodino

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

Honestly, this offends me. It’s so incredibly nothing.

SELENA GOMEZ
gown by Coach, jewelry by Tiffany & Co.

Photo: Getty

This would be a disappointment on any red carpet. At the Met Gala, it’s a disaster.

IRINA SHAYK and BRADLEY COOPER
Bradley’s tuxedo by Tom Ford

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

These two are as basic as a glass of skim milk. They’re a salad without dressing. They are a lone saltine. Do better.


© Democracy Diva, 2018.
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