Because if the starlets don’t give any fucks, neither should we. 

TAYLOR SWIFT
dress by Louis Vuitton

Whoever convinced you that chlorinated-platinum hair was working for you has clearly been on your payroll for too long, Taylor. Time to cut them off. Also, I’m pretty sure you can get that dress AND those boots at every Spencer’s Gifts at every mall in America.

LILY ALDRIDGE
gown by Michael Kors

This is the only dress Lily Aldridge has ever worn. But now it’s in gold. Kudos for the glittery brows, but that’s not enough to take this off the BASIC list.

JOURDAN DUNN
gown by Balmain

I probably would have liked this, if like five other basic bitches hadn’t worn the same fucking dress.

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO
gown by Balmain, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

The knitwear version of the same fucking dress.

KYLIE JENNER
gown by Balmain, shoes by Lorraine Schwartz

The ice dancer version of the same fucking dress.

KIM KARDASHIAN and KANYE WEST
Kim’s gown and Kanye’s jacket by Balmain

The “I made my husband wear it too!” version of the same fucking dress.

JOAN SMALLS
gown by Balmain

The sleeveless version of the same fucking dress.

NAOMI CAMPBELL
gown by Roberto Cavalli

The black version of the same fucking dress.

OLIVIA WILDE
gown by Michael Kors

Grommets? Really? That’s the best you could do?

KATE UPTON
gown by Topshop, purse by Jimmy Choo

If it’s too matronly for Helen Mirren, a 23-year-old probably shouldn’t be wearing it.

RITA ORA
gown by Vera Wang

How many geese on ecstasy had to die for this dress?

LENA DUNHAM
tuxedo by J. Crew

I theoretically could have liked this, if Lena weren’t cosplaying as Jenna Lyons. And, of course, if it had anything to do with the theme.

ASHLEY OLSEN and MARY-KATE OLSEN

Fuck you both. If you’re too good for the red carpet, STOP SHOWING UP.

JENNIFER HUDSON
gown by H&M

Mazel tov on your wedding, Jennifer!

JESSICA CHASTAIN
gown by Prada, earrings and watch by Piaget

She’s been stuck in a style rut for far too long.

KATIE HOLMES

Careful, Katie, or you’ll trip on those hair extensions.

BLAKE LIVELY
gown by Burberry, earrings by Lorraine Schwartz

So aggressively ignorant of the theme, it actually makes me angry.

BOBBY CANAVALE and ROSE BYRNE
tuxedo and gown by Ralph Lauren

Blech.

SIENNA MILLER
gown by Gucci

Snooze.

NINA DOBREV
gown by Marchesa

Beautiful, for a different event.

AMBER HEARD
gown by Ralph Lauren, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Has she ever worn anything else?

ALEXA CHUNG
suit by Thakoon

Elton John wants his pajamas back.

And that concludes our Met Gala coverage! Check back soon for all the most devastatingly gorgeous looks from the Cannes Film Festival.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2016.
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