Emmys Liveblog

8:00 – All my GLEE biddies being adorable in the first one minute of the show? YES!

8:02 – “BACK THAT MOTHER UP!” Betty White to Jon Hamm, living every woman’s dream.

8:03 – The singing has begun!!!!! We’re loving ALL OF THIS.

8:04 – Um, okay teen mom from Degrassi / biddie from Vampire Diaries. What are you doing in the all-star cast song?

8:05 – Tim Gunn has already made his epic cameo, Randy Jackson is playing bass, and JON HAMM IS DANCING.

8:06 – Mercedes rocked that last note! And that was the most incredible opening performance. What an unexpectedly wonderful group of people! Such a great idea.

8:07 – Emi: Jimmy Fallon looks a little inflated.
Matt: He probably had Chipotle two nights in a row.

8:08 – Amy Poehler is looking gorgeous, but you can see her nips through that dress a bit!

8:09 – We’re screaming over the clips of NPH, Jane Lynch’s amazing one-liners, and everything Cameron from Modern Family.

8:11: What a scene to end on, Emmys comedy clip! Awkward. But now Jon Hamm and Betty White are walking out to the theme from The Odd Couple, and everyone’s being sexual. And we’re loving it.

8:11: Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy: Chris Colfer, Jon Cryer, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Ty Burrell, Neil Patrick Harris, Eric Stonestreet. And the Emmy goes to… ERIC STONESTREET! (This Diva is now 0/1 for predictions, as she thought it’d go to NPH.

8:13: Jesse Tyler Ferguson is CRYING for Eric Stonestreet, and I am so emotional. Until Emi says, “Where’s Lily?” [Cam and Mitch’s Asian daughter on Modern Family.] But I teared up again when Stonestreet mentioned his father.

8:14: Room consensus: Amazing speech.

8:18: Aaaand, we’re back! Jon Hodgeman from The Daily Show is already making me giggle. Fun fact from Diva Headquarters: According to Justin, Jim Parsons is gay! And my lesbian side hopes co-presenter Sofia Vergara is gay too!

8:19: Writing for a Comedy Series: And the Emmy goes to… the writers for Modern Family! So deserved. Brilliant writing, and a particularly brilliant pilot. MF is now 2/2 for Emmys! Also, they showed Julie Bowen beaming during the writer’s speech, looking absolutely flawless and so happy for her team.

8:22: Stephen Colbert looks good! And Tom Hanks’ wife Rita looks unbelievably beautiful. Outstanding Performance by a Supporting Actress in a Comedy. The nominees: Julie Bowen, Jane Krakowski, Jane Lynch, someone I missed, and Sofia Vergara, and Kristen Wiig.

8:24: JANE LYNCH, OF COURSE! I’m now 1/3 for predictions. And Jane Lynch deserves this beyond belief. Her speech is heartfelt and beautiful and funny, and she’s so incredibly likable. “I’d like to thank my Lord and Creator, Ryan Murphy.” Another perfect speech.

8:30: Lauren Graham and Matthew Perry. He looks slightly busted and her dress is fug. And could their back-and-forth be more awkward? Anyway, they’re talking about who won Guest in a Comedy awards last week. Obviously Betty White won for SNL and NPH won for Glee. Both deserved.

8:34: Ryan Murphy wins Best Directing for GLEE! His blue jacket is super-cute, even if his bow tie is too big. Plus, I also love fingerpainting.

8:35: The Family Guy/Modern Family skit is pretty hilarious. And Clooney in bed with Stonestreet and Ferguson at the end was just priceless.

8:37: Lead Actor in a Comedy. The Emmy goes to… Jim Parsons for The Big Bang Theory! Well, that was a disappointment. 1/4.

8:44: NEIL. PATRICK. HARRIS. Just called Jimmy Fallon gay, which was pretty epic. Lead Actress in a Comedy. And the winner is… EDIE FALCO! No surprise there, even if she wasn’t my pick. But she gets applause from me for giving a shout-out to her 94-year-old grandma.

8:47: Kim Kardashian sang. Let’s watch the Reality clip show. Epic because of Snooki’s “McCain would never put a tax on tanning” line.

8:49: Keri Russell and Jewel are in the house? What year is it? Will Arnett could make a statue giggle. Best Reality Show: Top Chef! Congrats, Collichio and Co.

8:50: This room is convinced that Padma is high as a kite. I can’t quite disagree.

8:56: Um, okay Ernst & Young accountants.

8:57: Drama clip reel. The clip from True Blood makes it seem like the stupidest fucking show on television.

9:00: Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series. King and King for The Good Wife, Levy and Weiner for Mad Men, Jones for Friday Night Lights, Veith and Weiner for Mad Men… I got distracted. But Weiner won for Mad Men.

9:04: Best Supporting Actor in a Drama, and the Emmy goes to Aaron Paul for Breaking Bad. I liked him on Big Love (thank you Nate for reminding me why I recognized him).

9:09: Emily Deschanel’s dress is a whole lot of look. Not sure I can handle that many eggplant doilies.

9:10: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama. And the Emmy goes to… Archie Panjabi! I don’t know who you are, but you’re beautiful and so is your accent.

9:12: Edie Falco looks pretty fabulous. A little thin, no? Lead Actor in a Drama. Ryan Cranston from Breaking Bad! I wikipedia-ed him to figure out why I know him – he was Ted Mosby’s douchey boss on How I Met Your Mother!

9:17: Fun fact, this is what Christina Hendricks is wearing tonight:

Christina Hendricks in Zac Posen

I’m actually loving this. Zac Posen usually only works on itsy-bitsy girls like Rachel Bilson, so it’s nice to see a woman with serious curves rocking this gown. Her hair versus the mauve color of the dress is fabulous, no? And it’s dramatic, but only as dramatic as a woman nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama should be.

9:20: Announcing last week’s Guest Actress and Guest Actor in a Drama awards. John Lithgow and Ann Margaret – congrats! Don’t care.

9:21: Best Directing for a Drama. The Emmy goes to… Steve Schill of Dexter.

9:23: “Jimmy Fallon is inflated, so he looks like Elton John!” – Emi

9:24: Love me some quick change! Now it’s time for Jimmy to dress like a… a… oh, honeys, even I don’t think I have words for this.

9:25: But his Billy Joe Armstrong is pretty great, and the Lost song was damn funny.

9:31: Un-funny Mr. Schue hair jokes. But Matt Morrison and Tina Fey? Two of my favs. Lead Actress in a Drama: Connie Britton, Glenn Close, Mariska Harigtay, January Jones, Julianna Marguiles, and Kyra Sedgwick. And the Emmy goes to… Kyra Sedgwick!

9:33: Barely audible, Tina Fey says “At least I’ll hold one tonight!” when Kyra passes Tina her Emmy. Kyra’s speech is obnoxious and self-serving. But her dress is nice.

9:35: The variety clip reel! Ending with gorgeous shots of DC. We live here.

9:38: Jeff Probst looks like the Mayor of Munchkin land next to Joel McHale.

9:39: The TONY awards won Best Writing for a Variety Show! I hope the Backstage Barbie is kvelling right now.

9:43: Are these commercials a joke? We’ve seen a miniature pet giraffe, the ghost of Billy Mays, an ungodly amount of advertising for AVON, and more weirdness.

9:45: Ricky Gervais! One of the funniest men on earth. Hope he’s got something good. He is dressed FAR too casually.

10:07: Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie: Julia Ormand for Temple Grandin.

9:47: Perfect Mel Gibson joke: “He’s been through a lot…. Not as much as the Jews.” – Ricky Gervais. Followed by beer for the front rows.

9:48: Directing for a Variety Show. BUCKY GUNTZ for the win! Hilarious not only because of Gervais’s comments, but awesome because he’s Nate’s friend’s dad!

9:51: Outstanding Variety Show. Nominees: The Colbert Report, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Real Time with Bill Maher, Saturday Night Live, and CONAN. But the Emmy goes to The Daily Show!

9:59: John Schaffman is one queer bird.

10:00: I’m not crazy about Juliana Marguiles’s dress. It’s a little meh. And she looks like she goes to the same plastic surgeon as Madonna. But George Clooney is honored with the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award. And he’s getting a standing ovation. Even Betty White stood, slow as the old bitch is.

10:06: January Jones and John Krasinski? Delicious. But why is she wearing a dress made of melted solo cups?

10:14: Claire Danes looks beautiful. Supporting Actor for a Miniseries or Movie. And the Emmy goes to… David Strathairn for Temple Grandin! “In many ways, we are teachers…” Oh, honey, get off your high horse.

10:17: Jewel’s performance is TERRIBLE. The baby voice is so unnecessary. You’re a grown woman.

10:19: I completely forgot that Corey Haim passed away. And I can’t believe how sad I am about the voice of Charlie from Charlie’s Angels passing away. Sad all over again about Rue and Brittany.

10:20: I’m sorry, but can someone remind me how they landed on JEWEL for this performance?

10:25: Writing for a Movie/Miniseries winner: Adam Maizer for You Don’t Know Jack.

10:27: Lead Actress in a Movie/Miniseries. CLAIRE DANES IS THE WINNER! She looks fucking INCREDIBLE and she is my BIGGEST LESBIAN CRUSH and her dress and hair are PERFECT. I am Angela Chase.

10:32: I like this commercial with everyone putting their arms up. I have pictures of me doing that on a mountain in Israel and a moor in England.

10:34: Here’s team True Blood. They’re boring and none of them are good looking. I’m not into vampires. Vampires are just the poor man’s wizards.

10:35: Directing for a Movie/Miniseries. The winner… Mick Jackson for Temple Gradin! A beautiful speech for what seems like an amazing show about an incredible person. I’d really like to watch that.

10:38: Lead Actor in a Movie/Miniseries. The Emmy goes to… Al Pacino for You Don’t Know Jack. And did y’all hear that Angels in America shoutout? My favorite.

10:40: Is Al Pacino really still talking? JACK IS REALLY IN THE HOUSE! Whoa.

10:45: Oh hi Laurence Fishburn. Outstanding MiniseriesPacific wins! And Tom Hanks is accepting the award. I just love the sound of his voice.

10:47: Outstanding MovieTemple Grandin wins it again! They sure have swept. I plan on seeing that and You Don’t Know Jack as soon as possible. I’m almost crying at this incredibly emotional and beautiful speech.

10:50: Tom Selleck in the house. “Best Moustache in the Business,” according to Nate. Outstanding Drama Series nominees: Breaking Bad, Dexter, The Good Wife, Lost, Mad Men, and True Blood. And the Emmy goes to… Mad Men for the third consecutive year! 17 nominations this year – unbelievable.

10:51: Elisabeth Moss’s left shoulder looks amazing during this speech. And little Draper daughter looks SO ADORABLE! Basically, everyone but January. Sigh.

10:56: Cheers guy announcing Outstanding Comedy Series? Okay. And the award goes to… MODERN FAMILY! Definitely deserving. And Manny looks beyond adorable. Actually, the entire cast and crew looks pretty perfect.

10:59: Thank you and goodnight! Don’t forget to check back later this week for the Emmys red carpet recap!

Revisiting the 2010 Emmy Nominees!

Alright, kittens! I was a good girl and briefed all my cases yesterday, so it’s time for a little bloglove. You’ve already seen my Emmy predictions, but the awards are this weekend! So let’s revisit those predictions and compare them to those of other incredibly famous and fabulous bloggers. That way, when all of my predictions turn out to be correct, I can laugh in the face of New York Magazine.

The Democracy Diva’s predictions are in bold.
The predictions of Vulture, New York Magazine‘s entertainment blog, are in red.
Awards Heaven’s predictions are in blue.
[Red and blue is
purple, duh.]
Television Without Pity’s predictions are underlined.
The TV Addict’s predictions are in strikethrough because I’m running out of options.

Outstanding Comedy Series

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Glee
Modern Family
Nurse Jackie
The Office
30 Rock

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
Larry David as Himself, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Matthew Morrison as Will Schuester, Glee
Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk, Monk
Steve Carell as Michael Scott, The Office
Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Lea Michele as Rachel Berry, Glee
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Christine Campbell, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
Tina Fey as Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
Toni Collette as Tara Gregson, The United States of Tara

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Chris Colfer as Kurt Hummel, Glee
Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet as Cameron Tucker, Modern Family
Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy, Modern Family
Jon Cryer as Alan Harper, Two and a Half Men

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester, Glee
Julie Bowen as Claire Dunphy, Modern Family
Sofia Vergara as Gloria Delgado-Pritchett, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski as Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock
Holland Taylor as Evelyn Harper, Two and a Half Men

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series

Glee, “Pilot”
Modern Family, “Pilot”
The Office, “Niagara”
30 Rock, “Anna Howard Shaw Day”
30 Rock, “Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter”

So what have we learned?

  • All the predictions are favoring Glee or Modern Family for Best Comedy. Honestly, both shows are new and hot and hilarious, and either one would be more than deserving of the win.
  • Nobody can agree on who should win Lead Actor in a Comedy. Place your bets carefully, kittens, because it really could go to anybody.
  • Nobody can agree on Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy either, except for the fact that it should not go to Jon Cryer of Two and a Half Men.
  • The blogosphere is united on something: Jane Lynch will win an Emmy this year. Not only is she pegged as the most deserving of the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy, but experts agree that she’s also most likely to win.
  • Modern Family has possibly the best Emmy campaign of all time:

Even more amazing:

Vergara says she’ll speed-walk, but not run, so who wouldn’t give the show an Emmy just for that? But she also says Ed O’Neill is ready to run in her place. Eek.

Well, kittens, I’ll see you Sunday night for the liveblog and later next week for the red carpet recap! And of course, expect a Project Runway recap sometime this week as well.

The Week in Fashion

Glee Does Comic-Con

 

Heather (Brittany): I’m not loving those bangs; I think her signature Cheerios high ponytail is much more flattering. The outfit is cute enough, if a bit amateurish.

Kevin (Artie): This boy can sing, dance, act, and DRESS. I wish other young actors took the risks that Kevin takes with his wardrobe. The shirt is stunning, the suspenders are adorable, and he looks unique and chic, if a bit over-dressed for Comic-Con. I’m loving it.

Naya (Santana): Can’t go wrong in a cute floral sundress. Effortless and adorable.

Amber (Mercedes): Cute top and sweater, but it’d look a thousand times better without that belt.

Chris (Kurt): He’s a self-professed comic book geek, so I’m glad he’s showing his roots at this event. But I think he could have paired this outfit with something a little more fashion-forward, since he usually dresses incredibly well.

Jenna (Tina): Adorable dress, great hair. And the nude shoes trend is super-hot right now, so kudos for catching on.

Love the Girl, Hate the Dress

 

Like the Democracy Diva, Anna Kendrick loves her some Marchesa. (The starlet donned Marchesa at the 2010 Golden Globes, at the Eclipse LA premiere, at the Up in the Air Toronto premiere, and more.) Unlike the Diva, Ms. Kendrick doesn’t seem to understand that some Marchesa dresses work far better on the runway than they do on the red carpet. This is one of them.

The lopsided bust, which I’m sure would work fabulously on a 6 foot tall, size zero model, is just unfortunate on Kendrick’s petite frame. The black beading against the blue print isn’t particularly attractive, nor are the proportions of the dress, which make Anna look short and squat instead of long and lean. And those shoes? What drag queen told my girl Fritzy to wear those shoes – especially with that dress? A rookie mistake. And once again, I’d like to remind young Hollywood: If your hair is up and your dress is low-cut, WEAR A NECKLACE. I’m disappointed by her lack of bling. But I do love Anna Kendrick, and I hope she bounces back from this fashion mishap quickly.

The Best and Worst of Biel

Jessica Biel in Giambattista Valli

I’ve never thought Jessica was as beautiful as most people seem to think she is. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a hottie for sure, but she’s got awfully harsh features and she lacks the poise needed to pull off high fashion gowns. But I’m eating my words from the neck down, because I think she looks incredible here, at the London premiere of The A-Team. I normally don’t support sheer gowns on the red carpet, but I can forgive it because this particular gown is just stunning. It fits her remarkably well, making her waist look tinier and her boobs look bigger – and she had a great figure to begin with! I would’ve done black shoes instead of red, but they’re still a good choice. And let’s hear it for a girl who isn’t afraid to bring out the bling. Loving those bracelets.

Now, the hair is a hot mess. How many times do I have to say this – you can’t go all-out with the dress and skimp on the hair and make-up! That frizzy bedhead is not appropriate for such a beautiful gown. But I still give her props for a remarkable effort.

Jessica Biel in Atelier Versace

Well, she’s back to looking stiff and uncomfortable on the red carpet, which is a huge step down. Not that she looked particularly cosy in the Valli gown, but there’s something very cold and unnatural about her in this Versace gown. The gown itself is beautiful, but I just don’t think she’s wearing it well. I think it’s a bit too ornate and vintage-looking for her tastes – she’s very sportswear, Americana, bold colors and simplicity. This gown is anything but. And those shoes were a horrible choice. Whoever invented the teardrop-shaped eyelet peeptoe should obviously be shot. And the silver shoe with the blue dress is very mother-of-the-bride. I’d love to see this dress on Anne Hathaway or another starlet with more traditional, glitzy tastes (and the poise to pull them off), but something about this gown on Jessica just isn’t working for me.

Jessica Biel in Vionnet

It’s a shame, because she looks so much more at ease here, but she’s wearing a glorified potato sack. That sleeve is simply dreadful – unless your arm is in a sling, there’s really no need for that much fabric on the sleeve. And the dress itself is shapeless and dull, like a poorly-made toga. Those shoes look navy, and even if they’re black, they’re clearly not the right black for that dress. And I hate the way the fabric gathers around her waist – it’s unflattering and downright sloppy. Definitely the worst out of the three.

Fergie Fug

Fergie

Now headlining in Vegas: Fergie, the alien warrior princess turned stripper! Oh, Fergie, you can wear whatever the fuck you want, just please stop making music.

Also, it is just me, or does her head seem unnaturally large? Seriously, she looks like a Bratz doll.

Delhi Couture Week 2010

 

Congrats to Delhi on hosting their first ever couture fashion week! I encourage you to check out Tom & Lorenzo for more pics from the runway show; everything is so beautiful and so different from Western fashion.

This couture gown by Manav Gagwani is simply magnificent. I love that you can feel the Indian influence, but you can also see that the designer was inspired by Italian and French couture as well. Every single fabric used is breathtaking. The glitz and glamour of the shiny, glittering fabrics and lace is almost overwhelming. I love the different colors used – iced periwinkles and lilacs, lavenders and silvers. Everything about this gown screams couture. I look forward to many more Delhi Couture Weeks in the future!

The Rapidly Aging Cameron

 

I ask because I care: Cameron, what the fuck is happening with your face? This is clearly a bad Botox job or worse – the skin is pulled awfully tight in some places, while other spots appear swollen and puffy. That can’t be intentional, and it doesn’t seem natural, either. But if you’re going to let your face fall to pieces, at least sport a fabulous outfit to detract from your train-wrecked skin. This sad lump of fabric is not doing you any favors. It has no shape, making you look unfortunately bulbous. Sure, you’ve got killer legs, but this outfit hides your bust, waist, and hips, like you’re just a misshapen potato on two legs. Fire your plastic surgeon and your stylist immediately. You might be 37, but you’ve got the potential to look 30, and right now you’re leaning towards 50.

God Bless America

 

Business chic all the way for Ms. Ferrera! The dress is adorable and professional, flattering and youthful. Though I do need to give her my lecture on NO DARK TOE-NAIL POLISH ON THE RED CARPET. Ugh. The make-up artist was a little heavy-handed, but America looks absolutely radiant, and every professional woman should own a dress like this. Also, that hair is hella sexy.

Worst Dressed

Blake Lively in Preen

Oh, Serena. I know your career goals are to bare as much of your tits as possible on every red carpet, but you have broken the two Golden Rules of Public Titty-Baring:

1. Thou shalt not show any part of the nipple. (This includes even the slightest bit of mysterious skin that seems areola-esque.)

2. Thou shalt not neglect the rest of the outfit just because the titties are bared.

That top is so naked, it looks like it must be on backwards. And those pants? Seriously? We’re wearing high-waisted, wrinkled baggy pants now? Because I simply refuse to support that. And what’s with the shoes? The pants cover up the top ankle strap – that’s clearly not a good sign. And the belt was just a mistake. Aren’t belts supposed to like, wrap around you? Not just poke out awkwardly? Though I guess you can use it as a weapon to fight any comic book geeks who can’t stop staring at your almost nipple. Oh, and brush your hair, for God’s sake. And lose the eight different kinds of bracelets, you look like a tween after a shopping spree at Claire’s.

Best Dressed

 

Hello, Peggy! This is by far the best Ms. Moss has ever looked. She donned this glitzy and glamorous dress for the premiere screening of Mad Men‘s season four in Times Square. The hair is absolutely amazing – thank god we’re saying fairwell to Miss Olson’s signature ponytail! The curly bob is totally chic and works wonders for her features. And the dress! The perfect color, a wonderful fit, and a phenomenal choice for Elisabeth. I love the sassy smile on her face, as if she’s thinking, “Bitches, the days of Peggy the ugly ducking are OVER! This is Elisabeth Moss, glamour queen! Bow down!” I’m looking forward to seeing more like this from the adorable Ms. Moss.

Follow this diva on twitter @democracydiva! And don’t forget to check out my guest blog post with Backstage Barbie!

Glee Does Rocky Horror!

Well, kittens, it seems as though all of my dreams have come true. Ryan Murphy announced yesterday that next season of Glee will feature a Rocky Horror-themed episode. As a Rocky expert (I dare you to challenge me on that) and Glee fanatic, this is basically the biggest news in my life right now (sad but true). So without further ado, I present my dream casting for the episode – who I think should sing what song and why. Now, these are not predictions, mainly because I trust my own judgment better than that of Glee‘s producers. I do not expect Glee to always make the right choices; sadly, they have yet to hire me, so clearly they will be ill-equipped to make the proper decisions regarding their Rocky Horror episodes. But should they choose to come to their senses, they need not look any further than the Democracy Diva.

Song: “Science Fiction, Double Feature”
Who should sing it: Brittany and Santana (Heather Morris and Naya Rivera)
Likelihood: 2/10
Why: A sexy, sultry song fit for a true alto, “Science Fiction, Double Feature” is the opening number in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, actually sung by a man (Richard O’Brien, the film’s creator/resident creeper Riff Raff) but portrayed in the film by the iconic red lips of a woman (the lips belong to Patricia Quinn, who plays Magenta).

The song is basically just a list of sci-fi references, so I think the odds of this making it into the Glee episode are pretty much nil. It doesn’t have the sort of climax that most Glee songs have, nor will it forward the plot in any way. But I think if they arranged it as a sexy duet between our two resident bicurious cheerleaders, it would be unstoppable. Plus, Naya Rivera’s deep rasp is perfect for this number.

Song: “Time Warp”
Who should sing it: Artie (Kevin McHale) as Riff Raff, Kurt (Chris Colfer) as Magenta, Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) as Columbia
Likelihood: 7/10
Why: The most famous song from the show, the Time Warp has it all: sex appeal, creepiness, ridiculous dance moves, and lots of trannies running around in tuxedos. Now, I’ve heard that Ryan Murphy announced the Rocky episode of Glee by telling Chris Colfer that he would get the opportunity to live out his dream of singing “Time Warp,” which would presumably mean he’d be singing the part of Riff Raff (or perhaps they’ll re-arrange the song as a solo). But there’s only one man on Glee suited fill Richard O’Brien’s shoes, and that man is Kevin McHale. Though wheelchair-bound Artie would probably be unable to do Riff’s infamous “kick! kick!,” he’s by far the strongest male vocalist on the show (with the exception of Jon Groff, but I’m not sure if he’s returning next season). And he’s the only one who can sing the sort of rock-theatre style that this song demands.

But Kurt as Magenta? In a big ridiculous wig and a French maid’s costume, with a hilariously bad accent? That would be pure perfection. And Tina’s whiny voice is perfect for Columbia’s solo.

Song: “Sweet Transvestite”
Who should sing it: Puck (Mark Salling)
Likelihood: 5/10
Why: We’ve seen Finn finally stand up for New Directions by donning head-to-toe Lady Gaga drag; now it’s time for McKinley High’s other resident jock to don some drag and gay it up. Puck is a total rock star in his head, which is why he’d be perfect for this ego-driven song of pure attitude. Because as super-queeny as Dr. Frank N. Furter is, he’s also a totally badass maniac, and Puck would not only rock this song, but he’d look damn good doing it. He’s totally the sort of character who would do this as a “look how confident in my sexuality I am” kind of thing – like he’s the only straight guy cool enough to get away with it. Which he is. (Because Finn would just look super-gay.) I don’t know that Glee would want to put their hottest male character (aside from the yummy Mr. Schue) into such a dragtastic role – I only know that if they choose someone else to do it, I won’t be satisfied.

Song: “I Can Make You a Man”
Who should sing it: Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch)
Likelihood: 6/10
Why: Should Sue Sylvester not have an entire song dedicated to what a weeny Will Schuester is? I’d love to see Sue take on the challenge to whip Mr. Schue (or any other character) into Cheerio-standard shape, using this song as her get-pumped anthem. Jane Lynch would be as hilarious imitating Tim Curry as she was imitating Madonna in the “Vogue” video, and she could slip in all sorts of jokes about his hair. After all, even if she’s going to stand up for Glee club, she will still forever be Will’s rival, and we love her for that.

Song: “Hot Patootie”
Who should sing it: Finn (Cory Monteith)
Likelihood: 7/10
Why: The perfect combination of cheese and rock, this song was made for Finn. He’d be strong on the high rock vocals, and the song is right in his territory – loud and fun, but theatrical as well. Plus, Meatloaf is one rock legend Finn has yet to conquer on the show, so it’ll be interesting to see how he handles it.

Song: “Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me”
Who should sing it: Rachel (Lea Michele)
Likelihood: 9/10
Why: Nobody can over-emote like a stage actress, so only Lea Michele can bring to “Touch-a” the over-the-top campiness that it deserves. Not to mention it’d be the perfect song for Rachel to lose her virginity to – a song about an uptight priss wanting to be bad and give it up? It’s the “You’re the One that I Want” from Grease all over again – the good girl gone bad. Lea would destroy the high notes while keeping the princess-gone-wild attitude strong. I can’t see the Glee producers denying this chance for Rachel Berry to diva out and go crazy.

Song: “Rose Tint My World/Floor Show”
Who should sing it: April Rhodes (Kristen Chenoweth) as Columbia, Finn as Rocky, Kurt as Brad, Rachel as Janet
Likelihood: 1/10
Why: I see no possible way that the producers would allow this to happen, but it would be beyond perfect. I know they’re bringing both Kristen Chenoweth and Idina Menzel back next season for more guest appearances, and I’d love to hear Cheno do her squeaky little-girl voice for Columbia’s solo. Finn as Rocky is easy – they’re both dumb as hell and can’t dance for shit – and Rachel the ingenue is of course Janet. But Kurt in fishnets and heels, writhing on the floor with a feather boa, playing Brad even gayer than Barry Bostwick played him, would make television history.

Song: “Wild & Untamed Thing”
Who should sing it: Mr. Schue (Matt Morrison)
Likelihood: 6/10
Why: Who better than the fearless leader of New Directions to lead the most upbeat, frantic, dance-crazy song in Rocky Horror? He’d be able to fit it into some schmaltzy lesson that uses words like “freedom” and “expression” and “passion” and some other crap that fits in with Mr. Schue’s character perfectly. And of course, Matt Morrison would get to show off his impressive dance moves, and this song would also be a great way to feature some of the show’s best dancers, like Brittany and Mike Chang (Harry Shum), better known as “Other Asian.”

Song: “Don’t Dream It, Be It”
Who should sing it: Kurt
Likelihood: 9/10
Why: A gay anthem if there ever was one, “Don’t Dream It, Be It” is not only a celebration of self-awareness, but a ridiculously flaming, over-the-top, Liza Minelli-style ballad with meaningful (if repetitive) lyrics. Its message is not as simple as “be who you are” – instead, you should drape yourself in feathers and be the person (or transvestite alien) of your dreams. And who better than Kurt to give us that message?


Thoughts? Feelings? Leave your comments, as always. And don’t forget to follow me on twitter @democracydiva!

The Diva’s Guide to the Emmys

The nominations for the 62nd Emmy Awards are out, and as per usual, I’ve got something to say about it. I’ll stick to the categories that I actually either a) care about or b) know something about, so basically it’s only the comedy categories. My predictions (though not necessarily always the choices that I personally think should win) are in bold.

Outstanding Costumes for a Series

Glee, “The Power of Madonna”
The Good Wife
, “Crash”
Mad Men
, “Souvenier”
30 Rock
, “I Do Do”
The Tudors
, “Episode #408”

Now, I’m glad Glee‘s costumers were recognized in this category, but if any Glee episode should be nominated for best costumes, I think it should be “Theatricality,” the Lady Gaga episode. But I could see how the old white dudes who presumably run the Emmys would be more likely to understand the impact of Madonna costumes rather than Lady Gaga. And the Madonna episode was hyped for weeks before it premiered; the Glee cast did countless photo shoots and cover stories for magazines in their Madonna regalia. Either way, it’s more of a win for the legacy of Madonna’s fashion sensibility than anything else, but I think it’s certainly deserving of a win.

But honorable mention goes to Mad Men, which was nominated for this category last year, as was The Tudors, though both lost to Pushing Daisies. Tom and Lorenzo, my favorite bloggers over at Project Rungay, have been doing a series of posts on Mad Men fashion, and they constantly remind me of how immensely talented that show’s costumers are. They are impeccably talented at capturing not only the period, but the individual characters and the style that is believable for each of them.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
Larry David as Himself, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Matthew Morrison as Will Schuester, Glee
Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk, Monk
Steve Carell as Michael Scott, The Office
Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

Now this is a competitive category! Tony Shalhoub, Jim Parsons, Steve Carell, and Alec Baldwin were all nominated last year, but Baldwin took home the award for his always hilarious portrayal of Jack Donaghy in 2009 and 2008. Shalhoub and Carell were also nominees in 2008. Let’s praise the television gods for not nominating Charlie Sheen again, since he is the most overpaid, overpraised, over-nominated actor of the 21st century. Shalhoub’s been in the spotlight this year for performing in Lend Me a Tenor on Broadway, but I’m sure the Emmys will not give a shit about that.

Steve Carell has certainly made a stir recently, announcing that he will not be returning for any future seasons of The Office. Will that make the Emmys award him while they still can, or punish him for leaving his hit show? Of course Matt Morrison is a great option, but I actually think his dramatic abilities are much more impressive than his comedic acting; Glee is a comedy, so he’s in this category, but I think he’d have a much more competitive edge in a dramatic category. But at the end of the day, I can’t imagine the Emmys favorite Alec Baldwin in a third consecutive win, especially since it’s glaringly obvious that 30 Rock took a turn for the worse this year, with always-a-nominee, never-a-winner Carell about to leave the show. (It’s true that Baldwin is probably out after 2012, but that’s a year later than Carell, and he hasn’t been doing 30 Rock for nearly as long as Carell has been doing The Office.) This is certainly not the year that Carell deserves the award the most, but come on – when have these awards ever really been about who deserves them?

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Lea Michele as Rachel Berry, Glee
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Christine Campbell, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
Tina Fey as Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
Toni Collette as Tara Gregson, The United States of Tara

Louis-Dreyfus and Fey were both nominated in 2007, 2008, and 2009. Collette won last year, but my main girl Liz Lemon took home the prize in 2008. I love that Tina’s fellow SNL alum Amy Poehler is also being recognized, because she is certainly one of the funniest women alive. Edie Falco is an unstoppably good actress, but I think this year belongs to Lea Michele. She may not be as funny as some (or even any) of her fellow nominees, but the category is for outstanding lead actress in a comedy, not outstanding comedienne. And you can’t deny that Lea Michele’s powerhouse voice and strong acting make her a very serious contender for this enviable award. I know many hate my girl Lea for her over-emoting, but I don’t consider it over-the-top. I think it’s merely Broadway trained. She emotes like anyone who has spent their entire life on the Broadway stage would act, and I think it actually works quite well for her character.

Poehler’s great, but her show is not. And this season of 30 Rock has been much more about Liz being forlorn and unloveable instead of funny. And everybody loves Toni Collette, but not that many people actually watch her show. I think our little diva is going to win herself an Emmy.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Chris Colfer as Kurt Hummel, Glee
Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet as Cameron Tucker, Modern Family
Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy, Modern Family
Jon Cryer as Alan Harper, Two and a Half Men

With the exception of Duckie, this might be the most amazing list of nominees I’ve ever seen. And let’s not ignore the fact that three of these men were nominated for their portrayal of gay characters, which is impressive. More importantly, three of these men themselves are openly gay: Colfer, NPH, and Ferguson. (Stonestreet, though he plays Ferguson’s husband on Modern Family, is actually straight.) I think this is quite a milestone for the LGBT community in the world of television, and it should be noted and celebrated. But let me get off my political soapbox and talk about these men as actors instead of as people.

NPH was nominated in 2007, 2008, and 2009, but has yet to actually take home the award, as the Emmys still insist on awarding the actors from the worst sitcom on television, Two and a Half Men. He’s at the height of his career, hosting every awards show, making guest appearances everywhere, and generally being beloved by everyone. And of course, this is not his only acting nomination this year, but we’ll get to that later.

All the men from Modern Family are certainly deserving of this award; in my opinion, they are the three funniest characters on the show (with the possible exception of Manny). But I think they’re going to split the vote, and their show has only had one season so far, so the Emmys might wait to see more from them next year.

Chris Colfer is a god amongst men, and I would weep with joy to see him win this award. But NPH has paid his dues, and I think the Emmys are finally going to give him the recognition he deserves.

Outstanding Support Actress in a Comedy Series

Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester, Glee
Julie Bowen as Claire Dunphy, Modern Family
Sofia Vergara as Gloria Delgado-Pritchett, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski as Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock
Holland Taylor as Evelyn Harper, Two and a Half Men

I think this one is in the bag, folks. Glee has undoubtedly had its ups and downs regarding storylines, writing, and individual performances, but one thing has remained perfect throughout the entire first season: Sue Sylvester. Jane Lynch’s comedic timing is superb, but she’s no one-note. Her dramatic and emotional scenes are incredibly moving and inspiring. Jane Krakowski and Kristen Wiig were both nominated last year, but lost to the incomparable Kristen Chenoweth. The women from Modern Family are great, and Kristen Wiig is a goddess, but nobody can touch Jane Lynch. This Emmy has had her name on it for months.

Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy

Mike O’Malley as Burt Hummel, Glee, “Wheels”
Neil Patrick Harris as Bryan Ryan, Glee, “Dream On”
Fred Willard as Frank Dunphy, Modern Family, “Travels with Scout”
Eli Wallach as Bernard Zimberg, Nurse Jackie, “Chicken Soup”
Jon Hamm as Dr. Drew Baird, 30 Rock, “Emmanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land”
Will Arnett as Devin Banks, 30 Rock, “Into the Crevasse”

This award seems destined for Mike O’Malley and his beautiful, moving, and hilarious portrayal of Chris Colfer’s father on Glee. NPH was a phenomenal guest star, but O’Malley continues to inspire and awe audiences as the most supportive father in television history. Bryan Ryan just can’t compare. And Fred Willard plays the same character in everything – is it just me, or does he just talk loud, and that’s it? Jon Hamm is of course wonderful, but again, this has been a weak season for 30 Rock (although Will Arnett’s character never ceases to make me laugh). Nobody can come close to the performance that Burt Hummel gave us this year. Also, Mike O’Malley was in that Sandra Bullock rehab movie 28 Days, which is one of my all-time favorite guilty pleasure movies. Just FYI. He was rich, did coke, and hit on Sandra Bullock.

Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy

Christine Baranski as Beverly Hofstadter, The Big Bang Theory, “The Maternal Congruence”
Kathryn Joosten as Karen McCluskey, Desperate Housewives, “The Chase”
Kristen Chenoweth as April Rhodes, Glee, “The Rhodes Not Taken”
Tina Fey as Host, Saturday Night Live
Betty White as Host, Saturday Night Live
Elaine Stritch as Colleen Donaghy, 30 Rock, “The Moms”
Jane Lynch as Dr. Linda Freeman, Two and a Half Men, “818-JKLPUZO”

So Jane Lynch and NPH were both nominated for two acting Emmys on two different shows! I think nobody could be more deserving of such recognition, but let’s be honest. This has been the year of Betty White. I think she’s the most beloved woman in America, and her SNL episode was huge. It’s impressive for anyone to bring that many viewers to SNL, which, with the exception of the 2008 election and most of Kristen Wiig’s characters, hasn’t been too good in the last few years. But it’s even more impressive than an 88-year-old woman is bringing huge amounts of young viewers back to SNL. And let’s applaud the Emmys for some diversity in this category: In addition to Betty, we’ve got a modern Broadway diva, an old-school Broadway diva, some unknown names, and one of television’s funniest writer/actresses. Kudos. But just a question – did anyone know Desperate Housewives is still on the air? Seriously, I had no idea.

Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series

Nurse Jackie, “Pilot”
30 Rock, “I Do Do”
Glee, “Pilot”
Glee, “Wheels”
Modern Family, “Pilot”

“Wheels” is undoubtedly one of the best episodes of Glee. The seriousness of the episode was incredible: the heartbreakingly sweet relationship between Sue Sylvester and her sister, who has Down syndrome; New Directions’ rallying around Artie and his disability; Kurt sacrificing his shot at his dream solo to save his father from harassment and embarrassment. But the other drama-heavy episodes of Glee, “Wheels” also had truly amazing musical numbers. Theatre geeks squealed with delight over the “Defying Gravity” duet between Kurt and Rachel. Artie got his first big solo, “Dancing with Myself,” which gave him even more emotional depth while showing off his acting and singing chops. And the choir performed “Proud Mary” (on wheelchairs, no less), probably the best performance of the entire season. Need I say more?

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series

Glee, “Pilot”
Modern Family, “Pilot”
The Office, “Niagara”
30 Rock, “Anna Howard Shaw Day”
30 Rock, “Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter”

Glee has a lot of wonderful attributes. Consistently good writing is not one of them. I know this is recognizing the writing of a particular episode, and not the series overall, but I still feel that this nomination is not quite deserving. Then again, the writing on 30 Rock and The Office were incredibly weak this year, so it’s not as if the competition was particularly fierce. But last year 30 Rock comprised four of the five nominees for this category, and took home the award. In 2008, it got two writing nominations and won, and in 2007 it also got two nominations, but lost out to The Office. So clearly 30 Rock is on a winning streak. But I think Modern Family must, and should, win this award. The pilot was near-perfect and the writing in that and every other episode is wickedly sharp and funny. I laughed out loud the entire pilot, and the entire season, which is much more than I can say for 30 Rock or The Office.

Outstanding Comedy Series

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Glee
Modern Family
Nurse Jackie
The Office
30 Rock

30 Rock has swept this category the last three consecutive years, but with 19 nominations and more press than they know what to do with, I can’t see how the Emmys would deny Glee. Honestly, I think the win should go to Modern Family, which had an amazing and consistently funny and sweet first season featuring the funniest pilot episode of any show I’ve ever seen. But if the award is going to a new show, it’ll be Glee for sure.

Random Noms and Notes

  • How I Met Your Mother‘s “Girls vs. Suits” episode was nominated for Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics for “Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit,” the hilarious song-and-dance routine featuring the incomparable Neil Patrick Harris in all his glory. A deserving nod, and though I hope it wins, I won’t put it in my predictions because I know nothing about the rest of the nominees.
  • Nick News with Linda Ellerbee was nominated for Outstanding Children’s Nonfiction Program! I can’t believe she’s still doing Nick News – that’s beyond awesome. It’s nice to know some things haven’t changed.
  • Glee‘s “Hairography” and “The Power of Madonna” were both nominated for Hairstyling Emmys! Definitely deserving.
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