Trannies & Cameltoes: The 10 Worst Looks from New York Fashion Week

10. Vagina Cleavage

Project Runway's Andy South Spring 2011

It makes me very upset to say this, but I need a word for when you can see a little side-vagina action, a la Lady Gaga. Side-gina? Vagina cleavage? Peek-a-vag? (I think that’s my favorite.) Maybe we should name it after Gaga and call it a Gagagina. Dear readers, I wish there were not a need for me to invent such a term, but Andy committed a serious fashion faux pas by letting this model walk down the runway in an over-designed bathrobe and a cooter-revealing panty. Andy, I believe that your model got a bikini wax before the show. You really don’t need to prove it to us.

9. The Tiny Backwards Apron

Charlotte Ronson Spring 2011

Really? That’s the part of the body we’re choosing to emphasize? The area between the boobs and the bellybutton is not something that women want to highlight with window curtains. That square patch of exposed skin is beyond unnecessary. Also, is it just me, or is this Kurt Cobain in a skirt?

8. Drab and Sad

Richard Chai Love Spring 2011

Anybody in the market for an over-sized denim tunic and a saggy double-layered skirt? No? I didn’t think so.

7. My Lovely Lady Lumps

Doo.Ri Spring 2011

Oh, lord. Why would anybody place seams in those places? It just makes this poor bitch look like her (nonexistent) fat is busting out of that dress. And the diagonal pieces across her tummy? No, no, no!

6. The Worst of 1999

Y-3 Spring 2011

I had that belt in seventh grade, and even I knew it was lame. Also, that shirt is so tacky I’m pretty sure Jessica Alba wore it in Never Been Kissed. (Yeah, she was in that. So was James Franco. Look it up.) And I’m pretty sure MC Hammer would look at those pants and say, “That’s a bit much.”

5. The Tranny Orchestra

Elise Øverland Spring 2011

Okay. So this is a dude with a mohawk wearing pants under a skirt while playing the violin. And he had Taylor Momsen do his eyeliner. If this is fashion, I may as well just give up right now.

4. Ugly Pants: The Sequel

Malandrino Spring 2011

For some reason, Catherine Malandrino neglected to read my last post about her ugly pants, and continued her trend of saggy crotches. One season of jodpurs may be forgivable, but two? I will not stand for such offensive clothing.

3. Ugly Pants is Better than No Pants At All

Malandrino Spring 2011

Knitwear legwarmers as pants? Plus a nipple-tastic ratty tee and a giant panty? Okay, Malandrino. I’ll take the saggy-vag pants over this shit.

2. Creature of the Underworld

Jen Kao Spring 2011

Dear readers: If you ever see me in a greasy mullet, scary bottom-lid eyeliner, thick-thighed sheer pants, and whatever the fuck those “shoes” are, please commit me to the nearest rehabilitation center. Thank you.

1. The Cameltoe

Sachin + Babi Spring 2011

Look at this poor model’s face. She’s saying, “I’m wearing a jumpsuit in a pattern best suited for your grandmother’s couch, with a karate belt, Wonder Woman bracelets, and queer little bows around my ankles. AND LOOK AT WHAT THEY DID TO MY POOR VAGINA!” In other news, I don’t think  I’ve ever used the word “vagina” so many times in one post. I’ll work on that, dear readers.

Up next: The ten BEST looks from New York Fashion Week! Follow me @democracydiva for updates.

Weekly Fashion Recap

This Diva starts law school tomorrow, so your weekly fashion recap (soon-to-be a ‘whenever I’m not briefing cases’ fashion recap) is a tad early this week. Enjoy some fabulous!

Best Nobody

Marcel Ames, Saks fashion consultant

Now this is menswear done right. The jacket fits him like a dream, the color of the suit is perfect, and those shoes are amazing. Also, this is exactly what a fashion consultant should wear to a hipster party in Brooklyn. So kudos to Marcel for living up to his profession.

Aging Ungracefully

Pamela Anderson

An ill-fitting jumper that looks like the cover-ups they give you when you get your haircut, boots that look like they’re made of plastic, hair that has been tortured, peroxided, tousled and fried to death, and skin that appears to be melting off her face. Pam Anderson, get your life together.

Worst Starlet We Love

Anna Kendrick in Elise Overland

I love me some Anna Kendrick, but this is a hot disaster. The colors and fabrics are just sad and drab; the rouching just gives an overall effect of droopiness. And the proportions are all wrong, from the shoulder pieces to the length. The fabric curving out at her hips is totally unflattering, and the shoes were a rookie mistake. And that’s not a hairstyle, that’s what you do when only half your hair is blow-dried and you’re running around your apartment like a maniac looking for your eyeliner. She just looks rigid and uncomfortable, which is the worst fashion crime of them all.

Celebrities Finally Updating their Styles

Rachel Zoe

Celebrity stylist/reality TV icon Rachel Zoe has the skills to make other women look fabulous, but I generally dislike the way she looks. She always wears her hair the same way (down and wavy), and she tends to choose flimsy little dresses that emphasize how deathly thin she is. But Rachel’s finally broken out of her bubble, and she looks absolutely amazing. This hairstyle is much more flattering to her face and makes her look younger than ever. And when you cover her up with enough material, you can forget how badly she needs to eat a sandwich and just appreciate her beauty. Plus, every part of this ensemble is absolutely perfect, from shoulders to sleeves and purse to shoes. I’m loving her new look and I hope she keeps it, because it. Is. Bananas.

Jennifer Aniston in Dolce & Gabbana

I think Jennifer Aniston is one of the most boring people alive. And if I see one more photo of her in a Grecian dress with her stick-straight hair down, I’m going to have a conniption. So you can imagine my relief when, like Rachel Zoe, Jen finally put her hair up and changed up her look. This dress is killer. Fits her like a dream, and it’s so much more structured and tailored than what she usually wears. The fringe at the bottom is great, like a subtle nod to the 1920s flappers, and the Gucci peep-toe slingbacks are beyond beautiful. This is the first time I’ve liked Jen’s look in years, but somehow I’m sure she’ll go back to disappointing me next week.

The Worst and Worst of Julia Roberts

Julia Roberts in Dries Van Noten

Jesus. This is about as matronly as it gets. I mean, I’m glad she’s not most 40-something Hollywood women running around in dresses more suitable for Miley Cyrus, but just because you’re not dressing like a teenager doesn’t mean you have to dress like the mother of the bride. The long sleeves, the high neck, the big tacky florals, and the god-awful kelly green shoes – none of it is working for me, Julia.

Julia Roberts

Oh, Lord. Not only is this matronly, it’s like trashy Boca Raton resort matronly. This looks like something a golddigging fifty-something wannabe cougar wears while shopping for horrifically tiny bikinis. But at least the shoes are cute.

The Creative Arts Emmys

Christina Hendricks in Christian Siriano

Christina Hendricks

I only like this dress from certain angles, because this baby has a LOT going on, but I think it’s a huge victory for Christina and Christian. Mad Men‘s Joan looks more beautiful than ever, with absolutely flawless hair and makeup. And let’s applaud Christian Siriano for actually knowing how to make a dress for a woman with tits! Her bust has never  looked better. From the waist up, the dress is flawless, but I don’t think the skirt needs quite so many layers. It’s a lot of look, but Hendricks is a lot of woman, and I’m loving the drama of it all.

David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris

First of all, my most heartfelt congratulations to David and NPH, who are going to be parents to TWINS! And that’s not the only double bundle of joy in their lives – Neil won two Creative Arts Emmys last night! One for his guest appearance on Glee, and one for hosting the TONY awards. No couple is more deserving of such happiness, and not just because they look so fucking delicious here. I like that David went just a tad more casual and Neil went a tad more formal. They look absolutely perfect.

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