Posts tagged:versace

The Week in Fashion

It’s New York Fashion Week! And although I’m not blogging about the collections quite yet, there’s still a lot of fabulous happening on the red carpet, in the front rows of the fashion shows, and in the magazines this week. So let’s get started!

Editorials: Divas in the News

Lea Michele in Magaschoni top & Michael Kors leggings for Glamour

I am fully in love with this picture. Glamour should have chosen it for the cover, but of course they went with one where she’s not wearing pants. Sigh. Regardless, there’s something so fabulously A Chorus Line about this outfit. Totally what you’d expect a Broadway star to be lounging around in on her day off. And the bangs, the eyes, the lips – she’s looking totally gorgeous.

Marc Jacobs and Lady Gaga in Louis Vuitton for V Magazine

Lady Gaga as the Statue of Liberty, half naked, in front of a shopping cart, with Marc Jacobs sitting on a television next to her. I can’t say I get it, but I certainly like it.

Lady Gaga for Vogue Hommes Japan

I am loving this cover. Perfect pose, perfect make-up, fabulous nails, and her smokin’ body is covered in raw meat. Gaga knows how to get people to pay attention, and this is a perfect example of that quality. And if anybody can rock a raw meat ensemble, it’s Lady Gaga. She makes it look like fashion.

The Venice Film Festival

Natalie Portman in custom Rodarte

I don’t like the hair and I probably wouldn’t have chosen white shoes, but everything else about this look is simply gorgeous. The dress is sexy as hell but not revealing; it feels like classic red carpet Hollywood but has all sorts of tricks and complexities to it. The straps and shoulders and the bodice are just stunning, and as usual, Natalie looks like an Israeli goddess.

Jessica Alba in Valentino

Why, Jessica? Why is your skirt so much longer in the back than in the front? Is this a white trash themed costume party and your dress is a coy reference to the mullet? There is just nothing attractive about a mullet skirt, honey.

Michelle Williams in Jason Wu

That right-to-the-elbow sleeve length keeps popping up and I’m fully obsessed with it. And although this is a blah color, Michelle is absolutely rocking this. I’m a little over the neck bow trend – Kate Beckinsale and Carey Mulligan wore them all over Cannes – but I still think this is just precious and classy and it still maintains Michelle’s hipster-chic aesthetic.

Michelle Williams

Perfection. I’d wear that dress in a heartbeat, and those shoes are killer. She could not be cuter.

Clemence Poesy in Louis Vuitton

Parisian chic at its best, our very own Fleur Delacour is rocking a look that always looks better on French girls. A silk shirt with a giant bow tucked into a blue skirt, plus sex hair and barely-there makeup? Simply beautiful.

Fashion Elite at New York Fashion Week

Diane Kruger in Chanel at the Chanel Boutique opening party

Oy. Well, at least the shoes are cute. The rest is just too much. Sloppy hair and all that fabric? Plus a belt over it? She looks like she’s in a slutty chicken suit.

Blake Lively in Chanel at the Chanel Boutique opening party

I’m pretty sure I’ve never before seen Blake in an outfit that didn’t expose her boobs and/or legs. So I respect the attempt to cover up, and the Mary Jane shoes are awesome, but this dress is beyond tacky. And blow dry your fucking hair before you go to a Chanel fashion week party. Show some respect.

Blake Lively in Marchesa at Fashion’s Night Out: The Show

Okay, you win. I’m obsessed with this. Showing a lot of leg and a bit of boob, like Lively always should. That print is beyond gorgeous, the bracelets are kickass, the shoes are fierce, and I like the makeup. I think she’s always absurdly lazy about her hair, which is why she’s rocking a pony, but at least it works.

Leighton Meester in Versus at Fashion’s Night Out: The Show

Well, this is fugly. Like, so fugly I wouldn’t even wear it as a Halloween costume. It’s glorified underwear, and worse than that, it just looks cheap and tacky. If you want to go out on the town half-naked, so be it, but your outfit still has to be chic and fabulous, and this is NOT.

Maggie Grace in Christian Siriano at his Spring 2011 fashion show

Another epic print and adorable silhouette by the lovely and talented Christian Siriano. (Although the blogosphere is saying his collection this week was underwhelming… but we’ll get to that in a few posts.) I love this dress because it’s effortless – it does all the work for Maggie. Just throw on heels and eyeliner and you’re ready to go.

Miscellaneous Fabulous and Fugly

 

Hello, teeny little waist! America Ferrera looks completely amazing in this dress. I’m obsessed with the sleeves and collar, the skinny belt is perfect, the length is super-flattering, and the accessories are simple and perfect. I think every professional woman should have this dress hanging in their closet.

Jessica Simpson in a design from her own denim collection

Jessica is modeling her own design, so there is no one to blame for this atrocity except for Jessica herself. I am getting physically ill at the sight of that cheap denim with the tacky gold zippers and buttons. This is denim at its worst.

 

Katrina Bowden in Theia

It’s pretty easy to always look great when you’re blonde and blue-eyed and approximately eleven pounds, like 30 Rock‘s Cerie. But Katrina keeps cropping up on best-dressed lists, and this dress proves she deserves it. Another adorable and unique print, which is always nice to see. She could use a necklace, bracelet, or purse – just something to make her look less naked. But this is a fabulous little number.

Kim Kardashian

Dear Kim:

What, what, what are you doing? Look at those leggings. Look at your choices.

Love,

The Democracy Diva

Lea Michele in Erdem

I’ve blogged about dresses nearly identical to this twice so far – Chloe Sevigny rocked one at the Met Gala, and Eva Mendes wore it in July 2010. So I’m a little bit over this, but I still think a long-sleeved cocktail dress is a wonderful thing. And even though it’s overdone, the color and print are beautiful. But can we please talk about Lea’s hair? This better be for Glee, because if Lea is actually choosing to wear those horribly distracting highlights/extensions, this may be the end of my love affair with her. (Just kidding. I’ll always love you, Lea.)

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I’m working on your fashion week posts as we speak! Stay up-to-date by following me on twitter @democracydiva!

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Emmys 2010 Red Carpet

Grab your leopard-print snuggie and a bottle of wine, bitches, ’cause this could take awhile.

Mad Women

 

I’ve been trying for days to like this dress, and I just can’t. It just looks like melted-down solo cups. The texture is horrible, and those cones on her boobs are absurd. That blue might be one of the best colors I’ve ever seen on the red carpet, particularly with January’s coloring, but even that can’t save this hot disaster. And that hair? If you want to have sex in the limo on the way to the Emmys, more power to you. But that does not give you license to have sex hair on the red carpet. Your all-American beauty looks will only take you so far, January. They may get you an Emmy nomination, but you won’t get this Diva’s approval until you learn how to dress.

 

 

My sister Haley brought up an intriguing question to me today: Does Christina Hendricks have an unusually small head? Or, as I posited, is it merely that any head would look tiny atop those giant hooters? Just something to think about. Regardless of the answer, Hendricks is rocking this dress. Totally unusual color, and it complements her hair beautifully. Redheads always rock green and purple outfits, and Miss Joan is no exception. Loving how this dress cinches her waist, shows off her ta-tas without looking vulgar, and then gets all soft and billowy and feathery at the bottom. I think there’s a little too much length at the bottom, but it’s a small complaint. And the sleeves are to die for.

Elisabeth Moss in Donna Karan

Beautiful, simple, and classic, just like Elisabeth Moss herself. The draping is incredible, the color makes her glow, the shoulder piece adds a little intrigue, and I even like the train (and I hate trains). The bling is AMAZING – those bracelets are seriously opulent – and nothing’s better than that sassy little smile.

 

Kiernan Shipka in Papo d’Anjo

You can take your Bettys and Joans and Peggys, but Sally Draper is the real deal. That dress is precious, the hair is awesome, and my ten-year-old self would have killed for those little tiny high heels. Also, her name is Kiernan Shipka, which is awesome.

Modern Ladies

 

It’d be fine without the awkward stripe down the middle. It’s a perfect cut and color for her, but I wish it had some more intrigue and complexity other than the stripe, which is just not particularly beautiful. But the hair is amazing.

This just has too much going on. Less is more, people, and those ruffles over her boobs are just masking Julie’s beauty. This bitch doesn’t age, and has the hair and skin of a freakin’ newborn, but I look at this photo and I only see fabric, not the fabulous woman underneath it.

This is incredibly mature (but not aging) for someone as young as Sarah Hyland, who plays Claire and Phil’s oldest daughter on Modern Family. And she is rocking the hell out of this dress. The fabric is so luxe, it looks like liquid. It also makes her look about six feet tall and totally stacked. The braided/twisted straps are a dream, and the hair is perfect. I hope she doesn’t end up doing crack in five years.

 

 

 

And our favorite middle child is also nailing something chic beyond her years. I could do without the Bat Mitzvah hair and the embroidery on the bodice, but I’m loving the black-on-blue skirt and the funky, stylistic draping.

Glitter Queens

 

Easily the best dressed of the night, Claire Danes proves that simplicity is the name of the game. This dress is phenomenal and it fits her like a glove. I love that the color is just a sparkling version of her own skin tone. I may prefer her with bottled-red hair and flannel shirts, but I will always love Angela Chase.

Jennifer Carpenter in Oday Shakar

Stunning.

Gleeks Gone Glam

 

Hello, gorgeous! This was my other favorite gown of the night. Not every designer can take a 5’2″ girl and make her look statuesque, but of course Oscar can! The color is amazing, the gown is divalicious, her jewelry is awesome (I bet we’re going to see knockoffs of that necklace EVERYWHERE), and this bitch knows how to POSE. The hair could have been a little more formal, but that’s my only complaint.

 

 

Jayma’s beautiful, but this dress is Lea’s dress’s less hot little sister. The jewelry is tacky and her hair is a mess.

 

 

The cutest little queer on two legs. LOVING the treble clef pin on his lapel!

Work it out, Quinn! Black and pink lace together is one of my favorite things on the planet, especially in formal wear. Gorgeous dress with perfect hair and makeup to boot. But she does look a little sad, especially for a ridiculously hot girl on a hit Emmy-nominated TV show. Maybe she’s sad because she’s secretly in love with Matt Morrison, who is over her right shoulder, staring at her shoes instead of her ass. He’s a closet case, honey. Move on.

 

Brittany pulled out all the stops, rocking some serious old-school Hollywood glam. Very impressive for such a red carpet newbie! The makeup artist was a little heavy-handed, but the hair is flawless.

If you took Cha Cha DiGregorio from Grease and added a Lady Gaga wig, you’d get this photo. Seriously, Naya, we all like to play dress-up, but this is your first Emmy red carpet. Is this how you really want to be remembered? In a slutty 80s prom dress, boring shoes, and a hairstyle so stupid even Rihanna hates it?

Funny and Fabulous

 

Holy couture! Kathy Griffin’s body has never looked better, and it takes a confident bitch to rock Oscar with that much certainty. Get it, girl.

Amy Poehler gave birth THREE WEEKS AGO and already looks this good. We should all be so lucky. The color is gorgeous, her tits look amazing, and she’s allegedly wearing half a million dollars worth of Stephen Russell jewelry, though I can’t really see much of it.

Tina Fey in Oscar de la Renta

I could do without the hieroglyphic print, but for a woman who never looks comfortable in a dress, Tina is posing the hell out of this Oscar gown. It’s incredibly flattering to her figure, and it’s much funkier and fancier than she usually goes. It’s curve-hugging but not tight, and the hair and makeup are looking beautiful. Kudos to Ms. Fey for taking a fashion risk and finally having it pay off.

Funny and Feh

Mindy Kaling in Aguri Sagimori

I think Elvira wore this to her high school prom. The shoes are cute, but that hair is much funnier than this season of The Office and this haphazardly-draped crinoline disaster is no better. And a petite girl should know better than to wear a dress with such wacky proportions that ends in the middle of the calf. Unless you’re a supermodel, that’s going to make you look stumpy.

Kristen Wiig

Awful print, stupid belt, poorly fit, and stupid shoulder ruffles. Plus I don’t like the hair or makeup, and the purse is too busy. Fire your stylist, Kristen.

New Diva on the Block Award

 

Last I checked, Nina Dobrev was just another teen mom on Degrassi, and then she was just another teen vampire on Vampire Diaries, and then suddenly she was KILLING IT on the red carpet and performing in the epic Emmys opening number alongside the Glee cast, Tina Fey, Jon Hamm, Betty White, and the rest of TV’s elite. I can’t even believe how stunning she looks. The dress is borderline bridal, but it’s exquisite. The draping at the top is actually breathtaking. The hair is classy and glamorous, and those earrings were the perfect choice. Keep it up, Nina! Looking forward to seeing what else you’ve got.

 

Hottest Couple

Neil Patrick Harris (in Calvin Klein) and David Burtka

NPH’s suit is beyond chic. It seems men fall into two categories: basic boring suit/tux, or trying and failing to spice it up. Neil Patrick Harris, of course, is classy and stylish enough to pull off a funky suit and just look even more dashing. And David looks adorable, as always.

Worst Dressed

 

Oh, lord. A potato sack on top, a magician’s slutty assistant on the bottom, fugly shoes, and way too much jewelry. And that hair? Unless you’re in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerrys, that mess is inexcusable.

 

 

 

Nope. No. Just… no. Your puke-colored, flowered and rhinestoned dress should not have love handle cutouts.

What part of wearing a purple hairy tiered gown appealed to Emily? Because I think she needs to seek mental help.

Stephanie Pratt in Marciano

Sometimes I forget my pants in the limo too, Steph. It happens.

Lo Bosworth in Karen Caldwell

Lo Bosworth thought she was dressing like Mad Men here. She didn’t get the memo that a dress that looks amazing on a 1960s secretary in an office does not necessarily look awesome on a 2010 red carpet. She looks like she’s off to a business lunch, not an awards show. And that skirt should be about four inches shorter. The shoes don’t go, she’s wearing a stupidly large number of rings, and the hair is so bad, it’s almost funny.

Kate Gosselin in Carmen Marc Valvo

For the love of God, just go be with your children and leave us all alone.

Anna Paquin in Alexander McQueen

I love a girl who’s loyal to a designer, especially McQueen, but there’s a time and a place, and this ain’t it. The armored top looks insane, and the skirt is totally wrong. Way too many bracelets, and no hair style to speak of.

Heidi Klum in Marchesa

We get it, Heidi. You like short dresses. But you’re also not 18 and while I’d never tell a woman who looks as good as you that she needs to cover up, this shtick is getting a little tired. It’s not that you’re too old to wear dresses that show your cooter – it’s that your vagina must be tired of all the attention, because we’re tired of seeing her. And is your hair in a flip? The same style that all the boys in my middle school were rocking circa 2001? Because it didn’t work on them, and it sure as hell doesn’t work on you.

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Later this week: Your weekly fashion recap (cover all things non-Emmys, from red carpet to editorials and more) and of course, your weekly Project Runway recap! Follow @democracydiva on twitter for updates.

 

 

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The Week in Fashion

Glee Does Comic-Con

 

Heather (Brittany): I’m not loving those bangs; I think her signature Cheerios high ponytail is much more flattering. The outfit is cute enough, if a bit amateurish.

Kevin (Artie): This boy can sing, dance, act, and DRESS. I wish other young actors took the risks that Kevin takes with his wardrobe. The shirt is stunning, the suspenders are adorable, and he looks unique and chic, if a bit over-dressed for Comic-Con. I’m loving it.

Naya (Santana): Can’t go wrong in a cute floral sundress. Effortless and adorable.

Amber (Mercedes): Cute top and sweater, but it’d look a thousand times better without that belt.

Chris (Kurt): He’s a self-professed comic book geek, so I’m glad he’s showing his roots at this event. But I think he could have paired this outfit with something a little more fashion-forward, since he usually dresses incredibly well.

Jenna (Tina): Adorable dress, great hair. And the nude shoes trend is super-hot right now, so kudos for catching on.

Love the Girl, Hate the Dress

 

Like the Democracy Diva, Anna Kendrick loves her some Marchesa. (The starlet donned Marchesa at the 2010 Golden Globes, at the Eclipse LA premiere, at the Up in the Air Toronto premiere, and more.) Unlike the Diva, Ms. Kendrick doesn’t seem to understand that some Marchesa dresses work far better on the runway than they do on the red carpet. This is one of them.

The lopsided bust, which I’m sure would work fabulously on a 6 foot tall, size zero model, is just unfortunate on Kendrick’s petite frame. The black beading against the blue print isn’t particularly attractive, nor are the proportions of the dress, which make Anna look short and squat instead of long and lean. And those shoes? What drag queen told my girl Fritzy to wear those shoes – especially with that dress? A rookie mistake. And once again, I’d like to remind young Hollywood: If your hair is up and your dress is low-cut, WEAR A NECKLACE. I’m disappointed by her lack of bling. But I do love Anna Kendrick, and I hope she bounces back from this fashion mishap quickly.

The Best and Worst of Biel

Jessica Biel in Giambattista Valli

I’ve never thought Jessica was as beautiful as most people seem to think she is. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a hottie for sure, but she’s got awfully harsh features and she lacks the poise needed to pull off high fashion gowns. But I’m eating my words from the neck down, because I think she looks incredible here, at the London premiere of The A-Team. I normally don’t support sheer gowns on the red carpet, but I can forgive it because this particular gown is just stunning. It fits her remarkably well, making her waist look tinier and her boobs look bigger – and she had a great figure to begin with! I would’ve done black shoes instead of red, but they’re still a good choice. And let’s hear it for a girl who isn’t afraid to bring out the bling. Loving those bracelets.

Now, the hair is a hot mess. How many times do I have to say this – you can’t go all-out with the dress and skimp on the hair and make-up! That frizzy bedhead is not appropriate for such a beautiful gown. But I still give her props for a remarkable effort.

Jessica Biel in Atelier Versace

Well, she’s back to looking stiff and uncomfortable on the red carpet, which is a huge step down. Not that she looked particularly cosy in the Valli gown, but there’s something very cold and unnatural about her in this Versace gown. The gown itself is beautiful, but I just don’t think she’s wearing it well. I think it’s a bit too ornate and vintage-looking for her tastes – she’s very sportswear, Americana, bold colors and simplicity. This gown is anything but. And those shoes were a horrible choice. Whoever invented the teardrop-shaped eyelet peeptoe should obviously be shot. And the silver shoe with the blue dress is very mother-of-the-bride. I’d love to see this dress on Anne Hathaway or another starlet with more traditional, glitzy tastes (and the poise to pull them off), but something about this gown on Jessica just isn’t working for me.

Jessica Biel in Vionnet

It’s a shame, because she looks so much more at ease here, but she’s wearing a glorified potato sack. That sleeve is simply dreadful – unless your arm is in a sling, there’s really no need for that much fabric on the sleeve. And the dress itself is shapeless and dull, like a poorly-made toga. Those shoes look navy, and even if they’re black, they’re clearly not the right black for that dress. And I hate the way the fabric gathers around her waist – it’s unflattering and downright sloppy. Definitely the worst out of the three.

Fergie Fug

Fergie

Now headlining in Vegas: Fergie, the alien warrior princess turned stripper! Oh, Fergie, you can wear whatever the fuck you want, just please stop making music.

Also, it is just me, or does her head seem unnaturally large? Seriously, she looks like a Bratz doll.

Delhi Couture Week 2010

 

Congrats to Delhi on hosting their first ever couture fashion week! I encourage you to check out Tom & Lorenzo for more pics from the runway show; everything is so beautiful and so different from Western fashion.

This couture gown by Manav Gagwani is simply magnificent. I love that you can feel the Indian influence, but you can also see that the designer was inspired by Italian and French couture as well. Every single fabric used is breathtaking. The glitz and glamour of the shiny, glittering fabrics and lace is almost overwhelming. I love the different colors used – iced periwinkles and lilacs, lavenders and silvers. Everything about this gown screams couture. I look forward to many more Delhi Couture Weeks in the future!

The Rapidly Aging Cameron

 

I ask because I care: Cameron, what the fuck is happening with your face? This is clearly a bad Botox job or worse – the skin is pulled awfully tight in some places, while other spots appear swollen and puffy. That can’t be intentional, and it doesn’t seem natural, either. But if you’re going to let your face fall to pieces, at least sport a fabulous outfit to detract from your train-wrecked skin. This sad lump of fabric is not doing you any favors. It has no shape, making you look unfortunately bulbous. Sure, you’ve got killer legs, but this outfit hides your bust, waist, and hips, like you’re just a misshapen potato on two legs. Fire your plastic surgeon and your stylist immediately. You might be 37, but you’ve got the potential to look 30, and right now you’re leaning towards 50.

God Bless America

 

Business chic all the way for Ms. Ferrera! The dress is adorable and professional, flattering and youthful. Though I do need to give her my lecture on NO DARK TOE-NAIL POLISH ON THE RED CARPET. Ugh. The make-up artist was a little heavy-handed, but America looks absolutely radiant, and every professional woman should own a dress like this. Also, that hair is hella sexy.

Worst Dressed

Blake Lively in Preen

Oh, Serena. I know your career goals are to bare as much of your tits as possible on every red carpet, but you have broken the two Golden Rules of Public Titty-Baring:

1. Thou shalt not show any part of the nipple. (This includes even the slightest bit of mysterious skin that seems areola-esque.)

2. Thou shalt not neglect the rest of the outfit just because the titties are bared.

That top is so naked, it looks like it must be on backwards. And those pants? Seriously? We’re wearing high-waisted, wrinkled baggy pants now? Because I simply refuse to support that. And what’s with the shoes? The pants cover up the top ankle strap – that’s clearly not a good sign. And the belt was just a mistake. Aren’t belts supposed to like, wrap around you? Not just poke out awkwardly? Though I guess you can use it as a weapon to fight any comic book geeks who can’t stop staring at your almost nipple. Oh, and brush your hair, for God’s sake. And lose the eight different kinds of bracelets, you look like a tween after a shopping spree at Claire’s.

Best Dressed

 

Hello, Peggy! This is by far the best Ms. Moss has ever looked. She donned this glitzy and glamorous dress for the premiere screening of Mad Men‘s season four in Times Square. The hair is absolutely amazing – thank god we’re saying fairwell to Miss Olson’s signature ponytail! The curly bob is totally chic and works wonders for her features. And the dress! The perfect color, a wonderful fit, and a phenomenal choice for Elisabeth. I love the sassy smile on her face, as if she’s thinking, “Bitches, the days of Peggy the ugly ducking are OVER! This is Elisabeth Moss, glamour queen! Bow down!” I’m looking forward to seeing more like this from the adorable Ms. Moss.

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Follow this diva on twitter @democracydiva! And don’t forget to check out my guest blog post with Backstage Barbie!

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Best and Worst of the Week in Fashion

The weekly fashion recap is back to actually being weekly! At least until law school starts.

Simply Chic

January Jones in Versace

A welcome reminder that you don’t need to be complex or over-the-top to be fashionable, January Jones wears the hell out of this assymetrical white Versace dress and Brian Atwood pumps. Cute hair – casual, but not messy. The shade of lipstick is perfect, and I can’t even believe how blue her eyes are. And the way that dress twists around her is just fascinating. It feels like a high fashion tennis dress. Country club meets red carpet. And I love it.

A Hot Mess… Minus the “Hot”

Eva Mendes in Azzaro

Dear Eva,

Chloe Sevigny called. She wants the uglier version of her dress from the Met Gala back. At least she has an excuse, being Chloe Sevigny and all. So when I blogged about that dress, I was much more forgiving than I’m going to be towards you. Because if anyone can pull off a butt load of crazy, it’s Nicholette Grant. But you’re Eva Mendes. You’re really boring, and not particularly good at anything, and that dress is fucking stupid. Oh, and it’s July. There’s really no need for long sleeves, high necks, and scarves when the temperature hasn’t dropped below 90 in a month.

Love,

The Democracy Diva

Disappointment of the Week

Claire Danes

Claire Danes will forever be one of my favorite women, because I have a huge gay crush on her. But unfortunately, my undying love is not enough to stop her from making some truly awful fashion choices. Like this dress. Which, at its core, is some mediocre draping in ugly colors. Then the green ribbon was haphazardly added, making the whole dress look cheap and home-sewn. And after that mess, I guess the designer figured they needed to distract from the look somehow, so he covered Claire’s arm in droopy fabric and called it a day.

Honey, you are too good for this. Hire some new people. And change your toenail polish. Those dark colors always look like fungi on the red carpet.

Best in Bridal: Project Runway Alum Edition

Chloe Dao Bridal 2010

Season 2 Project Runway winner Chloe Dao released her bridal collection this week. Remember, she was the tiny Asian one, with the red-headed model who was easily a foot taller than her? They were such an adorable pair, Chloe and Grace. Anyway, I’m glad to see she’s still designing, and particularly designing bridal wear. She’s no genius, but she’s got some interesting ideas and strong technical skills.

And this is such a sweet little bridal dress. Beautifully draped, so it feels like a flower instead of a dress. The volume on the bottom is just big enough to make a statement, but not so big that it’s unwearable. Super cute, very chic, and an overall adorable dress.

Sex on a Stick

Sofia Vergara in Lela Rose

Hello, gorgeous! The sexy mama from Modern Family is all tits and legs in this fabulous little blue number. I don’t love the way it cuts across her tummy – I think it could be cut in a more flattering way – but I like the subtle drape of the skirt. The color is by far the best thing about this dress – it just calls even more attention to the most beautiful woman in the room. It’s a bit too push-up for Vergara’s already busty frame – I think it just makes her tits look fake as opposed to naturally perky – but she just always looks like she’s having a great time, and I love how refreshingly normal she seems. Oh, and she’s hilarious, too.

Fixer-Upper

Kim Kardashian

You know, Kim Kardashian may be totally useless and famous for no reason, but I’ve seen photos of her without makeup, and she’s actually gorgeous. Kim, please listen to the wisdom that the Democracy Diva is about to impart upon you. I promise, I am only here to help.

  • That slicked-back hair needs to go. You shouldn’t aim for hair like a Ken doll – your hair should look like, well, hair. And while we’re on the subject, what’s with the extra-long ponytail? Just get a haircut.
  • I hate denim jackets in general. But an acid-washed denim jacket – that looks as if it is intentionally made to appear inside-out? Thumbs down, Kim. Also, shrunken jackets are not that flattering on your figure.
  • Skin-tight may be a style, but you’re just walking down the street. Does everything you wear need to be so binding all the time? Not that it’s necessarily bad, I would just get really uncomfortable – not to mention sweaty.
  • Beware of those eyebrows – they’re already in a very surprised shape, and if you over-tweeze them anymore, you’re going to look like you’ve had a bad Botox job.
  • Lay off the pancake makeup! You really don’t need it. You have amazing eyes, beautiful lips, and a cute nose. There’s no need to put on stage makeup for a walk down the street in the middle of July. Just let a little more of your natural beauty shine, and you might actually look like a human.

With Great Films Comes Great Fashion: Inception

Ellen Page in Helmut Lang

Obviously when you’re in a hugely anticipated movie with Leonardo DiCaprio, you’re basically required to have a fabulous new stylist make sure that you look amazing at every premiere. This is our dear Juno at the French premiere of Inception (which I just saw with Nate, and we highly recommend it). And she looks so casually terrific, as if to say, “Who me? Oh, I’ve always looked this fierce, you just weren’t paying attention.” Well, Ellen, I congratulate you and your new stylist on a job well done. Sexy dress, great fit, great print. Smoky and dark and interesting. The hair is cute, though I’d trim those side-bangs a bit, I think it would angle your face better. But keep it up, girl.

Marion Cotillard in Christian Dior

A beautiful woman in a beautiful dress, but I don’t know who told her to wear those sandals. They have nothing to do with the rest of the outfit. Just a simple black pump would’ve been fine. But let’s remember, ladies, you’re never fully dressed without some bling. No earrings OR bracelet OR necklace? Come on, Marion. Don’t be afraid to accessorize.

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Tony Awards 2010 Red Carpet

The Worst: Hollywood Wives

Jada Pinkett Smith in Marchesa

Will’s wife is, on a normal day, an incredibly beautiful woman. She’s barely five feet tall, which makes her difficult to dress when designer gowns are made for women who are nearly a foot larger than her. That’s the problem here, with this Marchesa cocktail dress. On a woman with neverending legs, this short, squat dress might have worked. But instead it just packs on bulk to Jada’s itsy-bitsy figure, making her look stumpy instead of slim. Also, did she dip her legs in a vat of olive oil in the limo? She’s awfully shiny.

Katie Holmes in Armani Prive

The hair is limp, she’s not wearing enough makeup, and that dress is just so boring. Mrs. Cruise looks uncomfortable and sad, and those looks don’t work on anybody.

Catherine Zeta-Jones in Atelier Versace

Mrs. Michael Douglas reminded the world of how awkward her May-December romance is at the Tonys this year, by discussing their sex life while accepting her (completely undeserved) award. Let’s talk about the face – just what is going on up there? She looks like she’s had some bad Botox or a botched face lift. And that dress is better suited for a little girl at her first big party than a woman bragging about sleeping with an AARP member. Iced periwinkle can’t be worn by girls over the age of 17. It should be a law.

The Best: Broadway Powerhouses

 

This actually was not one of my favorite looks of the night, but I still enjoyed it. It seemed more appropriate for the Country Music Awards than the Tonys, and although Cheno is tiny, I think that hemline is a bit short even for her. But she still looks every bit the adorable little woman she is, and if the dress were three inches longer, I’d love it.

Idina Menzel in Carolina Herrera

Idina looked simply glorious, and younger than she’s looked in years. Her skin looks flawless, her dress is intriguing but simple; mature but not matronly; youthful but not silly. I think she should’ve done a diamond necklace as well, just to glitz it up, but Idina looks as divalicious as ever.

Lea Michele in Zac Posen

What an astoundingly beautiful color. This is a perfect red carpet look – simple in design, but the color ensures that every eye on the Tonys red carpet will be on Miss Lea. Once again, I’d like to see a blingy necklace, but I don’t think Lea could have picked a more flattering, fun, or stylish gown. Kudos to her!

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MTV Movie Awards 2010 Red Carpet

Nothing provides me with as much fodder for bashing celebs as the MTV Movie Awards – except, perhaps, the MTV VMAs. So let’s start making fun of some fame-whores, shall we?

Least Surprising Fuck Up

 

Lindsay Lohan is wearing a bedazzled floor-length jumpsuit. I can’t say I’m surprised, I just feel the need to remind Ms. Lohan that Diana Ross is calling from Studio 54, and she wants her outfit back. And her cocaine, too. Now, kids, prepare yourself for the close-up:

Lindsay Lohan

Oof. Eyeliner smeared beneath the eyes – any lady who’s ever had a few too many cocktails knows that look, and it’s called DRUNKFACE. But we don’t have personal assistants and stylists who can hold up a mirror to us in the limo and say, “Honey, fix yourself.” So at least we have an excuse for running around with our makeup melting off our faces. Lindsay has no such excuse – she just clearly knocked back several cocktails (let’s hope it was only cocktails… and only several) right before she got out of the car.

And, honey, what’s with the boobs? Didn’t you used to have the nicest rack in Hollywood? Your tatties look very depressed, like they’re running away from that freckly patch beneath your saggy pair. And for the love of God, Lindsay, go back to your natural hair color. You have never looked remotely attractive as anything other than a redhead.

Most Surprising Successes

 

I’m fairly certain I’ve never said one positive word about Kristen Stewart before. She somehow scored the leading role in one of the biggest book/movie series ever, even though she’s unattractive AND untalented AND a total bitch who resents all her fame and success. Honey, nobody made you audition for a highly anticipated movie based on a wildly popular bestselling novel. You knew what you were getting yourself into – don’t fucking mope around LA like your life is so miserable.

Before I go off on a complete tangent, let’s get back to the clothes. Ms. Stewart almost always looks like shit, because she has no style, never stands up straight, and always looks miserable. But I have to say, I think this might be the best she’s ever looked. The dress and shoes are undoubtedly gorgeous, she’s learned how to pose like an actual celebrity, and she almost looks like she’s having an okay time!

Kristen Stewart

And this is definitely the most beautiful her face has ever looked. I never noticed before that her eyes are stunning and her skin is lovely. I wish she’d styled her hair, but then again, this is the MTV Movie Awards. People wear jeans on the red carpet to such a bullshit event. Her makeup is natural and lovely, and she only slightly looks like someone just farted in her face.

Whitney Port in Yigal Azrouel

I don’t like Whitney Port on principle, because she’s another famous-for-no-reason wannabe fashion designer with no discernible talent for fashion. But I think she looks unbelievably sexy here. I hate the thick black eyeliner – I think it emphasizes how heavy-lidded and weird-looking her eyes are – and I wish her roots were a few shades lighter, but I love everything else. The dress is beyond gorgeous. Naked-looking, but not actually revealing. Great color, perfect fit, and those shoes add a level of complex styling that I didn’t know Whitney was capable of. And I think she might be wearing a watch, which I respect, because women rarely do that anymore.

Best Accessories/Worst Britney Impersonator

 

Let’s start with the essentials: the dress. From far away, it just looks like she’s covered in lint. And we’ve all seen this outfit before – it’s just a more modest version of Britney’s infamous nude-and-sequined outfit in her “Toxic” video. But there are actually a lot of things I love about what’s happening here, which is particularly surprising, since Katy Perry is up there with Rihanna and J.Lo on the list of my least favorite celebrities, on and off the red carpet.

I actually love the blue color of the wig. What I hate about the wig is those awful bangs that Katy insists upon wearing even though they look terrible on everybody, particularly Katy, who is not a natural beauty, just a decent-looking girl with a great makeup artist. But I actually think that crazy blue is gorgeous with the dress and just nutty enough for the MTV Awards. Those yellow neon nails are so eye-catching and fun, and the best surprise is how they match the shoes:

Katy Perry’s shoes

Come on. Those shoes are gorgeous in their own right, and the matching nail color is just perfection. There were some great style moments in this outfit, but they don’t quite compensate for Katy Perry’s general suckiness.

The #2 Reason I Didn’t Date in High School…

 

…BECAUSE THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT GUYS ON THE JERSEY SHORE LOOK LIKE. This is not even an exaggeration of what they look like – this is actually how fucking stupid most of the guys in my area actually look, complete with the fake tans, excessive jewelry, and truly horrific haircuts. As Cher wisely said in Clueless, “So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair – ew – and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so!” The styles may have changed, but the sentiment remains true as ever.

For those who were wondering, the #1 reason I didn’t date in high school was because I was only attracted to gay men. But I bet you could have guessed that.

Lord of the Ice

 

Johnny Weir is a rock star. Well, not by profession, because he’s actually an Olympic figure skater, but he has the soul of a total fucking rock star. He’s also one of the only Olympic skaters who actually embraces what a huge homo he is. They all embrace it on the ice – I mean, you sort of have to, as there’s basically nothing gayer than figure skating except ice dancing and Liza Minelli – but J.Weir is loud and proud about what a queen he is. And while he sort of looks like the love child of Lady Gaga and Peewee Herman, I applaud him for that fierce blazer and festively cocooning his neck in crinoline for no apparent reason.

But honey, I’d fix the makeup. Either go all-out, and do eye makeup in addition to the copious amounts of blush and lipstick you’re sporting, or nix the makeup altogether. This just looks unfinished.

Fashion Week Favorite

 

Nothing makes me feel better as a fashion blogstress than when my favorite looks from New York Fashion Week get worn by celebrities on the red carpet. As you may remember, this was the final look in Zac Posen’s Fall 2010 collection, which I blogged about as one of my favorites. Fritzy (that’s what I call Anna Kendrick – the character she played in Camp before anybody but me and Cameron knew she existed) looks utterly fabulous here from head to toe. One of her arms is hidden, but I hope it bears a fabulous bracelet, as she looks a little under-accessorized. But this dress is gorgeous without being too fancy for the event, and that’s a difficult line to walk.

Least Relevant

 

It truly depresses me how hard Christina is trying to be Lady Gaga. Christina, you are not Lady Gaga, and you will never be Lady Gaga. And that’s okay – because you’re fucking Christina Aguilera! You have one of the best voices in pop music history, you had a long and brilliant career, and now you have a beautiful husband and child (both Jewish, I might add). You don’t need to be resorting to auto-tuned vocals and over-sexed, overly dramatic music videos and gimmicky costumes. I love Gaga, but we don’t need more that one of her. Just be proud of being Christina, and people might actually still like you. But now you’re just depressing the shit out of us as you try to cling to your youth and fame. And this dress is downright fugly.

Best Dressed/Most Awkward Presenter

 

I could only stomach about ten minutes of the actual awards show, because MTV hasn’t been relevant to my life since 7th grade, and all I really cared about was seeing Betty White and whether Malfoy would win the award for Best Villain. MTV decided to script a super-awkward conversation between ScarJo and Sandra Bullock which of course ended in a lesbian kiss, because it’s MTV. But regardless of how uncomfortable that is, or how hilarious it was to see Betty White politely clapping while those ladies shared a weak-ass, forced kiss, Scarlett looked simply amazing. I would never have worn something this classy on MTV – I’d have saved it for a more formal or less youthful event – but I can’t deny that this look is nearly flawless. I think she might be wearing blue nail polish, which I strongly oppose, but that may just be the lighting. And again, this dress demands a glittery bracelet or necklace to be complete. But all in all, this ensemble is excellent.

—

More fashion to come later, straight from the red carpet at the Sex and the City 2 premieres!

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Met Gala Red Carpet: Best and Worst

I hope you’ve had your Sunday afternoon coffee, because we’ve got a LOT of fabulous and even more fugly to get through. Fashion’s most glamorous red carpet event, the Met Gala, was this week, so let’s dive in.

Bitches We Hate in Gowns We Love

Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad Haute Couture

Let me preface this by saying: I hate Jennifer Lopez. She’s a decent dancer, an unimpressive singer, and a completely untalented actress, and yet somehow, her name is still occasionally used in the same sentence as “triple threat.” I don’t even think she qualifies as a single threat. I hate almost everything she wears, I think her Peter Pan syndrome and shameless fame-whoring are almost as bad as Mariah Carey’s, and I’m like 80% sure her husband is gay.

Regardless, I think she looks absolutely perfect here. Dramatic and flawless hair and makeup. The gown is near-perfect – I could do without the jewels decorating the bust line, but the color and fit are divine. So, J.Lo, I guess you’re still allowed to exist, much as I loathe you, because at least you know how to wear couture when it counts.

Ladies We Love in Outfits We Loathe

 

Tina Fey is, above all else, a writer. She may be a hugely successful, hilariously funny and beautiful actress and producer, but when she shows up on the red carpet wearing something this disastrous, I feel the need to remind the universe that she is a writer. She got into this business so she could sit around a table with a bunch of overweight Jewish guys and make the world laugh, not so that she could strut her stuff on a red carpet. So I refuse to hold Tina responsible for this ensemble – it is not her job to look great. It is her job to pay people to make her look great.

The people who have failed miserably are Team Tina – her stylist, and whoever else saw her between the time she got dressed and the time she got out of her limo at this event. Because ANYBODY whose job it is to know fashion should know better than to put Ms. Liz Lemon, or anyone else, in this ensemble, especially at this event. The makeup is too dramatic for her features, SHE’S WEARING A FUCKING JUMPSUIT TO THE MOST FORMAL RED CARPET EVENT OF THE YEAR, and it’s not even a well-made jumpsuit. I’d yell at Rachel Bilson for wearing this to lunch on a Tuesday. Tina’s Gays, you better get your shit together. You are taking one of the most inspirational women alive and making the world laugh at her instead of with her.

Best Dressed Person We’ve Never Heard Of

 

So I had to wikipedia Maggie Grace to find out that she is an actress from Lost. Well, kudos, Ms. Grace. For you are incredibly well-dressed for someone so irrelevant. Hair and makeup are beautiful and elegant – the headband is cute and doesn’t dress down the look too much. The bottom of the gown is borderline mermaid, and I loathe mermaid gowns with all my soul, but it flares out in a beautiful instead of unnatural and awkward-looking way. Great color, great fit, and a fabulous design. Good work, Maggie.

Mad Men‘s Women Gone Mad

 

I just recently started watching Mad Men, and already I can tell you with certainty that Joan Holloway is, under normal circumstances, the sexiest woman alive. She, and Ms. Hendricks, who plays her, has red hair I’d kill for, a gorgeous face, and possibly the greatest rack in Hollywood history. But she was the textbook definition of a hot disaster at this event. Let’s start at the top and work our way down.

The hair is sloppy. This event is not the time or place to be lazy when it comes to hair. The makeup was clearly done by a nearly blind prostitute. There is something resembling a beaver resting atop her right shoulder, and her right elbow is apparently camera shy, as it feels the need to be hidden by a giant and unnecessary piece of fabric. I think the length is awkward, the color is terrible, the gown is boring, and the bust is offensive. Are designers and stylists so used to dressing anorexic, size-zero Mary Kates and Ashleys that they can’t correctly fit a bust on a woman with real tits? Sure, Christina is much more boobalicious than the average gal, but it’s not like she wears a size H bra or something. If you can’t deal with real tits, then leave Christina to the real professionals who know how to handle her fabulous figure.

January Jones in Yves Saint Laurent

Christina Hendricks may be the sexiest woman alive, but Betty Draper (aka January Jones) is the most classically beautiful. She is the ultimate American woman, so I’d love to know what kind of crack she was smoking when she decided to wear this to the Met Gala. The makeup is truly terrible, as is the hair (you can’t really tell here, but from the side, she looks like an alien). And this dress looks like an old lady’s couch on acid. January, every single thing about your appearance is virtually perfect. You are truly blessed. And it insults us mere mortals to see a woman as goddess-like as yourself dressing up like a fucking idiot. Get your shit together, January.

Most Surprisingly High Fashion

 

When I hear “Mila Kunis,” I think a few different things. Hot… Dumb… I guess that’s basically it. I certainly don’t think “high fashion” or “risk taker” or “glamorous fashion icon,” but I think she did a damn good job of proving me wrong. A lot of critics hated this gown, but I think it’s simply marvelous. It’s gorgeous and interesting, and it’s definitely risky and difficult to wear. I remember loving this dress in Vera Wang’s collection during New York Fashion Week, and I’m impressed that someone as generally boring as Mila Kunis decided to test the limits and wear something so fierce. Kudos, Kunis. I think you nailed it.

Jessica Szohr in Versace

Jessica Szohr is another person I have very little to say about ordinarily, usually because I still have no idea how to pronounce her last name. All I know about her is that she’s racially ambiguous and plays the most boring character ever on Gossip Girl. But I think she really made an effort with this Versace gown. It’s not something I would have chosen, but it’s still beautiful and interesting, and I think it’s quite a step up from the boring/ugly dresses that most young starlets (especially the GG cast) tend to wear. And, holy hell, this bitch can POSE like she’s at the end of the Paris Fashion Week runway! Get it, V. Keep up the good work.

Worst Dressed: Pastel Saloon Edition

 

 

Vera Farmiga in Sophie Theallet

As far as I can tell, Ms. Dawson and Ms. Farminga are both currently employed as saloon whores in a barely settled western territory in the 1840s. And they decided to dye their gowns for Easter. I can’t say they look anything other than uber-fugly, but at least they’re dressed for the same event. Also, Rosario? Lay off the spray tan. You’re looking quite orange lately.

Women We Worship in Dresses We Dig

 

I’ll admit it. I have a total girl crush on Claire Danes. She can do as many bad movies as Jennifer Aniston, but I will always think of My So-Called Life and Romeo + Juliet and be unable to have anything but undying devotion for her. And I think she looks perfectly fabulous here. Not exactly daring, but definitely a beautiful gown worthy of a fabulous woman at a glamorous event.

Gag-Worthy Girls in Loathable Looks

 

Malin Akerman is one of the least talented actresses in Hollywood. Her most memorable roles are showing her tits in Harold and Kumar and playing Katherine Heigl’s cunty little sister in the dreadful 27 Dresses, a movie so awful that even I can’t watch it without feeling embarrassed. And I watch Spiceworld. She is truly awful to watch and listen to, and though her makeup looks good here, I think she’s very unattractive. This dress looks too casual for this event, and I think it’s cheap and tacky-looking. It’s not helped by her hair, which clearly was peroxided half to death a few weeks ago, and it looks as if she hasn’t washed it since. Malin, I hate your name, your face, your acting “skills,” and now I hate your fashion sense as well. Time for you to disappear.

Completely Gratuitous

 

In the immortal words of Van Halen, Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad, I’m hot for teacher! Those eyes, that scruff… Mr. Schue was pure deliciousness at the Met Gala.

Victims of Fashion and Botched Botox

 

I’m fairly certain this is the worst Padma Lakshmi has ever looked. She’s ordinarily stunning, and my roommate Roxie met her once and said she’s just as beautiful in person. Not that you’d ever know it from this picture. This gown is awful – trashy, unoriginal, poorly made, wrinkled, and far too tight. To make matters worse, Padma’s face looks suspiciously awkward. Zoom in on that face – I think it’s more than just a bad moment. I think the new mommy tried to get rid of some new wrinkles and it didn’t go quite as well as she wanted. All in all, this was one of the worst looks of the night.

Fashion Icon Favorites

 

This is one starlet who never ceases to amaze me. I think Ms. Hermione Granger herself is incredibly beautiful. She’s impeccably stylish, nearly always looks fantastic, and is the role model for intelligent girls who happen to like looking good too. And kudos to her for wearing a white gown (before Memorial Day, no less) and somehow not looking bridal. I love the super-high slit on her petite frame, and although we see draped gowns every day on the red carpet, I think this draping is particularly unique and beautiful. She always manages to look casually fabulous but not under-dressed, glamorous and elegant but never matronly. And now I’m just excited for the next Harry Potter movie to come out.

Chloe Sevigny in Proenza Schouler

Our favorite sister-wife got a lot of flack for this outfit, but I think she looks killer. Ms. Sevigny loves to push the fashion envelope and surprise us with her indie-hipster style. And I think this dress says indie-chic gone glam. Of course it’s casual, but she’s not exactly the floor-length glittery Vera Wang kind of girl. Her shoes are epic, the color of the dress is beautiful, and I love the little bit of navy crinoline poking out from under the fabulous teal floral dress. The long sleeves, the sheerness, the high neck, and the open back (which you can’t see here, but trust me, it exists) all keep this look very intriguing and modern. I do wish she’d brush her hair once in a blue moon, but I suppose that’s the pot calling the kettle black.

Worst Dressed of the Night (or possibly of all eternity)

We’re going to have to do this one in bullet points, because I’m afraid my head may explode if I try to tackle this whole thing at once.

  • Your Joan Jett film is over. You no longer have an excuse for your hair always looking like shit.
  • Let’s be honest, Kristen. You’re not a beautiful girl. Your head is weirdly shaped, you have beady eyes and thin lips, and you’re definitely the most awkward girl in Hollywood. And that makeup is not doing you any favors. You don’t have the face to wear heavy makeup, so you should steer clear from the smoky eyes and the dark lips.
  • Honey, you’ve worn Chuck Taylors and denim on the red carpet and still looked uncomfortable in your own skin. How the hell do you expect to be able to pull off haute couture – and CHANEL haute couture at that? Wearing Chanel haute couture requires elegance and an aura of confidence that you simply lack. Leave the crinkled, asymmetrical bodices to the professionals, and go back to shopping at Hot Topic.
  • Say it with me: accessorize. A little ugly clutch does not count. No bracelet OR earrings OR necklace? Inexcusable at such a fancy event.
  • I love black nail polish just as much as the next girl, but this is the Met Gala, for crying out loud. Show some damn respect.

Best Dressed

 

I don’t care if people said this gown was too safe, too boring, too princessy, too obvious, whatever. I think Anne Hathaway looked better than every single other person at the Met Gala. Perfect hair, makeup, and jewelry, and that gown is perfect on her. Glam and glitzy, like a true diva should be.

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The Week in Fashion

Best of the Runway

 

Though no one above a size zero could really wear a dress with that tummy cutout in the middle, this dress is magnificent. I’d be shocked if we didn’t see this on the red carpet this season. My only hope is that stars brave it out and wear this dress exactly as its shown, instead of editing it down to something more boring. But this was the best piece in a pretty stellar collection by Versace.

Best and Worst

 

I was beyond relieved to see SJP step out in this gorgeous Lanvin frock. She used to be one of my favorite stars to watch on the red carpet, but in recent years, she seems to have made the conscious decision to stop aging gracefully and dress like a tween star. Thankfully, she resisted that urge, and wore something sexy, eye-catching, and age appropriate. Last week, I had a cab driver tell me I looked like Sarah Jessica Parker – maybe I can actually take that as a compliment?

Sarah Jessica Parker in Marchesa

Nope, it was definitely an insult to be told I look like this lady. And if it wasn’t, I’m certainly insulted now just by looking at this photo. I honestly believe that you would have to be 1/3 of SJP’s age to pull this off. And it’s not because it’s too sexy or revealing, because I think ladies of a certain age should still be able to sex it up. It’s just incredibly immature and clearly designed for a 16-year-old model to wear. Precious as this dress is, it looks completely insane on a 50+ woman. (I just checked, and apparently she’s only 44. She definitely looks above 50, by Hollywood standards, anyway.) SJP’s Team needs to put down the crackpipe and realize that they’re not dressing Miley Cyrus.

Most Offensive Shorts

 

Almost everything in this photo offends me. Let’s go through it point by point.

  • I always thought gladiator sandals were disgusting, but even if you disagree, they’re at least a few seasons out of style now.
  • That necklace is just too much with that outfit. Keep it simple.
  • Haven’t people learned better than to wear horizontal stripes, particularly with something high-waisted? Her legs look fierce, but her torso looks about an inch long.
  • I’m too busy vomiting to talk about how much I loathe those high-waisted baggy shorts.
  • She’s wearing too much blush, her eyebrows are too pointy, and that hairdo is oddly formal. Where are you going that requires an updo, a leather jacket, and fugly shorts? A black tie lesbian motorcycle convention?

When They Colonize The Moon, Let’s Send Her First

 

I am so tired of hating Jennifer Aniston. I really do wish she would just fade into oblivion so I wouldn’t have to see how sad and lonely and poorly dressed she is. She has possibly the most boring fashion sense of any star. This is not only boring, but unflattering and ill-fitting. Also, we get it. You’re a Greek girl with fabulous Greek coloring. Stop wearing Grecian gowns. It’s not cute anymore. She looks like she broke her arm but decided to incorporate the sling into the gown. It’s an awkward length, it drapes very unfortunately across her tummy, she looks like she can’t walk in it, and the color is blah. Also, either stay brunette or go to your colorist more often, because there’s no reason a woman as rich as you should have golden sun-kissed hair with black roots.

Best of the Week

 

To the premiere of her badass rocker film, and her first real adult role, Dakota Fanning wore something sweet and girly as can be. And I think that was a brilliant decision by an incredibly precocious and talented girl. Dakota Fanning will always keep us guessing about what she’s capable of. When we pegged her as a sweet child star, she took a role as a drinking, girl-kissing punk rocker. When we got used to her role in The Runaways, she showed us that she can still be poised, graceful, and feminine. The dress is gorgeous, especially on her porcelain skin. I hope she never gets into the fake tanning scene, because her delicate beauty is just incredible. We already knew she had a long career ahead of her, but now it’s clear that she’s got a lot more tricks up her sleeve.

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