What can I say, dear readers? The end of another unfabulous season is upon us. Underwhelmed doesn’t begin to describe how I feel about these designers. No one truly knocked it out of the park, and most of the looks on the runway were complete garbage. And we can argue over Gretchen vs. Michael C for hours, but we all know the truth: Only Mondo truly deserves to be at Fashion Week. (Actually, I’d argue April deserves it as well, but that’s a moot point). I’m disappointed by the lack of oomph in these looks. The judges were right to question the designers on why the hell they wouldn’t show their tip-toppiest looks in this challenge. This is the time to truly bring it, and nobody did. Let’s start the show.

ANDY

This isn’t terrible, but it’s not Final Collection worthy. It’s over-designed – the ruffles on the neckline, and the rouching in the back, and the pleating and the curves – all in a romper? It’s just too much, and more importantly, it’s neither wearable nor high fashion. And if it’s neither, then who the hell is going to care about it? Not this Diva, that’s for sure.

Honestly, I respect Andy’s work, but I would have sent him home for sending this piece of garbage down the runway. Seriously? These people are giving you the opportunity to present your collection at New York Fucking Fashion Week, and this is what you’re showing as your best work? An ill-fitting unoriginal BIKINI and a sheer cape? This isn’t just bad design; it’s pure laziness. You’re going to have to wake up earlier than this to impress us, Andy. You’ve been warned.

I go back and forth between hating and loving this color. I think it’d be great as an accent color, but to do the whole look in this metallic green is a bit insane. The proportions are off, and this look, like the first one, is over-designed, under-constructed and not particularly beautiful. And the hats are cheap Philip Treacy knock-offs.

GRETCHEN

I don’t hate this. Honestly, if it had been in any fabric other than this truly horrific green potato sack cloth, I think I would have liked it. I like the exposure of the pattern from the front – I think it’s very funky and modern for Gretchen. I love the straps in the back, and although the pulled-up hem is definitely out there, I think that’s a good thing. Unfortunately, Gretchen has no taste, and so this is just another miserable little granola dress, when it could have been anything but.

This personally offended me. How could someone who calls herself a fashion designer look at this and think it’s a job even remotely well done? The mix of patterns is awful; if she’s trying to be Mondo, she’s failing miserably. The pants are so far beyond unflattering, it’s almost absurd. The model’s ass looks absolutely gigantic, like it’s twice the width of the rest of her body. The mustard yellow cuffs are ugly, and that shirt? Look at the back of that shirt! How dare she send something that unfinished down the runway. And if all your models are going to be wearing the same shoes, at least have them be cute. These are disgusting, and Nina was right: these women are on a runway. They need to be in heels, not Birkenstocks.

If there was a challenge to do a modern take on a Rocky Horror Picture Show character, and Gretchen chose Columbia, I think this would have been fantastic. Unfortunately, she thought it would be a good idea to put a black and mustard tuxedo jacket and giant underwear together as an allegedly fashionable look; for this transgression, there is no forgiveness.

MICHAEL C

This dress sums up Michael C perfectly: Sometimes he gets lucky and picks a fabric that moves really well, even though he did absolutely nothing to make it into anything more than a piece of fabric. Usually the designers cream their pants over his genius ability to let the fabric speak to him (read: he doesn’t know how to sew), but he finally got called out. Because this is boring and derivative; it’s under-designed and poorly styled. Look closely at the fabric where the slit is – that hem, both on the side and on the bottom, is a disaster. It looks like it’s safety-pinned. And I’m shocked the model didn’t trip on all the excess fabric billowing around her ankles. But what did Michael really do here? Because from what I can tell, he threw silk on the model, put a belt on it, added a strap, and called it a day. And that is not designing.

I’ve seen this dress a hundred times on the runway, and this could only pass for a Forever 21 knockoff of the real deal, at best. The top does not even come close to fitting her; further proof that when it comes to actually sewing, Michael does not have the skills of the other designers. And that feathered bottom is a mess. There’s no order or shape to it; the silhouette is sloppy and she looks like Snuffleupagus from the back. And the hair? What woman under 50 does her hair like that?

Of course Heidi liked this shirt, which is probably the sluttiest shirt I’ve ever seen. And these pants are so ugly, I’m surprised Gretchen isn’t wearing them as we speak. Because that bitch loves her some ugly pants.

In Michael’s defense, he did show a full-length gown, a cocktail dress, and separates, which is the formula you basically have to follow when presenting three looks out of your collection, because it shows the most diversity. Unfortunately, his diversity was still butt-ugly, practically plagiarized, and horribly constructed. Good riddance, Michael and your ridiculous overwrought, embarrassing emotions. (Seriously, what was his temper tantrum about? HE KNEW HE WOULD STILL BE SHOWING AT FASHION WEEK. TEN OF THEM DID. In light of that fact, doesn’t he seem just… completely fucking nuts?)

MONDO

It’s almost entirely black and white, but still incredibly Mondo. The prints are mixed beautifully, and the flashes of pink in the accessories really pump up the volume. Extra points for showing a real head-to-toe look: a head piece, separates, shoes, belts, bags, you name it.

I couldn’t believe this was the look he threw together in two days, because after viewing Mondo’s collection weeks ago, this look was one of my absolute favorites. That color blue is amazing, especially with that unexpected mocha-and-black skirt. The sleeves are delightfully fun, and the yellow belt really made it all come together.

But I could not get behind this. It looks better in these photos than it did on my television, but the combination of the stretchy fabric and the different-sized circles was a mistake. It just gave the appearance of the dress stretching out her features, making her hips and butt much wider than they actually are, like an optical illusion dress. And is this supposed to be formalwear? It’s a full-length, long-sleeved, low-backed dress, but I can’t imagine anyone actually wearing this as evening wear. I’d have preferred it if it went to the knee, and the sleeves went to the elbow, and it was made of a less-stretchy, sturdier fabric.

But forget about me, dear readers. What do you think?

And of course, your results from last episode’s poll:

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© Democracy Diva, 2010.