In my defense, I mostly try to ignore shameless media whores like Jon & Kate, Tila Tequila, and the entire Palin family, but this story is just too delicious to ignore.

According to the Associated Press, Bristol Palin (daughter of Sarah Palin, infamous for her teen pregnancy, now motherhood) is suing her baby daddy Levi Johnston (infamous for impregnating Sarah Palin’s daughter and not showing his penis in Playgirl) for full custody of their one-year-old child Tripp.

Now, that is a story I would happily ignore. But it becomes a bit more interesting when we learn that Team Palin begged the judge to do a closed proceeding (which would mean conducting the case in secret, away from the public eye), and Team Baby Daddy requested a public proceeding, claiming that he did not “feel protected against Sarah Palin in a closed proceeding.”

It makes sense that Johnston desires a public trial. After all, the only reason any of us know his name is because of his shameless self-promotion at the expense of his dignity and the Palin family’s sanity. It’s been working for him for a year and a half; why not continue the charade? But what interests me is why Team Palin wants a secret trial. An open trial would absolutely ensure even more book sales for Sarah Palin just by keeping her name in print, and since her book release, it’s been clear that Palin’s top priority is sell, sell, sell. So is she taking an interest in the privacy of her daughter’s personal life at the expense of her own bank account and notoriety, or is there something much more scandalous going on?

I think a possible explanation is that Sarah Palin still has some skeletons in the closet that will certainly be released as this custody battle proceeds. (I personally have always felt that there could be a bit of truth to the absurd conspiracy theory that Sarah Palin’s youngest child is actually Bristol Palin’s child, and the family lied about it to protect themselves from the scandal.) What is she so afraid of the public finding out, that she would sacrifice her name in print and her books flying off the shelves to keep secret? And more importantly, why did the judge choose to side with Levi and publicize the custody battle instead of siding with the much more powerful Palin family?

At the very least, Levi will claim some stupid, semi-believable shit about the Palin family that doesn’t really surprise anyone. At the most awesome, they’ll do a DNA test and discover that Levi isn’t even the real father. That’s the outcome I’m praying for.