The last Round 2 match-ups are awaiting your judgment.
CATE BLANCHETT vs. JENA MALONE
Cate: Oh, Jena. I’m so sad for people like you, who have to settle for getting photographed on graffiti-covered red carpets. That would never happen at any of the events I attend.
Jena: That’s not graffiti, moron. It’s from the movie I was in.
Cate: Oh, of course. I would tell myself the same thing if I were in your probably-bought-on-sale shoes.
Jena: What is your damage, Heather?
Cate: Nothing! I’m just trying to provide as much wisdom as I can for underprivileged starlets like you.
Jena: Underprivileged? Are you fucking kidding me?
Cate: I’m sorry, what’s the politically correct term for someone of your status? I thought “D-List” was kind of pejorative.
Jena: Wow. I never knew the A in “A-List” stood for “asshole” until today.
Cate: I don’t appreciate your sass, Jena. I really am just trying to help.
Jena: Well, try a little less, would you?
LILY JAMES vs. RACHEL MCADAMS
Lily: Can I ask you a question?
Rachel: Not if it’s about Mean Girls.
Lily: It’s not.
Rachel: And not if it’s about making out with Ryan Gosling.
Lily: It’s not!
Rachel: I don’t believe you. People only ever ask me about Mean Girls and Ryan Gosling.
Lily: Well, people only ask me about Downton Abbey and that time Robb Stark played my Prince Charming.
Rachel: That’s because you haven’t DONE anything else. I was nominated for a goddamn Oscar this year and nobody seems to give a fuck.
Lily: That’s not true! I’m also in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
Rachel: Yeah, that’s definitely the same as having a major role in the best picture of the year.
JANELLE MONAE vs. LADY GAGA
Janelle: Now THIS is a fashion face-off for the ages.
Gaga: Too true, Janelle. It’s so rare that I’m matched up against someone who can keep up with me.
Janelle: What am I supposed to be keeping up with? That ill-fitting plain column gown?
Gaga: How dare you!
Janelle: I’m sorry, I thought I was going to be up against the meat-dress-wearing, hatching-out-of-an-egg Gaga.
Gaga: Well, this is gunning-to-be-taken-seriously-as-an-actress Gaga, and you’re just going to have to deal with that.
Janelle: See, whatever the hell you’re wearing now? That I can get behind. That is worthy of going up against all my caped realness in a fashion death match.
Gaga: You know all your capes look the same, right?
Janelle: Knock it off, Gaga. You might look like Brienne of Tarth right now, but I can still kick your ass.
Gaga: Bring it on.
KRYSTEN RITTER vs. KATE BOSWORTH
Krysten: So, when does the fighting start?
Kate: What do you mean? It’s already started.
Krysten: No, I mean the physically beating the hell out of each other part.
Kate: Oh. I’m pretty sure that was just an allegory.
Krysten: No, I was definitely promised that I would get to pummel a fellow actress into the ground.
Kate: Right. Metaphorically.
Krysten: Fuck metaphorically. I haven’t been doing METAPHORICAL CrossFit in preparation for this, that’s for damn sure.
Kate: Do you really want to get blood stains all over that white dress?
Krysten: You’re right. Burgundy will hide blood stains much better. Now, take a five-second head start. You’re gonna need it.
2 responses to March Fabness 2016, Round 2: Prada vs. Versace
IT’S TO SOON FOR JENA TO BE FACING CATE WHY WHY WHY
I KNOW. THIS IS THE FIRST TRULY DEVASTATING MATCH UP FOR ME