March Fabness 2016: Elite Eight

AREEEEE YOUUUUU READYYYYYYYY? 

LÉA SEYDOUX vs. FAN BINGBING

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Léa in Miu Miu; Fan in Dolce & Gabbana

Léa: What day is it?

Fan: Thursday.

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Léa in Miu Miu; Fan in Ulyana Sergeenko

Léa: No, what date is it.

Fan: April 21st.

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Léa in Schiaparelli; Fan in Elie Saab

Léa: Isn’t this called March Fabness?

Fan: Yes.

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Léa in Miu Miu; Fan in Stéphane Rolland

Léa: Then I don’t understand.

Fan: Well, we don’t all live your glamorous celebrity lifestyle, Léa.

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Léa in Miu Miu; Fan in Ralph & Russo

Léa: YOU do, though.

Fan: Well, of course I do. But some people do not have personal assistants, stylists, or the ability to blog full-time.

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Léa in Miu Miu; Fan in Ralph & Russo

Léa: How sad for them.

Fan: Yes, yes, très pathétique.

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Léa in Miu Miu; Fan in Ralph & Russo

Léa: So… it’s definitely April, then?

Fan: Yes.

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Léa in Prada; Fan in Christopher Bu

Léa: This shit’s going to go on until May, isn’t it?

Fan: Yes.

ZENDAYA COLEMAN vs. KIERNAN SHIPKA

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Zendaya in Vivienne Westwood; Kiernan in Giamba

Zendaya: Well, I guess I’m woman enough to admit it.

Kiernan: This is quite a match-up we’ve got here, isn’t it?

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Zendaya in Lie Sangbong; Kiernan in Miu Miu

Zendaya: Dammit, Kiernan!

Kiernan: What?

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Zendaya in dsquared2; Kiernan in Coach

Zendaya: I was going to be the mature one who commented on how equally matched at utter fabness we are.

Kiernan: So?

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Zendaya in Michael Kors; Kiernan in Valentino

Zendaya: So, now YOU have to go on and look like the bigger person.

Kiernan: I’m not the one complaining about not being able to look like the bigger person, so I think by default, I’m the bigger person.

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Zendaya in Fausto Puglisi; Kiernan in Dior

Zendaya: I don’t even know what you just said.

Kiernan: Forget it.

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Zendaya in Marchesa; Kiernan in McQueen

Zendaya: I have a feeling it was insulting.

Kiernan: It probably was.

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Zendaya in Marchesa; Kiernan in Dior

Zendaya: Probably?

Kiernan: I mean, I’m not even sure what I said, but odds are, it was shady as hell.

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Zendaya in Marchesa; Kiernan in Erdem

Zendaya: Oh, shit. Sally Draper is not fucking around.

Kiernan:

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NAOMIE HARRIS vs. LUPITA NYONG’O

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Naomie in Marc Jacobs; Lupita in Boss

Naomie: Pardon me, but I have to go, I’m extremely busy.

Lupita: Stop and soak up the limelight, Naomie.

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Naomie in Altuzarra; Lupita in Narciso Rodriguez

Naomie: No, I’m sorry, I was in thirty nine thousand movies this year and I have to go promote all of them.

Lupita: Bitch, we’re all busy. You can still take the time to actually look at a camera.

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Naomie in Burberry; Lupita in Boss

Naomie: Fine. Are you happy now?

Lupita: Happier than you, that’s for sure.

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Naomie in Burberry; Lupita in Maki Oh

Naomie: Now, that’s not fair. Look at my face. Totally pleasant.

Lupita: That’s practically a grimace!

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Naomie in Julien Macdonald; Lupita in Dior

Naomie: How about now?

Lupita: That’s more of a smirk.

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Naomie in Tory Burch; Lupita in Alessandra Rich

Naomie: Now?

Lupita: That’s just sort of a very subtle Elvis lip.

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Naomie in Valentino; Lupita in Alexandre Vauthier

Naomie: Alright, NOW?

Lupita: Do you even want to be here?

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Naomie in Stella McCartney; Lupita in Gucci

Naomie: Whatever, weirdo. Who smiles with their teeth in every paparazzi photo? Fuck off already.

Lupita:

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CATE BLANCHETT vs. KRYSTEN RITTER

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Cate in Valentino

Cate: Triple espresso over ice, please.

Krysten: Excuse me?

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Cate in Lanvin; Krysten in Olcay Gulsen

 

Cate: I’m sorry, what is it you’re doing here?

Krysten: Kicking your ass.

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Cate in Schiaparelli; Krysten in J. Mendel

Cate: Oh, that’s simply hilarious. Are you Janelle Monae’s personal assistant?

Krysten: I’m the one you’re competing with, asshole.

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Cate in Giles; Krysten in Zuhair Murad

Cate: Oh! Well, I suppose you’ll do.

Krysten: What is your damage?

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Cate in McQueen; Krysten in Osman

Cate: Nothing! It’s just, well, you’re no Emma Watson, that’s for damn sure.

Krysten: Well, none of us are Emma Watson, but the March Fabness audience will somehow go on living.

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Cate in Armani Privé; Krysten in Mugler

Cate: Do you really think so?

Krysten: Nah, she’d probably still win a write-in ballot.

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Cate in Givenchy; Krysten in Lela Rose

Cate: Fuck, I’d vote for her.

Krysten: Me too. WATSON 2016!

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Cate in Armani Privé; Krysten in Zuhair Murad

Cate: For March Fabness? Or for president?

Krysten: Since when are they mutually exclusive?


© Democracy Diva, 2016.
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