Posts filed in:Red Carpet

Ranting and raving over the best and worst in red carpet fashion.

Weekly Fashion Recap

American Royalty: Wedding Edition

Bill and Chelsea

The Clinton Women

Unless you’re living under a rock, you must be aware that former First Daughter Chelsea Clinton got married this week. The bride wore a truly incredible Vera Wang bridal gown, and Hilary dazzled in fuchsia Oscar de la Renta. No complaints from this Diva – just a heartfelt ‘mazel tov’ to the bride and groom and their well-dressed family.

Best Cover

Emily Blunt in Valentino

British bombshell alert! Emily Blunt sizzled on the September cover of Elle in pink satin and black lace. She’s the perfect combination of classy and sexy. I’ve loved her since The Devil Wears Prada, and I can’t get over how killer her legs look in those delectable black lace tights.

Drab in Denim

Jessica Szohr

Diane Kruger

Oh, good. Pale, borderline acid-washed denim is back in. Because nothing says “I’m a wannabe extra in a Paula Abdul video” like a denim vest or high-waisted denim cropped pants.

High Fashion Hipster

Gwen Stefani

Gwen wore this fabulous polka-dotted gown to a friend’s wedding, mastering the art of going funky and formal. It’s not easy to keep the fanciness in the picture when trying to dress with a bit of an alternative flair, but it’s an art Ms. Stefani has mastered. Who says polka dots are just for retro and casual wear? But what’s even more difficult is standing out in a crowd while not overshadowing the bride (or whoever is the center of attention at that particular formal affair). Although Gwen is unforgettable in this hipster-glam gown, she’s not begging for the spotlight. And that gets my respect.

Dressed to Win

Lea Michele in Giambattista Valli

Tom & Lorenzo were right – Lea Michele is going to pull out the big guns on every red carpet, no matter how insignificant, from now till the Emmys. She’s campaigning hard for the Emmy for best actress in a comedy series AND the role of Fanny Bryce in the upcoming Broadway revival of Funny Girl. And here she is, looking radiant as usual. I’m happy to see her back to her classic smile – lately, she’s been seeming so serious on the red carpet, trying to look interesting and fashionable instead of happy. And I like the more natural makeup and hair – again, it makes her seem friendlier and more approachable. But let’s not ignore the fierceness of that beautiful Valli gown. It fits her like a dream, and makes this very petite girl seem long and lean. I wish she’d worn a necklace, but she still absolutely glows.

Worst of the Week

Kesha in Topshop

Kesha, sweetie, this is exactly why you should look in a mirror after blowing the cast of Avatar in the limo.

Also, ten bucks says Kesha will be admitted to rehab before Lindsay Lohan gets released.

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The Week in Fashion

Glee Does Comic-Con

 

Heather (Brittany): I’m not loving those bangs; I think her signature Cheerios high ponytail is much more flattering. The outfit is cute enough, if a bit amateurish.

Kevin (Artie): This boy can sing, dance, act, and DRESS. I wish other young actors took the risks that Kevin takes with his wardrobe. The shirt is stunning, the suspenders are adorable, and he looks unique and chic, if a bit over-dressed for Comic-Con. I’m loving it.

Naya (Santana): Can’t go wrong in a cute floral sundress. Effortless and adorable.

Amber (Mercedes): Cute top and sweater, but it’d look a thousand times better without that belt.

Chris (Kurt): He’s a self-professed comic book geek, so I’m glad he’s showing his roots at this event. But I think he could have paired this outfit with something a little more fashion-forward, since he usually dresses incredibly well.

Jenna (Tina): Adorable dress, great hair. And the nude shoes trend is super-hot right now, so kudos for catching on.

Love the Girl, Hate the Dress

 

Like the Democracy Diva, Anna Kendrick loves her some Marchesa. (The starlet donned Marchesa at the 2010 Golden Globes, at the Eclipse LA premiere, at the Up in the Air Toronto premiere, and more.) Unlike the Diva, Ms. Kendrick doesn’t seem to understand that some Marchesa dresses work far better on the runway than they do on the red carpet. This is one of them.

The lopsided bust, which I’m sure would work fabulously on a 6 foot tall, size zero model, is just unfortunate on Kendrick’s petite frame. The black beading against the blue print isn’t particularly attractive, nor are the proportions of the dress, which make Anna look short and squat instead of long and lean. And those shoes? What drag queen told my girl Fritzy to wear those shoes – especially with that dress? A rookie mistake. And once again, I’d like to remind young Hollywood: If your hair is up and your dress is low-cut, WEAR A NECKLACE. I’m disappointed by her lack of bling. But I do love Anna Kendrick, and I hope she bounces back from this fashion mishap quickly.

The Best and Worst of Biel

Jessica Biel in Giambattista Valli

I’ve never thought Jessica was as beautiful as most people seem to think she is. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a hottie for sure, but she’s got awfully harsh features and she lacks the poise needed to pull off high fashion gowns. But I’m eating my words from the neck down, because I think she looks incredible here, at the London premiere of The A-Team. I normally don’t support sheer gowns on the red carpet, but I can forgive it because this particular gown is just stunning. It fits her remarkably well, making her waist look tinier and her boobs look bigger – and she had a great figure to begin with! I would’ve done black shoes instead of red, but they’re still a good choice. And let’s hear it for a girl who isn’t afraid to bring out the bling. Loving those bracelets.

Now, the hair is a hot mess. How many times do I have to say this – you can’t go all-out with the dress and skimp on the hair and make-up! That frizzy bedhead is not appropriate for such a beautiful gown. But I still give her props for a remarkable effort.

Jessica Biel in Atelier Versace

Well, she’s back to looking stiff and uncomfortable on the red carpet, which is a huge step down. Not that she looked particularly cosy in the Valli gown, but there’s something very cold and unnatural about her in this Versace gown. The gown itself is beautiful, but I just don’t think she’s wearing it well. I think it’s a bit too ornate and vintage-looking for her tastes – she’s very sportswear, Americana, bold colors and simplicity. This gown is anything but. And those shoes were a horrible choice. Whoever invented the teardrop-shaped eyelet peeptoe should obviously be shot. And the silver shoe with the blue dress is very mother-of-the-bride. I’d love to see this dress on Anne Hathaway or another starlet with more traditional, glitzy tastes (and the poise to pull them off), but something about this gown on Jessica just isn’t working for me.

Jessica Biel in Vionnet

It’s a shame, because she looks so much more at ease here, but she’s wearing a glorified potato sack. That sleeve is simply dreadful – unless your arm is in a sling, there’s really no need for that much fabric on the sleeve. And the dress itself is shapeless and dull, like a poorly-made toga. Those shoes look navy, and even if they’re black, they’re clearly not the right black for that dress. And I hate the way the fabric gathers around her waist – it’s unflattering and downright sloppy. Definitely the worst out of the three.

Fergie Fug

Fergie

Now headlining in Vegas: Fergie, the alien warrior princess turned stripper! Oh, Fergie, you can wear whatever the fuck you want, just please stop making music.

Also, it is just me, or does her head seem unnaturally large? Seriously, she looks like a Bratz doll.

Delhi Couture Week 2010

 

Congrats to Delhi on hosting their first ever couture fashion week! I encourage you to check out Tom & Lorenzo for more pics from the runway show; everything is so beautiful and so different from Western fashion.

This couture gown by Manav Gagwani is simply magnificent. I love that you can feel the Indian influence, but you can also see that the designer was inspired by Italian and French couture as well. Every single fabric used is breathtaking. The glitz and glamour of the shiny, glittering fabrics and lace is almost overwhelming. I love the different colors used – iced periwinkles and lilacs, lavenders and silvers. Everything about this gown screams couture. I look forward to many more Delhi Couture Weeks in the future!

The Rapidly Aging Cameron

 

I ask because I care: Cameron, what the fuck is happening with your face? This is clearly a bad Botox job or worse – the skin is pulled awfully tight in some places, while other spots appear swollen and puffy. That can’t be intentional, and it doesn’t seem natural, either. But if you’re going to let your face fall to pieces, at least sport a fabulous outfit to detract from your train-wrecked skin. This sad lump of fabric is not doing you any favors. It has no shape, making you look unfortunately bulbous. Sure, you’ve got killer legs, but this outfit hides your bust, waist, and hips, like you’re just a misshapen potato on two legs. Fire your plastic surgeon and your stylist immediately. You might be 37, but you’ve got the potential to look 30, and right now you’re leaning towards 50.

God Bless America

 

Business chic all the way for Ms. Ferrera! The dress is adorable and professional, flattering and youthful. Though I do need to give her my lecture on NO DARK TOE-NAIL POLISH ON THE RED CARPET. Ugh. The make-up artist was a little heavy-handed, but America looks absolutely radiant, and every professional woman should own a dress like this. Also, that hair is hella sexy.

Worst Dressed

Blake Lively in Preen

Oh, Serena. I know your career goals are to bare as much of your tits as possible on every red carpet, but you have broken the two Golden Rules of Public Titty-Baring:

1. Thou shalt not show any part of the nipple. (This includes even the slightest bit of mysterious skin that seems areola-esque.)

2. Thou shalt not neglect the rest of the outfit just because the titties are bared.

That top is so naked, it looks like it must be on backwards. And those pants? Seriously? We’re wearing high-waisted, wrinkled baggy pants now? Because I simply refuse to support that. And what’s with the shoes? The pants cover up the top ankle strap – that’s clearly not a good sign. And the belt was just a mistake. Aren’t belts supposed to like, wrap around you? Not just poke out awkwardly? Though I guess you can use it as a weapon to fight any comic book geeks who can’t stop staring at your almost nipple. Oh, and brush your hair, for God’s sake. And lose the eight different kinds of bracelets, you look like a tween after a shopping spree at Claire’s.

Best Dressed

 

Hello, Peggy! This is by far the best Ms. Moss has ever looked. She donned this glitzy and glamorous dress for the premiere screening of Mad Men‘s season four in Times Square. The hair is absolutely amazing – thank god we’re saying fairwell to Miss Olson’s signature ponytail! The curly bob is totally chic and works wonders for her features. And the dress! The perfect color, a wonderful fit, and a phenomenal choice for Elisabeth. I love the sassy smile on her face, as if she’s thinking, “Bitches, the days of Peggy the ugly ducking are OVER! This is Elisabeth Moss, glamour queen! Bow down!” I’m looking forward to seeing more like this from the adorable Ms. Moss.

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Follow this diva on twitter @democracydiva! And don’t forget to check out my guest blog post with Backstage Barbie!

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The Weekly Fashion Recap

The Rule of Coco

Now, before we begin, let us remember that this is Leighton on the set of Gossip Girl in Paris. This means a) the rules are different, because Paris fashion is a different world, and b) we must remember that this is Blair Waldorf, not Leighton Meester. With that in mind, let’s talk fashion.

For a filthy rich Upper East Side girl traipsing around Paris, this outfit is basically perfect, if completely over-the-top. But what NYC WASP princess wouldn’t go over-the-top in the fashion capital of the world? It’s all flawless, and every piece can be worn separately with a thousand different things (not that versatility matters much to someone as rich as Ms. Waldorf, but it matters to me). But let us not forget the immortal words of the legendary Coco Chanel:

Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory.

Simple words, but they carry an incredible weight, because so many fabulous women do have a strong tendency to over-accessorize, like Miss Waldorf here. The hat is precious and perfect for Paris; I can only see the side of the handbag but I already worship it; I don’t know if that belt/scarf is part of the skirt, but the print is lovely; those bracelets are completely badass and bring a much-needed element of seriousness to an otherwise overwhelmingly girly outfit; even that little box of snacks is its own accessory. But listen to Coco, Gossip Girl costumers. Remember and heed her immortal words, because just dropping even one accessory would tone this look down from overwhelming to perfectly chic.

Beware of the Future

I think if Jackie O were recreated in The Jetsons, this is what she would wear. And while the concept of Jackie O + Jetsons is pretty awesome to consider, it is clear that no one is actually meant to wear the result. Kylie has a history of picking some out-there designs, but this? There is nothing flattering or pretty about this at all. Heavy-handed, rudimentary, and looks like it was made by a first year design student – God, if this is what the future of fashion looks like, let me live a short but fabulous life.

The Best and Worst of Swimwear 2011

As a personal preference, I am pro-vintage style bathing suits all the way. You know, pin-up girl style, bandeau tops with high-waisted bottoms. They’re so much more flattering than the barely-there bikinis of today. But I love this swimsuit from Miami Swim Fashion Week because it’s got all the mot flattering elements and the general feel of the swimsuits of yesteryear, but with a totally modern sensibility. Gone are the polka dots and thick straps; here we have basic black in a strapless cut that feels incredibly fresh and new. I hate the bottle-blonde hair and three-seasons-ago sunglasses, not to mention the tanlines – hello, your JOB is to be a swimsuit model! How can you have tan lines?! – but this swimsuit is simply fabulous.

White Sands Australia Swimwear 2011

Same designer, same collection, but a world of difference. While the first swimsuit feels both vintage and modern, flattering and chic, this swimsuit has none of those qualities. I literally cannot imagine a bathing suit less flattering than this – this model has 0% body fat, and even she looks fucking insane. Can you imagine this on a normal-shaped woman? It flattens out your boobs and might as well have a giant arrow pointing to your tummy saying, “OH HAYYYYY!” Which, for the record, is not what most women look for in a swimsuit.

Most Surprising Hipster: Betty Draper

Wow. For someone who plays the perfect early 1960s housewife to a tee on Mad Men, this is one surprisingly hipster-fabulous ensemble. Not that it’s so daring or risky, but I’m used to seeing our very own Betty Draper looking more like this:

Betty Draper in Mad Men Season 1, Episode 4

Just being able to see the shape of January’s legs is a bit shocking, isn’t it? It’s off-putting to see her look so modern, with her super-skinny hipster jeans, black pointy flats, and fabulously sexy black lace/mesh top, not to mention the ever-present big black handbag, the staple of the modern woman’s wardrobe. Throw on the uber-trendy Ray Bans and the iPod and she’s as clearly 2010 as Betty Draper is 1960. Just goes to show you that a woman that beautiful can do a perfect representation of any era.

And can we just talk about January’s hair? That’s possibly the greatest hair color the world has ever seen. With her flawless skin and perfect pink lips, it’s just unfair that one person should have so many amazing features. Sigh.

Bad Dress, Worse Hair: The Joey Potter Story

 

I just don’t know what stylist approved this before Katie stepped out of the house. Unless it’s your very first day of kindergarten, those shoes, that dress, and those god-awful ringlet curls are never appropriate. You’re at the premiere of your own movie, for God’s sake. At least pretend that you give a shit. This is just pure laziness, and the Democracy Diva does not take well to laziness on the red carpet. Make the effort, or pay someone to make the effort for you, or stay the fuck out of the spotlight.

Business Chic Meets Red Carpet

Here’s Amanda Crew at the premiere of her new film Charlie St. Cloud, co-starring Zac Efron. I never could have told you her name or recognized her face before, but kudos to Ms. Crew, because I’ll certainly remember her from now on.

This is the perfect combination of day wear and evening wear. The business chic blouse is deliciously crisp and super-sexy; that glitzy, glamorous skirt makes the whole look dressier, and the accessories are minimalist and beautiful. Also, those legs are astoundingly long. Seriously, she looks like an Amazon woman. I can’t even handle it.

Repeat Offense: Trash Bags as Cocktail Dresses

 

Do you know what the worst part of this dress is? Besides the fact that Lanvin is selling trash bags as cocktail dresses, presumably for thousands of dollars? The worst part isthat this is the SECOND time that I have to express my hatred for this dress, because somehow, against all reason, ANOTHER CELEBRITY ALREADY WORE THIS. Yes, I blogged about this dress when J.Lo wore it a few months back. I hated it then, and I hate it even more now.

Sadly, this is not even the worst thing Rihanna wore this week… but you’ll have to keep reading for that.

Editorial of the Week: Marion Cotillard

The cardigan is Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti, the bustier is Nina Ricci, the woman is Marion Cotillard, and the photo shoot is fabulous. I don’t have anything to say besides the fact that I now officially have a huge lesbian crush on Mademoiselle Cotillard. That stomach, those legs… and I’m stealing that bustier for Rocky Horror.

Repeat Offender: Rihanna

 

 

Well, it’s official. It’s time for Rihanna to go to rehab.

Fashion Icon of the Week

 

Easily the greatest on-the-street summer wear I’ve ever seen. The incredible bloggers over at The Sartorialist snapped this photo of Vogue Japan Editor-at-Large Anna Della Russo in Milan. The goofy sunglasses, the casual shoes, the simple clutch, that astounding, sun-kissed, just-out-of-bed hair – and that perfect dress that just screams “summer in Southern Europe.” And the black bra and panties – or perhaps bathing suit – are so sexy, but the dress covers enough that this doesn’t seem slutty. It’s just the perfect youthful summer dress.

But here’s the best part – this woman is 48 years old. (Yes, for real! I couldn’t believe it either.) Just another reminder that if you have fun with your wardrobe, smile constantly, and walk with an attitude, you will be young forever.

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Best and Worst of the Week in Fashion

The weekly fashion recap is back to actually being weekly! At least until law school starts.

Simply Chic

January Jones in Versace

A welcome reminder that you don’t need to be complex or over-the-top to be fashionable, January Jones wears the hell out of this assymetrical white Versace dress and Brian Atwood pumps. Cute hair – casual, but not messy. The shade of lipstick is perfect, and I can’t even believe how blue her eyes are. And the way that dress twists around her is just fascinating. It feels like a high fashion tennis dress. Country club meets red carpet. And I love it.

A Hot Mess… Minus the “Hot”

Eva Mendes in Azzaro

Dear Eva,

Chloe Sevigny called. She wants the uglier version of her dress from the Met Gala back. At least she has an excuse, being Chloe Sevigny and all. So when I blogged about that dress, I was much more forgiving than I’m going to be towards you. Because if anyone can pull off a butt load of crazy, it’s Nicholette Grant. But you’re Eva Mendes. You’re really boring, and not particularly good at anything, and that dress is fucking stupid. Oh, and it’s July. There’s really no need for long sleeves, high necks, and scarves when the temperature hasn’t dropped below 90 in a month.

Love,

The Democracy Diva

Disappointment of the Week

Claire Danes

Claire Danes will forever be one of my favorite women, because I have a huge gay crush on her. But unfortunately, my undying love is not enough to stop her from making some truly awful fashion choices. Like this dress. Which, at its core, is some mediocre draping in ugly colors. Then the green ribbon was haphazardly added, making the whole dress look cheap and home-sewn. And after that mess, I guess the designer figured they needed to distract from the look somehow, so he covered Claire’s arm in droopy fabric and called it a day.

Honey, you are too good for this. Hire some new people. And change your toenail polish. Those dark colors always look like fungi on the red carpet.

Best in Bridal: Project Runway Alum Edition

Chloe Dao Bridal 2010

Season 2 Project Runway winner Chloe Dao released her bridal collection this week. Remember, she was the tiny Asian one, with the red-headed model who was easily a foot taller than her? They were such an adorable pair, Chloe and Grace. Anyway, I’m glad to see she’s still designing, and particularly designing bridal wear. She’s no genius, but she’s got some interesting ideas and strong technical skills.

And this is such a sweet little bridal dress. Beautifully draped, so it feels like a flower instead of a dress. The volume on the bottom is just big enough to make a statement, but not so big that it’s unwearable. Super cute, very chic, and an overall adorable dress.

Sex on a Stick

Sofia Vergara in Lela Rose

Hello, gorgeous! The sexy mama from Modern Family is all tits and legs in this fabulous little blue number. I don’t love the way it cuts across her tummy – I think it could be cut in a more flattering way – but I like the subtle drape of the skirt. The color is by far the best thing about this dress – it just calls even more attention to the most beautiful woman in the room. It’s a bit too push-up for Vergara’s already busty frame – I think it just makes her tits look fake as opposed to naturally perky – but she just always looks like she’s having a great time, and I love how refreshingly normal she seems. Oh, and she’s hilarious, too.

Fixer-Upper

Kim Kardashian

You know, Kim Kardashian may be totally useless and famous for no reason, but I’ve seen photos of her without makeup, and she’s actually gorgeous. Kim, please listen to the wisdom that the Democracy Diva is about to impart upon you. I promise, I am only here to help.

  • That slicked-back hair needs to go. You shouldn’t aim for hair like a Ken doll – your hair should look like, well, hair. And while we’re on the subject, what’s with the extra-long ponytail? Just get a haircut.
  • I hate denim jackets in general. But an acid-washed denim jacket – that looks as if it is intentionally made to appear inside-out? Thumbs down, Kim. Also, shrunken jackets are not that flattering on your figure.
  • Skin-tight may be a style, but you’re just walking down the street. Does everything you wear need to be so binding all the time? Not that it’s necessarily bad, I would just get really uncomfortable – not to mention sweaty.
  • Beware of those eyebrows – they’re already in a very surprised shape, and if you over-tweeze them anymore, you’re going to look like you’ve had a bad Botox job.
  • Lay off the pancake makeup! You really don’t need it. You have amazing eyes, beautiful lips, and a cute nose. There’s no need to put on stage makeup for a walk down the street in the middle of July. Just let a little more of your natural beauty shine, and you might actually look like a human.

With Great Films Comes Great Fashion: Inception

Ellen Page in Helmut Lang

Obviously when you’re in a hugely anticipated movie with Leonardo DiCaprio, you’re basically required to have a fabulous new stylist make sure that you look amazing at every premiere. This is our dear Juno at the French premiere of Inception (which I just saw with Nate, and we highly recommend it). And she looks so casually terrific, as if to say, “Who me? Oh, I’ve always looked this fierce, you just weren’t paying attention.” Well, Ellen, I congratulate you and your new stylist on a job well done. Sexy dress, great fit, great print. Smoky and dark and interesting. The hair is cute, though I’d trim those side-bangs a bit, I think it would angle your face better. But keep it up, girl.

Marion Cotillard in Christian Dior

A beautiful woman in a beautiful dress, but I don’t know who told her to wear those sandals. They have nothing to do with the rest of the outfit. Just a simple black pump would’ve been fine. But let’s remember, ladies, you’re never fully dressed without some bling. No earrings OR bracelet OR necklace? Come on, Marion. Don’t be afraid to accessorize.

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Midsummer Red Carpet Recap

Forgive me, poodles. I just moved to a new place and just got internet today, so this Diva has not had much time for blogging. But it’s Fashion Week in gay Par-ee, so we’ve got some red carpet looks to catch up on before we hit the big time. Let’s dive in.

Repeat Winner: Prodigy Edition

Dakota Fanning in Elie Saab

Head-to-toe perfection, as per usual. I particularly love the natural makeup; too many young starlets, even if they dress well, tend to age themselves ten years with heavy makeup, but this styling lets Dakota’s youth and beauty shine. The dress is obviously to die for, but I think we need a close-up on those shoes:

Dakota Fanning in Christian Louboutin shoes

Those sexy studded shoes just jumped to the top of my MUST HAVE list. (By “must have,” I of course mean “could not dream of affording.”) This outfit is the textbook definition of gritty-meets-pretty – the girl’s hair, skin, and dress are practically glowing with angelic beauty, but she throws on her studded Loubs and suddenly it’s a whole different ball game. (That’s the first and last sports reference you’ll find on this blog, kittens.)

Fugly Beyond Her Years

Annalynne McCord in Nicole Miller

I’d like you all to guess how old this woman is. If I was in a bad mood, I’d probably guess 45; at my most forgiving, I’d say mid-thirties.

SHE’S TWENTY-TWO. This bitch is MY age and already looks like she’s been chasing her pack-a-day habit with a bottle of gin every night for twenty years. Let’s forget the fact that she broke one of the most important Diva Commandments: Thou shalt wear your actual dress size, not the dress size you aim to be. Other bloggers and fashion experts have wisely said, “Wear a size bigger, and you’ll look a size smaller.” Certainly, this unforgivingly tight dress supports that claim. If only it supported McCord’s breasts.

Fun fact: I wikipedia-ed McCord (to find out her age), and my boyfriend Nate looked at her picture and said, “That looks like Carrot Top.” I rest my case.

Best Nobody

Clemence Poesy in vintage Chanel

InStyle informs me that Clemence Poesy, who has probably the worst stage name I’ve ever heard, is one of the new stars of Gossip Girl. I stopped watching that show when the guy from Next to Normal left the girl from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants for dead in a car crash. (I know their names, it’s just way more fun to refer to them that way.) Anyway, she needs her roots touched up, and I’m not sure her face is quite beautiful enough to be going for that fresh-faced, natural thing that Dakota Fanning nailed above, but this dress is amazing. It’s not exactly hard to wear a perfect, simple vintage Chanel dress, but she kept things neat and simple with the accessories, and I respect her for that. Even if she has a dumbass name.

[Diva’s Note: It just came to my attention (thanks, Thu) that this girl actually played Fleur in the Harry Potter movies! Something I totally should have known, but what can I do, kittens? But the point is, maybe it’s not a dumbass name – it’s really just that she’s French, and has a French name, and I’m an idiot.]

First Lady Fashion

Michelle Obama in Azzedine Alaïa

Too bad for the Canadian Prime Minister and his wife – they’d look pretty cute, if they weren’t standing next to such a fabulous looking couple. Sorry, Canada, but you lose even in this photo, as it is clear that Americans have infinitely better fashion sense. Our First Lady looks truly amazing here – we all know it’s not easy to wear a white dress outside your wedding day, but Michelle not only nails it, but pairs it with great shoes, a fabulous bracelet, and her most flattering hairstyle to date. Not to mention that her arms, legs, and yes, FLOTUS cleavage look simply spectacular.

Repeat Offender

Jada Pinkett Smith

Well. Everything about this is terrible. Actually, to be fair, that tuxedo jacket would be fierce with a t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans, but this… this is worse than Jada’s Tony awards mishap. I just don’t really understand what’s happening on top of her head, but I know it’s giving me a migraine.

Risks That Pay Off

Claire Danes in Zac Posen

Kudos to Claire Danes – this is definitely not a dress that the average woman, or even the average Hollywood woman, can pull off. But I think she’s absolutely glowing in this fabulous Zac Posen mixed print. It could have come off as costumey or even clownish, but Claire nails it, proving that a great smile makes every outfit even more fabulous.

Underage Stripper of the Week

Taylor Momsen

The photo on the left, though it should disturb me, unfortunately is not a surprise. It’s downright tame for Momsen, and actually would make a pretty fantastic Rocky Horror costume.

But the shoes, my friends. The shoes. Clear platform shoes. With actually dollar bills in them. AND THE SHOES SAY “TIPS” ON THEM. I mean, the girl is sixteen – shouldn’t that be illegal?

Best and Worst: Most Surprising Makeovers

Kristen Stewart in Herve Leger by Max Azria

I never dreamed I would say this, but K-Stew looks pretty fucking awesome right now. The new hair color is doing wonders for her. Usually when someone dyes their hair an entirely new color, it looks completely unnatural, but this feels so much more natural than her nearly-black hair did. The highlights frame her face beautifully, and I think the short hair is working for her as well. Not to mention the fact that she’s wearing a killer dress and fabulous heels (Brian Atwood shoes, to be exact). For once, her pale skin looks like beautiful porcelain instead of deathly ill. And those legs? Goodbye, knobbly knees; hello, supermodel. (Well, not quite. But in the immortal words of Whitney Fetterhoff, she’s got one hell of a set of getaway sticks.) And although she’s not smiling in this picture, she also doesn’t look like she wants to kill anyone, and has clearly been making an effort to not look so fucking miserable lately. I don’t know if the Eclipse producers picked a hot new stylist for her to drum up even more press about the film, but big hugs to whoever made this look happen. Let’s hope it stays.

Heidi Klum

Again, something I thought I’d never say: Heidi Klum isn’t looking so great, guys. Her new haircut fully sucks. It’s like if a scissor-happy kindergartener went to town on Anna Wintour’s bob. I guess the choppiness of it is a look, but it just looks sloppy, not chic. And it ages her about a decade – as does the skirt, which could be worn during Klum’s gynecologist appointment, as it provides such easy access. Heidi is a gorgeous woman with killer legs, but a slit that high does favors to absolutely no one.

Best Street Fashion: Diva’s Pick

Drew Barrymore

Recently, someone asked me what I’d wear every day if I could wear anything. I told them it was cocktail dresses with sneakers, but clearly I was wrong. Because this, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly what I would wear to walk around the city. A vintage sundress, hipster sunglasses, my signature messy bun, and the perfect pair of heels. I’ve never seen such effortless fashion before – I actually can’t stop looking at this picture. I think the lipstick matching the shoes is what really seals the deal for me. Never-ending kudos to Drew for wearing this casually around the West Village. I envy you.

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Red Carpet Redux: Best and Worst

I can’t even pretend to call these fashion recaps “weekly” anymore, because I’ve been such a slacker this summer. But better late than never, my darlings.

The Future of Fashion

 

Sometimes I look at Miley Cyrus and Taylor Momsen and I weep for the future, for today’s tweens who will have no fashion icons of their generation to worship when they are old enough for fashion to really matter. But Dakota Fanning always reminds me to believe in America’s youth, because she is fucking FABULOUS. First of all, she’s wearing a dress from Marchesa’s bridal collection, and she is wearing the hell out of it. I’d wear this to my wedding in a heartbeat, and even though Dakota’s wearing this to an awards ceremony and not a wedding, she doesn’t look like she’s in costume or out of place. The black peep toe heels are perfection. They keep the look funky and youthful, and bring a little hardness to such a romantic, breathtaking little dress. Also, let it not go unnoticed that this girl gets more and more beautiful with each passing day. Keep it up, Dakota. The children need you.

Taylor Swift in Galliano

And although she can be quite boring on the red carpet, kudos must be given to Ms. Taylor Swift for this little slice of heaven. The straight hair is a refreshing change – although my uber-judgmental eyes are spotted some seriously damaged split ends – and the dress is gorgeous. The belt buckle straps, the corset-style bodice, the way it flares at the waist, the color, the pattern – it’s all working for me. I’d wear the whole outfit, head-to-toe, in a heartbeat. And I dig the shoes – they keep it casual and youthful.

Miley Cyrus

And then I see this photo, and I lose all faith in humanity.

Another Failed Attempt at Couture

 

Marchesa is one of my favorite designers, and Kristen Stewart is one of my least favorite people, so pardon my incredible bias. BUT THIS GIRL SHOULD BE SHOT.

Okay, sorry, that was harsh. But why, God, why can’t Kristen Stewart just stick to things that are basic? Namely, things that look good on non-celebrities? Because K. Stew is no beauty, and you need to be seriously beautiful to pull off some of the craziness that is Marchesa. You also need to know how to stand up straight, how to keep your shoulders back, how to hide your weird, knobbly knees, how to smile… basically everything that Kristen Stewart fails most at. May this be a message to everyone: It’s good to take risks, but making an obvious reach far outside your comfort zone will rarely pay off.

The Fabulous Frocks of the First Lady

 

Hello, gorgeous! The FLOTUS sex-ed it up for real this week in this fabulous little dress. This is the thinnest she’s ever looked, and this dress hugs all her curves perfectly. I’m actually shocked to see her in something so form-fitting and sexy, because she’s usually more conservative when it comes to the actual fit of the garments. But may all of us have that waistline when we’re 46-year-old mothers of two.

First Lady Michelle Obama in Michael Kors

And Jackie O is reborn. This is classic Americana at its best. A gorgeous color and a great silhouette, and I love that MObama wears that double strand of pearls with everything. It keeps her looks classy and consistent.

Katy vs. Katy: The Battle of the Fugly

 

I’d like to begin by pointing out that this photo takes place at the finale of Germany’s Next Top Model. I’m not sure if that gives Katy a free pass, or just makes the whole already desperate outfit look even more depressing. I’ve already said more about how much I hate Katy Perry’s bangs than anyone should need to say, so let’s move right along to the dress. I believe Tim Gunn would say that this looks incredibly amateurish, like the dress a blind drag queen makes after his first fashion class in Tokyo. (Okay, maybe Mr. Gunn wouldn’t say that.)

But Katy, since you always insist on dressing like a complete fucking idiot, please just take some advice: Skintight plastic is not a good look for your curves, and the flats aren’t helping the situation. When wearing Rainbow Brite’s corset, make sure it flatters your butt and thighs a little more.

Katy Perry

She finally gets rid of those awful bangs, and from the neck up, Katy looks more beautiful than ever. But that dress… ohmygod. It looks like Johnny Weir got into a fight with a chainsaw. It’s just awful. But it does bring back fond memories of when I’d cut up my Brookdale Performing Arts Camp 1998 t-shirt and tie it back together up the sides, because I knew that style looked just as awesome on me when I was ten as it does on Katy now. Nobody is perfect, least of all the Democracy Diva, but at least I got over that particular fashion statement once I hit puberty. What’s Katy’s excuse?

Women Who Should Know Better

 

It pains me to see those little metal studs poking into her fat. Oh my God, J.Lo, just give it up. You’re not a 25-year-old dancer anymore, and wearing something like this basically screams, “I WISH I COULD HAVE MY YOUTH BACK!” And give me the name of whoever allowed you to wear this, because they need to be punched in the face immediately. You’ve had kids; there’s no reason for you to parade around in something like this and expect it to look good. I never expected you to age gracefully, but this is desperate even for a woman who married Ben Affleck AND Marc Anthony.

Khloe Kardashian

You know, I try not to be mean. Seriously, I know I write scathing things about basically every celebrity ever, but I try not to be cold-blooded about it, at least for most of them. But I nearly fell on the floor laughing at how awful Khloe looks here. My first reaction was just to cackle mercilessly about this hot mess of a woman, and honestly, can you blame me? Horizontal stripes, mostly invisible shoes, a sheer robe, and an expression like Kourtney’s water just broke all over her bare feet – it’s almost too bad to be true. This, ladies and gentlemen, is comedy gold.

Double Winner

Salma Hayek in Yves Saint Laurent

It’s a little bit sailor, borderline costumey, but I still think Salma Hayek looks unbelievable in this retro-style dress. The hair, makeup, and accessories all make her seem like she’s ready to perform at a USO show during World War II, but I actually find that really charming. I think a different color purse would have been better, but the look is fabulously tailored, meticulously styled, and altogether fabulous.

Salma Hayek in Alexander McQueen

Purr. Feck. Shun.

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Tony Awards 2010 Red Carpet

The Worst: Hollywood Wives

Jada Pinkett Smith in Marchesa

Will’s wife is, on a normal day, an incredibly beautiful woman. She’s barely five feet tall, which makes her difficult to dress when designer gowns are made for women who are nearly a foot larger than her. That’s the problem here, with this Marchesa cocktail dress. On a woman with neverending legs, this short, squat dress might have worked. But instead it just packs on bulk to Jada’s itsy-bitsy figure, making her look stumpy instead of slim. Also, did she dip her legs in a vat of olive oil in the limo? She’s awfully shiny.

Katie Holmes in Armani Prive

The hair is limp, she’s not wearing enough makeup, and that dress is just so boring. Mrs. Cruise looks uncomfortable and sad, and those looks don’t work on anybody.

Catherine Zeta-Jones in Atelier Versace

Mrs. Michael Douglas reminded the world of how awkward her May-December romance is at the Tonys this year, by discussing their sex life while accepting her (completely undeserved) award. Let’s talk about the face – just what is going on up there? She looks like she’s had some bad Botox or a botched face lift. And that dress is better suited for a little girl at her first big party than a woman bragging about sleeping with an AARP member. Iced periwinkle can’t be worn by girls over the age of 17. It should be a law.

The Best: Broadway Powerhouses

 

This actually was not one of my favorite looks of the night, but I still enjoyed it. It seemed more appropriate for the Country Music Awards than the Tonys, and although Cheno is tiny, I think that hemline is a bit short even for her. But she still looks every bit the adorable little woman she is, and if the dress were three inches longer, I’d love it.

Idina Menzel in Carolina Herrera

Idina looked simply glorious, and younger than she’s looked in years. Her skin looks flawless, her dress is intriguing but simple; mature but not matronly; youthful but not silly. I think she should’ve done a diamond necklace as well, just to glitz it up, but Idina looks as divalicious as ever.

Lea Michele in Zac Posen

What an astoundingly beautiful color. This is a perfect red carpet look – simple in design, but the color ensures that every eye on the Tonys red carpet will be on Miss Lea. Once again, I’d like to see a blingy necklace, but I don’t think Lea could have picked a more flattering, fun, or stylish gown. Kudos to her!

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MTV Movie Awards 2010 Red Carpet

Nothing provides me with as much fodder for bashing celebs as the MTV Movie Awards – except, perhaps, the MTV VMAs. So let’s start making fun of some fame-whores, shall we?

Least Surprising Fuck Up

 

Lindsay Lohan is wearing a bedazzled floor-length jumpsuit. I can’t say I’m surprised, I just feel the need to remind Ms. Lohan that Diana Ross is calling from Studio 54, and she wants her outfit back. And her cocaine, too. Now, kids, prepare yourself for the close-up:

Lindsay Lohan

Oof. Eyeliner smeared beneath the eyes – any lady who’s ever had a few too many cocktails knows that look, and it’s called DRUNKFACE. But we don’t have personal assistants and stylists who can hold up a mirror to us in the limo and say, “Honey, fix yourself.” So at least we have an excuse for running around with our makeup melting off our faces. Lindsay has no such excuse – she just clearly knocked back several cocktails (let’s hope it was only cocktails… and only several) right before she got out of the car.

And, honey, what’s with the boobs? Didn’t you used to have the nicest rack in Hollywood? Your tatties look very depressed, like they’re running away from that freckly patch beneath your saggy pair. And for the love of God, Lindsay, go back to your natural hair color. You have never looked remotely attractive as anything other than a redhead.

Most Surprising Successes

 

I’m fairly certain I’ve never said one positive word about Kristen Stewart before. She somehow scored the leading role in one of the biggest book/movie series ever, even though she’s unattractive AND untalented AND a total bitch who resents all her fame and success. Honey, nobody made you audition for a highly anticipated movie based on a wildly popular bestselling novel. You knew what you were getting yourself into – don’t fucking mope around LA like your life is so miserable.

Before I go off on a complete tangent, let’s get back to the clothes. Ms. Stewart almost always looks like shit, because she has no style, never stands up straight, and always looks miserable. But I have to say, I think this might be the best she’s ever looked. The dress and shoes are undoubtedly gorgeous, she’s learned how to pose like an actual celebrity, and she almost looks like she’s having an okay time!

Kristen Stewart

And this is definitely the most beautiful her face has ever looked. I never noticed before that her eyes are stunning and her skin is lovely. I wish she’d styled her hair, but then again, this is the MTV Movie Awards. People wear jeans on the red carpet to such a bullshit event. Her makeup is natural and lovely, and she only slightly looks like someone just farted in her face.

Whitney Port in Yigal Azrouel

I don’t like Whitney Port on principle, because she’s another famous-for-no-reason wannabe fashion designer with no discernible talent for fashion. But I think she looks unbelievably sexy here. I hate the thick black eyeliner – I think it emphasizes how heavy-lidded and weird-looking her eyes are – and I wish her roots were a few shades lighter, but I love everything else. The dress is beyond gorgeous. Naked-looking, but not actually revealing. Great color, perfect fit, and those shoes add a level of complex styling that I didn’t know Whitney was capable of. And I think she might be wearing a watch, which I respect, because women rarely do that anymore.

Best Accessories/Worst Britney Impersonator

 

Let’s start with the essentials: the dress. From far away, it just looks like she’s covered in lint. And we’ve all seen this outfit before – it’s just a more modest version of Britney’s infamous nude-and-sequined outfit in her “Toxic” video. But there are actually a lot of things I love about what’s happening here, which is particularly surprising, since Katy Perry is up there with Rihanna and J.Lo on the list of my least favorite celebrities, on and off the red carpet.

I actually love the blue color of the wig. What I hate about the wig is those awful bangs that Katy insists upon wearing even though they look terrible on everybody, particularly Katy, who is not a natural beauty, just a decent-looking girl with a great makeup artist. But I actually think that crazy blue is gorgeous with the dress and just nutty enough for the MTV Awards. Those yellow neon nails are so eye-catching and fun, and the best surprise is how they match the shoes:

Katy Perry’s shoes

Come on. Those shoes are gorgeous in their own right, and the matching nail color is just perfection. There were some great style moments in this outfit, but they don’t quite compensate for Katy Perry’s general suckiness.

The #2 Reason I Didn’t Date in High School…

 

…BECAUSE THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT GUYS ON THE JERSEY SHORE LOOK LIKE. This is not even an exaggeration of what they look like – this is actually how fucking stupid most of the guys in my area actually look, complete with the fake tans, excessive jewelry, and truly horrific haircuts. As Cher wisely said in Clueless, “So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair – ew – and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so!” The styles may have changed, but the sentiment remains true as ever.

For those who were wondering, the #1 reason I didn’t date in high school was because I was only attracted to gay men. But I bet you could have guessed that.

Lord of the Ice

 

Johnny Weir is a rock star. Well, not by profession, because he’s actually an Olympic figure skater, but he has the soul of a total fucking rock star. He’s also one of the only Olympic skaters who actually embraces what a huge homo he is. They all embrace it on the ice – I mean, you sort of have to, as there’s basically nothing gayer than figure skating except ice dancing and Liza Minelli – but J.Weir is loud and proud about what a queen he is. And while he sort of looks like the love child of Lady Gaga and Peewee Herman, I applaud him for that fierce blazer and festively cocooning his neck in crinoline for no apparent reason.

But honey, I’d fix the makeup. Either go all-out, and do eye makeup in addition to the copious amounts of blush and lipstick you’re sporting, or nix the makeup altogether. This just looks unfinished.

Fashion Week Favorite

 

Nothing makes me feel better as a fashion blogstress than when my favorite looks from New York Fashion Week get worn by celebrities on the red carpet. As you may remember, this was the final look in Zac Posen’s Fall 2010 collection, which I blogged about as one of my favorites. Fritzy (that’s what I call Anna Kendrick – the character she played in Camp before anybody but me and Cameron knew she existed) looks utterly fabulous here from head to toe. One of her arms is hidden, but I hope it bears a fabulous bracelet, as she looks a little under-accessorized. But this dress is gorgeous without being too fancy for the event, and that’s a difficult line to walk.

Least Relevant

 

It truly depresses me how hard Christina is trying to be Lady Gaga. Christina, you are not Lady Gaga, and you will never be Lady Gaga. And that’s okay – because you’re fucking Christina Aguilera! You have one of the best voices in pop music history, you had a long and brilliant career, and now you have a beautiful husband and child (both Jewish, I might add). You don’t need to be resorting to auto-tuned vocals and over-sexed, overly dramatic music videos and gimmicky costumes. I love Gaga, but we don’t need more that one of her. Just be proud of being Christina, and people might actually still like you. But now you’re just depressing the shit out of us as you try to cling to your youth and fame. And this dress is downright fugly.

Best Dressed/Most Awkward Presenter

 

I could only stomach about ten minutes of the actual awards show, because MTV hasn’t been relevant to my life since 7th grade, and all I really cared about was seeing Betty White and whether Malfoy would win the award for Best Villain. MTV decided to script a super-awkward conversation between ScarJo and Sandra Bullock which of course ended in a lesbian kiss, because it’s MTV. But regardless of how uncomfortable that is, or how hilarious it was to see Betty White politely clapping while those ladies shared a weak-ass, forced kiss, Scarlett looked simply amazing. I would never have worn something this classy on MTV – I’d have saved it for a more formal or less youthful event – but I can’t deny that this look is nearly flawless. I think she might be wearing blue nail polish, which I strongly oppose, but that may just be the lighting. And again, this dress demands a glittery bracelet or necklace to be complete. But all in all, this ensemble is excellent.

—

More fashion to come later, straight from the red carpet at the Sex and the City 2 premieres!

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The Week(s) in Fashion

The past few weeks have seen several Sex and the City 2 premieres, a Glee red carpet event, and several Resort 2011 collections. So let’s make up for lost time and dive straight into the action.

Glee‘s Best and Worst

 

Well, it’s obvious how Quinn Fabray became the most popular girl at McKinley High (before she got knocked up and joined New Directions, of course). She is just a stunningly beautiful woman who embraces her best features. Old school Hollywood hair, contemporary but classic dress, fierce shoes, and the perfect shade of lipstick can go a long way. And I love to see ladies dropping the unnatural shade of orange and showing off their natural porcelain complexion. Maybe everybody looks better with a tan, but nobody looks better with a fake tan, and I like when starlets accept that fate and stay naturally pale. Dianna looks simply marvelous here, and I’m looking forward to seeing what else she’s got.

Heather Morris

Heather Morris plays Brittany, everyone’s favorite dumb cheerleader. She gets all the funniest lines and she’s the best dancer on the show, with the possible exception of Other Asian. And yet, from her ankles up, you’d have know idea she’s on a hit TV show. The hair is awful – one long braid has no place on the red (or, in this case, blue) carpet, and she looks terrifyingly like she might be wearing a Bump-It. She absolutely needs a new makeup artist – the attempt at dramatic eyes just looks messy, and her lips are crying out for some color. That shapeless potato sack of a dress is a terrible color, too. But damn, those Louboutin heels are gorgeous.

Best and Worst of the Resort 2011 Collections

 

Tell me, does anyone really need a denim romper with cuffs and a matching denim blazer? Is there actually a market for this outfit? Is someone lounging around their apartment in their underwear, mourning the fact that they have no denim to romp in? If you are that person, just know that therapy is always an option.

 

This dress had me immediately captivated. Chic and simple, perfect styling – the hair, the eyes, the shoes, it’s all gorgeous, and it all serves to highlight the gorgeous textures and prints in that fabulous little dress.

Yves Saint Laurent Resort 2011

I’m coining a term for this look: Mormon Chic. It’s like a cross between what Chloe Sevigny wears in real life and what she wore in the first few seasons of Big Love, back when they actually dressed her like she grew up on the compound. It’s prairie-licious and fabulous, and I love the stark contrast between that virginal white dress and the sheer black stockings and blood-red heels.

Jason Wu Resort 2011

Though I think this is a little too reminiscent of designers like Christian Siriano for me to over-praise it, I love this dress. It may lack originality in its silhouette, but I think that print is gorgeous, the color is fabulous, the draping is perfect, and it’s something any woman could wear on a night out during her summer vacation.

 

I moaned aloud when I saw this dress. Dior may be repeating some of his old tricks, but this is still impeccably crafted, beautifully designed, and evokes emotion from the people who see it. The barbie-on-acid styling amps up the volume and kicks a bit of edge into a delicate and romantic look. This Diva would wear this gown to her wedding, if she could afford it, and if she didn’t mind looking like she fell in a bucket of Easter egg dye.

Black Lace Gone Bad

 

Oh, V. Cheer up. I know you must be well aware that Gossip Girl‘s death is imminent, since the show stopped making sense or appealing to any viewers quite a few months ago. But that’s no reason to take your feelings out on your wardrobe. Some helpful hints for a woman in mourning:

  • A ponytail is not a hairstyle – at least, not when you’re at the premiere of Sex and the City 2.
  • A scarf is not a shirt. Just because it covers your nipples does not mean it’s clothing.
  • Unless you moonlight as a dancer in a 1980s New York gay bar, there’s never really a need to wear a sheer black shirt.

Christina Ricci in Givenchy

I could focus on the black lace tail that seems to have come lose from the rest of the dress, or the way the entire skirt seems to be made of curly human hair, or how there is some sort of Jetsons-go-to-a-funeral vibe happening with the top of this dress. But all I need to say is that this dress shows UNDERBOOB. Underboob, like jodhpurs, mermaid gowns, and body hair, HAS NO PLACE ON THE RED CARPET. Tuck that shit away. For God’s sake, it’s not even the best part of the boob.

Mischa Barton

The hair. The hair is absolutely killing me. I don’t know what’s worse: the black roots, the platinum tips, the hair extensions, or how unwashed and mentally disturbed all of it looks. And this dress is just an ornate tablecloth torn apart and sewn back together with a peephole that I fear is slowly taking over Mischa’s entire torso. And those shoes just might be the ugliest things I’ve ever seen.

Best of the Week

 

It’s definitely not a dress I would wear, but I respect Emma Watson’s efforts to always dress in pieces that have a one-of-a-kind feel to them. I feel like she nearly always looks impeccably put together, but more importantly, she likes to take risks and surprise people. Note how similar this dress is to Mischa’s above it – both are short white dresses with short sleeves, black detailing, and a cutout in the middle – and yet this is lightyears better than Mischa’s mess. This dress is modern and funky. The cutout just above the waist would be treacherous on a normal woman, but of course it works on Hermione’s fabulous figure. And her legs go on for days thanks to those enviable Christian Louboutin heels that I’m shocked she can even walk in. That hair color is not my favorite – I think it’s a little red for her complexion – but I commend her on a risk well taken and wish her a safe journey in those shoes.

The Worst of the Millennium

 

My dear readers, please don’t get overwhelmed. I know there’s a lot to take in, and that this might be very difficult for you to stomach. But let me hold your hand through this one, and I promise we will be okay.

Now, you may recognize these conical suspenders from New York Fashion Week. In fact, I called those suspenders the #1 worst look at all of Fashion Week. Special thanks to Rihanna for proving me right, as they look even stupider on her than they did in on the runway.

I’m just going to point out the fact that it seems like packing tape is keeping her cones together. I’m also now certain that Rihanna tits are fake – they can’t possibly be that round and perky when nothing is even holding them up. That’s not good genes, that’s just downright impossible.

And she has a red bowl haircut with black roots. I don’t know if I say this enough, but I’d really like her career to be over now, please.

—

Stay tuned: Fashion from the MTV Movie Awards and the Sex and the City premieres will be up soon!

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2010 Cannes Film Festival Red Carpet

Sorry for the hiatus, but this Diva was traipsing around England with her pals. Now that I’ve been home twelve hours, though, it’s of course to catch up on some long-awaited blogging! I present to you, by popular demand, the best and worst of the fashion at Cannes Film Festival 2010!

Fab Front, Dreadful Derriere

Milla Jovovich in Louis Vuitton

I have no idea what Milla Jovovich does. I couldn’t tell you if she’s a movie or TV actress, and I probably wouldn’t be able to look at her and tell you her name off the top of my head, but I do know that she just sort of exists and sometimes wears mildly interesting things. Like the gown above – a golden pink pattern, almost floral, almost glittering, fierce shoes and jewels. But you see that dark train peeking out the back, and it’s like an omen of the horror that is to come.

Milla Jovovich pooping fabric

Milla, no. Why must this sweet dress be ruined by a dirty brown crinkled mess that has nothing to do with the rest of the gown? You would have looked so sweet and lovely if the back of the gown had been trainless and matched the front. Please, starlets, remember to look in a three-way mirror before leaving the house, so you can be aware of the yards of excess fabric cascading off your bum.

The Bitsy Von Muffling Effect


Cate Blanchett in Georgio Armani Prive

Unless you are a middle-aged woman living in a stuffy old townhouse on the Upper East Side, and you have a penchant for gin and passive-aggression, there is no reason to wear this outfit. It’s not that Cate doesn’t look beautiful, it’s just so ladies-who-lunch, Trey’s mother on Sex and the City, WASPy aged trophy wife.

The Power Dress

Carey Mulligan in RM by Roland Mouret

When I am a fabulously successful lawyer and have made my way into the history books as the attorney who fought and won the landmark case that legalized same-sex marriage nationwide, someone please remind me to strut around my office in this eggplant wonder of a dress. And since I’m taking over the world, I’ll take those Fendi shoes as well.

Best AND Worst: Marion Cotillard Edition

Marion Cotillard

Off the crimson carpet, Ms. Cotillard dons a perfect little dress for traipsing around France, and her fun Ray-Bans add an artsy flair. But of course, even in the daytime and away from the movie premieres, a true French fashion icon is never without her Christian Louboutin heels. BUT…

Marion Cotillard in Lefranc Ferrand

Okay, my divalicious readers, say it with me: NO. MORE. JUMPSUITS. Adding insult to injury, this jumpsuit is corseted, glittery, and paired with the worst possible shoes for that ensemble. Marion, darling, just because your outfit pushes your titties up to your earlobes does not mean it is fashionable. Please leave all jumpers, jumpsuits, rompers, jodhpurs, and all other offending pantgear at the door, thanks.

Best AND Worst: Michelle Williams Edition

Michelle Williams

I swear, this Dawson’s Creek alum gets better looking every year. She’s like the female hipster mommy version of George Clooney. She’s head-to-toe perfection – her platinum pixie-cut is uber-fresh and stylish, the makeup is breezy and natural, the dress is trendy, fun, and youthful, and the espadrille shoes are cute as can be. I’d wear this outfit in a heartbeat. BUT…

Michelle Williams in Chanel Haute Couture

This is a sad nightgown that doubles as a shower curtain, not a red carpet look. It’s shapeless, ill-fitted, wrinkled, too long, and boring.

Fabulous in Fuschia

Diane Kruger in Jason Wu

I hate looking at that color next to the red carpet, but were she standing on any other color, she’d look just perfect. Fabulous, modern, fun, formal – Jason Wu is building himself quite the reputation in the fashion world, and this gown shows just why that fabulous rep is well-deserved.

Worst Dressed

Elizabeth Banks in Georges Chakra

Elizabeth Banks is so infuriatingly hit-or-miss lately. I really want to like her, despite some bitchy comments she’s made in the press, because she’s one of the only actually funny women who gets cast in Judd Apatow movies who isn’t Apatow’s wife. It’s hard to find a woman who’s beautiful, marketable, and truly funny – funny in a way that both men and women can appreciate. But Elizabeth, if you don’t stop wearing tie-dyed mullet gowns with cotton candy on the shoulders, I will withdraw all my support of your career. It’s time to hire a new stylist – one who appreciates how stunning you are and enhances that beauty instead of detracting from it.

The Queen of Cannes: Kate Beckinsale

Kate Beckinsale was one of the judges at Cannes this year, and therefore she was on every red carpet, all day, every day, in a zillion different oufits, giving this Diva plenty to say about her. Let’s dive in to some of her fashion choices at Cannes.

Kate’s Best

Kate Beckinsale

I’d have gone with different shoes, but this gown is absolutely breathtaking. The color, the fit, the shape – it’s all there, and it’s all fabulous. She looks statuesque and regal, but she should have gone with shoes that matched the dress or purse a little better. And I hate that sort of keyhole-shaped peep toe; I think it’s very unflattering to the foot.

Excess Pouf

Kate Beckinsale in Marchesa

I love the draping on the bodice of the gown, and I think Marchesa is genius for the way they design layers upon layers of crinoline and tulle, but I think this is a bit much for the red carpet. It may work on the runway, but Kate gets completely lost in this sear of fabric from the hips down. I love the iced periwinkle/lilac color, and I think it’s a flawless look for the top half of her body, but I can’t support that amount of unstructured poofiness on just anybody.

Kate and Carey, Same Style, Same Event!

Kate Beckinsale

This probably would have been my pick for Kate’s best look of the festival (though I don’t love the length), until I noticed what Carey Mulligan wore to the same event…

Carey Mulligan in Azzaro

So apparently, glittering, bedazzled mock neckties/bowties/bows are hot. I liked the trend well enough on Kate, but Carey made me dislike it on both of them – it just seems sort of kitschy and dumb, no?

Fabulous Curtains

Kate Beckinsale in Temperley London

I’d kill to have this gown hanging on my windows, but as far as an actual gown, I think it suffers from the same problems that Michelle Williams pink, curtain-esque, shapeless gown did. I just don’t think gowns like this are particularly flattering, even in a beautiful color and fabric. But the jeweled neckline is certainly exquisite.

Sexiest Gown

Kate Beckinsale in Balmain

That slit is dangerously high, but goddamn it if those aren’t some of the best legs I’ve ever seen.

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Tune in for more fashion later!

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