The Week in Celebrity Fashion: Merry Christmas Edition!

A very merry Christmas to those readers who celebrate it, and a happy new year to all! Let’s celebrate the only way we know how: with a bit of fabulous and a whole lot of bitchery.

Heather Morris at a Flirt Cosmetics event in New York

It’s Brittany, bitch! Heather Morris is looking mighty fabulous in her simple but chic dress, paired with a fierce bracelet and classically beautiful hair and makeup. And I’m told this Glee star is rocking a pair nude fishnets, which are basically my favorite accessory in the universe. Very classic, old-Hollywood glamour.

Florence Welch at the AllSaints holiday party in New York

Here is the incomparable Florence Welch of Florence + The Machine, rocking a leather jacket, many scarves, fabulous camel-brown tights and delectable shoes. And let’s get real – with hair like that, who needs pants?

First Lady Michelle Obama in vintage Norman Norell at the Christmas in Washington concert

The First Lady looks festive but formal in her fabulously girly gown – but more importantly, how fierce does the First Grandma look?! She must be related to this Diva just because she’s rocking heels and a short lacy dress at age 73. (Or perhaps that just means she’s related to Cher.)

President Obama with First Lady Michelle Obama in Marc Jacobs

MObama is sex on a stick in this hot little Marc Jacobs number, and the blingtastic earrings are to die for. The Obamas are posing with an a cappella choir, which is too cute for words. Even cuter is that lucky little queer in the corner whose face clearly says, “Oh my GAWD, I’m totally brushing the First Lady’s boob with my shoulder!”

Kate Middleton in Temperley London at the Christmas Spectacular in London

Delicious. Throw a crown on this bitch already, because she’s clearly ready for the throne.

Emily Blunt in a Roksanda Ilincic dress and Jimmy Choo shoes

I love these colors – they remind me so much of Leanne Marshall’s Project Runway finale collection, very soothing and oceanic. I can’t say I love the dress itself, which has a few too many design elements and some really wackadoodle draping. But I think that thin black lace strap is totally sexy.

Mary-Kate Olsen in Culver City, California

FIERCEST. UMBRELLA. EVER.

Christina Aguilera at the Berlin premiere of Burlesque

Dreadful color (at least with her skin tone, that lipstick, and the Burlesque logo behind her), a truly atrocious fit (seriously, what is up with that bustline?), and the hair and makeup are as trannylicious as ever. Christina is nothing if not consistent.

Cher and Christina Aguilera at a Burlesque photo call in Berlin

I’m actually fully obsessed with this picture, in which two divas pretend that they do not in fact loathe each other. But Cher looks fierce in her leggings and jacket (much more age-appropriate than some of her other recent get-ups, but also a lot more boring). and from the neck down, Christina looks okay. I’m down with the exposed bra because it looks sort of accidental, and it’s Burlesque, for God’s sake. When you’re co-starring with Cher in a movie called Burlesque, exposed undergarments are basically mandatory.

Lady Gaga leaving the Chez André restaurant in Paris

From the waist up, this is the most beautiful jacket I’ve ever seen. I wish the bottom half didn’t look like an old lady’s nightgown, but the top is so exquisite that I almost don’t care. That pearly, greyish pink is just perfect, and it looks particularly lovely with Gaga’s coloring. I’m over the John Lennon glasses, though. I’m ready for a new eyewear trend.

Check back this week for The Best Dressed of the Year!

© Democracy Diva, 2010.

Emmys 2010 Red Carpet

Grab your leopard-print snuggie and a bottle of wine, bitches, ’cause this could take awhile.

Mad Women

 

I’ve been trying for days to like this dress, and I just can’t. It just looks like melted-down solo cups. The texture is horrible, and those cones on her boobs are absurd. That blue might be one of the best colors I’ve ever seen on the red carpet, particularly with January’s coloring, but even that can’t save this hot disaster. And that hair? If you want to have sex in the limo on the way to the Emmys, more power to you. But that does not give you license to have sex hair on the red carpet. Your all-American beauty looks will only take you so far, January. They may get you an Emmy nomination, but you won’t get this Diva’s approval until you learn how to dress.

 

 

My sister Haley brought up an intriguing question to me today: Does Christina Hendricks have an unusually small head? Or, as I posited, is it merely that any head would look tiny atop those giant hooters? Just something to think about. Regardless of the answer, Hendricks is rocking this dress. Totally unusual color, and it complements her hair beautifully. Redheads always rock green and purple outfits, and Miss Joan is no exception. Loving how this dress cinches her waist, shows off her ta-tas without looking vulgar, and then gets all soft and billowy and feathery at the bottom. I think there’s a little too much length at the bottom, but it’s a small complaint. And the sleeves are to die for.

Elisabeth Moss in Donna Karan

Beautiful, simple, and classic, just like Elisabeth Moss herself. The draping is incredible, the color makes her glow, the shoulder piece adds a little intrigue, and I even like the train (and I hate trains). The bling is AMAZING – those bracelets are seriously opulent – and nothing’s better than that sassy little smile.

 

Kiernan Shipka in Papo d’Anjo

You can take your Bettys and Joans and Peggys, but Sally Draper is the real deal. That dress is precious, the hair is awesome, and my ten-year-old self would have killed for those little tiny high heels. Also, her name is Kiernan Shipka, which is awesome.

Modern Ladies

 

It’d be fine without the awkward stripe down the middle. It’s a perfect cut and color for her, but I wish it had some more intrigue and complexity other than the stripe, which is just not particularly beautiful. But the hair is amazing.

This just has too much going on. Less is more, people, and those ruffles over her boobs are just masking Julie’s beauty. This bitch doesn’t age, and has the hair and skin of a freakin’ newborn, but I look at this photo and I only see fabric, not the fabulous woman underneath it.

This is incredibly mature (but not aging) for someone as young as Sarah Hyland, who plays Claire and Phil’s oldest daughter on Modern Family. And she is rocking the hell out of this dress. The fabric is so luxe, it looks like liquid. It also makes her look about six feet tall and totally stacked. The braided/twisted straps are a dream, and the hair is perfect. I hope she doesn’t end up doing crack in five years.

 

 

 

And our favorite middle child is also nailing something chic beyond her years. I could do without the Bat Mitzvah hair and the embroidery on the bodice, but I’m loving the black-on-blue skirt and the funky, stylistic draping.

Glitter Queens

 

Easily the best dressed of the night, Claire Danes proves that simplicity is the name of the game. This dress is phenomenal and it fits her like a glove. I love that the color is just a sparkling version of her own skin tone. I may prefer her with bottled-red hair and flannel shirts, but I will always love Angela Chase.

Jennifer Carpenter in Oday Shakar

Stunning.

Gleeks Gone Glam

 

Hello, gorgeous! This was my other favorite gown of the night. Not every designer can take a 5’2″ girl and make her look statuesque, but of course Oscar can! The color is amazing, the gown is divalicious, her jewelry is awesome (I bet we’re going to see knockoffs of that necklace EVERYWHERE), and this bitch knows how to POSE. The hair could have been a little more formal, but that’s my only complaint.

 

 

Jayma’s beautiful, but this dress is Lea’s dress’s less hot little sister. The jewelry is tacky and her hair is a mess.

 

 

The cutest little queer on two legs. LOVING the treble clef pin on his lapel!

Work it out, Quinn! Black and pink lace together is one of my favorite things on the planet, especially in formal wear. Gorgeous dress with perfect hair and makeup to boot. But she does look a little sad, especially for a ridiculously hot girl on a hit Emmy-nominated TV show. Maybe she’s sad because she’s secretly in love with Matt Morrison, who is over her right shoulder, staring at her shoes instead of her ass. He’s a closet case, honey. Move on.

 

Brittany pulled out all the stops, rocking some serious old-school Hollywood glam. Very impressive for such a red carpet newbie! The makeup artist was a little heavy-handed, but the hair is flawless.

If you took Cha Cha DiGregorio from Grease and added a Lady Gaga wig, you’d get this photo. Seriously, Naya, we all like to play dress-up, but this is your first Emmy red carpet. Is this how you really want to be remembered? In a slutty 80s prom dress, boring shoes, and a hairstyle so stupid even Rihanna hates it?

Funny and Fabulous

 

Holy couture! Kathy Griffin’s body has never looked better, and it takes a confident bitch to rock Oscar with that much certainty. Get it, girl.

Amy Poehler gave birth THREE WEEKS AGO and already looks this good. We should all be so lucky. The color is gorgeous, her tits look amazing, and she’s allegedly wearing half a million dollars worth of Stephen Russell jewelry, though I can’t really see much of it.

Tina Fey in Oscar de la Renta

I could do without the hieroglyphic print, but for a woman who never looks comfortable in a dress, Tina is posing the hell out of this Oscar gown. It’s incredibly flattering to her figure, and it’s much funkier and fancier than she usually goes. It’s curve-hugging but not tight, and the hair and makeup are looking beautiful. Kudos to Ms. Fey for taking a fashion risk and finally having it pay off.

Funny and Feh

Mindy Kaling in Aguri Sagimori

I think Elvira wore this to her high school prom. The shoes are cute, but that hair is much funnier than this season of The Office and this haphazardly-draped crinoline disaster is no better. And a petite girl should know better than to wear a dress with such wacky proportions that ends in the middle of the calf. Unless you’re a supermodel, that’s going to make you look stumpy.

Kristen Wiig

Awful print, stupid belt, poorly fit, and stupid shoulder ruffles. Plus I don’t like the hair or makeup, and the purse is too busy. Fire your stylist, Kristen.

New Diva on the Block Award

 

Last I checked, Nina Dobrev was just another teen mom on Degrassi, and then she was just another teen vampire on Vampire Diaries, and then suddenly she was KILLING IT on the red carpet and performing in the epic Emmys opening number alongside the Glee cast, Tina Fey, Jon Hamm, Betty White, and the rest of TV’s elite. I can’t even believe how stunning she looks. The dress is borderline bridal, but it’s exquisite. The draping at the top is actually breathtaking. The hair is classy and glamorous, and those earrings were the perfect choice. Keep it up, Nina! Looking forward to seeing what else you’ve got.

 

Hottest Couple

Neil Patrick Harris (in Calvin Klein) and David Burtka

NPH’s suit is beyond chic. It seems men fall into two categories: basic boring suit/tux, or trying and failing to spice it up. Neil Patrick Harris, of course, is classy and stylish enough to pull off a funky suit and just look even more dashing. And David looks adorable, as always.

Worst Dressed

 

Oh, lord. A potato sack on top, a magician’s slutty assistant on the bottom, fugly shoes, and way too much jewelry. And that hair? Unless you’re in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerrys, that mess is inexcusable.

 

 

 

Nope. No. Just… no. Your puke-colored, flowered and rhinestoned dress should not have love handle cutouts.

What part of wearing a purple hairy tiered gown appealed to Emily? Because I think she needs to seek mental help.

Stephanie Pratt in Marciano

Sometimes I forget my pants in the limo too, Steph. It happens.

Lo Bosworth in Karen Caldwell

Lo Bosworth thought she was dressing like Mad Men here. She didn’t get the memo that a dress that looks amazing on a 1960s secretary in an office does not necessarily look awesome on a 2010 red carpet. She looks like she’s off to a business lunch, not an awards show. And that skirt should be about four inches shorter. The shoes don’t go, she’s wearing a stupidly large number of rings, and the hair is so bad, it’s almost funny.

Kate Gosselin in Carmen Marc Valvo

For the love of God, just go be with your children and leave us all alone.

Anna Paquin in Alexander McQueen

I love a girl who’s loyal to a designer, especially McQueen, but there’s a time and a place, and this ain’t it. The armored top looks insane, and the skirt is totally wrong. Way too many bracelets, and no hair style to speak of.

Heidi Klum in Marchesa

We get it, Heidi. You like short dresses. But you’re also not 18 and while I’d never tell a woman who looks as good as you that she needs to cover up, this shtick is getting a little tired. It’s not that you’re too old to wear dresses that show your cooter – it’s that your vagina must be tired of all the attention, because we’re tired of seeing her. And is your hair in a flip? The same style that all the boys in my middle school were rocking circa 2001? Because it didn’t work on them, and it sure as hell doesn’t work on you.


Later this week: Your weekly fashion recap (cover all things non-Emmys, from red carpet to editorials and more) and of course, your weekly Project Runway recap! Follow @democracydiva on twitter for updates.

 

 

Teen Choice Awards 2010 Red Carpet

Glee Dos and Don’ts

Jenna Ushkowitz in Tadashi Shoji

Glee‘s resident “Asian” (not to be confused with “Other Asian”) finally looks chic, mature, and utterly fabulous on the red (well, technically blue) carpet. Nude dresses are all the rage, and the interwoven print of those two different fabrics is subtle but gorgeous. I’d have done a lighter shoe (the dress is so pale, plus it’s the middle of the summer) but this is definitely a hit. And her makeup looks absolutely beautiful. She’s glowing.

Naya Rivera

Kudos to Santana for stepping outside the box. It feels like at every red carpet event, young Hollywood tends to wear the same short, tight, sparkly dress over and over again. Just seeing a different silhouette is refreshing. I’m not in love with the pattern (it matches my bedding perfectly, but I’m not sure it’s great on a dress) but it fits her well. I love the length and the way the skirt flares out. I do wish she’d worn a little bling, but she chose the right shoes, and her hair and makeup are natural-looking and perfect. She’s an incredibly beautiful woman, and with a little coaching (and the right gays) she could become a real fashionista.

Heather Morris

Everybody’s favorite dumb blonde is a beautiful girl who consistently looks terrible on the red carpet. This poor girl has no idea what works for her and what doesn’t. First of all, her hair always looks stupid. I don’t understand why she can’t be content to just show off the natural beauty of her gorgeous blonde hair. And her makeup always ages her about ten years. On Glee, Brittany looks fresh-faced and youthful, but this sort of looks like she used ten pounds of makeup to try to achieve a “natural” look. And the outfit is clearly a disaster. Is it an ugly dress, or is it a mismatched top and skirt? The patterns are too much, the proportions are way off, and the fit is terrible. And I’m not sure whether or not I support those shoes. I’m wary of them, to say the least.

But zoom in on that big chunky cuff bracelet, with the exposed zippers and the gold and silver safety pins. That bracelet is gorgeous, and huge, badass bracelets are uber-trendy right now, from the Chanel runway shows to the street. So I am holding out hope for you, Heather, because I know you have potential.

Jayma Mays

I think this is a great dress for Jayma. It says “I may not be a teen, and I may play a teacher, but I’ve got style and a teensy waist and am overall adorable.” Seriously, her tiny little figure is too cute, and the dress is perfect for her. All Jayma needs is some help with accessories. The belt only distracts from the beauty of the dress, and I don’t like those shoes with it at all. And girlfriend needs some bling. But the dress is supremely cute and the hair and makeup are perfection. Keep it up, Emma!

Lea Michele in Naeem Khan

First of all, let’s say what needs to be said: Lea is looking a little thin lately. She used to be normal-woman thin, but now she’s Hollywood thin, and although she looks incredible, I think there is cause for concern. Lea, do not lose another pound, especially if you’re going to be flying back and forth between LA and New York every day to film Glee and perform in the Funny Girl revival. You’re way too classy to become one of those scary-thin, coked-out, over-extended Hollywood starlets. You’re a nice Jewish girl from Jersey – please don’t turn into Lindsay Lohan.

All public service announcements aside, Lea Michele is once again KILLING IT on the red carpet. This dress is mega-sexy, but not inappropriate for a teen event. Her legs are astounding, the Christian Dior shoes were a stroke of genius, and her hair has never looked better. That natural windblown beach hair look is great for her. She could have eased up on the makeup a touch, but that’s a minor complaint. Say what you will about this diva, but bitch knows how to dress like a winner.

Gomez Gone Wild

Selena Gomez in BCBG Max Azria

Selena Gomez in BCBG Max Azria

The little white dress, like the little nude dress, has taken over the red carpet recently. And Gomez rocks the look, particularly because of those fabulous, 1970s sleeves. The hair is effortlessly beautiful, and the makeup is fresh and natural with heavy eyes, which I love. The shoes aren’t for me, but the black nail polish is badass against the white dress. (Remember: black nail polish is okay on the red carpet; it’s dark toe nail polish that makes starlets look like they’re growing fungi.)

But once you see the back, the look goes from fabulously 70s to Studio 54 cage dancer. I’m not saying I hate it, but there’s something a little trashy about all that silver running down her back. But I do commend her for steering away from the shiny, tight, short dresses or red cocktail dresses that she and Taylor Swift basically live in at most events. It’s always good to try something new, even if from the back she looks like a Cher video.

Worst Dressed

Emma Roberts in Brian Reyes

Emma Roberts

Oof. This is a disaster for quite a few reasons. That lime green color is terrible on Emma’s ghostly white skin. I’m pale as can be, but even I know that porcelain-skinned girls need to stick to certain colors or get a tan before appearing on the red carpet. Her skin looks grey, the shoes are too much, and the bag is ugly. But what the hell is happening with her makeup? Who on earth told her that brown shadow UNDERNEATH her eyes was a good idea? The grey skin with the brown bags under her eyes makes her look like she belongs in a hospital, not on a red carpet.

Best Reason to Not Loathe Twilight (But I Still Do)

Ashley Greene in Valentino

Simple silhouette with a unique and beautiful print – always a solid choice. Ashley brought out all the stops in this fabulous little Valentino number. The peep-toe pumps are perfect, the purse is cute, and I’m loving the ring on her left hand. And the hair and makeup are flawless. She’s a stunning girl who made all the right choices, and that’s simply unstoppable on the red carpet.

© Democracy Diva, 2010.

The Week in Fashion

Glee Does Comic-Con

 

Heather (Brittany): I’m not loving those bangs; I think her signature Cheerios high ponytail is much more flattering. The outfit is cute enough, if a bit amateurish.

Kevin (Artie): This boy can sing, dance, act, and DRESS. I wish other young actors took the risks that Kevin takes with his wardrobe. The shirt is stunning, the suspenders are adorable, and he looks unique and chic, if a bit over-dressed for Comic-Con. I’m loving it.

Naya (Santana): Can’t go wrong in a cute floral sundress. Effortless and adorable.

Amber (Mercedes): Cute top and sweater, but it’d look a thousand times better without that belt.

Chris (Kurt): He’s a self-professed comic book geek, so I’m glad he’s showing his roots at this event. But I think he could have paired this outfit with something a little more fashion-forward, since he usually dresses incredibly well.

Jenna (Tina): Adorable dress, great hair. And the nude shoes trend is super-hot right now, so kudos for catching on.

Love the Girl, Hate the Dress

 

Like the Democracy Diva, Anna Kendrick loves her some Marchesa. (The starlet donned Marchesa at the 2010 Golden Globes, at the Eclipse LA premiere, at the Up in the Air Toronto premiere, and more.) Unlike the Diva, Ms. Kendrick doesn’t seem to understand that some Marchesa dresses work far better on the runway than they do on the red carpet. This is one of them.

The lopsided bust, which I’m sure would work fabulously on a 6 foot tall, size zero model, is just unfortunate on Kendrick’s petite frame. The black beading against the blue print isn’t particularly attractive, nor are the proportions of the dress, which make Anna look short and squat instead of long and lean. And those shoes? What drag queen told my girl Fritzy to wear those shoes – especially with that dress? A rookie mistake. And once again, I’d like to remind young Hollywood: If your hair is up and your dress is low-cut, WEAR A NECKLACE. I’m disappointed by her lack of bling. But I do love Anna Kendrick, and I hope she bounces back from this fashion mishap quickly.

The Best and Worst of Biel

Jessica Biel in Giambattista Valli

I’ve never thought Jessica was as beautiful as most people seem to think she is. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a hottie for sure, but she’s got awfully harsh features and she lacks the poise needed to pull off high fashion gowns. But I’m eating my words from the neck down, because I think she looks incredible here, at the London premiere of The A-Team. I normally don’t support sheer gowns on the red carpet, but I can forgive it because this particular gown is just stunning. It fits her remarkably well, making her waist look tinier and her boobs look bigger – and she had a great figure to begin with! I would’ve done black shoes instead of red, but they’re still a good choice. And let’s hear it for a girl who isn’t afraid to bring out the bling. Loving those bracelets.

Now, the hair is a hot mess. How many times do I have to say this – you can’t go all-out with the dress and skimp on the hair and make-up! That frizzy bedhead is not appropriate for such a beautiful gown. But I still give her props for a remarkable effort.

Jessica Biel in Atelier Versace

Well, she’s back to looking stiff and uncomfortable on the red carpet, which is a huge step down. Not that she looked particularly cosy in the Valli gown, but there’s something very cold and unnatural about her in this Versace gown. The gown itself is beautiful, but I just don’t think she’s wearing it well. I think it’s a bit too ornate and vintage-looking for her tastes – she’s very sportswear, Americana, bold colors and simplicity. This gown is anything but. And those shoes were a horrible choice. Whoever invented the teardrop-shaped eyelet peeptoe should obviously be shot. And the silver shoe with the blue dress is very mother-of-the-bride. I’d love to see this dress on Anne Hathaway or another starlet with more traditional, glitzy tastes (and the poise to pull them off), but something about this gown on Jessica just isn’t working for me.

Jessica Biel in Vionnet

It’s a shame, because she looks so much more at ease here, but she’s wearing a glorified potato sack. That sleeve is simply dreadful – unless your arm is in a sling, there’s really no need for that much fabric on the sleeve. And the dress itself is shapeless and dull, like a poorly-made toga. Those shoes look navy, and even if they’re black, they’re clearly not the right black for that dress. And I hate the way the fabric gathers around her waist – it’s unflattering and downright sloppy. Definitely the worst out of the three.

Fergie Fug

Fergie

Now headlining in Vegas: Fergie, the alien warrior princess turned stripper! Oh, Fergie, you can wear whatever the fuck you want, just please stop making music.

Also, it is just me, or does her head seem unnaturally large? Seriously, she looks like a Bratz doll.

Delhi Couture Week 2010

 

Congrats to Delhi on hosting their first ever couture fashion week! I encourage you to check out Tom & Lorenzo for more pics from the runway show; everything is so beautiful and so different from Western fashion.

This couture gown by Manav Gagwani is simply magnificent. I love that you can feel the Indian influence, but you can also see that the designer was inspired by Italian and French couture as well. Every single fabric used is breathtaking. The glitz and glamour of the shiny, glittering fabrics and lace is almost overwhelming. I love the different colors used – iced periwinkles and lilacs, lavenders and silvers. Everything about this gown screams couture. I look forward to many more Delhi Couture Weeks in the future!

The Rapidly Aging Cameron

 

I ask because I care: Cameron, what the fuck is happening with your face? This is clearly a bad Botox job or worse – the skin is pulled awfully tight in some places, while other spots appear swollen and puffy. That can’t be intentional, and it doesn’t seem natural, either. But if you’re going to let your face fall to pieces, at least sport a fabulous outfit to detract from your train-wrecked skin. This sad lump of fabric is not doing you any favors. It has no shape, making you look unfortunately bulbous. Sure, you’ve got killer legs, but this outfit hides your bust, waist, and hips, like you’re just a misshapen potato on two legs. Fire your plastic surgeon and your stylist immediately. You might be 37, but you’ve got the potential to look 30, and right now you’re leaning towards 50.

God Bless America

 

Business chic all the way for Ms. Ferrera! The dress is adorable and professional, flattering and youthful. Though I do need to give her my lecture on NO DARK TOE-NAIL POLISH ON THE RED CARPET. Ugh. The make-up artist was a little heavy-handed, but America looks absolutely radiant, and every professional woman should own a dress like this. Also, that hair is hella sexy.

Worst Dressed

Blake Lively in Preen

Oh, Serena. I know your career goals are to bare as much of your tits as possible on every red carpet, but you have broken the two Golden Rules of Public Titty-Baring:

1. Thou shalt not show any part of the nipple. (This includes even the slightest bit of mysterious skin that seems areola-esque.)

2. Thou shalt not neglect the rest of the outfit just because the titties are bared.

That top is so naked, it looks like it must be on backwards. And those pants? Seriously? We’re wearing high-waisted, wrinkled baggy pants now? Because I simply refuse to support that. And what’s with the shoes? The pants cover up the top ankle strap – that’s clearly not a good sign. And the belt was just a mistake. Aren’t belts supposed to like, wrap around you? Not just poke out awkwardly? Though I guess you can use it as a weapon to fight any comic book geeks who can’t stop staring at your almost nipple. Oh, and brush your hair, for God’s sake. And lose the eight different kinds of bracelets, you look like a tween after a shopping spree at Claire’s.

Best Dressed

 

Hello, Peggy! This is by far the best Ms. Moss has ever looked. She donned this glitzy and glamorous dress for the premiere screening of Mad Men‘s season four in Times Square. The hair is absolutely amazing – thank god we’re saying fairwell to Miss Olson’s signature ponytail! The curly bob is totally chic and works wonders for her features. And the dress! The perfect color, a wonderful fit, and a phenomenal choice for Elisabeth. I love the sassy smile on her face, as if she’s thinking, “Bitches, the days of Peggy the ugly ducking are OVER! This is Elisabeth Moss, glamour queen! Bow down!” I’m looking forward to seeing more like this from the adorable Ms. Moss.

Follow this diva on twitter @democracydiva! And don’t forget to check out my guest blog post with Backstage Barbie!

Glee Does Rocky Horror!

Well, kittens, it seems as though all of my dreams have come true. Ryan Murphy announced yesterday that next season of Glee will feature a Rocky Horror-themed episode. As a Rocky expert (I dare you to challenge me on that) and Glee fanatic, this is basically the biggest news in my life right now (sad but true). So without further ado, I present my dream casting for the episode – who I think should sing what song and why. Now, these are not predictions, mainly because I trust my own judgment better than that of Glee‘s producers. I do not expect Glee to always make the right choices; sadly, they have yet to hire me, so clearly they will be ill-equipped to make the proper decisions regarding their Rocky Horror episodes. But should they choose to come to their senses, they need not look any further than the Democracy Diva.

Song: “Science Fiction, Double Feature”
Who should sing it: Brittany and Santana (Heather Morris and Naya Rivera)
Likelihood: 2/10
Why: A sexy, sultry song fit for a true alto, “Science Fiction, Double Feature” is the opening number in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, actually sung by a man (Richard O’Brien, the film’s creator/resident creeper Riff Raff) but portrayed in the film by the iconic red lips of a woman (the lips belong to Patricia Quinn, who plays Magenta).

The song is basically just a list of sci-fi references, so I think the odds of this making it into the Glee episode are pretty much nil. It doesn’t have the sort of climax that most Glee songs have, nor will it forward the plot in any way. But I think if they arranged it as a sexy duet between our two resident bicurious cheerleaders, it would be unstoppable. Plus, Naya Rivera’s deep rasp is perfect for this number.

Song: “Time Warp”
Who should sing it: Artie (Kevin McHale) as Riff Raff, Kurt (Chris Colfer) as Magenta, Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) as Columbia
Likelihood: 7/10
Why: The most famous song from the show, the Time Warp has it all: sex appeal, creepiness, ridiculous dance moves, and lots of trannies running around in tuxedos. Now, I’ve heard that Ryan Murphy announced the Rocky episode of Glee by telling Chris Colfer that he would get the opportunity to live out his dream of singing “Time Warp,” which would presumably mean he’d be singing the part of Riff Raff (or perhaps they’ll re-arrange the song as a solo). But there’s only one man on Glee suited fill Richard O’Brien’s shoes, and that man is Kevin McHale. Though wheelchair-bound Artie would probably be unable to do Riff’s infamous “kick! kick!,” he’s by far the strongest male vocalist on the show (with the exception of Jon Groff, but I’m not sure if he’s returning next season). And he’s the only one who can sing the sort of rock-theatre style that this song demands.

But Kurt as Magenta? In a big ridiculous wig and a French maid’s costume, with a hilariously bad accent? That would be pure perfection. And Tina’s whiny voice is perfect for Columbia’s solo.

Song: “Sweet Transvestite”
Who should sing it: Puck (Mark Salling)
Likelihood: 5/10
Why: We’ve seen Finn finally stand up for New Directions by donning head-to-toe Lady Gaga drag; now it’s time for McKinley High’s other resident jock to don some drag and gay it up. Puck is a total rock star in his head, which is why he’d be perfect for this ego-driven song of pure attitude. Because as super-queeny as Dr. Frank N. Furter is, he’s also a totally badass maniac, and Puck would not only rock this song, but he’d look damn good doing it. He’s totally the sort of character who would do this as a “look how confident in my sexuality I am” kind of thing – like he’s the only straight guy cool enough to get away with it. Which he is. (Because Finn would just look super-gay.) I don’t know that Glee would want to put their hottest male character (aside from the yummy Mr. Schue) into such a dragtastic role – I only know that if they choose someone else to do it, I won’t be satisfied.

Song: “I Can Make You a Man”
Who should sing it: Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch)
Likelihood: 6/10
Why: Should Sue Sylvester not have an entire song dedicated to what a weeny Will Schuester is? I’d love to see Sue take on the challenge to whip Mr. Schue (or any other character) into Cheerio-standard shape, using this song as her get-pumped anthem. Jane Lynch would be as hilarious imitating Tim Curry as she was imitating Madonna in the “Vogue” video, and she could slip in all sorts of jokes about his hair. After all, even if she’s going to stand up for Glee club, she will still forever be Will’s rival, and we love her for that.

Song: “Hot Patootie”
Who should sing it: Finn (Cory Monteith)
Likelihood: 7/10
Why: The perfect combination of cheese and rock, this song was made for Finn. He’d be strong on the high rock vocals, and the song is right in his territory – loud and fun, but theatrical as well. Plus, Meatloaf is one rock legend Finn has yet to conquer on the show, so it’ll be interesting to see how he handles it.

Song: “Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me”
Who should sing it: Rachel (Lea Michele)
Likelihood: 9/10
Why: Nobody can over-emote like a stage actress, so only Lea Michele can bring to “Touch-a” the over-the-top campiness that it deserves. Not to mention it’d be the perfect song for Rachel to lose her virginity to – a song about an uptight priss wanting to be bad and give it up? It’s the “You’re the One that I Want” from Grease all over again – the good girl gone bad. Lea would destroy the high notes while keeping the princess-gone-wild attitude strong. I can’t see the Glee producers denying this chance for Rachel Berry to diva out and go crazy.

Song: “Rose Tint My World/Floor Show”
Who should sing it: April Rhodes (Kristen Chenoweth) as Columbia, Finn as Rocky, Kurt as Brad, Rachel as Janet
Likelihood: 1/10
Why: I see no possible way that the producers would allow this to happen, but it would be beyond perfect. I know they’re bringing both Kristen Chenoweth and Idina Menzel back next season for more guest appearances, and I’d love to hear Cheno do her squeaky little-girl voice for Columbia’s solo. Finn as Rocky is easy – they’re both dumb as hell and can’t dance for shit – and Rachel the ingenue is of course Janet. But Kurt in fishnets and heels, writhing on the floor with a feather boa, playing Brad even gayer than Barry Bostwick played him, would make television history.

Song: “Wild & Untamed Thing”
Who should sing it: Mr. Schue (Matt Morrison)
Likelihood: 6/10
Why: Who better than the fearless leader of New Directions to lead the most upbeat, frantic, dance-crazy song in Rocky Horror? He’d be able to fit it into some schmaltzy lesson that uses words like “freedom” and “expression” and “passion” and some other crap that fits in with Mr. Schue’s character perfectly. And of course, Matt Morrison would get to show off his impressive dance moves, and this song would also be a great way to feature some of the show’s best dancers, like Brittany and Mike Chang (Harry Shum), better known as “Other Asian.”

Song: “Don’t Dream It, Be It”
Who should sing it: Kurt
Likelihood: 9/10
Why: A gay anthem if there ever was one, “Don’t Dream It, Be It” is not only a celebration of self-awareness, but a ridiculously flaming, over-the-top, Liza Minelli-style ballad with meaningful (if repetitive) lyrics. Its message is not as simple as “be who you are” – instead, you should drape yourself in feathers and be the person (or transvestite alien) of your dreams. And who better than Kurt to give us that message?


Thoughts? Feelings? Leave your comments, as always. And don’t forget to follow me on twitter @democracydiva!

The Week(s) in Fashion

The past few weeks have seen several Sex and the City 2 premieres, a Glee red carpet event, and several Resort 2011 collections. So let’s make up for lost time and dive straight into the action.

Glee‘s Best and Worst

 

Well, it’s obvious how Quinn Fabray became the most popular girl at McKinley High (before she got knocked up and joined New Directions, of course). She is just a stunningly beautiful woman who embraces her best features. Old school Hollywood hair, contemporary but classic dress, fierce shoes, and the perfect shade of lipstick can go a long way. And I love to see ladies dropping the unnatural shade of orange and showing off their natural porcelain complexion. Maybe everybody looks better with a tan, but nobody looks better with a fake tan, and I like when starlets accept that fate and stay naturally pale. Dianna looks simply marvelous here, and I’m looking forward to seeing what else she’s got.

Heather Morris

Heather Morris plays Brittany, everyone’s favorite dumb cheerleader. She gets all the funniest lines and she’s the best dancer on the show, with the possible exception of Other Asian. And yet, from her ankles up, you’d have know idea she’s on a hit TV show. The hair is awful – one long braid has no place on the red (or, in this case, blue) carpet, and she looks terrifyingly like she might be wearing a Bump-It. She absolutely needs a new makeup artist – the attempt at dramatic eyes just looks messy, and her lips are crying out for some color. That shapeless potato sack of a dress is a terrible color, too. But damn, those Louboutin heels are gorgeous.

Best and Worst of the Resort 2011 Collections

 

Tell me, does anyone really need a denim romper with cuffs and a matching denim blazer? Is there actually a market for this outfit? Is someone lounging around their apartment in their underwear, mourning the fact that they have no denim to romp in? If you are that person, just know that therapy is always an option.

 

This dress had me immediately captivated. Chic and simple, perfect styling – the hair, the eyes, the shoes, it’s all gorgeous, and it all serves to highlight the gorgeous textures and prints in that fabulous little dress.

Yves Saint Laurent Resort 2011

I’m coining a term for this look: Mormon Chic. It’s like a cross between what Chloe Sevigny wears in real life and what she wore in the first few seasons of Big Love, back when they actually dressed her like she grew up on the compound. It’s prairie-licious and fabulous, and I love the stark contrast between that virginal white dress and the sheer black stockings and blood-red heels.

Jason Wu Resort 2011

Though I think this is a little too reminiscent of designers like Christian Siriano for me to over-praise it, I love this dress. It may lack originality in its silhouette, but I think that print is gorgeous, the color is fabulous, the draping is perfect, and it’s something any woman could wear on a night out during her summer vacation.

 

I moaned aloud when I saw this dress. Dior may be repeating some of his old tricks, but this is still impeccably crafted, beautifully designed, and evokes emotion from the people who see it. The barbie-on-acid styling amps up the volume and kicks a bit of edge into a delicate and romantic look. This Diva would wear this gown to her wedding, if she could afford it, and if she didn’t mind looking like she fell in a bucket of Easter egg dye.

Black Lace Gone Bad

 

Oh, V. Cheer up. I know you must be well aware that Gossip Girl‘s death is imminent, since the show stopped making sense or appealing to any viewers quite a few months ago. But that’s no reason to take your feelings out on your wardrobe. Some helpful hints for a woman in mourning:

  • A ponytail is not a hairstyle – at least, not when you’re at the premiere of Sex and the City 2.
  • A scarf is not a shirt. Just because it covers your nipples does not mean it’s clothing.
  • Unless you moonlight as a dancer in a 1980s New York gay bar, there’s never really a need to wear a sheer black shirt.

Christina Ricci in Givenchy

I could focus on the black lace tail that seems to have come lose from the rest of the dress, or the way the entire skirt seems to be made of curly human hair, or how there is some sort of Jetsons-go-to-a-funeral vibe happening with the top of this dress. But all I need to say is that this dress shows UNDERBOOB. Underboob, like jodhpurs, mermaid gowns, and body hair, HAS NO PLACE ON THE RED CARPET. Tuck that shit away. For God’s sake, it’s not even the best part of the boob.

Mischa Barton

The hair. The hair is absolutely killing me. I don’t know what’s worse: the black roots, the platinum tips, the hair extensions, or how unwashed and mentally disturbed all of it looks. And this dress is just an ornate tablecloth torn apart and sewn back together with a peephole that I fear is slowly taking over Mischa’s entire torso. And those shoes just might be the ugliest things I’ve ever seen.

Best of the Week

 

It’s definitely not a dress I would wear, but I respect Emma Watson’s efforts to always dress in pieces that have a one-of-a-kind feel to them. I feel like she nearly always looks impeccably put together, but more importantly, she likes to take risks and surprise people. Note how similar this dress is to Mischa’s above it – both are short white dresses with short sleeves, black detailing, and a cutout in the middle – and yet this is lightyears better than Mischa’s mess. This dress is modern and funky. The cutout just above the waist would be treacherous on a normal woman, but of course it works on Hermione’s fabulous figure. And her legs go on for days thanks to those enviable Christian Louboutin heels that I’m shocked she can even walk in. That hair color is not my favorite – I think it’s a little red for her complexion – but I commend her on a risk well taken and wish her a safe journey in those shoes.

The Worst of the Millennium

 

My dear readers, please don’t get overwhelmed. I know there’s a lot to take in, and that this might be very difficult for you to stomach. But let me hold your hand through this one, and I promise we will be okay.

Now, you may recognize these conical suspenders from New York Fashion Week. In fact, I called those suspenders the #1 worst look at all of Fashion Week. Special thanks to Rihanna for proving me right, as they look even stupider on her than they did in on the runway.

I’m just going to point out the fact that it seems like packing tape is keeping her cones together. I’m also now certain that Rihanna tits are fake – they can’t possibly be that round and perky when nothing is even holding them up. That’s not good genes, that’s just downright impossible.

And she has a red bowl haircut with black roots. I don’t know if I say this enough, but I’d really like her career to be over now, please.

Stay tuned: Fashion from the MTV Movie Awards and the Sex and the City premieres will be up soon!

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