Okay, so, we’re doing this. 

DIANE KRUGER vs. LILY COLLINS

Diane: Hmph. Dramatic black textured lady-pants? Real original.

Lily: Sorry, I don’t converse with people who lack strikingly bold eyebrows.

Diane: I could draw my brows on with Sharpie too, darling. I simply choose not to.

Lily: How dare you! I have shaped these to perfection!

Diane: What? I can’t hear you over THAT FUCKING PRINT.

Lily: Oh, but your feathers are so goddamn subtle?

Diane: I’ll have you know that I can make feathers look very natural.

Lily: Well, you do look like a turkey to me.

Diane: Honey, we’re at the same party right now. Are you sure you want to start name-calling when I can just reach over and throttle you?

Lily: Bring it.

MIRANDA KERR vs. KIRSTEN DUNST

Miranda: Love your shoes.

Kirsten: Shut up – I love YOUR shoes!

Miranda: Well, I’m glad you’re inspired by my style, but you could have asked before stealing my dress and setting it on fire.

Kirsten: But the singed look really works for me, doesn’t it?

Miranda: Did you just accidentally eat a lemon?

Kirsten: Um, why the fuck would you ask me that?

Miranda: Oh, nevermind. I guess that’s just your face.

Kirsten: These shoes are vintage. Please shut the fuck up so I don’t have to ruin one by kicking your ass.

Miranda: I’m more worried about you smothering me to death with your breasts.

Kirsten: You should be.

OLIVIA PALERMO vs. ZOE KRAVITZ

Olivia: *whispers* Maybe if I keep my sunglasses on, no one will know I’m actually a robot.

Zoe: Excuse me, what?

Olivia: NOTHING. MY EYES AREN’T FORCED INTO THIS POSITION BY LASER BEAMS. I ABSOLUTELY AM HUMAN. WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

Zoe: I… are you okay?

Olivia: *mutters* I was not manufactured in a lab by Karl Lagerfeld, Anna Wintour, and a pile of feathers.

Zoe: … well… good, I guess?

Olivia: I AM TOTALLY A PERSON. I AM NOT A ROBOT PROGRAMMED TO STEAL YOUR STYLE AND/OR SOUL.

Zoe: Psh. Like you could ever steal my style.

Olivia: MISSION. ACCOMPLISHED.

Zoe: Oh, shit.

LÉA SEYDOUX vs. JESSICA CHASTAIN

Léa: Bonjour, Jessica!

Jessica: Can you give me just a second? As you can tell by my face, I’m midway through reacting to the sight of a particularly unimpressive penis.

Léa: But of course. Go right ahead.

Jessica: Ah, that’s much better, thanks.

Léa: So – when does zee murder start?

Jessica: Murder?

Léa: This is like Hunger Games, but for fashion, non?

Jessica: Well, yes, but we don’t actually MURDER.

Léa: Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure I’m SLAYING right now.

Jessica: Touché, Ms. Seydoux. Touché.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2016.
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