Okay, other things are happening on the red carpet besides the Harry Potter premiere, and we’ll get to that, but let’s start with our favorite wizard superstars! (Worry not, Muggles, we’ve got non-magical celebs in this post too.)

The big winner this week is obviously Ms. Hermione Granger herself, who is pulling out all the stops for all the Harry Potter promotional events and premieres. I knew she’d give us something fierce and fabulous, but this bitch looks HOT. I love the sexy little modern flapper dress; it works wonders with her fabulous new pixie cut. And, I know he’s not the foreground in this picture, but can we just talk about how sexy Ron Weasley looks in the poster behind her? Seriously yummy.

As friends of this Diva are well aware, I will be donning my best Bellatrix Lestrange gear when I see the movie next week. But I’m thinking I’d rather just wear this crazy get-up and go as Helena Bonham Carter, who is nearly as fucking nuts as the she-villain she plays. Although, for Ms. Carter, this is downright normal.

Also, I want to meet the people in the Death Eater masks standing behind her. I know they’re fans, but I’m going to pretend that they’re her bodyguards, ready to Crucio the shit out of whoever gets in her way.

Gorgeous, but seriously matronly. I know Fleur’s getting married in this film, but she’s still playing someone who’s approximately twenty years old. She could go a little more youthful, no?

Hello, Draco! You can take me over to the Dark side any time, as long as you keep wearing such fabulous suits. Matching your tie to your baby blue eyes was a stroke of pure genius, almost as brilliant as fixing that Vanishing Cabinet in the Room of Requirement so you could sneak the Death Eaters into Hogwarts. (Seriously, it was a good plan.)

I love American boys as much as the next girl, but goddamit, nobody can wear a suit like British boys. Here are the Weasley twins, barely recognizable without their red hair, rocking some serious digs. I love that these men and Mr. Malfoy are not afraid to incorporate color, texture, and a sexy vest into their attire.

I just needed to point out to the world that THIS IS WHAT NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM LOOKS LIKE NOW. Holy shit, that boy has grown up deliciously well. I’d let him use his Gryffindor sword on my Horcrux any day, if you know what I mean.

Do you think J.K. Rowling and Emma Watson intentionally coordinated their outfits? I hope so. I can’t remember Queen Rowling ever looking so beautiful. And the boys look handsome as ever, but I don’t think they look quite as dapper as Draco and the Weasleys. (That’d be a good band name, no?)

Okay, enough wizardry. Who else strutted the red carpet this week?

I know that I should hate this, and in a normal context I probably would, but my fashion expectations for the CMAs are considerably lower than for most red carpet events. So I’m going to give Carrie a pat on the back for attempting something that’s not white, Grecian, or sparkly. At least she gave us a little intrigue.

Cute dress, but not earth-shattering. It’s refreshing to see her fully clothed and not fellating a lollipop, though.

Maybe this saloon whore gown would have been appropriate for the CMAs, but I don’t think Europe is quite ready for this level of American trash.

Dear Blake:

That’s not how belts work.

Love,

The Democracy Diva

P.S. If I can see your shirt peeking out under your skirt, you need to rethink your outfit.

Delicious. Perfect starlet street wear. Easy-going, breezy-chic dress, great accessories, a gorgeous smile, and killer shoes.

Oy. Dakota can usually be counted on for something tiny, shiny, lacy, and fierce, but this is a colorless, shapeless mess. She looks like a sad child bride.

Yes, that’s Chuck Bass, posing with Mick Jagger’s daughter. It’s good to be young, hot, and British, even for Muggles. And let’s give it up for Ms. Jagger for inheriting badass style and a fabulous pair of lips from her dear old dad. Loving that little red dress.

Terrible. The sleeves, the shoulders, the length, the proportions, the fakest tan since my Halloween Snooki spray tan. It can’t get worse than this…

Looks like I was wrong. Because SHE’S WEARING A GIANT DIAPER PANTY. This isn’t a dress, it’s a vest with tails over granny panties! WHO ALLOWED THIS?

Oh, good lord. This is the most tranny flamenco dancer garment I’ve seen since Project Runway‘s Casanova. I’m getting convinced that this is just a drag version of Eva Longoria.

Tina Fey was in my neighborhood this week, being honored with a prize for comedy at the Kennedy Center. And for the second week in a row, this funny bitch rocked the red carpet in a fierce little getup, showing surprising trendiness, a glamorous hairdo, and an old Hollywood glamour.

Oh, Rihanna. Always looking terrible, but never hitting rock bottom. Can someone please explain to me what that bulge is around her waist? Did she try to make a fannypack out of papier-mache?

Literally perfect from head to toe. Even this Diva Bitch can’t find something negative to say. Keep it up, Annie!

Finally, the “fuck you” to the Project Runway Gretchen-lovers that we’ve all been waiting for. Dedicated readers will recognize this dress as one of the finale looks from fan favorite Mondo Guerra. You might also remember fellow judge Nina Garcia mocking our dear Heidi with a snappy, “I’d like to see you wear that dress,” referring to a long-sleeved twin of this dress. And of course, not one to be sassed, Queen Heidi wore this dress – and rocked it. It’s nice to know someone associated with that show still has some style – besides the omnipotent Tim Gunn, of course.

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© Democracy Diva, 2010.