Trannies & Cameltoes: The 10 Worst Looks from New York Fashion Week

10. Vagina Cleavage

Project Runway's Andy South Spring 2011

It makes me very upset to say this, but I need a word for when you can see a little side-vagina action, a la Lady Gaga. Side-gina? Vagina cleavage? Peek-a-vag? (I think that’s my favorite.) Maybe we should name it after Gaga and call it a Gagagina. Dear readers, I wish there were not a need for me to invent such a term, but Andy committed a serious fashion faux pas by letting this model walk down the runway in an over-designed bathrobe and a cooter-revealing panty. Andy, I believe that your model got a bikini wax before the show. You really don’t need to prove it to us.

9. The Tiny Backwards Apron

Charlotte Ronson Spring 2011

Really? That’s the part of the body we’re choosing to emphasize? The area between the boobs and the bellybutton is not something that women want to highlight with window curtains. That square patch of exposed skin is beyond unnecessary. Also, is it just me, or is this Kurt Cobain in a skirt?

8. Drab and Sad

Richard Chai Love Spring 2011

Anybody in the market for an over-sized denim tunic and a saggy double-layered skirt? No? I didn’t think so.

7. My Lovely Lady Lumps

Doo.Ri Spring 2011

Oh, lord. Why would anybody place seams in those places? It just makes this poor bitch look like her (nonexistent) fat is busting out of that dress. And the diagonal pieces across her tummy? No, no, no!

6. The Worst of 1999

Y-3 Spring 2011

I had that belt in seventh grade, and even I knew it was lame. Also, that shirt is so tacky I’m pretty sure Jessica Alba wore it in Never Been Kissed. (Yeah, she was in that. So was James Franco. Look it up.) And I’m pretty sure MC Hammer would look at those pants and say, “That’s a bit much.”

5. The Tranny Orchestra

Elise Øverland Spring 2011

Okay. So this is a dude with a mohawk wearing pants under a skirt while playing the violin. And he had Taylor Momsen do his eyeliner. If this is fashion, I may as well just give up right now.

4. Ugly Pants: The Sequel

Malandrino Spring 2011

For some reason, Catherine Malandrino neglected to read my last post about her ugly pants, and continued her trend of saggy crotches. One season of jodpurs may be forgivable, but two? I will not stand for such offensive clothing.

3. Ugly Pants is Better than No Pants At All

Malandrino Spring 2011

Knitwear legwarmers as pants? Plus a nipple-tastic ratty tee and a giant panty? Okay, Malandrino. I’ll take the saggy-vag pants over this shit.

2. Creature of the Underworld

Jen Kao Spring 2011

Dear readers: If you ever see me in a greasy mullet, scary bottom-lid eyeliner, thick-thighed sheer pants, and whatever the fuck those “shoes” are, please commit me to the nearest rehabilitation center. Thank you.

1. The Cameltoe

Sachin + Babi Spring 2011

Look at this poor model’s face. She’s saying, “I’m wearing a jumpsuit in a pattern best suited for your grandmother’s couch, with a karate belt, Wonder Woman bracelets, and queer little bows around my ankles. AND LOOK AT WHAT THEY DID TO MY POOR VAGINA!” In other news, I don’t think  I’ve ever used the word “vagina” so many times in one post. I’ll work on that, dear readers.


Up next: The ten BEST looks from New York Fashion Week! Follow me @democracydiva for updates.

Best Collections of New York Fashion Week

No surprise here – in a week full of tans and taupes and creams and whites, two collections stood out from the crowd: Oscar de la Renta and Marchesa. I highly suggest you check out the full collections and weep over all the unattainable beauty for yourselves.

Oscar de la Renta

Oscar de la Renta Spring 2011

Oscar de la Renta Spring 2011

Oscar de la Renta Spring 2011

Oscar de la Renta Spring 2011

Too many designers took “spring” to mean droopy, dreary, washed-out clothes that lacked color or personality. Not Oscar. He emphasized the vibrancy of spring in his color palette and was unafraid to emphasize the woman’s body in his silhouettes. His tweed suits and dresses were very Coco Chanel, and the entire collection felt like a more modern, more luxurious version of the Mad Men. It may not have been the most innovative or forward-thinking of collections, but we love Oscar for taking what’s classic and making it feel new again, and that’s exactly what he did.

Marchesa

Marchesa Spring 2011

Marchesa Spring 2011

Marchesa Spring 2011

Marchesa Spring 2011

Marchesa designer Georgina Chapman knows drama. Her collections don’t change drastically from season to season, but somehow every voluminous dress looks newer, more spectacular, and more gravity-defying than the last. They’re far from wearable – I mean, can you imagine sitting down in that blue gown? – but you can see the detail and creativity that goes into each piece. And although I’ve seen Marchesa and other designers do those intricate cut-out designs before, they never cease to amaze me.

Up next on the blog: The 10 best and 10 worst looks of New York Fashion Week! Stay tuned and stay updated @democracydiva.

New York Fashion Week: Spring 2011’s Biggest Trends

The great thing about having the flu is that I have all the time in the world to blog! We’ve got some serious fabulous to get through, so let’s start with New York Fashion Week’s hottest (and nottest) trends.

Splattered Paint

Project Runway: April Johnston Spring 2011

I first noticed this fabulous trend while flipping through the Project Runway collections. I couldn’t believe how strange and sexy the paint splattered across the models’ thighs seemed. This absolutely gorgeous top is also paint-splattered. It’s hard to make something like that look expensive instead of gimmicky, but April nailed it, through and through. And clothes artfully splattered with paint made their way up and down dozens of other runways during New York Fashion Week.

Richie Rich Spring 2011

Carlos Miele Spring 2011

Alexandre Herchcovitch Spring 2011

Betsey Johnson Spring 2011

The American West

The wild wild west was a huge trend last season, and the love of the heartland permeated this season as well. The influences ranged from Native American to prairie girl to old-time saloon whore, and they spanned collections from Ralph Lauren to Anna Sui.

Anna Sui Spring 2011

Anna Sui Spring 2011

Betsey Johnson Spring 2011

L.A.M.B. Spring 2011

Vivienne Tam Spring 2011

Ralph Lauren Spring 2011

Ralph Lauren Spring 2011

Fugly Sunglasses

The world’s ugliest sunglasses made appearances on the face of every malnourished woman over 5’10” this season. Inspired by John Lennon, that atrocious remake of Willy Wonka, and those little plastic glasses they make you wear at the tanning salon, an embarrassingly large number of designers showcased some seriously fugly sunglasses. Let’s take a look.

Tracy Reese

Alexandre Herchcovitch Spring 2011

Anna Sui Spring 2011

Diane von Furstenberg Spring 2011

Leifsdottir Spring 2011

Knitwear

Nothing like a little crocheting to get your through the spring! Knitwear, particularly in black, white and cream, was all over the runway this season. Shirts, coats, dresses and more, designers focused on the beautiful intricacies of knit garments in their collections.

Anna Sui Spring 2011

Ralph Lauren Spring 2011

Tibi Spring 2011

Vivienne Tam Spring 2011

Check back here for more Fashion Week updates! Look out for posts on my red carpet predictions, my favorite collections, and the best and worst looks of New York Fashion Week! Follow me on twitter for all the latest news @democracydiva.

The Week in Fashion

The Fashion Professionals

Vogue Editor Lauren Santo Domingo

This bitch has “fashion editor” written all over her. She’s a doppelganger to Dianna Agron (Glee‘s Quinn), only twice as fashionable. That skirt is beyond gorgeous and belongs in my closet immediately. Why don’t we all own perfectly fitted pencil skirts in crazy gorgeous prints? And those heels scream Vogue from a mile away. The perfect highlights, and that glance over the shoulder like she owns Manhattan. God bless her.

Fashion blogger Emily Theobald

This is proof of how a few classic but simple items are all you need. A vintage sundress, a skinny belt, brown sandals, and oversized sunglasses – all perfect for a late summer’s day of running around the city. It’s quirky and casual, like a professional blogger should be – you can tell by her laid back appearance that her work day involves a comfy chair, a dog on her lap, and a strong cup of coffee.

Joanna Hillman, senior fashion market editor at Harper's Bazaar

And this lady’s outfit says fashion/business all the way. The blouse is gorgeous, very European-looking, but crisp, so you know she’s serious. Those pants are the perfect cranberry color and make this skinny bitch’s legs look about eight miles long. The sunglasses, purse, lipstick and shoes say “I’m fabulous and you better not fuck with me,” but the casual braid says “See how I don’t even have to try hard to look this good?”

Jilian Sanz, fashion director of Haute Living magazine

And this woman looks like a Parisian socialite – she’d be complete if she were holding a Lanvin shopping bag. The sheer blouse compared to the long, sturdy skirt is a nice mix, and that greyish pink mauve leather is gorgeous. And the little eyelet peep-toe heels? Precious. Not to mention the jewelry, which makes the outfit.

The Fashion Show Attendees

Leighton Meester at the Derek Lam fashion show

Combat boots? With white sweatsocks? Leighton, are you trying to give me an aneurysm?  The dress (or perhaps sweater/skirt combo) is dull as they come, and the metal bracelets taking over both her wrists give off a Wonder Woman vibe, and not in a good way. And what’s with the lack of hairstyle and makeup? This is New York Fashion Week. You’re going to have to try a hell of a lot harder than that.

Jenna Ushkowitz at the Rebecca Taylor fashion show

Attention, universe: Jenna Ushkowitz is clearly in desperate need of a stylist. That awful color, the oversized top, the whole peasant vibe it gives off, and that dreaded headband – this girl needs to be saved.

Portia de Rossi at the Richie Rich fashion show

Portia, who cut your bangs? Actually, let me put that more accurately: How fucking drunk was the blind mental patient who cut your bangs? Seriously, Portia is ordinarily a beautiful woman and here she looks like a seven-year-old boy.

Sarah Jessica Parker at the Diane Von Furstenberg fashion show

The hair looks as if she just barely escaped and wind tunnel, and the dress looks more like my grandmother’s droopy old apron than anything that should be in the same room as Diane Von Furstenberg.

The Fashion Party-Goers

Leighton Meester in Marc Jacobs

Way to turn up the heat, B! Leighton redeems herself in one of my favorite looks from Marc Jacobs’s Resort 2011 collection. The dress is breathtaking on her, the purse is completely badass, and I think the white shoes were a bold and wise choice. And see the difference it makes when her hair and makeup are done? Poof, instant starlet.

Alexis Bledel

Our very own Rory Gilmore was all over the Fashion Week scene. I’m liking the lighter hair color, and though the dress is pretty overdone, it’s cute enough. Particularly for someone who doesn’t dress particularly well. The pumps and clutch were an obvious choice, as was the matchy-matchy gold bracelet, but who can say no to those blue eyes?

Outside New York

Alexa Chung in Rachel Antonoff

Alexa Chung takes over London in this fabulous little yellow number. Perfect cut and fit, a bright and fun print, and freaking adorable grey booties.

Cate Blanchett in Christian Lacroix

Holy hell. Now this is a dress. The sleeves, the neck line, the colors, the fit, the draping of the skirt, the impeccable details – Cate truly looks like royalty in this gown. Her porcelain skin and boyish haircut just add another element of high fashion to an already fantastic look.

Emma Stone

Too big on top, too short on bottom, too long in the sleeves, tacky colors, and a vomit-inducing print. Yup, this is about as many mistakes as you can make at once on the red carpet.

Carey Mulligan

Oh, jeez. What is it, Carey, your bat mitzvah? What post-adolescent woman would be caught dead in something so Tinker Bell? It’s just incredibly immature. Even the cut of the dress looks more appropriate for a little girl than a woman. And the shoes only make matters worse. Glinda the Good Witch would look at this and go, “Whoa, girl. Chill out on the sparkles.”

Blake Lively in Chanel Haute Couture

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Blake Lively was the best dressed of the week, in my humble opinion. I am literally drooling over this blood red Chanel dress, which shines like it was laquered. And although it brings to mind awkward images of flowers sprouting from Serena’s nether regions, I think the red flowers are absolutely breathtaking. It looks so meticulously made, and it fits Blake like a second skin. The matching shoes are intense, but I think they make a strong statement. Her cocktail rings are what truly complete this look, especially the one that matches the dress. And with her red lipstick and effortlessly sexy blonde hair, Blake looks damn near perfect here.

I’m reviewing all the collections from New York Fashion Week, so keep checking back for updates! And follow me on twitter @democracydiva.

The Week in Fashion

It’s New York Fashion Week! And although I’m not blogging about the collections quite yet, there’s still a lot of fabulous happening on the red carpet, in the front rows of the fashion shows, and in the magazines this week. So let’s get started!

Editorials: Divas in the News

Lea Michele in Magaschoni top & Michael Kors leggings for Glamour

I am fully in love with this picture. Glamour should have chosen it for the cover, but of course they went with one where she’s not wearing pants. Sigh. Regardless, there’s something so fabulously A Chorus Line about this outfit. Totally what you’d expect a Broadway star to be lounging around in on her day off. And the bangs, the eyes, the lips – she’s looking totally gorgeous.

Marc Jacobs and Lady Gaga in Louis Vuitton for V Magazine

Lady Gaga as the Statue of Liberty, half naked, in front of a shopping cart, with Marc Jacobs sitting on a television next to her. I can’t say I get it, but I certainly like it.

Lady Gaga for Vogue Hommes Japan

I am loving this cover. Perfect pose, perfect make-up, fabulous nails, and her smokin’ body is covered in raw meat. Gaga knows how to get people to pay attention, and this is a perfect example of that quality. And if anybody can rock a raw meat ensemble, it’s Lady Gaga. She makes it look like fashion.

The Venice Film Festival

Natalie Portman in custom Rodarte

I don’t like the hair and I probably wouldn’t have chosen white shoes, but everything else about this look is simply gorgeous. The dress is sexy as hell but not revealing; it feels like classic red carpet Hollywood but has all sorts of tricks and complexities to it. The straps and shoulders and the bodice are just stunning, and as usual, Natalie looks like an Israeli goddess.

Jessica Alba in Valentino

Why, Jessica? Why is your skirt so much longer in the back than in the front? Is this a white trash themed costume party and your dress is a coy reference to the mullet? There is just nothing attractive about a mullet skirt, honey.

Michelle Williams in Jason Wu

That right-to-the-elbow sleeve length keeps popping up and I’m fully obsessed with it. And although this is a blah color, Michelle is absolutely rocking this. I’m a little over the neck bow trend – Kate Beckinsale and Carey Mulligan wore them all over Cannes – but I still think this is just precious and classy and it still maintains Michelle’s hipster-chic aesthetic.

Michelle Williams

Perfection. I’d wear that dress in a heartbeat, and those shoes are killer. She could not be cuter.

Clemence Poesy in Louis Vuitton

Parisian chic at its best, our very own Fleur Delacour is rocking a look that always looks better on French girls. A silk shirt with a giant bow tucked into a blue skirt, plus sex hair and barely-there makeup? Simply beautiful.

Fashion Elite at New York Fashion Week

Diane Kruger in Chanel at the Chanel Boutique opening party

Oy. Well, at least the shoes are cute. The rest is just too much. Sloppy hair and all that fabric? Plus a belt over it? She looks like she’s in a slutty chicken suit.

Blake Lively in Chanel at the Chanel Boutique opening party

I’m pretty sure I’ve never before seen Blake in an outfit that didn’t expose her boobs and/or legs. So I respect the attempt to cover up, and the Mary Jane shoes are awesome, but this dress is beyond tacky. And blow dry your fucking hair before you go to a Chanel fashion week party. Show some respect.

Blake Lively in Marchesa at Fashion’s Night Out: The Show

Okay, you win. I’m obsessed with this. Showing a lot of leg and a bit of boob, like Lively always should. That print is beyond gorgeous, the bracelets are kickass, the shoes are fierce, and I like the makeup. I think she’s always absurdly lazy about her hair, which is why she’s rocking a pony, but at least it works.

Leighton Meester in Versus at Fashion’s Night Out: The Show

Well, this is fugly. Like, so fugly I wouldn’t even wear it as a Halloween costume. It’s glorified underwear, and worse than that, it just looks cheap and tacky. If you want to go out on the town half-naked, so be it, but your outfit still has to be chic and fabulous, and this is NOT.

Maggie Grace in Christian Siriano at his Spring 2011 fashion show

Another epic print and adorable silhouette by the lovely and talented Christian Siriano. (Although the blogosphere is saying his collection this week was underwhelming… but we’ll get to that in a few posts.) I love this dress because it’s effortless – it does all the work for Maggie. Just throw on heels and eyeliner and you’re ready to go.

Miscellaneous Fabulous and Fugly

 

Hello, teeny little waist! America Ferrera looks completely amazing in this dress. I’m obsessed with the sleeves and collar, the skinny belt is perfect, the length is super-flattering, and the accessories are simple and perfect. I think every professional woman should have this dress hanging in their closet.

Jessica Simpson in a design from her own denim collection

Jessica is modeling her own design, so there is no one to blame for this atrocity except for Jessica herself. I am getting physically ill at the sight of that cheap denim with the tacky gold zippers and buttons. This is denim at its worst.

 

Katrina Bowden in Theia

It’s pretty easy to always look great when you’re blonde and blue-eyed and approximately eleven pounds, like 30 Rock‘s Cerie. But Katrina keeps cropping up on best-dressed lists, and this dress proves she deserves it. Another adorable and unique print, which is always nice to see. She could use a necklace, bracelet, or purse – just something to make her look less naked. But this is a fabulous little number.

Kim Kardashian

Dear Kim:

What, what, what are you doing? Look at those leggings. Look at your choices.

Love,

The Democracy Diva

Lea Michele in Erdem

I’ve blogged about dresses nearly identical to this twice so far – Chloe Sevigny rocked one at the Met Gala, and Eva Mendes wore it in July 2010. So I’m a little bit over this, but I still think a long-sleeved cocktail dress is a wonderful thing. And even though it’s overdone, the color and print are beautiful. But can we please talk about Lea’s hair? This better be for Glee, because if Lea is actually choosing to wear those horribly distracting highlights/extensions, this may be the end of my love affair with her. (Just kidding. I’ll always love you, Lea.)

I’m working on your fashion week posts as we speak! Stay up-to-date by following me on twitter @democracydiva!

Diva’s Choice: Something Bold, Something New

Oscar de la Renta Spring 2011 Bridal

The black wedding gown.

Well, sort of. The tulle overlay is definitely navy, according to my eyes and the Oscar de la Renta website. Perhaps the entire dress is navy, but I find that more difficult to see. Regardless, the shade is not as important as the revolution of the colored wedding gown.

To wear ivory or champagne instead of white is becoming more popular with modern brides, but to dare to even wear a blush pink or yellow or peach is stretching far outside the realm of normal, at least for first-time brides. More second-or-more time brides don’t wear white because they feel the jig is up; they’re clearly not virginal. But just because white represents purity, and that was the traditional reasoning for putting new brides in white, doesn’t mean an intact hymen is a requirement for wearing a white gown. I say, wear what you feel the best in – if you’ve always pictured yourself in a white gown on your wedding day, don’t pick champagne just to be modern, prove a point, go against tradition, or proclaim your non-virginity. But of course, don’t feel that you need to wear white just because it’s the tradition! Oscar de la Renta and countless other designers and real-life brides have proven that you can have your dream wedding in a dress of any color, regardless of what your Jewish grandmother tells you.

Anyway, let’s get back to the dress in question. As few women travel outside the world of white and ivory, it must be a minuscule amount who choose a dark color. And yet this feels unquestionably bridal. The veil helps, of course, but even without it, I think this would still be unmistakably bridal. The cascade of silver from the bodice down to the bottom of the skirt helps brighten the gown; it still shines the way a new bride should. And though I’m not crazy about veils in general (I only like them so the groom can make sure he’s marrying Rachel and not Leah), I find this one particularly beautiful. It feels like the little silvery butterfly-like designs are floating magically up throughout both the gown and the veil, and it brings such a heavenly feeling to the entire look.

So if ever there were an angel dressed in black, this is she. What a beautiful sight.

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