Unconventional challenge time, hookers! Get those paws up, ’cause we’re buying your supplies at a fucking pet store! No, you can’t skin a puppy!

ANTHONY RYAN (Top 2)

In defense of Anthony: This dress is made of birdseed. BIRDSEED, for the love of god! Even if it takes all the hot glue this side of the Mississippi, to be able to make that shit look like expensive, intricate beading – that’s a talent, dear readers.The shape in the back is lovely, if not perfectly executed, and the styling is great. That skinny wrapped belt is very trendy. But in defense of the judges, whom the blogosphere derided last night for choosing Olivier (we’ll get to him in a bit), the first thing I thought when I saw that neck was “Alexander McQueen.” My support, aside from bloggers who tweeted similar sentiments:

Those are both Alexander McQueen gowns, and the resemblance is noticeable, if not uncanny. I’m not accusing dear Anthony of plagiarism. But at a certain point, the more heavily you lean on being referential, especially to someone whose work the judges will certainly know and respect, the less deserving you are of the win.

I think Anthony Ryan made a beautiful and truly transformative dress – and I’m not saying Olivier wasn’t also referential in his work, but we’ll get to him – but Nina Garcia tweeted, “I think that the birdseed dress was a too literal Mcqueen inspiration. Too bad that argument was edited from the show.” Just something to think about when you’re getting all huffy about how no one listens to Heidi. (And anyone but Heidi, who loves her gynecologist-friendly dresses, would agree with Nina that this dress is too short.)

ANYA

Miss Trinidad & Tobago made… the same top she made last week, no? Same strengths (color, interesting and eye-catching prints and patterns) but same weaknesses (execution problems). The yellow heel matching the purse is a little tacky.

BECKY

I swear, don’t laugh, but I loved this on television. Looking at it in pictures, I have no idea why. It looks like some former Sesame Street character because a hula dancer. But it’s fun and colorful and fits pretty well, so the judges were right to toss her in the middle.

BERT

I’ve never seen a Project Runway contestant’s reputation fall so quickly from one episode to the next. We’re a finicky, flaky bunch, but it usually takes quite a few shitty dresses to convince us to forget a great one, especially early on in the season. But he should have had his immunity revoked for this embarrassing, uninspired piece of shit. I’m sorry, but it’s a bath towel with a ruffle; he didn’t even try. I understand that he’s worked for Halston and Bill Blass and all sorts of important designers, but if you’re too good for Project Runway, then why are you whoring yourself out on reality television?

BRYCE (Bottom 3)

There’s something about Bryce – not his designs, but him – that I adore. Sadly, he is making me hate him. No woman on earth would want a top like that, and the judges were right to mock that folded-napkin skirt, which they’ve seen too many times to count. And anything that makes Heidi say, “I want to pee on that dress,

CECILIA

Love the skirt – those colors are terrific, and the texture is lovely – but everything else about it is poorly constructed and mostly tasteless. Crappy styling, too – very dated and stuffy.

DANIELLE

I thought this blouse was absolutely terrific. The skirt wasn’t perfect, but this look was interesting, innovative, and chic. Not quite top three material, but close.

FALLENE (Bottom 3)

The colors are awful, but there was way worse shit on this runway. I would have happily bumped Fallene up to the safe pile and thrown Julie into the bottom three.

JOSH C. (OUT)

Mormon Josh, we hardly knew ye. But your total lack of creativity and shoddy construction skills kicked you in the ass again. I hope that even though there’s no longer two Joshes on the show, I can still call the other one Josh Eyebrows, because I think it’s funny.

JOSH EYEBROWS (Top 3)

Haterz gon’ hate, I suppose, but I’ll defend the American Apparel trashiness of Josh Eyebrows’s rave girl look. It may not be a style that our old fart judges can recognize or appreciate, but I thought this top was terrific. And there is definitely a customer for this look, even if she is rolling on ecstasy. He made that print out of aquarium rocks, and that alone deserved a spot in the top three.

JULIE

She is incredibly lucky that the judges chose to ignore this hot disaster of a blanket dress. She’s next on my list to go home – this is the second consecutive episode that I’ve felt she deserved the auf more than anyone else.

KIMBERLY

I see what she was going for, but it didn’t really work at all. It just looks like some mangled rope on her tits.

LAURA

There are some construction issues, but I think she had a lot of excellent ideas here and she styled it impeccably.

OLIVIER (Winner!)

To me, this was a Chanel dress. But the resemblance was so much more subtle than Anthony Ryan’s to McQueen; or perhaps a reference to a more simple aesthetic just feels subtler. Anyway, although her shape looks downright ridiculous from the back, I actually love the shape of this from the front. Yes, it makes her hips look twice their normal size, but from the front, you can see that it’s intentional. The perfectly cinched waist flatters her in front, and I loved the change in texture to the top half. This fade of color and texture, with so little time and such strange materials, was really an achievement. The fit could have been much better, but I think he truly thought outside the box, and I’m happy that’s what the judges chose to reward.

Oh, and y’all can hate on those eyebrows all you want. I totally got them. I thought they were couture as hell. Fuck y’all.

VIKTOR

Oh honey, no one knows who are because you get no camera time and your designs are not remotely memorable. Show yourself or get lost.

Judges Top 3: Josh Eyebrows, Anthony Ryan, Olivier (winner)
Diva’s Top 3: Same! It’s a miracle!
Judges’ Bottom 3: Fallene, Bryce, Josh C. (out)
Diva’s Bottom 3: Bryce, Josh C., Julie

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All photos courtesy of Lifetime, via New York Magazine.

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© Democracy Diva, 2011.
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