Emmys 2010 Red Carpet

Grab your leopard-print snuggie and a bottle of wine, bitches, ’cause this could take awhile.

Mad Women

 

I’ve been trying for days to like this dress, and I just can’t. It just looks like melted-down solo cups. The texture is horrible, and those cones on her boobs are absurd. That blue might be one of the best colors I’ve ever seen on the red carpet, particularly with January’s coloring, but even that can’t save this hot disaster. And that hair? If you want to have sex in the limo on the way to the Emmys, more power to you. But that does not give you license to have sex hair on the red carpet. Your all-American beauty looks will only take you so far, January. They may get you an Emmy nomination, but you won’t get this Diva’s approval until you learn how to dress.

 

 

My sister Haley brought up an intriguing question to me today: Does Christina Hendricks have an unusually small head? Or, as I posited, is it merely that any head would look tiny atop those giant hooters? Just something to think about. Regardless of the answer, Hendricks is rocking this dress. Totally unusual color, and it complements her hair beautifully. Redheads always rock green and purple outfits, and Miss Joan is no exception. Loving how this dress cinches her waist, shows off her ta-tas without looking vulgar, and then gets all soft and billowy and feathery at the bottom. I think there’s a little too much length at the bottom, but it’s a small complaint. And the sleeves are to die for.

Elisabeth Moss in Donna Karan

Beautiful, simple, and classic, just like Elisabeth Moss herself. The draping is incredible, the color makes her glow, the shoulder piece adds a little intrigue, and I even like the train (and I hate trains). The bling is AMAZING – those bracelets are seriously opulent – and nothing’s better than that sassy little smile.

 

Kiernan Shipka in Papo d’Anjo

You can take your Bettys and Joans and Peggys, but Sally Draper is the real deal. That dress is precious, the hair is awesome, and my ten-year-old self would have killed for those little tiny high heels. Also, her name is Kiernan Shipka, which is awesome.

Modern Ladies

 

It’d be fine without the awkward stripe down the middle. It’s a perfect cut and color for her, but I wish it had some more intrigue and complexity other than the stripe, which is just not particularly beautiful. But the hair is amazing.

This just has too much going on. Less is more, people, and those ruffles over her boobs are just masking Julie’s beauty. This bitch doesn’t age, and has the hair and skin of a freakin’ newborn, but I look at this photo and I only see fabric, not the fabulous woman underneath it.

This is incredibly mature (but not aging) for someone as young as Sarah Hyland, who plays Claire and Phil’s oldest daughter on Modern Family. And she is rocking the hell out of this dress. The fabric is so luxe, it looks like liquid. It also makes her look about six feet tall and totally stacked. The braided/twisted straps are a dream, and the hair is perfect. I hope she doesn’t end up doing crack in five years.

 

 

 

And our favorite middle child is also nailing something chic beyond her years. I could do without the Bat Mitzvah hair and the embroidery on the bodice, but I’m loving the black-on-blue skirt and the funky, stylistic draping.

Glitter Queens

 

Easily the best dressed of the night, Claire Danes proves that simplicity is the name of the game. This dress is phenomenal and it fits her like a glove. I love that the color is just a sparkling version of her own skin tone. I may prefer her with bottled-red hair and flannel shirts, but I will always love Angela Chase.

Jennifer Carpenter in Oday Shakar

Stunning.

Gleeks Gone Glam

 

Hello, gorgeous! This was my other favorite gown of the night. Not every designer can take a 5’2″ girl and make her look statuesque, but of course Oscar can! The color is amazing, the gown is divalicious, her jewelry is awesome (I bet we’re going to see knockoffs of that necklace EVERYWHERE), and this bitch knows how to POSE. The hair could have been a little more formal, but that’s my only complaint.

 

 

Jayma’s beautiful, but this dress is Lea’s dress’s less hot little sister. The jewelry is tacky and her hair is a mess.

 

 

The cutest little queer on two legs. LOVING the treble clef pin on his lapel!

Work it out, Quinn! Black and pink lace together is one of my favorite things on the planet, especially in formal wear. Gorgeous dress with perfect hair and makeup to boot. But she does look a little sad, especially for a ridiculously hot girl on a hit Emmy-nominated TV show. Maybe she’s sad because she’s secretly in love with Matt Morrison, who is over her right shoulder, staring at her shoes instead of her ass. He’s a closet case, honey. Move on.

 

Brittany pulled out all the stops, rocking some serious old-school Hollywood glam. Very impressive for such a red carpet newbie! The makeup artist was a little heavy-handed, but the hair is flawless.

If you took Cha Cha DiGregorio from Grease and added a Lady Gaga wig, you’d get this photo. Seriously, Naya, we all like to play dress-up, but this is your first Emmy red carpet. Is this how you really want to be remembered? In a slutty 80s prom dress, boring shoes, and a hairstyle so stupid even Rihanna hates it?

Funny and Fabulous

 

Holy couture! Kathy Griffin’s body has never looked better, and it takes a confident bitch to rock Oscar with that much certainty. Get it, girl.

Amy Poehler gave birth THREE WEEKS AGO and already looks this good. We should all be so lucky. The color is gorgeous, her tits look amazing, and she’s allegedly wearing half a million dollars worth of Stephen Russell jewelry, though I can’t really see much of it.

Tina Fey in Oscar de la Renta

I could do without the hieroglyphic print, but for a woman who never looks comfortable in a dress, Tina is posing the hell out of this Oscar gown. It’s incredibly flattering to her figure, and it’s much funkier and fancier than she usually goes. It’s curve-hugging but not tight, and the hair and makeup are looking beautiful. Kudos to Ms. Fey for taking a fashion risk and finally having it pay off.

Funny and Feh

Mindy Kaling in Aguri Sagimori

I think Elvira wore this to her high school prom. The shoes are cute, but that hair is much funnier than this season of The Office and this haphazardly-draped crinoline disaster is no better. And a petite girl should know better than to wear a dress with such wacky proportions that ends in the middle of the calf. Unless you’re a supermodel, that’s going to make you look stumpy.

Kristen Wiig

Awful print, stupid belt, poorly fit, and stupid shoulder ruffles. Plus I don’t like the hair or makeup, and the purse is too busy. Fire your stylist, Kristen.

New Diva on the Block Award

 

Last I checked, Nina Dobrev was just another teen mom on Degrassi, and then she was just another teen vampire on Vampire Diaries, and then suddenly she was KILLING IT on the red carpet and performing in the epic Emmys opening number alongside the Glee cast, Tina Fey, Jon Hamm, Betty White, and the rest of TV’s elite. I can’t even believe how stunning she looks. The dress is borderline bridal, but it’s exquisite. The draping at the top is actually breathtaking. The hair is classy and glamorous, and those earrings were the perfect choice. Keep it up, Nina! Looking forward to seeing what else you’ve got.

 

Hottest Couple

Neil Patrick Harris (in Calvin Klein) and David Burtka

NPH’s suit is beyond chic. It seems men fall into two categories: basic boring suit/tux, or trying and failing to spice it up. Neil Patrick Harris, of course, is classy and stylish enough to pull off a funky suit and just look even more dashing. And David looks adorable, as always.

Worst Dressed

 

Oh, lord. A potato sack on top, a magician’s slutty assistant on the bottom, fugly shoes, and way too much jewelry. And that hair? Unless you’re in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerrys, that mess is inexcusable.

 

 

 

Nope. No. Just… no. Your puke-colored, flowered and rhinestoned dress should not have love handle cutouts.

What part of wearing a purple hairy tiered gown appealed to Emily? Because I think she needs to seek mental help.

Stephanie Pratt in Marciano

Sometimes I forget my pants in the limo too, Steph. It happens.

Lo Bosworth in Karen Caldwell

Lo Bosworth thought she was dressing like Mad Men here. She didn’t get the memo that a dress that looks amazing on a 1960s secretary in an office does not necessarily look awesome on a 2010 red carpet. She looks like she’s off to a business lunch, not an awards show. And that skirt should be about four inches shorter. The shoes don’t go, she’s wearing a stupidly large number of rings, and the hair is so bad, it’s almost funny.

Kate Gosselin in Carmen Marc Valvo

For the love of God, just go be with your children and leave us all alone.

Anna Paquin in Alexander McQueen

I love a girl who’s loyal to a designer, especially McQueen, but there’s a time and a place, and this ain’t it. The armored top looks insane, and the skirt is totally wrong. Way too many bracelets, and no hair style to speak of.

Heidi Klum in Marchesa

We get it, Heidi. You like short dresses. But you’re also not 18 and while I’d never tell a woman who looks as good as you that she needs to cover up, this shtick is getting a little tired. It’s not that you’re too old to wear dresses that show your cooter – it’s that your vagina must be tired of all the attention, because we’re tired of seeing her. And is your hair in a flip? The same style that all the boys in my middle school were rocking circa 2001? Because it didn’t work on them, and it sure as hell doesn’t work on you.


Later this week: Your weekly fashion recap (cover all things non-Emmys, from red carpet to editorials and more) and of course, your weekly Project Runway recap! Follow @democracydiva on twitter for updates.

 

 

Emmys Liveblog

8:00 – All my GLEE biddies being adorable in the first one minute of the show? YES!

8:02 – “BACK THAT MOTHER UP!” Betty White to Jon Hamm, living every woman’s dream.

8:03 – The singing has begun!!!!! We’re loving ALL OF THIS.

8:04 – Um, okay teen mom from Degrassi / biddie from Vampire Diaries. What are you doing in the all-star cast song?

8:05 – Tim Gunn has already made his epic cameo, Randy Jackson is playing bass, and JON HAMM IS DANCING.

8:06 – Mercedes rocked that last note! And that was the most incredible opening performance. What an unexpectedly wonderful group of people! Such a great idea.

8:07 – Emi: Jimmy Fallon looks a little inflated.
Matt: He probably had Chipotle two nights in a row.

8:08 – Amy Poehler is looking gorgeous, but you can see her nips through that dress a bit!

8:09 – We’re screaming over the clips of NPH, Jane Lynch’s amazing one-liners, and everything Cameron from Modern Family.

8:11: What a scene to end on, Emmys comedy clip! Awkward. But now Jon Hamm and Betty White are walking out to the theme from The Odd Couple, and everyone’s being sexual. And we’re loving it.

8:11: Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy: Chris Colfer, Jon Cryer, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Ty Burrell, Neil Patrick Harris, Eric Stonestreet. And the Emmy goes to… ERIC STONESTREET! (This Diva is now 0/1 for predictions, as she thought it’d go to NPH.

8:13: Jesse Tyler Ferguson is CRYING for Eric Stonestreet, and I am so emotional. Until Emi says, “Where’s Lily?” [Cam and Mitch’s Asian daughter on Modern Family.] But I teared up again when Stonestreet mentioned his father.

8:14: Room consensus: Amazing speech.

8:18: Aaaand, we’re back! Jon Hodgeman from The Daily Show is already making me giggle. Fun fact from Diva Headquarters: According to Justin, Jim Parsons is gay! And my lesbian side hopes co-presenter Sofia Vergara is gay too!

8:19: Writing for a Comedy Series: And the Emmy goes to… the writers for Modern Family! So deserved. Brilliant writing, and a particularly brilliant pilot. MF is now 2/2 for Emmys! Also, they showed Julie Bowen beaming during the writer’s speech, looking absolutely flawless and so happy for her team.

8:22: Stephen Colbert looks good! And Tom Hanks’ wife Rita looks unbelievably beautiful. Outstanding Performance by a Supporting Actress in a Comedy. The nominees: Julie Bowen, Jane Krakowski, Jane Lynch, someone I missed, and Sofia Vergara, and Kristen Wiig.

8:24: JANE LYNCH, OF COURSE! I’m now 1/3 for predictions. And Jane Lynch deserves this beyond belief. Her speech is heartfelt and beautiful and funny, and she’s so incredibly likable. “I’d like to thank my Lord and Creator, Ryan Murphy.” Another perfect speech.

8:30: Lauren Graham and Matthew Perry. He looks slightly busted and her dress is fug. And could their back-and-forth be more awkward? Anyway, they’re talking about who won Guest in a Comedy awards last week. Obviously Betty White won for SNL and NPH won for Glee. Both deserved.

8:34: Ryan Murphy wins Best Directing for GLEE! His blue jacket is super-cute, even if his bow tie is too big. Plus, I also love fingerpainting.

8:35: The Family Guy/Modern Family skit is pretty hilarious. And Clooney in bed with Stonestreet and Ferguson at the end was just priceless.

8:37: Lead Actor in a Comedy. The Emmy goes to… Jim Parsons for The Big Bang Theory! Well, that was a disappointment. 1/4.

8:44: NEIL. PATRICK. HARRIS. Just called Jimmy Fallon gay, which was pretty epic. Lead Actress in a Comedy. And the winner is… EDIE FALCO! No surprise there, even if she wasn’t my pick. But she gets applause from me for giving a shout-out to her 94-year-old grandma.

8:47: Kim Kardashian sang. Let’s watch the Reality clip show. Epic because of Snooki’s “McCain would never put a tax on tanning” line.

8:49: Keri Russell and Jewel are in the house? What year is it? Will Arnett could make a statue giggle. Best Reality Show: Top Chef! Congrats, Collichio and Co.

8:50: This room is convinced that Padma is high as a kite. I can’t quite disagree.

8:56: Um, okay Ernst & Young accountants.

8:57: Drama clip reel. The clip from True Blood makes it seem like the stupidest fucking show on television.

9:00: Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series. King and King for The Good Wife, Levy and Weiner for Mad Men, Jones for Friday Night Lights, Veith and Weiner for Mad Men… I got distracted. But Weiner won for Mad Men.

9:04: Best Supporting Actor in a Drama, and the Emmy goes to Aaron Paul for Breaking Bad. I liked him on Big Love (thank you Nate for reminding me why I recognized him).

9:09: Emily Deschanel’s dress is a whole lot of look. Not sure I can handle that many eggplant doilies.

9:10: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama. And the Emmy goes to… Archie Panjabi! I don’t know who you are, but you’re beautiful and so is your accent.

9:12: Edie Falco looks pretty fabulous. A little thin, no? Lead Actor in a Drama. Ryan Cranston from Breaking Bad! I wikipedia-ed him to figure out why I know him – he was Ted Mosby’s douchey boss on How I Met Your Mother!

9:17: Fun fact, this is what Christina Hendricks is wearing tonight:

Christina Hendricks in Zac Posen

I’m actually loving this. Zac Posen usually only works on itsy-bitsy girls like Rachel Bilson, so it’s nice to see a woman with serious curves rocking this gown. Her hair versus the mauve color of the dress is fabulous, no? And it’s dramatic, but only as dramatic as a woman nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama should be.

9:20: Announcing last week’s Guest Actress and Guest Actor in a Drama awards. John Lithgow and Ann Margaret – congrats! Don’t care.

9:21: Best Directing for a Drama. The Emmy goes to… Steve Schill of Dexter.

9:23: “Jimmy Fallon is inflated, so he looks like Elton John!” – Emi

9:24: Love me some quick change! Now it’s time for Jimmy to dress like a… a… oh, honeys, even I don’t think I have words for this.

9:25: But his Billy Joe Armstrong is pretty great, and the Lost song was damn funny.

9:31: Un-funny Mr. Schue hair jokes. But Matt Morrison and Tina Fey? Two of my favs. Lead Actress in a Drama: Connie Britton, Glenn Close, Mariska Harigtay, January Jones, Julianna Marguiles, and Kyra Sedgwick. And the Emmy goes to… Kyra Sedgwick!

9:33: Barely audible, Tina Fey says “At least I’ll hold one tonight!” when Kyra passes Tina her Emmy. Kyra’s speech is obnoxious and self-serving. But her dress is nice.

9:35: The variety clip reel! Ending with gorgeous shots of DC. We live here.

9:38: Jeff Probst looks like the Mayor of Munchkin land next to Joel McHale.

9:39: The TONY awards won Best Writing for a Variety Show! I hope the Backstage Barbie is kvelling right now.

9:43: Are these commercials a joke? We’ve seen a miniature pet giraffe, the ghost of Billy Mays, an ungodly amount of advertising for AVON, and more weirdness.

9:45: Ricky Gervais! One of the funniest men on earth. Hope he’s got something good. He is dressed FAR too casually.

10:07: Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie: Julia Ormand for Temple Grandin.

9:47: Perfect Mel Gibson joke: “He’s been through a lot…. Not as much as the Jews.” – Ricky Gervais. Followed by beer for the front rows.

9:48: Directing for a Variety Show. BUCKY GUNTZ for the win! Hilarious not only because of Gervais’s comments, but awesome because he’s Nate’s friend’s dad!

9:51: Outstanding Variety Show. Nominees: The Colbert Report, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Real Time with Bill Maher, Saturday Night Live, and CONAN. But the Emmy goes to The Daily Show!

9:59: John Schaffman is one queer bird.

10:00: I’m not crazy about Juliana Marguiles’s dress. It’s a little meh. And she looks like she goes to the same plastic surgeon as Madonna. But George Clooney is honored with the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award. And he’s getting a standing ovation. Even Betty White stood, slow as the old bitch is.

10:06: January Jones and John Krasinski? Delicious. But why is she wearing a dress made of melted solo cups?

10:14: Claire Danes looks beautiful. Supporting Actor for a Miniseries or Movie. And the Emmy goes to… David Strathairn for Temple Grandin! “In many ways, we are teachers…” Oh, honey, get off your high horse.

10:17: Jewel’s performance is TERRIBLE. The baby voice is so unnecessary. You’re a grown woman.

10:19: I completely forgot that Corey Haim passed away. And I can’t believe how sad I am about the voice of Charlie from Charlie’s Angels passing away. Sad all over again about Rue and Brittany.

10:20: I’m sorry, but can someone remind me how they landed on JEWEL for this performance?

10:25: Writing for a Movie/Miniseries winner: Adam Maizer for You Don’t Know Jack.

10:27: Lead Actress in a Movie/Miniseries. CLAIRE DANES IS THE WINNER! She looks fucking INCREDIBLE and she is my BIGGEST LESBIAN CRUSH and her dress and hair are PERFECT. I am Angela Chase.

10:32: I like this commercial with everyone putting their arms up. I have pictures of me doing that on a mountain in Israel and a moor in England.

10:34: Here’s team True Blood. They’re boring and none of them are good looking. I’m not into vampires. Vampires are just the poor man’s wizards.

10:35: Directing for a Movie/Miniseries. The winner… Mick Jackson for Temple Gradin! A beautiful speech for what seems like an amazing show about an incredible person. I’d really like to watch that.

10:38: Lead Actor in a Movie/Miniseries. The Emmy goes to… Al Pacino for You Don’t Know Jack. And did y’all hear that Angels in America shoutout? My favorite.

10:40: Is Al Pacino really still talking? JACK IS REALLY IN THE HOUSE! Whoa.

10:45: Oh hi Laurence Fishburn. Outstanding MiniseriesPacific wins! And Tom Hanks is accepting the award. I just love the sound of his voice.

10:47: Outstanding MovieTemple Grandin wins it again! They sure have swept. I plan on seeing that and You Don’t Know Jack as soon as possible. I’m almost crying at this incredibly emotional and beautiful speech.

10:50: Tom Selleck in the house. “Best Moustache in the Business,” according to Nate. Outstanding Drama Series nominees: Breaking Bad, Dexter, The Good Wife, Lost, Mad Men, and True Blood. And the Emmy goes to… Mad Men for the third consecutive year! 17 nominations this year – unbelievable.

10:51: Elisabeth Moss’s left shoulder looks amazing during this speech. And little Draper daughter looks SO ADORABLE! Basically, everyone but January. Sigh.

10:56: Cheers guy announcing Outstanding Comedy Series? Okay. And the award goes to… MODERN FAMILY! Definitely deserving. And Manny looks beyond adorable. Actually, the entire cast and crew looks pretty perfect.

10:59: Thank you and goodnight! Don’t forget to check back later this week for the Emmys red carpet recap!

Project Runway Recap: S8 E5

Drama, drama, drama! This week’s episode of Project Runway had more yelling, more tears, more bullshit, and more bitchery than ever before! I usually have no patience for such things, but instead of one stupid soundbite after another, people seemed to be genuinely going apeshit. So I loved every minute of it. But, unlike some bloggers, I’m not here to rant about how Gretchen’s a two-faced megalomaniac and her entire team was comprised of spineless jellyfish who gave up all their creativity and individuality to obey her every demand. I mean, it’s entirely true, but I don’t care. I’m here to talk about the clothes. So let’s start the show.

Keep in mind that Team Luxe (AJ, Andy, Christopher, Gretchen, Ivy, Michael C.) had multiple people working on the same look, so while everyone created something, no one except Ivy created every piece for any one look. Team Military & Lace (April, Casanova, Michael D., Mondo, Peach, Valerie) had each team member design their own individual look.

Team Luxe, Look 1 (AJ)

Design: A shiny shirtdress is rarely, if ever, a good idea. Didn’t someone already make a shiny shirtdress this season and get ripped for it? And didn’t someone make those horrible two-tone leggings last week and somehow get away with it? I just can’t support any of this. It’s just ugg.

Execution: AJ, whose design aesthetic is Heatherette meets Betsey Johnson (think cute cocktail dresses that are deconstructed and punk-ified), claimed that he was trying to prove to the judges that he could be tailored. Maybe that’s true, or maybe he got brainwashed by the Gretchen Regime, but either way, he did a terrible job. The way the shirt hangs in the back is awful. And who wants to wear a sad, droopy, wrinkly shirtdress? The point of something like a shirtdress is to be tailored, pressed, clean-cut and crisp. This is a disaster.

Styling: The neckerchief was a mistake. And, let’s just say it: neckerchiefs are ALWAYS  a mistake. That, paired with the barely-there makeup and sensible, boring hair, really does make her look like a flight attendant (a common problem on Team Luxe).

Team Luxe, Look 2 (Andy)

Design: Probably the best of Team Luxe’s collection (not that that’s saying much). Obviously it’s completely lacking in intrigue, sex appeal, modernism, and basically anything that would make any 21st century woman want to wear it, but it’s not as tragic as its sister looks. It’s just so depressing to realize that this was churned out by Andy, who is capable of so much more style and badassery than this look permits. The grandpa sweater is sort of so-ugly-it’s-cute, but it’s just head-to-toe blah.

Execution: Quite perfect, actually. Much better construction than that of his teammates.

Styling: Just as bad as Look 1.

Team Luxe, Look 3 (Christopher)

Design: Sometimes retro is a good thing, but sometimes the model ends up looking like someone right off the streets of 1974 instead of someone whose fashion is inspired by 1974. This, unfortunately, is a case of the former. Who on earth would want to wear those pants? And the proportions of the pants and the top are completely out-of-whack.

Execution: That crotch is funny. And I absolutely hate the back of the blouse.

Styling: Like a way uglier version of the original Charlie’s Angels.

Team Luxe, Look 4 (Michael C)

Design: Michael may have gotten thrown under the bus by his so-called teammates, but this is not nearly as bad as some of the whimpering idiots who claimed they had to babysit him during the process. Obviously it’s as boring as the rest of the collection, but at least it has a modicum of sex appeal and youth. It’s too little, too late, but it’s there.

Execution: Not sure if the hem at the back of the jacket is straight, but it’s decent work.

Styling: There’s just no sense to it. Nothing ties the top to the bottom.

Team Luxe, Look 5 (Ivy)

Design: Ivy was the only Team Luxe member who created the entire head-to-toe look, so she is fully responsible for the bag of garbage that is poisoning your eyeballs. The blouse is hilarious. And photo stills don’t quite do it justice, but when she walks, her boobs look absolutely ridiculous. No woman would want their tits to wiggle and wobble the way this poor model’s did. And the vest coat? Atrocious. Obvious from the beginning that it was going to be a disaster. The shorts are ugly, their proportion with the shirt is completely out of whack, and the leggings are just too much. AJ’s shirtdress was bad for sure, and perhaps he was more deserving of the auf-ing because he spend 100% of his time making one ugly piece, but this look was much worse.

Execution: Everything is shapeless, droopy, and sad. Perhaps that’s her intention? Fashion for the manic depressive?

Styling: I don’t have any new ways to say flight attendant/1970s/grandma, but throw them all in a blender and add a touch of “blind nun” and you’ll hit this look eventually.

Team Luxe, Look 6 (Gretchen)

Design: The shirt is sort of wearable. The back of the jacket is a mess and completely incongruous to the front. And I’m not sure why everything needs a zipper on the back of it, but I’m over that.

Execution: Amazing, considering Gretchen made EVERY SINGLE PIECE from EVERY SINGLE LOOK, right?! Ugh.

Styling: I’m getting nauseous from this.

Team Luxe overall: Awful. The judges were obviously right to put them in the bottom. And their comments were all true – it’s all matrony, the colors are terrible, and there’s a complete loss of individuality. It’s boring as hell, the proportions are completely unflattering, and letting Gretchen crack the whip was a mistake. I’m not surprised Gretchen manipulated the others into making her look go last, but who the hell decided the shirtdress should open their show? That was a rookie mistake.

The judges sent AJ home for his ill-fitting shirtdress, and that wasn’t a bad call. But Ivy keeps sneaking by even though everything she churns out is tasteless, boring, and poorly made. She won’t be around much longer.

But for those who thought Gretchen deserved to come home, or for those who felt the judges would send her home – sorry, kids. She may be a psychotic dictator with no soul, but she’s more talented than some of the chaff still left on the show, and more importantly (from the producers’ perspective), she’s good television. Expect to have her around for at least a few more episodes. Look at it this way – next week we get to see all the fallout as everyone from Team Luxe blames her for their problems! Who wouldn’t want to watch that?

Team Military & Lace, Look 1 (April)

Design: A huge step up from last week’s diaper – and the pants zip at the back, which is sort of a “fuck you” to the judges for hating on her zip-up panty. (I mean, the panty was awful, but I like April’s attitude.) And this vest is totally badass. I love the embellishments of gold metal and black lace – totally urban street-chic. And those funny little zippered embellishments on the bottom of the pants are a little out there, but definitely funky and cool.

Execution: I’m not sure if it’s a super-high pant, or she’s wearing something black under the shirt that tucks into the pants, but the height of the pant is a little strange for me. But that’s my only problem with the construction.

Styling: Finally, someone found a way to make Big-Eared Model look relatively normal! Very cool and flattering hairstyle. Purse and shoes are simple and perfect.

Team Military & Lace, Look 2 (Casanova)

Design: Casanova diva-ed out and lost his mind, but of course ended up winning the challenge with this fabulous look. It’s not my favorite of the collection, but “Most Improved” is worth a win, as far as I’m concerned. And this is a huge step forward from what we’ve seen from Casanova so far this season. That blouse is stunning, and the back in the blouse in particular made me squeal. The cap sleeve with the curve of the blouse is breathtaking. Sexy and youthful, but with a totally classic European vibe. And those pants are pretty damn killer.

Execution: I think the top of the pant is a little weak, which is why it’s covered by the blouse. But Casanova finally proved that he’s not all construction and no taste.

Styling: Digging the punk from the front, classy from the back hairstyle. The military-and-lace thing is really just a specific way of saying hard-meets-soft / gritty-meets-pretty, and this hairstyle falls right in line with that theme.

Team Military & Lace, Look 3 (Michael D)

Design: This absolutely, 100% deserved to win the challenge, but of course the producers wanted an underdog story, so Peach and Casanova had to come out on top. But for this Diva, nothing beat Michael D’s incredibly sexy lace dress. It feels like a combination of April’s look and Casanova’s look, which is exactly what a collection should achieve – cohesion, without boredom. And that back is beyond beautiful – it’s genius. Seriously. I didn’t have much of an opinion on Michael D before, but I’m officially a fan.

Execution: Flawless.

Styling: Great hair, great shoes.

Team Military & Lace, Look 4 (Mondo)

Design: This was androgynous, daring, a little weird, and incredibly stylish – just like Mondo! The vest-jacket thing is brilliant. I’m loving the little military details – the brass buttons, the ropes, the snaps atop the shoulders, they’re all adorable. And like a few of his teammates, Mondo understands the importance of DRAMA when the model turns around and you see how exquisite the back of the garment is. Sure, it’s not for everyone, but this is about as hipster-chic as it gets! And those shorts are so universal, any woman would rock them.

Execution: No complaints here.

Styling: I understand the idea behind the mustard yellow leggings, and if this were not a part of a collection, I’d excuse it. But I think it detracts from the cohesiveness of the collection way too much.

Team Military & Lace, Look 5 (Peach)

Design: One of Peach’s strongest, though this was totally overpraised. Casanova’s garment was a huge improvement over his past work, but it was also incredibly strong of its own accord. This garment is only fabulous in light of Peach’s past work – by itself, it’s nothing special. But someone between the ages of 16 and 50 would actually wear this dress! So that’s a victory. The top is very beautiful, but not quite as beautiful as some of the other lace blouses in the collection. And I can’t quite figure out how they chose that blue for the skirt. It’s very aged-denim looking, which isn’t particularly chic. But I like the military accents on the front, even if the buttons on the back were a mistake.

Execution: Pretty great from the front, considering Peach’s track record, but the back is a bit sloppy. The skirt does a weird pucker over the butt crack, and the lace on the blouse looks frayed in the middle.

Styling: God, I hate the hair and the shoes. But not so much that they actually detract from the look.

Team Military & Lace, Look 6 (Valerie)

Design: This was much better on TV than it is in close up, but I still love it. Again, I hate the blue they chose, and I don’t like the blouse underneath the jacket, and I think the leggings were totally superfluous. But I would KILL for that jacket and skirt. I’ve liked other garments better, but I’ve never wanted to personally own something on the show as much as this fucking awesome little jacket.

Execution: There’s something weird happening with that blue-and-black shirt. The construction there is a bit of a nightmare. But everything else looks nice.

Styling: Those shoes would be great without the leggings.

Team Military & Lace overall: Obviously deserving of the win. These six designers were the underdogs (zero challenge wins between them, while Team Luxe had 4), but they proved that all you need is communication and style to make something fucking great. The collection isn’t entirely cohesive – the first 3 pieces are a separate collection from the last 3, as far as I can see – but each individual look is very strong. And the styling is thoughtful and modern throughout most of the collection. But I’ll happily take a less cohesive collection with a lot of individual creativity and intrigue and style over a completely cohesive collection that’s boring as hell.

Thanks for reading, loves! And don’t forget to tune into the Democracy Diva Liveblog of the Emmys tomorrow night!

Revisiting the 2010 Emmy Nominees!

Alright, kittens! I was a good girl and briefed all my cases yesterday, so it’s time for a little bloglove. You’ve already seen my Emmy predictions, but the awards are this weekend! So let’s revisit those predictions and compare them to those of other incredibly famous and fabulous bloggers. That way, when all of my predictions turn out to be correct, I can laugh in the face of New York Magazine.

The Democracy Diva’s predictions are in bold.
The predictions of Vulture, New York Magazine‘s entertainment blog, are in red.
Awards Heaven’s predictions are in blue.
[Red and blue is
purple, duh.]
Television Without Pity’s predictions are underlined.
The TV Addict’s predictions are in strikethrough because I’m running out of options.

Outstanding Comedy Series

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Glee
Modern Family
Nurse Jackie
The Office
30 Rock

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
Larry David as Himself, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Matthew Morrison as Will Schuester, Glee
Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk, Monk
Steve Carell as Michael Scott, The Office
Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Lea Michele as Rachel Berry, Glee
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Christine Campbell, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
Tina Fey as Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
Toni Collette as Tara Gregson, The United States of Tara

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Chris Colfer as Kurt Hummel, Glee
Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet as Cameron Tucker, Modern Family
Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy, Modern Family
Jon Cryer as Alan Harper, Two and a Half Men

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester, Glee
Julie Bowen as Claire Dunphy, Modern Family
Sofia Vergara as Gloria Delgado-Pritchett, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski as Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock
Holland Taylor as Evelyn Harper, Two and a Half Men

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series

Glee, “Pilot”
Modern Family, “Pilot”
The Office, “Niagara”
30 Rock, “Anna Howard Shaw Day”
30 Rock, “Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter”

So what have we learned?

  • All the predictions are favoring Glee or Modern Family for Best Comedy. Honestly, both shows are new and hot and hilarious, and either one would be more than deserving of the win.
  • Nobody can agree on who should win Lead Actor in a Comedy. Place your bets carefully, kittens, because it really could go to anybody.
  • Nobody can agree on Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy either, except for the fact that it should not go to Jon Cryer of Two and a Half Men.
  • The blogosphere is united on something: Jane Lynch will win an Emmy this year. Not only is she pegged as the most deserving of the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy, but experts agree that she’s also most likely to win.
  • Modern Family has possibly the best Emmy campaign of all time:

Even more amazing:

Vergara says she’ll speed-walk, but not run, so who wouldn’t give the show an Emmy just for that? But she also says Ed O’Neill is ready to run in her place. Eek.

Well, kittens, I’ll see you Sunday night for the liveblog and later next week for the red carpet recap! And of course, expect a Project Runway recap sometime this week as well.

Weekly Fashion Recap

This Diva starts law school tomorrow, so your weekly fashion recap (soon-to-be a ‘whenever I’m not briefing cases’ fashion recap) is a tad early this week. Enjoy some fabulous!

Best Nobody

Marcel Ames, Saks fashion consultant

Now this is menswear done right. The jacket fits him like a dream, the color of the suit is perfect, and those shoes are amazing. Also, this is exactly what a fashion consultant should wear to a hipster party in Brooklyn. So kudos to Marcel for living up to his profession.

Aging Ungracefully

Pamela Anderson

An ill-fitting jumper that looks like the cover-ups they give you when you get your haircut, boots that look like they’re made of plastic, hair that has been tortured, peroxided, tousled and fried to death, and skin that appears to be melting off her face. Pam Anderson, get your life together.

Worst Starlet We Love

Anna Kendrick in Elise Overland

I love me some Anna Kendrick, but this is a hot disaster. The colors and fabrics are just sad and drab; the rouching just gives an overall effect of droopiness. And the proportions are all wrong, from the shoulder pieces to the length. The fabric curving out at her hips is totally unflattering, and the shoes were a rookie mistake. And that’s not a hairstyle, that’s what you do when only half your hair is blow-dried and you’re running around your apartment like a maniac looking for your eyeliner. She just looks rigid and uncomfortable, which is the worst fashion crime of them all.

Celebrities Finally Updating their Styles

Rachel Zoe

Celebrity stylist/reality TV icon Rachel Zoe has the skills to make other women look fabulous, but I generally dislike the way she looks. She always wears her hair the same way (down and wavy), and she tends to choose flimsy little dresses that emphasize how deathly thin she is. But Rachel’s finally broken out of her bubble, and she looks absolutely amazing. This hairstyle is much more flattering to her face and makes her look younger than ever. And when you cover her up with enough material, you can forget how badly she needs to eat a sandwich and just appreciate her beauty. Plus, every part of this ensemble is absolutely perfect, from shoulders to sleeves and purse to shoes. I’m loving her new look and I hope she keeps it, because it. Is. Bananas.

Jennifer Aniston in Dolce & Gabbana

I think Jennifer Aniston is one of the most boring people alive. And if I see one more photo of her in a Grecian dress with her stick-straight hair down, I’m going to have a conniption. So you can imagine my relief when, like Rachel Zoe, Jen finally put her hair up and changed up her look. This dress is killer. Fits her like a dream, and it’s so much more structured and tailored than what she usually wears. The fringe at the bottom is great, like a subtle nod to the 1920s flappers, and the Gucci peep-toe slingbacks are beyond beautiful. This is the first time I’ve liked Jen’s look in years, but somehow I’m sure she’ll go back to disappointing me next week.

The Worst and Worst of Julia Roberts

Julia Roberts in Dries Van Noten

Jesus. This is about as matronly as it gets. I mean, I’m glad she’s not most 40-something Hollywood women running around in dresses more suitable for Miley Cyrus, but just because you’re not dressing like a teenager doesn’t mean you have to dress like the mother of the bride. The long sleeves, the high neck, the big tacky florals, and the god-awful kelly green shoes – none of it is working for me, Julia.

Julia Roberts

Oh, Lord. Not only is this matronly, it’s like trashy Boca Raton resort matronly. This looks like something a golddigging fifty-something wannabe cougar wears while shopping for horrifically tiny bikinis. But at least the shoes are cute.

The Creative Arts Emmys

Christina Hendricks in Christian Siriano

Christina Hendricks

I only like this dress from certain angles, because this baby has a LOT going on, but I think it’s a huge victory for Christina and Christian. Mad Men‘s Joan looks more beautiful than ever, with absolutely flawless hair and makeup. And let’s applaud Christian Siriano for actually knowing how to make a dress for a woman with tits! Her bust has never  looked better. From the waist up, the dress is flawless, but I don’t think the skirt needs quite so many layers. It’s a lot of look, but Hendricks is a lot of woman, and I’m loving the drama of it all.

David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris

First of all, my most heartfelt congratulations to David and NPH, who are going to be parents to TWINS! And that’s not the only double bundle of joy in their lives – Neil won two Creative Arts Emmys last night! One for his guest appearance on Glee, and one for hosting the TONY awards. No couple is more deserving of such happiness, and not just because they look so fucking delicious here. I like that David went just a tad more casual and Neil went a tad more formal. They look absolutely perfect.

Project Runway Recap: S8 E4

Last night’s episode of Project Runway featured a never-before-seen challenge – design a look to be worn with one of Philip Treacy’s famous hats! (Philip Treacy is an absolutely genius artist who makes breathtaking avant garde hats.) And even though the designers made their choices based on the model (and their refusal to design for new proportions) instead of the hats, it was still a fabulous episode. Let’s start the show!

AJ

Design: I see where AJ was going with this. He wanted the shoulders and skirt of the dress to be voluminous and curvy like the hat. But the crinoline around her waist feels kind of useless, like he just put it on to hide his mistakes when Tim pointed out that the polka dots didn’t like up.

Execution: I have no proof of this, but I feel like the curves in the outfit were supposed to curve more than they actually do, to further imitate the hat. So I’m not sure whether he actually accomplished what he intended to, but it at least looks well-constructed.

Styling: The styling for most looks was minimalist, which was a good thing, because most accessories only distracted from the hats. So I’ll just say I like the shoes, and I’ll refrain from commenting on styling in this post unless there’s really something to say.

ANDY

Design: Andy won last week’s challenge, giving him immunity for this week. And instead of taking that as an opportunity to take a nap, he took a risk, which I respect. This look has its flaws, but he knew he had the opportunity to do something ridiculous without risking elimination and he went for it. So, yes, this is pink and puffy and shiny, but it’s also daring and fun and dramatic. And I actually think the socialite regal enough to wear that hat would totally rock this ensemble. And the neck line is gorgeous.

Construction: He took on a lot, so of course the construction suffered. The puffy sleeves look uneven from the back, and the seams on the skirt are kind of ripply and strange.

Styling: I can’t decide if the shoes are tacky as hell or my favorite thing about the outfit. Thoughts?

APRIL

Design: You know, I want to chalk this up to April being 21 years old and use her youth as an excuse for such a disaster. But Christian Siriano was 21 years old when he was on the show, and he created couture. So, no excuses, bitches. This was an awful design, and regardless of age or experience, anybody with even the most remote understanding of women and/or clothing should know better than to design a diaper with a butt-crack zipper.

Execution: “It looks like student work” is what approximately 8 billion people have said about April, and I hate to be redundant, but… I mean, it really does.

CASANOVA

Design: Finally, something from Casanova that doesn’t completely suck! I mean, Tim was right when he called this 1988 Donna Karan, but at least it’s aesthetically pleasing. The draping in the front and back is phenomenal. I’m over the big arms look, and if I see one more rectangular low-cut back this season, I’ll lose my mind, but it was classy and sexy, and the draping curves of the dress go nicely with the shape of the hat. Nothing innovative or risky, but a solid middle-of-the-road entry.

Execution: Pretty damn perfect.

CHRISTOPHER

Design: Like all the designers on the show and (I expect) most of the blogosphere, I’ve got to disagree with the judges on this one. Some of the negative things they said about Christopher’s design were absolutely true, but it was as if they wanted a Marchesa knockoff with sassy layers of draped crinoline because, well, that’s exactly what the hat looks like. I don’t see why a heavy fabric can’t go with the light fabric of that hat, and I think using black crinoline would have been the easy way out.

Execution: There is something off about the way the front of this coat-dress lays. I think the judges exaggerated the execution flaws, but certainly the unnatural stiffness of the collar and center of the piece are problematic. But I think the back is flawless, especially the back of the collar.

Styling: This is really where the judges were spot-on. The grey-on-grey-on-grey coat, underlay, and leggings were a mistake. Those leggings are fugly, but even if they were fabulous, no woman in a Philip Treacy hat is wearing silvery leggings. The boots and belt were also mistakes. But if we stripped her of all the accessories (except, of course, the hat), this would have been a decent design.

GRETCHEN

Design: When this walked down the runway, I couldn’t quite figure it out. And I’m still a bit flummoxed. But now that I’m taking the time to look at each piece individually, I’m convinced that Gretchen is resting on her laurels. The shirt is a gorgeous print, but nothing about what Gretchen did to that print is impressive. And those leather-and-lace leggings are an absolutely nightmare.

Construction: She made leggings and a flowing, shapeless shirt. There is no construction.

IVY

Design: To borrow a word from Heidi, this is a snoozefest. That hat is a sculptural work of art, and she made a whatever blazer and a boring pencil skirt. Nothing original, nothing architectural or sculptural, nothing that evokes the brilliant essence of Treacy’s hat. Also, who pairs white with ivory?

Execution: Nothing great, nothing terrible. ::snores::

KRISTIN

Design: Well, I’ve been saying for weeks that Kristin’s lack of taste and unfinished garments would catch up with her in the end, and it finally has. Could someone please tell me what about this dress has anything to do with the orchid hat? Is there anything romantic, springy, or sensual about this dress?

Execution: Even worse than the design. Nothing looks planned or intentional; everything looks sloppy, unfinished, and under-designed. Every single hem is frayed, every line is crooked, and nothing about this draping is remotely fashionable or flattering. Kristin lacks both a basic understanding of what looks good on a woman’s body AND the technical skills to create even the most basic of garments.

MICHAEL C

Design: This was a decent entry, but nowhere near deserving of the loads of praise the judges gave it. The color is, without a doubt, absolutely perfect. It captures the iridescence and color scheme of the hat without being too matchy-matchy. And the front of the dress is certainly layered and draped in an aesthetically pleasing way. It certainly has a goddessy feel to it, but that’s more because of the fabric than Michael’s design skills. And in their desire to over-praise, the judges overlooked some very obvious technical flaws. They also completely ignored the fact that this dress is a) nothing we haven’t seen before and b) not particularly difficult to create.

Execution: The bust is a MESS! I’m ashamed of Heidi, who can usually be counted on to point out booby mistakes, for letting this slide. But the strips of fabric that lace around her chest leave some fabric bunching awkwardly between the strips. And since there’s no place for the boobs to actually go, they sort of hang lopsidedly beneath the fabric – and what woman wants that? The two “cups” are completely different shapes, the straps start at different places, and even this flat-chested biddy looks a hot mess from the torso up.

MICHAEL D

Design: Brilliant. Someone finally stepped completely outside the box while showing true inspiration from Treacy’s work. This is original and innovative, and evokes the architecture and whimsical feel of the hat. It’s highly conceptual but still trendy (hello, Lady Gaga shoulders) and wearable (any woman would look great in that skirt). And it’s super-revealing without being vulgar, which we all know is a tough tightrope to walk. But I’m not loving the belt in the back; I find it distracting.

Execution: Flawless. And he was doing serious architectural work with difficult fabrics. (Take that, Other Michael!)

MONDO

Design: Sure, it’s whackadoodle. But so is Philip Treacy. And at least it’s whackadoodle with style, flair, and purpose. I just wish it had anything to do with the hat. I’m sure on Mondo Planet, the connection is clear, but to me the only connection is that they’re both bright, zany, and wild. And the man sure knows how to mix prints. They may not be wearable, but they look damn cool.

Execution: Every season, Project Runway has one contestant who is far nuttier than the rest. Someone who takes themselves far too seriously, someone who is highly conceptual, someone who refuses to play by the rules or color inside the lines. And on every season, that person tends to lack basic technical skills, taste, and the minimum amount of sanity needed to actually accept critiques from the judges. This is where Mondo differs from his crazy-ass peers. He’s the nutty artist for sure (“sometimes this gift I have feels more like a curse…” okay, chillax, Mondo) but he’s got top-notch technical skills, funky-artsy taste, and enough of a head on his shoulders to know when to chill the fuck out and get his shit done. And that, I respect.

That being said, look closely. The model is wearing a fake pencil mustache. I think I speak for all of us when I say, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

PEACH

Design: Peach had by far my favorite hat of the lot and still managed to bore me half to death. What a shock – she made ANOTHER pink-and-white cocktail dress made for a little girl’s tea party. Just like she has for every fucking challenge this season. But, much like Kristen, Peach too will have this come back to bite her in the ass. This is a vast improvement over all her other girly pink dresses; however, it’s a silhouette I’ve seen basically everywhere, and I can’t find its connection to that fucking fabulous hat.

Execution: Infinitely better than her other work on the show, but not without flaws. I’m not sure the hem is straight, and I think the sash around her waist could be constructed better and more evenly. And I still don’t like the way she does neck lines. It still looks like top is curved in a crooked and strange manner.

VALERIE

Design: Valerie once again came close-but-no-cigar to winning the challenge, but of course was overlooked in favor of a much simpler and much crappier dress. Valerie’s dress had it all going on – simplicity (the perfect red dress), innovation (the absolutely fierce cropped jacket), whimsy (the zippers, plus the one in the back that you can’t see here), and it was one of the only designs that looked worthy of being worn with a Philip Treacy hat. It’s streamlined and modern, it’s sportswear meets couture, and it’s incredibly wearable.

Execution: Fucking fabulous.


Judges’ Top Picks: Michael C (winner), Michael D, Valerie
Diva’s Top Picks: Tie between Michael D and Valerie

Judges’ Bottom Picks: Christopher, April, Kristin (out)
Diva’s Bottom Picks: Ivy, April, Kristin

The Weekly Fashion Recap

Fabulous FLOTUS

First Lady Michelle Obama in Jason Wu Resort 2009

Classic Americana worn by classy Americans. MObama looks gorgeous in blue Jason Wu. The bows around her waist are cute, and I love the way the dress accentuates her fabulous figure, as if to say I’ve got hips and I love it! Those famous arms (Tom & Lorenzo hilariously referred to them as the “First Guns”) are looking toned as ever, and of course the chunky bracelets are super-trendy. I could do without the shoes, but at least they show that she’s making the effort to have fun with her wardrobe, and isn’t that the point of fashion?

Also, can I just say that I love how often the Obamas are photographed holding hands? As a child raised in the Clinton years, it’s so refreshing to see a First Couple that’s actually in love.

Another Disaster from Rihanna

Are dresses that require a generator becoming a trend? Because I refuse to get behind that. First it was Katy Perry at the Met Gala, now it’s Rihanna. All my least favorite celebrities are donning light-up costumes – next thing you know, Kristen Stewart will mope around the red carpet in a light bulb dress with her hair looking like shit. I’m not sure what concerns me more – the light-up dress, or the fact that her hair color is brighter than the light bulbs. Ladies, reduce your carbon footprint and your fashion faux pas, and nix the light-up dresses, please.

Floral and Fierce

This Diva is fully obsessed with this dress. The sleeve hitting right above the elbow is super-trendy right now, and it always looks great. I love the print and the shape, and that little rainbow belt is just the perfect touch of whimsy (plus it accentuates her teensy little waist). Also, was this photo taken through a time machine? Because SJP is looking suspiciously fresh-faced and beautiful. Keep it up, girl.

The Best and Worst of Lady Gaga

 

Nope. Words can’t do this one justice. All I can say is Where the Wild Things Are meets car wash meets Cousin It.

Lady Gaga at Lollapalooza

This, on the other hand, is why I love Gaga. The crazy wild hair, the signature sunglasses (a Lady never shows her eyes, I suppose), and a purple, seemingly plastic leopard print leotard! It’s weird, sure, but it’s fabulous and fashion-forward. And I’m a huge supporter of nude fishnets to add subtle sex to any outfit. This is a fabulous reminder that though sometimes Gaga’s performance art goes totally off the wall, she’s capable of bringing crazy fashion to a more accessible place.

How to Travel in Style

It helps to be the most beautiful woman alive, but Freida Pinto nails some essential fashion tricks: mixing black, brown, and blue; and looking chic while traveling comfortably. Let’s start with how insanely beautiful she looks even though she hardly looks like she’s wearing makeup. This woman is a goddess. And she’s a master at airport chic – a comfortable yet chic tank and sweater, a loose but fashionable skirt, tights to stay warm on the plane, and flats that are easily removable at security or while napping in first class. Her suitcase is beyond gorgeous, and I love the smoky greyish blue color of that skirt. Effortless and travel-friendly, but still beyond fabulous.

Haute Hermione

Emma Watson in Alice by Temperley

By now we all know that Emma Watson (better known as Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter films) has cut her hair and looks incredible. She’s rocking the pixie cut harder than anyone since Mia Farrow, and after ten years of being our favorite bushy-haired, brilliant witch, she deserves the freedom to cut it all off and do something new. She’s certainly got the perfect facial features to pull it off, and she looks so much older and more sophisticated, but still youthful and modern. And although this may actually be a romper, she looks fierce as hell promoting Deathly Hallows in this long-sleeved lace ensemble.

My only concern with her haircut is that this kind of cut tends to look very awkward in the growing-out stage. And since Part 1 of Deathly Hallows will hit theaters in November (::squeals with excitement::), Ms. Watson will have an ass-load of red carpets to hit, first to promote the film, and then the premieres in LA, New York, London, and every other city on earth. So I’m just hoping her events planner and her hair stylist sit down together and ensure that this fabulous bitch’s hair will look fierce all over the world this fall.

The Material Girl

 

Madonna celebrated her 52nd birthday the way all of us should – by looking half her age. I think Madonna has never looked better. The hair is curly, wild, and fabulous (though I’d touch up the roots), and the makeup/Botox/face lifts are really working, because her skin looks flawless. The dress is simultaneously mega-hot and totally classy, which is a difficult line to walk. Again, the sleeve hitting right above the elbow is totally adorable (and it covers up her crazy arms). Her figure is as petite and perfect as ever, she’s rocking fishnets and a badass fishnetty glove, and she’s still rocking a cross like it’s 1986. I don’t know if she sold her soul to the devil for a fountain of youth or just has the best plastic surgeon on the planet, but whatever her secret is, I want it.

Worst of the Week: Paris Does Marilyn

Where do I start? How about the bandage dress, which is designed to suck in every part of your body, but somehow makes Paris look like she’s in her second trimester. And the clown makeup? Paris may be a sex icon, but she does not have a beautiful face. Her squinty-eyed, long-nosed face just can’t handle makeup like this (actually, I’m not sure anyone’s face can). Her fake tan is disturbingly orange, she’s wearing a fur coat in AUGUST, and why is she playing dress-up to the launch of her perfume? Is she that desperate for attention? (Well, duh. She’s Paris Hilton.) Also, can we talk about the fact that her perfume is called ‘Tease’? Paris, darling, you’re not a tease. You are the star of one of the world’s most infamous celebrity sex tapes. You’re easy like Sunday morning. You don’t entice men and then leave them wanting more – honey, you give it all away! Perhaps your fragrance should be called “filthy tramp” instead, just for the sake of accuracy.

Best of the Week

WOW. Dianna Agron (better known to Glee fans as pregnant ex-Cheerio Quinn Fabray) has always been beautiful, but she’s never really popped on the red carpet until now. This dress is original, whimsical, and innovative – not to mention it fits her like a dream. It’s not what the average twenty-something starlet wears, and that’s what makes it look so damn good. The shoes are Manolo Blahniks, and they are beautiful. And even though she might be rocking a Bump-It, I think she looks absolutely flawless.

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