“I don’t care about the voracious, starving shit-eaters,” Kristen says in her Vanity Fair interview, referencing fashion critics like myself. To prove to us all how little she cares about fashion, she pranced around in tens of thousands of dollars worth of couture lingerie in Paris to be photographed by one of the most famous fashion photographers on earth. Because that’s … not caring about fashion?
KRISTEN STEWART for Vanity Fair July 2012
photographed by Mario Testino // styled by Jessica Diehl
gown by Armani Privé
She looks like she wants to kick that dog in its prissy little face, doesn’t she? Funny, because that’s kind of how I feel while looking at Kristen! Seriously, though, it’s a decent shot of her if you don’t mind her “this dog just shat on my couture gown” expression, which I very much mind. At least the hair is shiny, the makeup is chic, the dress is lovely and the bracelet is fab.
gown by Christian Dior
Because nothing says “rebel” like Dior couture in Paris, right? The gown itself is great, but we all know it’s wearing her, and I’m sure a close-up would make her complete discomfort immediately apparent. But you can’t even see her in the picture – she’s being upstage by horses, for fuck’s sake.
corset by Jean Paul Gaultier
Finally, Kristen’s giving me something I can work with. I mean, this photoshoot is still as incongruous with her “fuck fashion critics, I don’t give a shit about any of this” interview as possible, but at least she can wear the fuck out of a couture corset, no matter how hypocritical it may be. She’s giving uncommonly good face and generally stunning me by looking somewhat like a model rather than a misery. Although I know it’s useless to try to bring logical reasoning into fashion photography, but I demand an explanation for the mystery man in the green silk pajamas and gold rings. What is he even doing there?