Welp, here goes nothin’.
KIRSTEN DUNST vs. KATE MIDDLETON
Kirsten in Gucci; Kate in Anita Dongre
Kirsten: A princess.
Kate:
Kirsten in Dior; Kate in Goat/Banana Republic
Kirsten: They put me up against a goddamn PRINCESS.
Kate:
Kirsten in Rodarte; Kate in Roksanda
Kirsten: A “birds dress her in the morning” princess.
Kate:
Kirsten in Dior; Kate in McQueen
Kirsten: An actual, real-life, pushed-heirs-to-the-throne-out-of-her-vagina freakin’ princess.
Kate:
Kirsten in Maison Margiela; Kate in John Lewis/Tory Burch
Kirsten: An “I can’t believe she’s not a Disney cartoon come to life in the style of Enchanted” princess.
Kate:
Kirsten in Givenchy; Kate in Self-Portrait
Kirsten: A princess so princessy, the world acts as her personal wind machine.
Kate:
Kirsten in Ralph & Russo; Kate in Temperley London
Kirsten: Seriously, do you put MiracleGro on that shit?
Kate:
Kirsten in Dior; Kate in Jenny Packham
Kirsten: This competition is rigged. Putting me up against a princess is one thing. Putting me up against a princess with mermaid hair?! That should be a CRIME.
Kate:
LUPITA NYONG’O vs. LILY COLLINS
Lupita in Dolce & Gabbana; Lily in Self-Portrait
Lupita:
Lily: Jesus. We’re here ten seconds, and she’s already pulling out the Oscar.
Lupita in Monse; Lily in Burberry
Lupita:
Lily: We get it. You won something. Congratu-fucking-lations.
Lupita in Kenzo; Lily in Gauri and Nainika
Lupita:
Lily: So, you’re really just going to carry that thing around wherever you go? Wow. I’m thrilled for you, really.
Lupita in Balmain; Lily in Zuhair Murad
Lupita:
Lily: It’s very hard to talk to you with a trophy in your hand, you do realize that, right?
Lupita in Mary Katrantzou; Lily in Chanel
Lupita:
Lily: You’re also not nearly as fabulous as you think you are.
Lupita in Boss; Lily in Georges Chakra
Lupita:
Lily: Psh. Anyone can twirl. But can you POSE?
Lupita in Elie Saab; Lily in Reem Acra
Lupita:
Lily: I can’t take this much longer. Can you just leave already?
Lupita in Calvin Klein; Lily in Valentino
Lupita:
Lily: That’s what I was afraid of.
The Democracy Diva 
Respond to March Fabness 2017: Elite Eight, Part 2