Time to kick off the new year the best way we know how. Awards season has begun with the Unimportant People’s Choice Awards, and I’ve been honing my bitch skills sharply over this winter break.
The Fashion Professionals
This bitch has “fashion editor” written all over her. She’s a doppelganger to Dianna Agron (Glee‘s Quinn), only twice as fashionable. That skirt is beyond gorgeous and belongs in my closet immediately. Why don’t we all own perfectly fitted pencil skirts in crazy gorgeous prints? And those heels scream Vogue from a mile away. The perfect highlights, and that glance over the shoulder like she owns Manhattan. God bless her.
This is proof of how a few classic but simple items are all you need. A vintage sundress, a skinny belt, brown sandals, and oversized sunglasses – all perfect for a late summer’s day of running around the city. It’s quirky and casual, like a professional blogger should be – you can tell by her laid back appearance that her work day involves a comfy chair, a dog on her lap, and a strong cup of coffee.
And this lady’s outfit says fashion/business all the way. The blouse is gorgeous, very European-looking, but crisp, so you know she’s serious. Those pants are the perfect cranberry color and make this skinny bitch’s legs look about eight miles long. The sunglasses, purse, lipstick and shoes say “I’m fabulous and you better not fuck with me,” but the casual braid says “See how I don’t even have to try hard to look this good?”
And this woman looks like a Parisian socialite – she’d be complete if she were holding a Lanvin shopping bag. The sheer blouse compared to the long, sturdy skirt is a nice mix, and that greyish pink mauve leather is gorgeous. And the little eyelet peep-toe heels? Precious. Not to mention the jewelry, which makes the outfit.
The Fashion Show Attendees
Combat boots? With white sweatsocks? Leighton, are you trying to give me an aneurysm? The dress (or perhaps sweater/skirt combo) is dull as they come, and the metal bracelets taking over both her wrists give off a Wonder Woman vibe, and not in a good way. And what’s with the lack of hairstyle and makeup? This is New York Fashion Week. You’re going to have to try a hell of a lot harder than that.
Attention, universe: Jenna Ushkowitz is clearly in desperate need of a stylist. That awful color, the oversized top, the whole peasant vibe it gives off, and that dreaded headband – this girl needs to be saved.
Portia, who cut your bangs? Actually, let me put that more accurately: How fucking drunk was the blind mental patient who cut your bangs? Seriously, Portia is ordinarily a beautiful woman and here she looks like a seven-year-old boy.
The hair looks as if she just barely escaped and wind tunnel, and the dress looks more like my grandmother’s droopy old apron than anything that should be in the same room as Diane Von Furstenberg.
The Fashion Party-Goers
Way to turn up the heat, B! Leighton redeems herself in one of my favorite looks from Marc Jacobs’s Resort 2011 collection. The dress is breathtaking on her, the purse is completely badass, and I think the white shoes were a bold and wise choice. And see the difference it makes when her hair and makeup are done? Poof, instant starlet.
Our very own Rory Gilmore was all over the Fashion Week scene. I’m liking the lighter hair color, and though the dress is pretty overdone, it’s cute enough. Particularly for someone who doesn’t dress particularly well. The pumps and clutch were an obvious choice, as was the matchy-matchy gold bracelet, but who can say no to those blue eyes?
Outside New York
Alexa Chung takes over London in this fabulous little yellow number. Perfect cut and fit, a bright and fun print, and freaking adorable grey booties.
Holy hell. Now this is a dress. The sleeves, the neck line, the colors, the fit, the draping of the skirt, the impeccable details – Cate truly looks like royalty in this gown. Her porcelain skin and boyish haircut just add another element of high fashion to an already fantastic look.
Too big on top, too short on bottom, too long in the sleeves, tacky colors, and a vomit-inducing print. Yup, this is about as many mistakes as you can make at once on the red carpet.
Oh, jeez. What is it, Carey, your bat mitzvah? What post-adolescent woman would be caught dead in something so Tinker Bell? It’s just incredibly immature. Even the cut of the dress looks more appropriate for a little girl than a woman. And the shoes only make matters worse. Glinda the Good Witch would look at this and go, “Whoa, girl. Chill out on the sparkles.”
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Blake Lively was the best dressed of the week, in my humble opinion. I am literally drooling over this blood red Chanel dress, which shines like it was laquered. And although it brings to mind awkward images of flowers sprouting from Serena’s nether regions, I think the red flowers are absolutely breathtaking. It looks so meticulously made, and it fits Blake like a second skin. The matching shoes are intense, but I think they make a strong statement. Her cocktail rings are what truly complete this look, especially the one that matches the dress. And with her red lipstick and effortlessly sexy blonde hair, Blake looks damn near perfect here.
I’m reviewing all the collections from New York Fashion Week, so keep checking back for updates! And follow me on twitter @democracydiva.