Time to kick off the new year the best way we know how. Awards season has begun with the Unimportant People’s Choice Awards, and I’ve been honing my bitch skills sharply over this winter break.
dress by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Jimmy Choo, shoes by Christian Louboutin
She brought a new human into the world less than a month ago, and not only is Kristen Bell already back on the red carpet, but she has NEVER LOOKED MORE FUCKING FABULOUS. Apparently, something about pushing a tiny person out of your body does wonders for your style. This is quirky but romantic, weird in all the best ways, formal enough for an awards show but chill enough to remind you of the fact that no one really gives a shit about the People’s Choice Awards. That’s the key to dressing for this event – never quite forgetting that, when it comes to this particular awards show…
gown by Escada, purse by Rauwolf
I may never look as good in anything in my whole life as Viola Davis looks in this shade of pink. The new queen of Shondaland absolutely tore it up in this athletic silhouette that puts her sexy, badass arms on full display. And that collar/neckline combo is particularly phenomenal.
top and skirt by Louis Vuitton
Chloë is approximately the 8 billionth starlet to wear this Louis Vuitton Spring 2015 collection, but it’s particularly on-point here. Epic bitchface is a perfect accessory to this funky, IDGAF-esque outfit.
BETH BEHRS and KAT DENNINGS
Beth’s dress by Juan Carlos Obando, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
Kat’s gown by Ludmila Corlateanu, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Kudos, ladies. You both look fantastic. And even though the outfits don’t match each other, they somehow go together perfectly.
dress by Gucci, shoes by Jimmy Choo
I know she has a long awards season ahead of her and can’t afford to blow her wad on the PCAs, but I was hoping to see a little more from Amy. This is lovely, but it’s nothing we haven’t seen from her before.
dress by Christian Siriano, shoes by Alexandre Birman
A truly exquisite winter wonderland dress from Christian Siriano. I’m still split on whether the styling is equally chic or kind of basic, but I’m enjoying it all the same.
dress by Balmain, shoes by Daniele Michetti
The dress is definitely working hard, but the low-key styling actually brings that needed effortlessness to this ensemble. I think the lipstick is selling me on the entire thing.
gown by Yigal Azrouël, purse by Jimmy Choo
Hate the chunky jewelry and the basic hair, but this gown is fucking GREAT, you guys. Who knew the lady of Lady Antebellum was such a fan of abstract prints?
ANNA FARIS and ALLISON JANNEY
Anna’s gown by Juan Carlos Obando, shoes by Stuart Weitzman
Allison’s gown by Rani Zakhem, purse by Devi Kroell
Allison Janney looks like a goddess of the silver screen. Anna looks like she’s lost her mind and most of her outfit and her sense of direction on the way to the hair salon.
ELLEN DEGENERES and PORTIA DE ROSSI
Ellen’s shirt by Saint Laurent
Portia’s jumpsuit by Zuhair Murad, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
They both look a bit ridiculous in their respective clownish sneakers and nude pumps, but these two can do no wrong in my heart.
suit and shoes by Giorgio Armani
The outfit is business-fabulous, but the eyes say “I’m on a really delicious cocktail of drugs right now.”
jumpsuit by Elie Saab, shoes by Christian Louboutin
MORE LIKE MEREDITH BLUSH, AMIRIGHT? (I’m sorry for that. I really am. Let’s start over, okay?)
Shorten the pants and I’d be able to deal with this, but honestly, the whole thing is kind of a mess.
gown by Nha Khanh
Veering towards bridesmaid territory, but still on this side of chic. Also, is Jane the Virgin a thing I should be watching? I await your word, dear readers.
gown by Carolina Herrera
The gown is about a thousand steps too formal for the event. And the hair looks like Stana came straight to the red carpet from hot yoga and/or voracious sex.
gown by Honor
This is upsetting, because the color is SO FUCKING WONDERFUL on her, but every seam on this dress is a nightmare. There is an ungodly amount of puckering, and it only gets worse from the back:
See? This doesn’t come close to fitting her. Gabrielle is so obscenely beautiful that she still looks completely red carpet-ready from a slight distance, but this is one sad, sloppy gown.
dress by Delphine Manivet, purse by Jill Milan, shoes by Palter DeLiso
Congratulations, Ginnifer. You have out-weirded yourself once again. This might be the most awkwardly-proportioned dress I have ever seen in my life. She looks like she doesn’t have legs. Just weird, pointy alien feet.
top and skirt by Giambattista Valli, shoes by Christian Louboutin
A chic if ill-fitting outfit, completely ruined by OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH YOUR HAIR AND MAKEUP GIRL SERIOUSLY.
top by Christian Siriano
The top is actually pretty great. But I may never recover from the sight of those pants, which are a human rights violation.
jumpsuit by Peggy Hartanto
Fuck you, Kaley Cuoco. From your Kate Gosselin hair to your “I’m not a feminist because I’ve never experienced inequality” quotes to your WEARING SOME SORT OF CULOTTE CUT-OUT JUMPSUIT, just… fuck you.
And don’t forget to join me on Twitter tonight for the #GoldenGlobes red carpet! I’ll see you at around 6:00 EST.