gown and purse by Chanel, jewelry by Swarovski
This fabulous gown was my Spring 2013 couture red carpet prediction for Julianne Moore, and I am obsessed with it on the impeccably cool Milla Jovovich. It’s dramatic and flawless, and I love the touch of gold on the platforms of her shoes. The black nails and matching cocktail ring were epic styling choices, along with the eyeliner and that deliciously tousled hair. One of my favorite looks to come out of the entire Cannes Film Festival, even if it is similar to Anna Wintour’s uninspired, un-punk Met Gala gown.
gown by Prada, jewelry and purse by Swarovski
I definitely wouldn’t have worn black-and-gold shoes (the same as the look above) with a navy gown and silver accessories, but let’s just pretend her suitcase of shoes went missing and she had no other choice. Because the rest of this look is so beautiful and unique and antique-looking, but way too sexy to actually be as vintage as it seems. I’m not always a fan of sideboob, but this is the way to do it – I love the embellishments on the spaghetti straps, the beading on the skirt, and that eyeliner that makes her eyes pop from about a thousand miles away.
dress and shoes by Christian Dior, jewelry by Chopard
This gown went down the runway two days before Marion Cotillard wore it on the red carpet – now that’s a diva move right there. I think it would be a little clownish on someone else, and I’d happily never see another mullet skirt (short in the front, long in the back) again in my life, but I actually think this looks very modern and interesting and altogether fabulous on her. The stunning jewelry helps, with those magnificent earrings and that killer cuff. And her little beehive or bouffant or whatever you’d like to call her hairdo looks just perfect on her.
dress by Christian Dior
When you’re so close to Dior that you get to wear the runway looks immediately following the runway show, why would you ever opt for this potato sack of a dress? I love the shoes, but not much else.
jumpsuit by Stéphane Rolland
I’d probably laugh at this on someone else, and those gigantic cuffs at the bottom certainly aren’t winning me over, but Solange is working the shit out of this almost alien-like, futuristic floral jumpsuit. It’s definitely strange, but the designs on the neck and sleeves are just exquisite, and perfectly executed.
gown by Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci, jewelry by Bulgari
The fit in the bust is a little wacky, and she could have used a necklace, but otherwise, it’s hard to complain about something as beautiful as this.
JESSICA BIEL and JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE
Jessica’s dress by Roksanda Ilincic, purse by Fendi, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Justin’s jacket by Christian Dior, shirt and pants by Tom Ford, shoes by Christian Louboutin
The yellow purse with the orange sleeves is killing me, but that small detail aside, this is probably my favorite outfit Jessica Biel has ever worn. So much more interesting and cool than her usual looks, and the shoes are gorgeous. Justin is predictably better dressed than she is, but there are worse things in the world than having an unreasonably handsome, stylish, and rich husband.
DITA VON TEESE
dress by Elie Saab, shoes by Christian Louboutin
I love Dita, and she’s flawless in red, but those bridesmaid-looking shoes are absolutely killing me. It really would have been a perfect look if her stubbornly vintage style, which I usually love, hadn’t stopped her from picking a more interesting shoe.
gown by Vionnet, shoes by Brian Atwood
I tried to like this, as I try to like all interesting and original-looking things I see on the red carpet, because they’re usually rarities. But I can’t see this as anything but awkward, and she’s worn those shoes so often, they’re practically her security blanket.
suit by Gucci
Yum. The jacket might be just the slightest bit too tight, but I think I love it anyway.
dress by Elie Saab, jewelry by Chopard, purse by Bracher Emden
That purse is a work of art, but Fan Bingbing wears better shit than this to the grocery store. I don’t like that I can see her bra through it, and I think the color of those shoes is just depressing. And she’s worn this dress too many times before for me to be impressed by its beauty.
top and skirt by Emanuel Ungaro by Fausto Puglisi, shoes by Oscar Tiye
Love the top, love the skirt, love the shoes, but not sold on the combination of the three. Or the lipstick, for that matter.
dress by Emilio Pucci
Zoe, I don’t want you to panic, so I’m going to state this as calmly as I can – there is some sort of terrifying animal that is currently attempting to mate with your neck. Please, stay still, and we’ll call in your assistant to kill it before it mauls you alive.
gown by Roberto Cavalli, jewelry by Chopard
The gown is predictable, the bust is weird, the neckline is wonky, and I’m already over it.
dress by Dolce & Gabbana, jewelry by Aurélie Bidermann
Cute, but at Cannes, cute gets forgotten in about ten minutes.
gown by Roberto Cavalli, jewelry by de Grisogono, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo
That’s just a little more Sharon Stone boob than I’m comfortable seeing, but I think the color of the gown is phenomenal and it’s super-flattering, other than that too-plunging neckline. But the navy purse is too big and totally the wrong color, and that necklace is straight-up tacky.
top and shorts by Emilio Pucci
Eva Longoria just burst into flames, apparently.
gown by Christian Dior, jewelry by Chopard, purse by Charlotte Olympia
NO. BAD KATNISS. First, fire your makeup artist, who appears to believe that you are some sort of clown-prostitute hybrid. Then, fire your hair stylist, who clearly is holding a grudge against you for something. Finally, fire anyone who told you that this was a good look for you before you got into the limo, because they are all filthy liars.
gown by Elie Saab
There were a lot of white gowns at Cannes, but this was one of my least favorites. Too bridal, too long, ill-fitting, and the Heidi hair with it is just a nightmare.
dress by Dolce & Gabanna, purse by Chanel, shoes by ShoeMint
You’re fucking kidding me with those stockings, right? Who are you, Zooey Deschanel? This is Cannes, for the love of God. Show some respect.