Welcome back to the workroom, hookers!

ANTHONY RYAN AULD (top 3)Age 28 // Baton Rouge, LA
Fun Fact: Colorblind testicular cancer survivor!

Anthony Ryan scored the attention of the judges with his chic, modern style and general awesomeness. A super-cute cancer survivor who knows how to use lace? I’m on board. The skirt was terrifyingly short, but in comparison to the rest of the vagina-high hems on this runway, it was practically demure. Aside from that small complaint, I was surprised by how much he accomplished in so few hours with so little fabric. That top really is adorable.

ANYA AYOUNG-CHEE (top 3)Age 29 // Port of Spain, Trinidad and Tobago
Fun Fact: Beauty pageant queen [Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe 2008] who learned to sew four months ago.

How many times did she mention she only learned to sew four months ago? Ten thousand? It’s the beauty of lowered expectations, darlings – tell Nina you don’t know how to sew, and she’ll cream herself with excitement over a badly-made pair of pants. Seriously, what kind of crack were those judges smoking? From my point of view, those pants weren’t the worst things on the runway, but they were far from well-constructed. The back of the top is certainly beautiful, but I’m not sure that that alone warrants a spot in the top three.

BECKY ROSS
Age 38 // Portland, OR
Fun Fact: She has blue hair! What’s not to like?

This could have easily taken a spot in the top three from Anya if I were judging. The dress is sweet, interesting, fits her well, and doesn’t look like it took only one day and a bedsheet to make.

BERT KEETER (winner)Age 57 // Los Angeles, CA
Fun Fact: He’s the oldest ever Project Runway contestant!

Tacky 1970s styling aside, Bert undoubtedly deserved the win this week. His take on a wrap dress was innovative and well-made. And even though the idea of Bert’s underwear – that just came off his body – wrapped around this model’s boob makes me a tad uncomfortable, he used the fabric in such an adorable way. It’s not surprising that he has a good head on his shoulders, considering his age and experience, but I, like the judges, was happy to see he knew how to listen to critiques and incorporate them into his designs.

BRYCE BLACK
Age 26 // Portland, OR
Fun Fact: This little monster LOVES Gaga, and wishes he could design for her a look “so overdesigned it would be offensive.” I’m down.

Unfortunately, this looks more inspired by Kim Kardashian than Lady Gaga. He’s lucky there were so many more obvious hot disasters on the runway, because in any other episode, the judges would have something to say about those sleeves. Did he even sew a shirt, or just staple the bedsheet around his model’s arms?

CECILIA MOTWANI
Age 34 // New York, NY
Fun Fact: The Alexander McQueen exhibit at the Met inspired her to start designing professionally in America.

From the front, I thought this was an interesting, expensive-looking outfit with fantastic colors and a lot of style. But when that model turned around, all was lost. That skirt is a complete disaster, and the construction of that jacket is almost as bad.

DANIELLE EVERINE
Age 26 // Minneapolis, MN
Fun Fact: Unknown – this girl is shy.

It’s hard to remember this quiet little midwestern flower is even on the show, but those shorts are pretty well-made (particularly in comparison to her competitors’ pants and shorts) and that sweater is fun and funky. I liked the colors she chose – a little weird, but really interesting. Plus, she has the redheaded model, and the redheaded models are always my favorites.

FALLENE WELLS
Age 29 // Denver, CO
Fun Fact: This hipster cites Zooey Deschanel in practically every answer to her interview on the Project Runway website, which makes me judge her.

That puking clown might be totally her sense of humor, but no woman wants to wear a puking clown on her dress. I think she’s got some tricks up her sleeve, but I hate the way the dress cinches at the bottom, and her styling needs some serious work.

JOSHUA CHRISTENSEN (bottom 3)Age 29 // Snohomish, WA
Fun Fact: Watch out, heathens – there’s a Mormon in our midst!

I can’t say it any better than Nina did – why, in a design competition, would you show a tank top and white shorts? Especially this tank top – the photos don’t quite do it justice, but trust me, it was ATROCIOUS on television. That cape sweatshirt might work on a tween, but everything is too shoddily made to be taken seriously.

JOSHUA MCKINLEYAge 25 // Sunnyside, NY
Fun Fact: Who needs an interesting fact when you have THOSE EYEBROWS?

Cute from the front, but that vest is kind of a disaster in the back. There’s some chicness to the skirt, but I’m not yet convinced he’s got the creativity to win this thing.

JULIE TIERNEY (bottom 3)Age 35 // Grand Junction, CO
Fun Fact: Her designs are influenced by her passion for snowboarding, skiing, and horseback riding.

I’ll be shocked if she makes it another two episodes. The sporty ones never last. Especially the sporty ones who design horrifically ugly shirts that no one over age 11 would wear. And those pants could be a serious contender for worst garment in Project Runway history.

KIMBERLY GOLDSON
Age 35 // Brooklyn, NY
Fun Fact: She used the phrase “nut juice” on Project Runway, so she wins all my respect.

She managed to make a pair of pants that I don’t completely hate, at least if you got rid of that maternity-friendly patch on top. And the back of that shirt is absolutely adorable. But the front just looks like some very sad and very fortunately-placed curtains.

LAURA KATHLEEN
Age 26 // St. Louis, MO
Fun Fact: She talked about how she looks like a Barbie and said the phrase, “Are you speaking foreign?” in the same episode. Clearly, I already hate her.

I’m not sure who is wearing tie-dyed, wide-legged parachute pants, especially ones that make your ass look this enormous. I’m already sick of this perky little moron.

OLIVIER GREEN
Age 22 // New York, NY
Fun Fact: He has a beautiful accent, and Heidi already has a crush on him.

You could see right through that dress on television. And I’m not liking this boxy jacket, but at least he managed to make something pretty nicely constructed, even if it is totally boring.

RAFAEL COX (eliminated)
Age 27 // Atlanta, GA
Fun Fact: Honey sleeps in a leopard-print headscarf. Need I say more?

Well, they were right to send him home. I didn’t know there could be so much wrong with one outfit. That bib is ridiculous, and I’ve never seen a less flattering outfit. The high-waisted cropped legging, paired with ankle boots and a midriff-baring tank, is so tasteless, it’s amazing the judges didn’t laugh when this walked down the runway. Sorry, Rafael, but good riddance.

VIKTOR LUNA
Age 30 // New York, NY
Fun Fact: He got no screen time in this episode, so who knows? But he’s Mexican-American, and his name is AWESOME.

This is actually fantastic. It would have been better in a color or print, but it’s pretty astounding how well-made this dress is. It’s probably the best-constructed garment of the entire episode. Those black patches on the hips are super-flattering and really give the dress some intrigue. Even though I’ve yet to hear him speak, I’m on Team Viktor if he keeps up this high level of construction.

Judges’ Top 3: Bert (winner!), Anthony Ryan, Anya
My Top 3: Bert, Viktor, Anthony Ryan
Judges’ Bottom 3: Joshua C., Julie, Rafael (auf wiedersehen!)
My Bottom 3: Joshua C., Julie, Rafael

Photos courtesy of Lifetime.

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© Democracy Diva, 2011.
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