Fashion Week: The Ten Worst Looks

#10: The Confused Burlesque Dancer/Office Worker

L.A.M.B. Fall 2010

I’m going to pull a Nina Garcia and ask, “Where is this woman going?” Because to me, she’s spent a long day at the office and was late for her moonlighting job as a burlesque performer, and hastily applied enough eyeliner to appease Taylor Momsen for the next ten years, and threw on the first piece of lingerie she could find over her work clothes. Now that’s a day-to-evening look.

#9: If George Jetson and Fred Flintstone had a lovechild…

And that lovechild was an anorexic wannabe rebellious teen with a permanent bad hair day, she’d look something like this:

Project Runway: Mila Fall 2010

I know the bar is set low for the Project Runway Fashion Week collections, since they let practically everyone and their mother show a collection to amp up the suspense of who’s actually in the top three, but this is just tacky. And it wasn’t even the worst look of the Project Runway family – but we’ll get to that later.

#8: Christina Aguilera’s Farewell Tour Gown

Altuzarra Fall 2010

There is something so sad about this dress. It just screams desperation. You don’t need a slit up to the bikini line, cutouts at the armpits and both sides of the body, a leopard print choker-collar, AND a blood red color. Something tells me it has a low back too, though I have no proof of that. Not to mention it’s poorly fitted (or poorly draped, or both) around the top, and even the model looks as if she knows this is her last shot at stardom. If this isn’t what Christina Aguilera wears when she’s 60 on her farewell tour, then it’s what Blake Lively will wear to the Emmys.

#7: A Reject from the Cast of Rent

William Rast Fall 2010

Sometimes I truly wish I could be in on the meetings where these concepts are created. I just want to hear William Rast say to his team, “I know. She’ll be in baggy, unflattering cargo pants, tucked into ugly boots. And she’ll wear a grey T-shirt – but it’ll have those little shiny rhinestones that you can buy for $1 for a pack of 500! But wait, wait, she’ll also have a dead possum wrapped around one hip, and on the other side, she’ll carry a big black blanket!” And when they stare at him in silence, he’ll add, “And her beautiful strawberry blonde hair will be so overprocessed that even Britney Spears wouldn’t wear it as a wig.” [Edit: William Rast is not actually a person, it’s just the name of the brand, but I was lazy and decided to just personify him instead of going into the whole Justin Timberlake/whomever else runs that line explanation. Thanks to Amy for pointing out my confusing remarks. If it helps you to imagine JTimber saying those things to his design team, feel free.]

#6: I’m Underwhelmed

Michael, Michael, Michael.

Michael Kors Fall 2010

How can I believe in any of your bitchy opinions on Project Runway again, when you send a girl in a a ribbed tank, Old Navy sweatpants, possibly legwarmers, and two belts down the runway? I may never trust again.

#5: There Simply Aren’t Words

Wayne Fall 2010

It’s a fanny pack. SHE’S WEARING A FANNY PACK. I’m going to have an aneurysm.

#4: Fix Yourself, Girl – You’ve Got a Cameltoe

Erin Wasson x RVCA Fall 2010

I’m not sure if it’s awkward placement of strings, bad draping, or just a vagina that starts at her neck that creates such an unflattering image, but there is some serious weirdness happening in this woman’s nether regions. Factor in her $5 hair extensions and the fact that she is wearing a full-length satin jumpsuit, and I just want to weep for this poor girl who will have to take off all her clothes to pee, and whose extra-long vagina will haunt my nightmares forever.

#3: Best Actress Award

Edition by Georges Chakra Fall 2010

This woman should be the highest-paid model of all time. I can’t believe she can walk down the runway with such a serious face when she’s wearing Clifford the Big Red Dog’s cousin’s skin / the Drag Queen Smurf’s pajamas / what Blue from Blues Clues sees in the mirror when he’s tripping on LSD. Kudos to her.

#2: The Future of Booby Tassels

Project Runway: Jonathan Fall 2010

I think she’ll be the star of the sequel to The Hangover, when one of the bros wakes up next to this exotic dancer whose pants look her at least thirty pounds heavier than she actually is, and who felt the need to shield her breasts from his withering stare with cocktail napkins. Jonathan, you’re the one I actually like on the show. You look kinda like Brad from The Rachel Zoe Project, and you usually make stylish things, and you’re just a little bitchy, but in the good way. I can’t believe you’ve disappointed me so much that I genuinely hope you get kicked off the show before the finale, so that I don’t have to relive my nausea over this ensemble in a few months.

#1: Madonna meets Gothic Firefighter

Jeremy Scott Fall 2010

Dearest readers: Next time I decide that my definition of fashion includes the world’s most cheaply made pair of vagina-high boots, Steve Urkel’s shorts, and suspenders with black cones in lieu of a shirt, please put me out of my misery.

Honorable Mention: Kim Kardashian, Fashion Designer

There was no one particular look in the Bebe/Kardashian collection that disturbed me enough to be in the top ten, but the overall collection is just one cheap, under-designed, trend-pimping, tacky piece of crap after another. I’m not sure why you wouldn’t believe that something like that could come from Kim Kardashian’s brilliant influence, but if you don’t, see for yourself.

Best of Fashion Week: Fabulous Coats Edition

I, like my mother, have a thing for coats. I put so many coats into my “BEST” folder, where I’d been keeping links to every single thing I loved this week, that I decided they deserved a category of their own.

#5: Fall in London

Marc by Marc Jacobs Fall 2010

Simple but chic, feminine, and classic. This is what I imagine basically every wealthy London woman wearing around town, minus the hat.

#4: A Twist on a Preppy Classic

Tommy Hilfiger Fall 2010

I. Want. A. Sleeveless. Trench. What an absolutely fabulous concept.

#3: The Tahari Suit


Tahari is famous (in my family, anyway) for making incredible well-tailored and truly magnificent suits. But with the fur shawl and the belt, this becomes more of a coat than a suit jacket, as far as I’m concerned. But I could just sit and drool over this photo for hours.

#2: Casual in Eggplant


I generally prefer much more tailored, streamlined coats than this, but the casual slouch to this makes it that much more beautiful. And I also generally disapprove of belts outside of beltloops, but how can you not love that deep brownish burgundy belt with the sparkly buckle?

#1: A Vision in White


The collar, the belt, the cut, and the design on the right side – it’s all beautiful, modern, and unique. I’d also kill for those leopard-print stockings, but that’s irrelevant. Kudos to Vivienne Tam for knocking it out of the park, and winning out over quite a few much more high-profile designers (at least, according to this Diva).

Fashion Week: Predicting the 2010 Red Carpet

The Democracy Diva has the power to see the future. She, after looking at literally thousands of fresh-off-the-runway dresses, will predict who will wear what to this year’s red carpet events. And if she is wrong, it is only because celebrities too often listen to their stylists instead of the Democracy Diva. Shame on them.

Kate Hudson

Erin Featherston Fall 2010

I immediately thought of Kate Hudson when I saw this dress. She’s definitely worn a metallic dress with the same shape as the top of this dress, but that extra bow switches it up a bit. And she’s become more and more fond of flowy dresses at events over the last few years; I could certainly see her pairing her love of flowing skirts and her love of shiny objects together and rocking this dress at the Academy Awards.

For Cougars and Glamour Queens

Tadashi Shoji Fall 2010

This gown simply screams, Wear me to the Oscars! Actually, if I’m going to personify this gown, I should do it more properly. She’s holding a long cigarette, and in a sultry rasp, she purrs, “Darling, you’re not wearing me to the awards. I am the award.”

Regardless, I could easily see Kim Cattrall clinging to her youth for a few more milliseconds by wearing this to the Sex and the City 2 premiere in Los Angeles (it’s a much more L.A. dress than New York). Really, any cougar, or any aspiring cougars (like Hayden Panettiere, who inexplicably has been styled to look twice her age lately), could easily pull off this dress. I’d honestly be shocked if I didn’t see this shiny, Grecian look, or something intensely similar to it, at the Oscars in a few weeks.

Dressed to Win

J. Mendel Fall 2010

This is the kind of dress that you see on the red carpet and you think, Obviously, she knew she was going to win, if she wore that dress. Which is kind of problematic for this year’s Oscars, because Sandra Bullock knows she’s not glamorous or graceful enough to pull off this dress, and it’s not something Mo’Nique would wear either, and they’re both basically shoo-ins for the female acting awards.

But I could see several of the nominees rocking this gown. Maggie Gyllenhaal in particular would nail this; I personally would like to call her stylist and recommend it, because she epitomizes the intrigue and style that this dress conveys. Carey Mulligan’s boyish looks would go great with a look like this that’s feminine in shape but not overly girly. Penelope Cruz would wear this, but probably in red, black, or silver. She’s not exactly a woman who epitomizes subdued colors.

But most of all, I see this as Lea Michele’s next great wardrobe step. She’s got the makings of a style icon, and can rock high fashion without seeming like she’s trying to dress too maturely. She may be playing a sixteen-year-old, but she’s 23, and certainly old enough to glam it up instead of running around with no pants on like half of Young Hollywood seems to be doing lately.

Fit for The Queen

Oscar de la Renta Fall 2010

To me, if you take the neckline up just a bit, this dress is made for Helen Mirren. She has a knack for dressing better than most women half her age, and, most importantly, not trying to grasp onto her youth (that’s right, Jennifer Lopez, I’m talking to you). This is classy, but still fun and interesting and basically ageless. Just like Dame Helen Mirren. (I don’t think she’s technically a dame, but she is in my heart.)

Who is Divalicious enough for Christian Siriano?

Christian Siriano Fall 2010

This is a gown fit for a diva.

No matter how much I desperately wish that BeyoncĂ© would, after a decade in the music business, finally learn how to dress herself (or hire people with the skill to do so), I know it’s a lost cause. But she would look phenomenal in this, with hair down and jewels blinging. Assuming she wore it in her actually size, instead of two sizes smaller, which is what she seems to do with her entire wardrobe.

It’d be a waste on Rihanna, who brings no grace to anything she wears. And it’s far too simple for my Lady Gaga. If Taylor Swift were two years older, she could nail it. And it’s a little too obvious for Pink. Because, you know, it’s pink.

But if Carrie Underwood ever gets out of her phase of wearing white/silver/ivory sparkly dresses (I almost wrote an entire blog post about it – I found literally 20 pictures wearing practically the same dress to almost every red carpet event of the last few years), I think she’s the lady for this dress. Young and hot enough to pull it off, and she’s got a sense of fun and light-heartedness about herself that would help nail down this look.

Check out The Democracy Diva later tonight and this week! We’ve got tons more to say about this fabulous week. And by we, I mean me.

No more posts.