Native American Girls Go Bad

Leighton Meester in Giambattista Valli

Leighton Meester in Giambattista Valli

Leighton Meester is quickly become the most surprisingly worst-dressed celebrity. There will always be the Rihannas of the world who dress themselves with a newfound sense of fugliness every day. But something inside me expects Leighton to dress well, probably because her Gossip Girl character has the perfect WASP fashion sensibilities. So every time she parades around in a Navajo blanket she stole from the set of Pocahontas 2: Electric Boogaloo, my insides weep, because how can a girl who wears such gorgeous clothes on her show pick such fugly things to wear in real life? Why can’t she hire the Gossip Girl costumer as her personal stylist – or, you know, anybody with any basic knowledge of what looks good on a human being. So here’s your fashion advice, Leighton, that you so stubbornly refuse to ask for: you look like a Muppet from the back, those shoes are ridiculously ugly and make your calves look weird, and I’m not convinced that hair color is right for you. Now go, and find a way to be the one well-dressed actor on your show, because God knows that award isn’t going to Blake Lively’s stripper outfits or Taylor Momsen’s eyeliner-and-no-pants trend.

Love it or Hate it?

Rachel Bilson in Preen

I honestly cannot figure out how I feel about this dress. I’m usually pretty anti-cutouts, but I think this is just so interesting that I want to let it slide. And I know she’s wearing a glorified bra, but her dress isn’t actually more revealing than any other red carpet outfits. I think I want to dislike it on principle, but dammit, she looks hot as hell. I don’t want to just like it because she’s wearing it and I practically worship her, but the fact that I’ve been staring at this photo for five minutes straight definitely speaks to its intrigue.

Okay. I’ve decided I love it. Feel free to disagree. Though I will say that I wish Rachel’s roots matched the rest of her hair, but that’s a personal issue.

Vulgar in Velvet

Ginnifer Goodwin in Vionnet

I try to like Ginnifer Goodwin. I think she’s fantastic on Big Love, and I thought she was just the right balance of annoying and cute in He’s Just Not That Into You. But the shorter her hair gets, the less I like her. Not because she doesn’t look good with short hair, but she looks like she’s trying so hard to achieve that hipster pixie look. I think she’d look infinitely more beautiful if she embraced the fact that her face is too round for super-short hair – it makes her look like the head of an infant on the body of a woman.

But putting her hair to rest, let’s discuss this outfit. It breaks three of this Diva’s fashion rules:

• Unless you’re on the runway, at a costume party, or you’re a rock star, there is no need to wear vagina-high boots.
• If you put on an outfit correctly and it still looks like you’re wearing it backwards, it’s probably a NO.
• Pick a season and stick with it. You can’t go all wintery in leather and velvet, but then leave your entire chest and midriff exposed. It gives the unfortunate appearance that you are simultaneously sweating to death and freezing your ass off.

Most Disturbing of the Week

Heidi Montag in far too little

My only question is, what happened in Heidi Montag’s childhood that made her think this is what women should look like? Even Barbie dolls have more reasonable chest-to-waist proportions than Heidi. And I think their feet are less pointy, too. I used to hate Heidi just for existing, but I look at pictures like this and I truly pity this girl. Correct me if I’m wrong, straight gentlemen and gay ladies, but I don’t think breasts that size are the least bit attractive. I think she was much prettier before she did this to herself, and that she is in desperate need of an intervention before she wakes up one morning looking like Mickey Rourke.

Best Dressed of the Week

Reese Witherspoon

She looks perfect. And it is damn hard to pull off an all-white ensemble, particularly in the pre-summer months, but Reese truly looks like an angel (you know, if angels carried fabulous purses that cost a few grand). Cute shoes, great purse, simple and elegant dress that fits her impeccably, great hair, cute sunglasses, and fun jewelry. A+ work, Reese.