The Weekly Fashion Recap

The Diva Herself is now a college graduate, but fortunately that just gives her even more time to blog about fashion, feelings, and anything else that pops into her exhausted brain.

Best Newcomer

Gemma Arterton in Valentino

I just love it when nobodies step up to the plate! This fabulous lady is starring in Prince of Persia, and wore this Valentino gown to the premiere. I know the silver strands are a bit tinsel-esque, but the dress is gorgeous. The color is beautiful and matches her skin tone perfectly. Hair and makeup are simple and elegant, but I do wish she had glitzed it up a bit with some accessories. But for a newbie, this is a tremendous success.

Last Week’s Fabulous, This Week’s Fugly

Jennifer Lopez in Gucci

I knew my appreciation for J.Lo was going to be short-lived, but this was a shockingly fast return to fugly for the diva who impressed me at the Met Gala. That mess on top of her head looks like a cheap wig. The earrings are just too much, especially since they dangle down to the monstrosity atop her right shoulder. Seriously, women of Hollywood, why do you insist on wearing dresses with big poofy objects on one shoulder? They nearly always look terrible. And as distracting as that shoulder piece is, it can’t hide the fact that this is a boring dress with no design whatsoever. It makes her look like a pregnant midget impersonator of Jennifer Lopez. Better luck next week, Jenn.

Gucci Done Right

Salma Hayek in Gucci

There is something so uniquely glamorous about a dress that matches the red carpet perfectly. And this dress is absolutely beautiful. The slit is sexy but not overdone, the draping is impeccable, the fit is perfect, and she looks every bit the fiery Latina that she is.

The Definition of “Hot Disaster”

Whitney Port in Rachel Roy

Whitney Port is one of those famous-for-no-reason people that I loathe on principle. But now at least I have a very good reason to hate her. Actually, this look gives me many good reasons to hate her. Let’s start from the top:

  • Your roots are chestnut brown. Your tips are platinum blonde. This is a problem.
  • Your tits look saggier than Betty White’s. Wear a fucking bra.
  • I hate the watch, the purse, and the black nail polish. I’ll say it again: black nail polish is fine when you’re out on the town, but it is very difficult to pull off on the red carpet.
  • There is an ugly, puckered seam that starts at her hips and reaches down into the hottest mess of fabric I’ve ever seen. Seriously, what is that draping supposed to look like? Because I can’t imagine anyone designing something that was intended to look this awful.
  • Those may be the trashiest looking shoes I’ve ever seen. They match the sequined tube top that Columbia wears in Rocky Horror perfectly, but that doesn’t grant them access to the red carpet.

Best of the Runway

Christian Dior Resort 2011

This is utter fabulousness. This woman is a modern Jackie O, strutting through the streets of Paris in the springtime in her impeccably designed floral ensemble. The color is breathtaking, it emanates beauty and whimsy, and while some designers use their resort collections to go a bit flashy and trashy, Dior classes it up with this gorgeous outfit that I’d die to wear.

Worst of the Week

Vanessa Hudgens

Another day, another head-to-toe disaster. Now, I myself rock a messy bun atop my head now and again – when I’m washing my face, when I’m impersonating Cindy Lou Who… well, I guess that’s basically it. There is no excuse for wearing such a hairstyle on the red carpet, and yet it’s absolutely everywhere right now. But I suppose it’s fitting, since her dress is equally awful. It’s poorly designed, it doesn’t fit her, the fabrics are tacky as hell, it’s a wrinkled mess, it makes her look pregnant, and it looks home-sewn. And while some stars can occasionally rock black nail polish on the red carpet under very specific circumstances, black TOE nail polish looks good on absolutely nobody, especially with those tacky stripper shoes.

When this Diva regains her energy and faces her feelings, she’ll be continuing her “Shows that Changed My Life” blog series. Stay tuned.

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