Best of Pre-Fall 2011

Best Separates: Diane von Furstenberg

Not every great look needs to be one dramatic, complex gown. Sometimes a perfect combination of beautiful, simple, classic pieces is all you need. Every item on the model is something that belongs in every woman’s closet, and most importantly, all the pieces can be worn separately. The colors are so 1970s meets Thanksgiving Day (that’s a compliment, I swear). All the cranberries and burgandies and oranges are just perfect for fall.

Most Likely to Dance on Ice: Jason Wu

Jason Wu Pre-Fall 2011. Model: Ming Xi

Is ice skater chic a thing? Because, I never thought I’d say this, but it totally should be – as long as Jason Wu is at the helm. I’m loving the slightly rouched bustline, the cinched waist, and the short but flowy skirt. The color-blocking is perfection: the ivory, iced baby pink, and almost metallic, dusty red are to die for.

Most Fabulous Print: Oscar de la Renta

Oscar de la Renta Pre-Fall 2011. Model: Viktoriya Sasonkina

A perfect fit, fabulous accessories, and beautiful silhouette enhance this totally gorgeous fall print. It’s not easy to rock an orange-and-black dress without being Halloween-ish, but on the runway, it’s phenom.

Coat of My Dreams: Burberry Prorsum

Burberry Prorsum Pre-Fall 2011. Model: Lisanne De Jong

No words. I’m too busy drooling.

Best Mix of Old and New: Reem Acra

Reem Acra Pre-Fall 2011. Model: Sacha Blue

That mauve lace, the high neck, and the general ornateness of this look make it feel totally vintage and antique. But the length of the sleeves and the embellishments on them feel completely modern, even futuristic, and absolutely unique. A definite home-run of a cocktail dress.

Cate Blanchett’s Academy Awards Gown: Jason Wu

Jason Wu Pre-Fall 2011. Model: Julia Saner

We all love a good red carpet prediction, and I can’t think of a style diva more fit for this glamorous gown than Cate Blanchett. She’s got the flair for the dramatic that this gown demands. Add a black underlay to hide those nips, and Cate will have Oscar gold.

Christina Hendricks’s Emmy Awards Gown: Monique Lhuillier

Monique Lhuillier Pre-Fall 2011

Strapless, voluminous, and assymetrical? Check. A color that would look brilliant on the red-headed Mad Men star? Check. A thick fabric and tight bodice to rein in a huge pair of titties? Check. Here’s your dress on a silver platter, Christina Hendricks. Act accordingly.

Best Bridal: Naeem Khan

Naeem Khan Pre-Fall 2011

Elegant, delicate, and breathtaking. The perfect gown for a bride who wants her wedding to have that romantic, vintage feel.

© Democracy Diva, 2010.

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The 2010 Best Dressed List

Honorable Mention: Carey Mulligan, Florence Welch, & Ashley Olsen

Who: Carey Mulligan

What: Vionnet Pre-Fall 2010

Where & When: BAFTA Awards in London, February

Why: England’s favorite pixie proved her status as a style maven this year. Elegant and original, this gown was a serious step forward for this A-lister in the making.

Who: Florence Welch

What: Givenchy Fall 2010 couture

Where & When: MTV Video Music Awards in Los Angeles, September

Why: The front-woman of Florence + the Machine showed she’s more than just a rock goddess – she’s a couture queen. You can’t help but admire the drama of this gold gown and accessories paired with Flo’s shockingly red hair and lips.

Who: Ashley Olsen

What: Erdem Fall 2009

Where & When: In Style/Warner Brothers Golden Globe Awards after-party in Los Angeles, January

Why: The bubble hem, the elbow-length sleeves, the cascading flowers, and that stunning blue color made Ashley a knock-out at the biggest of the Golden Globes after-parties.

Who: Ashley Olsen

What: Alexander McQueen Fall 2006

Where: Art of Elysium charity ball in Los Angeles, January

Why: Just weeks before McQueen’s untimely death, Ashley Olsen reminded us of why we love the luxurious and dramatic looks of the famed designer.

The Label Loyalists: Alexa Chung, Diane Kruger, and Marion Cotillard

Who: Alexa Chung

What: Chanel Spring 2010

Where & When: Elle Style Awards in London, February

Why: Alexa showed off her hipster-chic style with her devotion to all things Chanel.

Who: Alexa Chung

What: Chanel Resort 2011

Where & When: Chanel boutique re-opening in Soho, September

Why: Alexa wisely minimized the accessories with this funky multi-print dress by her favorite designer.

Who: Diane Kruger

What: Jason Wu

Where & When: Cannes Film Festival Palme d’Or Closing Ceremony, May

Why: For the Cannes closing ceremony, classic beauty is a must-have. Diane showed that a little bling and a lot of color can go a long way on the red carpet.

Who: Diane Kruger

What: Jason Wu

Where & When: Screen Actors Guild Awards in Hollywood, January

Why: This beautifully draped, one-shouldered mustard yellow gown shows off Diane’s effortless old Hollywood glamour.

Who: Marion Cotillard

What: Christian Dior Resort 2011

Where & When: Paris premiere of Inception, July

Why: You can’t beat a French woman at French fashion, especially in Paris! The black lace, stunning neckline, and voluminous silhouette are proof that sometimes, the French just do it best.

Who: Marion Cotillard

What: Christian Dior Spring 2010

Where & When: Golden Globe Awards in Hollywood, January

Why: Showing a little leg and a lot of style, Marion again represents her home country in an asymmetrical metallic and lace gown by Dior.

The Trend Setters: Kristen Stewart and Keira Knightley

Who: Kristen Stewart

What: Herve Leger by Max Azria Fall 2010

Where & When: Late Show with David Letterman in New York, June

Why: In a victory for grumpy pale girls everywhere, Kristen shows off her porcelain skin and never-ending legs in this one-sleeved modern LBD.

Who: Keira Knightley

What: Chanel Fall 2010 couture

Where & When: Opening night of the BFI London Film Festival, October

Why: Keira’s Chanel dress is revealing – note the sheerness of the neckline, waist, back and sleeves – but still incredibly classy. Proof that a dress strategically cut in all the right places can do wonders, especially on an already beautiful woman.

Best Variety: Cate Blanchett and Emma Watson

Who: Cate Blanchett

What: Alexander McQueen Pre-Fall 2010

Where & When: Opening night of Cannes Film Festival, May

Why: It’s rumored that Cate hand-selected this dramatic gown from the late designer, and she couldn’t have chosen a more unique look. It’s a rare woman who can pull off a black wedding gown with a giant eagle on it, but of course Cate makes it look chic.

Who: Cate Blanchett

What: Armani Prive Spring 2010 Couture

Where & When: Tony Awards in New York, June

Why: Some mocked this so-called Tin Man look, but Cate again proved that she dares to strut outside the box in her sexy silver suit.

Who: Cate Blanchett

What: vintage Christian Lacroix

Where & When: Gala in Beijing, September

Why: The dress speaks for itself. This work of art is one of the most extraordinary gowns I’ve ever seen.

Who: Emma Watson

What: Christopher Kane Fall 2010

Where & When: LONDON showROOMS closing party in New York, March

Why: Pre-pixie cut, Emma shows off her trendy style with this lace and floral dress by the Scottish designer.

Who: Emma Watson

What: Karl Lagerfeld Spring 2010

Where & When: National Movie Awards in London, May

Why: A dress is only as chic as the shoes you pair it with, and those Louboutins are chic as all hell. This sexy dress is just as stylish – notice the peek-a-boo keyhole and the super-short skirt!

Who: Emma Watson

What: custom Burberry

Where & When: Met Costume Institute Gala Benefit in New York, May

Why: At the biggest red carpet fashion event of the year, all eyes were on Emma, in the gown Burberry designer Christopher Bailey made just for her. The chunky black accessories helped keep this look less bridal and more youthful.

Who: Emma Watson

What: custom Calvin Klein

Where & When: New York premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I, November

Why: Shedding Hermione’s longer locks, Emma shows off her fabulous pixie cut and her minimalist style in yet another dress custom-made for her.

The Risk-Taker: Lady Gaga

Who: Lady Gaga

What: custom Armani Prive couture

Where & When: Grammy Awards in Los Angeles, January

Why: There was no bigger fashion risk-taker this year than the artist formerly known as Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, better known to us all as Lady Gaga.

Who: Lady Gaga

What: Alexander McQueen

Where & When: MTV Video Music Awards in Los Angeles, September

Why: One word: SHOES.

Who: Lady Gaga

What: Franc Fernandez

Where & When: MTV Video Music Awards in Los Angeles, September

Why: Was there a more talked-about fashion statement this year – or possibly even this decade – than Lady Gaga’s infamous meat dress? More importantly, this outfit led to my favorite Gaga quote of all time: “I never thought I’d be asking Cher to hold my meat purse.”

Super Starlets: Blake Lively, Leighton Meester, and Rachel Bilson

Who: Blake Lively

What: Marchesa Resort 2011

Where & When: Fashion’s Night Out in New York, September

Why: If you’ve got perfect tits and legs for days, all you need is a funky cocktail dress and a ponytail and you’re ready for the biggest event of New York Fashion Week.

Who: Blake Lively

What: Elie Saab Fall 2010

Where & When: Tiffany & Co. event in New York, September

Why: Blake has her finger on the pulse of 2010’s hottest trends: lace, elbow-length sleeves, and flapper-style fringe.

Who: Blake Lively

What: Chanel Fall 2010 Couture

Where & When: Toronto Film Festival, September

Why: This is my idea of a perfect cocktail dress. I love the flower embellishments around her hips, and the ruby-red color of the dress really pops with that red cocktail ring and matching red lipstick.

Who: Leighton Meester

What: Marc Jacobs Resort 2011

Where & When: V Magazine’s New York Issue Party, September

Why: The pink blush on her cheeks matches the pink in the dress – what a genius move by Leighton’s stylist! Blake’s Gossip Girl co-star looks more beautiful than ever in this fabulous springtime number. (Although, is it a trick of the light, or can you see her nipples?)

Who: Rachel Bilson

What: Christian Dior Spring 2010

Where & When: Spike TV Video Game Awards in Los Angeles, December

Why: Nobody does effortless, youthful style quite like Rachel Bilson. Her stylist’s decision to do an ivory underlay was genius – even better than the runway version. And the little bows on those heels? Perfection.

Who: Rachel Bilson

What: Roberto Cavalli Pre-Fall 2010

Where & When: Roberto Cavalli’s 40th Anniversary Party during Paris Fashion Week, September

Why: A sexy, flowing leopard-print gown is a lot of look, but the red purse as the sole accessory is phenomenal. I love Rachel’s street style and casual wear, but with this look she proved that she’s a formal red carpet force to be reckoned with.

The A-Listers: Michelle Obama, Anne Hathaway, Natalie Portman, and Lea Michele

Who: First Lady Michelle Obama

What: Peter Sorensen

Where & When: State Dinner at the White House, May

Why: Who says the FLOTUS can’t be sexy? Hot Mama Obama shows off the famous First Guns in this glamorous gown.

Who: First Lady Michelle Obama

What: Michael Kors

Where & When: Congressional Black Caucus Foundation Phoenix Awards in DC, September

Why: All politics aside, no one can deny that the Obamas are one stylish couple. The First Lady is absolutely glowing in her red halter gown.

Who: First Lady Michelle Obama

What: Naeem Khan

Where & When: Kennedy Center Honors in DC, December

Why: She’s the Jackie O of the 21st century.

Who: Anne Hathaway

What: Antonio Berardi

Where & When: Hollywood premiere of Love & Other Drugs, November

Why: You can always depend on Anne for a classic, beautiful red carpet look. Flawless hair and makeup and the world’s best smile take this chic little dress to a whole new level.

Who: Anne Hathaway

What: Valentino Pre-Fall 2010

Where & When: Met Costume Institute Gala Benefit in New York, May

Why: This photo is the definition of Hollywood glitz and glamour.

Who: Anne Hathaway

What: Oscar de la Renta Spring 2011

Where & When: Nobel Peace Prize Concert in Norway, December

Why: The unique print and silhouette of this one-shouldered gown are stunning. From head to toe, this look is clean, classic, and incredibly beautiful.

Who: Natalie Portman

What: Rodarte

Where & When: Venice Film Festival screening of Black Swan, September

Why: Rodarte designers Laura and Kate Mulleavy created the ballet costumes in Black Swan, so this red carpet shout-out to the label was particularly lovely. As if the film wasn’t garnering enough buzz on its own, Natalie got the world talking about her once again in this jaw-dropping red gown.

Who: Natalie Portman

What: Lanvin

Where & When: Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences Governor’s Awards in Hollywood, November

Why: Natalie’s stylist has been working overtime lately as Natalie promotes Black Swan on every red carpet in the universe. But clearly she’s not losing her touch, because this purple asymmetrical draped gown is simply fabulous. And we all know that best-dressed list without Lanvin is no best-dressed list at all.

Who: Lea Michele

What: Oscar de la Renta Fall 2005

Where & When: Golden Globe Awards in Hollywood, January

Why: The Glee star started the year off with a bang. This gown announced Lea’s status as New Diva on the Block and proved that this pint-sized star is chock full of fabulous.


Who: Lea Michele

What: Catherine Malandrino Spring 2010

Where & When: Screen Actors Guild Awards in Hollywood, January

Why: This gown single-handedly created Lea Michele’s image as a sex symbol. The long, wavy locks, the dramatic makeup, the plunging neckline, the cinched waist, that intriguing green color – every element of this look is perfection.

Who: Lea Michele

What: custom Zac Posen

Where & When: Tony Awards in New York, June

Why: Donning another daring, brilliant color, this Broadway vet absolutely stunned on the Tonys red carpet. Lea’s dress flatters her teensy little figure so beautifully.

Who: Lea Michele

What: Oscar de la Renta Resort 2011

Where & When: Emmy Awards in Los Angeles, August

Why: If ever there was a look that said, “Worship me, bitches! I have ARRIVED!” – it’s this one.

© Democracy Diva, 2010.

The Week in Celebrity Fashion: Merry Christmas Edition!

A very merry Christmas to those readers who celebrate it, and a happy new year to all! Let’s celebrate the only way we know how: with a bit of fabulous and a whole lot of bitchery.

Heather Morris at a Flirt Cosmetics event in New York

It’s Brittany, bitch! Heather Morris is looking mighty fabulous in her simple but chic dress, paired with a fierce bracelet and classically beautiful hair and makeup. And I’m told this Glee star is rocking a pair nude fishnets, which are basically my favorite accessory in the universe. Very classic, old-Hollywood glamour.

Florence Welch at the AllSaints holiday party in New York

Here is the incomparable Florence Welch of Florence + The Machine, rocking a leather jacket, many scarves, fabulous camel-brown tights and delectable shoes. And let’s get real – with hair like that, who needs pants?

First Lady Michelle Obama in vintage Norman Norell at the Christmas in Washington concert

The First Lady looks festive but formal in her fabulously girly gown – but more importantly, how fierce does the First Grandma look?! She must be related to this Diva just because she’s rocking heels and a short lacy dress at age 73. (Or perhaps that just means she’s related to Cher.)

President Obama with First Lady Michelle Obama in Marc Jacobs

MObama is sex on a stick in this hot little Marc Jacobs number, and the blingtastic earrings are to die for. The Obamas are posing with an a cappella choir, which is too cute for words. Even cuter is that lucky little queer in the corner whose face clearly says, “Oh my GAWD, I’m totally brushing the First Lady’s boob with my shoulder!”

Kate Middleton in Temperley London at the Christmas Spectacular in London

Delicious. Throw a crown on this bitch already, because she’s clearly ready for the throne.

Emily Blunt in a Roksanda Ilincic dress and Jimmy Choo shoes

I love these colors – they remind me so much of Leanne Marshall’s Project Runway finale collection, very soothing and oceanic. I can’t say I love the dress itself, which has a few too many design elements and some really wackadoodle draping. But I think that thin black lace strap is totally sexy.

Mary-Kate Olsen in Culver City, California

FIERCEST. UMBRELLA. EVER.

Christina Aguilera at the Berlin premiere of Burlesque

Dreadful color (at least with her skin tone, that lipstick, and the Burlesque logo behind her), a truly atrocious fit (seriously, what is up with that bustline?), and the hair and makeup are as trannylicious as ever. Christina is nothing if not consistent.

Cher and Christina Aguilera at a Burlesque photo call in Berlin

I’m actually fully obsessed with this picture, in which two divas pretend that they do not in fact loathe each other. But Cher looks fierce in her leggings and jacket (much more age-appropriate than some of her other recent get-ups, but also a lot more boring). and from the neck down, Christina looks okay. I’m down with the exposed bra because it looks sort of accidental, and it’s Burlesque, for God’s sake. When you’re co-starring with Cher in a movie called Burlesque, exposed undergarments are basically mandatory.

Lady Gaga leaving the Chez André restaurant in Paris

From the waist up, this is the most beautiful jacket I’ve ever seen. I wish the bottom half didn’t look like an old lady’s nightgown, but the top is so exquisite that I almost don’t care. That pearly, greyish pink is just perfect, and it looks particularly lovely with Gaga’s coloring. I’m over the John Lennon glasses, though. I’m ready for a new eyewear trend.

Check back this week for The Best Dressed of the Year!

© Democracy Diva, 2010.

The Month in Celebrity Fashion: Part II

Because you can’t get enough celebrity fashion – enjoy Part II of The Month in Celebrity Fashion!

Lady Gaga in a chastity belt

Lady Gaga once had an excellently absurd quote that she was afraid to have sex with men because she feared her creativity would escape out of her vagina. Well, Gaga, I guess you’ve solved that problem!

President Obama with First Lady Michelle Obama in Naeem Khan at the Kennedy Center Honors in Washington, DC

Whoa, MObama! This is the best the First Lady has looked in quite awhile. I absolutely love this gown and I think it was the perfect choice for the always fabulous Michelle Obama. They really do make a beautiful couple.

Prince William with Kate Middleton in Reiss

Speaking of beautiful couples, here’s the official engagement photos of Prince Will and No-Longer-Waity Katie. I’m still drooling over the fact that this girl gets to wear Princess Di’s ring. She’s absolutely stunning, and looks like the pretty princess she soon will be in this inexpensive white Issa dress.

Olivia Wilde in Emilio Pucci at the Hollywood premiere of TRON: Legacy

Kristen Bell at the London premiere of Burlesque

Who wears a lab coat to the Burlesque premiere? Unless this is an homage to Brad and Janet’s lab coats in Rocky Horror, this is unacceptable to wear to such a dragtastic movie premiere. Cher’s 60 years old and still wore nothing (see below). Kristen, live a little. Wear a corset.

Gwen Stefani in Prada at the Kennedy Center Honors in Washington, DC

Like Christina Aguilera, Gwen Stefani seems to turn into a drag version of herself as she ages. This look is a little much, even for Gwen. She looks like a coked-out Disney princess.

Julie Bowen at the final broadcast of Larry King Live

Claire Dunphy is totally smokin’. It’s easy to forget this when she often shares the screen with Sofia Vergara’s breasts, but Julie Bowen is a total goddess. I’m not sure why there was a red carpet for the final broadcast of Larry King Live, but she’s nailing it.

Krysten Ritter in Alberta Ferreti at the Hollywood Style Awards

Remember this girl? She’s kind of in nothing and everything. You might recognize her from Gilmore Girls, Gap ads, random rom-coms, and the like. But I always thought she looks like Anne Hathaway’s less-beautiful sister, which I sort of dug. Anyway, this actually looks really beautiful on her porcelain skin. I actually think I own a Forever 21 dress with a knockoff of this print on it. Anyway, she may be a Z list celebrity, but if she keeps dressing like this, I think I could accept her actually becoming a person.

Emma Stone in a Roksanda Ilincic dress and Brian Atwood pumps at a Trevor Project event in Hollywood

Emma Stone is blonde, and I’m not happy. I know it’s for a role, but when fellow firecrotch Lindsay Lohan went blonde, she looked like shit and proved definitively that other than Nicole Kidman, natural redheads should not go blonde. Now Emma Stone just looks like a much healthier version of LiLo. Anyway, the dress is sort of cute. A little craftsy, Tim Gunn might say it looks like student work, but she’s working it.

Darren Criss at a Trevor Project event in Hollywood

When are they making him a full-time Glee cast member? This kid is unstoppably adorable.

And in case that photo isn’t gay enough for you…

Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Neil Patrick Harris, and Darren Criss at a Trevor Project event

The three cutest gays on television, promoting a great cause. What could be better?

Anna Kendrick in Zuhair Murad at a Trevor Project event in Hollywood

Anna Kendrick loves her skin-tone dresses, and I’m sick of it. I’m not loving the way the strap forms a sort of sling around her boob. This is just so pale and washed-out. Bring a little joy into the wardrobe, Anna.

Christina Ricci in Zac Posen at the New York Stage & Film gala

For me, this is the glammed-up version of Anna Kendrick’s dress. Same concept, with the cream color fading into grey, and it even keeps that sling-over-the-boobs idea, but this is so much more stylish. The black really adds some volume to the dress, and Christina’s hair and makeup have never looked better. Loving the glamorous bracelet and earrings, too.

Victoria Beckham in her own design at the British Fashion Awards

Oh, good lord. I still don’t understand why people think she a) looks good in clothes or b) makes clothes that look good. This photo is proof that neither is true. I worry that her skin is just going to melt off her face (if she doesn’t die from starvation first).

Fergie in Jimmy Choo shoes in London

I want to make a furry/Fergie pun, but they all sound awful, so I’ll spare you. Ferg, nix the spray tan and the green hairy coat. Your feet shouldn’t be a different color than your legs, and your coat shouldn’t be the same color as split pea soup.

Rachel Bilson in Christian Dior at the Spike TV Video Game Awards

This is why Rachel Bilson is my girl. She can take a little prairie dress and make it look trendy yet effortless. Do I spot little bows on the ankles of those shoes? If so, I WANT. And I’m glad the styling is minimal – nobody wants to look too dressed up for the Spike TV Video Game Awards.

Cher in Julien MacDonald at the London premiere of Burlesque

All hail Cher, who can do whatever the fuck she wants, because she’s Cher. She looks like Florence Welch’s slutty, dramatic mother. She also looks phenomenal for her age.

Cher in Julien MacDonald at the London premiere of Burlesque

Because who says you can’t wear a 100% see-through dress at 60?

Taylor Swift in Jenny Packham at the CMT Artists of the Year awards

I love Taylor Swift’s hair. It’s always been beautiful, but those very long blonde curls she rocked were very girly and immature. Now the hair is darker and redder and T-Swift is playing with fun lengths and styles, and she’s never looked better. Still gorgeous, but a more mature gorgeous.

Jessica Simpson in Mondo Guerra

A big “fuck you” to the Project Runway judges, because we’re all still in denial that Mondo lost to Gretchen. Jessica’s t-shirt is straight out of Mondo’s finale collection, and she’s rocking it with her shrunken blazer, giant purse, jeans, and boots. Perfect starlet-in-the-airport style, and the best this girl has looked in years.

Christina Hendricks in CH Carolina Herrera

The fabric is gorgeous, but could there be a less flattering silhouette? Joan looks downright dumpy, when she’s actually a fox. Just another case of a designer who can’t make clothes for real women.

Elisabeth Moss in Bibhu Mohapatra at the International Emmy Awards in New York

Okay, Peggy, I get that you’re recently divorced and discovering how totally cute you are now that the Mad Men team has finally started letting you look attractive. But that’s no excuse for those hair extensions. Those need to go immediately. The dress is nice, but it’s another case of a pale girl getting washed out by her pale dress. I love the lace on the shoulder, though.

January Jones at Donatella Versace's Fashion Fund launch

Betty Draper, eat a sandwich.

Ashley Olsen in a Balenciaga sweater at Google's boutiques.com launch party in New York

I’m obsessed. Great colors, perfect fall-winter transition, simple and lovely hair and makeup. Not a fan of the shoes, but I’d love to curl up in that fabulous peach sweater.

Chloe Sevigny at the New York premiere of Somewhere

Say what you will about Nikki Grant, but at least the girl wears pants. Seriously, Chloe, I love shirts as dresses as much as the next girl, but this is dumb. And you’re ruining a totally cute shirt.

Joel Madden with Nicole Richie in Marchesa

Apparently Joel Madden and Nicole Richie weren’t married already, which I totally did not know. And apparently they did get married, or have one of their wedding ceremonies, or something like that. Anyway, this is one of her wedding dresses, and I think it’s phenomenal. I’m so glad it’s not a saggy-silky flapper dress like she and Rachel Zoe tend to wear. I love the long-sleeved lace, how tight it is on her teeny little frame, and the giant skirt that only works on a woman as skinny as a model. It’s a truly fabulous dress.

© Democracy Diva, 2010.

The Month in Celebrity Fashion: Part I

Dear readers, it has been far too long. I thank you for your patience while this Diva was cramming for finals. But if you thought my absence meant that you’d miss out on all the fabulous in the world, fear not! I present to you a cornucopia of the last few weeks in celebrity fashion – in multiple parts, to prolong your delectable blogging experience. Take it away, fabulous!

Angelina: Mother of the Vampire Bride

Angelina Jolie in Versace at the New York premiere of The Tourist

A beautiful and sexy gown, but I do wish Ange would branch out a little more on the red carpet. She almost never wears colors of any kind, and it’s equally impossible to find her in prints, funky silhouettes, or basically anything unique. Ms. Jolie needs to step out of her comfort zone and wear something outside her usual aesthetic of slutty mother-of-the-bride at a vampire wedding.

Angelina Jolie in Versace at the European premiere of The Tourist

Another perfect example of Angie’s fashion faux pas: this Elvira/Morticia Adams thing went out of style in the 90s. The sleeves that go straight into gloves are just absurd, and the trannylicious hair and makeup is almost hilariously bad.

Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace at the Madrid premiere of The Tourist

An improvement, certainly, but it’s clear that she won’t leave her witch-goddess look behind. From the waist up, she’s every glitzy, unoriginal Hollywood starlet; from the waist down, she’s a lush velvet snuggie. Angie, darling, you are no longer the brother-kissing, blood-vial-wearing, Billy Bob Thorton-fucking creeperdoodle of your youth. Since those days, you’ve added half a dozen kids, the hottest baby-daddy in the world, and all kinds of philanthropic shenanigans to your life. It’s long past time for a new stylist.

Black Swan Starlets Get Fabulous

Natalie Portman in Christian Dior at the New York premiere of Black Swan

Simple and borderline boring, but exactly what you should wear to the premiere of your ballerina thriller. Loving the Lolita purse. The effect of the droopy sleeves is a little sad, and I wish she had more eye makeup on to counterbalance all that lipstick.

Natalie Portman in Christian Dior at the FINCA 25th anniversary party in New York

Smile, Natalie! Your hot and your movie is getting all kinds of delectable buzz. Plus, the dress is cute and this hair and makeup flatters

Natalie Portman in Lanvin for H&M at the Gotham Independent Film Awards in New York

I’m fully obsessed with the new Lanvin collection for H&M. I stopped shopping at H&M a few years back when I realized everything I purchased there fell apart within a few wears (with the exception of the dress I bought for my sixteenth birthday, which I still own and plan on wearing when I lose the weight that law school made me gain). But one of the finest French designers in the world, making hot little $200 party dresses? Delectable. The bubbly shoulder is a little awkward on Ms. Portman – but for how cheap this dress was, how can I really complain? The hair and makeup are flawless, the purse is great, but Natalie, don’t think I didn’t notice that you’re wearing the same shoes you wore in the previous photo! Time for a new pair of Loubs, missy!

Mila Kunis in Elie Saab at the Black Swan premiere

I was all set to say that starlets need to stop wearing the same Elie Saab gowns over and over again, because this is just a winter white version of Lea Michele’s SAG Awards dress from last January, but apparently that dress wasn’t even Elie Saab. It was Catherine Malandrino. So go figure.

Regardless, although Mila went for the standard “Look at me, bitches!” gown, she is looking mighty fierce. The black nail polish, the amazing shoes, the bangles, the earrings, and the impeccable makeup are all making this basic dress look mighty stylish.

Mila Kunis at an Armani event in Los Angeles

But I much prefer the blazer, skinny pants, and fierce heels of this look. She may be in LA, but this is New York chic all the way. Love the hair.

We Get It, Michelle. You’re a Hipster.

Michelle Williams in Azzaro at the Blue Valentine premiere

You have to have a certain kind of face to pull off a platinum blonde pixie cut. I think Michelle Williams has that face, but I think the outfits she pairs with her haircut are just too hipster and not flattering enough. She’s surprisingly broad-shouldered for such a small woman, and this dress is emphasizing that rather than hiding it. The stupid bow and tiered skirt make this look more French maid than red carpet. It’s polished and put together nicely, but a pigeonhole is still a pigeonhole, even if you limit yourself to alterna-girl hipster-chic party dresses. Step outside the box, Michelle.

Michelle Williams at a New York screening of Blue Valentine

All I can hear is Cher Horowitz’s dad in Clueless saying, “What are you wearing? That looks like underwear” when she appears in her tiny little Calvin Klein minidress. This is like that, only it makes her look man-shouldered and awkward instead of young and beautiful.

The Rising Classiness of Katy Perry

Katy Perry in a Georges Chakra Couture dress and Brian Atwood pumps at the Grammy Nominations concert in Los Angeles

I have always hated Katy Perry – does the world REALLY need another no-talent hack who sells records based solely on the fact that she’s a big-titted girl who sings about kissing other girls – but even this Diva must admit that her fashion sense has absolutely exploded lately. The girl who used to insist on bright blue Betty Page wigs and figure skating costumes on the red carpet has blossomed into a woman who realizes that she can be sexy even without whipped cream shooting out of her nipples. This dress isn’t my style at all, but at least it’s mature but still youthful, elegant, and sexy. But Katy, as long as you’re making such wonderful wardrobe changes, please heed my advice: Dress a size bigger and you’ll look a size smaller. A dress doesn’t need to squash your boobs and tummy into oblivion.

Katy Perry in a Zuhair Murad dress and Brian Atwood pumps

Like the dress before it, this is still flashy and sexy enough for a pop star, but not at all costumey. (But, I spot another repeat shoe offender! Katy, I know you love those leg-lengthening nude pumps, but not for two different red carpets in the same week, please!) Note the hair and makeup – classy, with a bit of 1960s fun to it. We’ve come a long way, kittens. And, though skintight, this dress might not have looked as good in a size bigger, so kudos!

Katy Perry in Elie Saab couture at the premiere of The Tempest

Flawless. Borderline bridal, but I think it’s silvery-gray enough to be just a stunning couture gown. Great accessories, and Katy again proves that she absolutely glows when her hair is wavy and relaxed and her makeup is heavy on the eyeliner and light on everything else. She’s never looked so beautiful.

Katy Perry in Issa at the David Lynch Foundation’s benefit in New york

A step down from the last look, but not by too much. Sure, the dress is tacky, but she is still Katy Perry. You can’t expect her to give up her love of all things kitschy overnight. And let’s be honest – we know what Katy looks like when she goes truly tacky, and this ain’t it. The hair has too much product in it and the makeup is too heavy-handed, and the whole dress should be lifted up an inch or two, because those tatties aren’t going to hold themselves up. But it’s not terrible, all things considered.

Get A Haircut, Carey Mulligan

Carey Mulligan in Prabal Gurung at the British Independent Film Awards

Literally perfect from the neck down, but that hair has become a disaster. The worst part of a short haircut is growing it out, and so we must suffer through Carey’s awkward phases while she attempts to rid herself of the Rosemary’s Baby look. But I love the dress and the purse beyond belief. So she gets a pass.

Carey Mulligan in Erdem at the Dubai Film Festival

This, on the other hand, is a head-to-toe nightmare. Apparently part of the hair growth process involves a stop at a beauty pageant in 1980s Kentucky, because that ‘do is seriously cheesy. The print on that dress looks like psychedelic vomit, and what’s going on with the length? Completely unflattering. Oh, and SMILE, BITCH! Your hair may suck and your style isn’t always top notch, but you’re thin as a rail and rich as a king. Cheer the fuck up.

Jessica Alba Steals Dakota Fanning’s Shoes

Jessica Alba in Miu Miu at the label’s boutique opening in London

I loathe every fiber of Jessica Alba’s being, but this dress is pretty fucking cute. The hair is stupid and the purse doesn’t match, but this little Miu Miu number is pretty cute, if a little cock-eyed around the bust.

Oh, good lord, I want to slap this girl in the fact, and not only for this boring dress and that stupid face. Jessica, I know you stole Dakota Fanning’s fierce Louboutins. Worse than that, you paired them with a white dress. Just stop existing now, please.

Blondes Have More Fun

Carrie Underwood in Jenny Packham at the CMT Artists of the Year awards

I mean, it’s a country music awards ceremony. And not even a particularly popular one. Do you really expect something better than this? What a nightmare. Fire your stylist.

Carrie Underwood in Georges Chakra at the American Country Awards

Better, but still a little tacky and unoriginal, but that’s country music for you. (Cheap shot, I know.) I’ve seen this dress a hundred times, but at least it’s not mortifying and her hair and makeup look nice.

Reese Witherspoon in a Dolce & Gabbana dress and Jimmy Choo heels

Adorable.

Reese Witherspoon in Zac Posen at the LA premiere of How Do You Know

Oof. I probably wouldn’t be so picky if it weren’t Reese Witherspoon, but I spot a lot of problems. Those giant-toed shoes look absurd. The design on that dress is immature and not very flattering. Her chin looks even larger than usual. Her makeup was clearly not done by a professional. And girl, touch up those roots! Are you really showing up at your own movie premiere with black roots and blonde highlights?

Gossip Girls

Leighton Meester at an Herbal Essences promotional event in Madrid

Awesome. Simple and flawless hair, makeup, and dress allow this look to be all about those KILLER shoes. And do I spot pockets in this dress? Even more epic.

Leighton Meester at the Gotham Independent Film Awards in New York

I want to hate this, but I can’t. I think she looks totally cute, and with better hair and makeup, she would have been an absolute knockout. Menswear for women has absolutely rocked the last few seasons of fashion, so why can’t a woman wear a fierce suit and tie on the red carpet?

Leighton Meester in Christian Dior at an LA screening of Country Strong

This reminds me a little too much of the Marc Jacobs dress she wore back in September, except with shoes that don;t match, an ugly bracelet, and way too much lipstick. It’s probably a cute dress, but the styling is too much of a mess.

Blake Lively in a Prabal Gurung dress and Christian Louboutin booties at the Footwear News Achievement Awards in New York

Is it just me, or does Blake look totally wasted? I mean, if I were going to the fucking Footwear News Achievement Awards, I’d get pretty drunk myself, but there’s something about that shit-eating grin that just screams “There’s an empty bottle of tequila in my limo!” Love this dress from the waist down, hate it from the waist up. Those crinkled shoulders are not really a style that looks good on anybody, and those shoes are just distracting.

Blake Lively in Chanel at the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Awards in New York

How many lace sheer-bottomed dresses can one woman wear? And isn’t this just Emma Watson’s dress from the Deathly Hallows world premiere, but upside-down? And why are her breasts glowing? I just have so many questions.

Blake Lively in Versace at Lorraine Schwartz’s jewelry collection launch in New York

I sort of love this fringey flapper look. I think if Blake’s tits weren’t itching to escape from the dress, it might look better. She also should have worn it in a color that doesn’t wash her out so badly. Plus, those thick-strapped sandals, the chunky bracelets, and the black nail and toenail polish overpower this light, breezy gown.

The Fabulous Life of Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway in Dolce & Gabbana at the Gotham Independent Film Awards in New York

Beautiful, if a little boring. But Annie’s got old Hollywood beauty and a timeless style, and that can never really go wrong.

Anne Hathaway at a New York screening of Love and Other Drugs

Oh. I guess I spoke too soon. This skirt is absolutely ridiculous, the makeup is downright clownish, and the straps to those shoes look like bondage.

Anne Hathaway arriving at the Late Night with Jimmy Fallon studio in New York

There’s the Princess Mia we know and love. Beyond being the most beautiful woman in Hollywood, Anne Hathaway truly has the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.

Anne Hathaway in an Oscar de la Renta dress and Jimmy Choo shoes at the Sydney premiere of Love and Other Drugs

Not my favorite. Who chose silver shoes with a gold dress? I also think this dress looks way too cheap to be Oscar de la Renta. But how could anybody say no to that smile?

Anne Hathaway in Brian Atwood shoes at a press conference in Sydney

Same shoes she wore in the first picture, but that’s more forgivable, because I think these events were about a month apart. This is sort of junior prom-esque, but it’s fun and the sleeves are pretty and I bet it doesn’t look so weirdly sparkly in person.

Anne Hathaway in Oscar de la Renta at a banquet in Oslo, Norway

Definitely one of my favorite Annie looks of all time. This is how a fucking movie star dresses. This is Anne Hathaway saying, “Damn right I’m co-hosting the Oscars! And you can expect six hundred costume changes, all of which will knock your fucking socks off!” Totally original but still a classic Hollywood look.

Drag Queen or Pop Diva? Christina Goes Burlesque

Christina Aguilera in Zuhair Murad at the London premiere of Burlesque

For several years now, at least since she had her baby, Christina Aguilera has only appeared in public looking like a drag queen imposter of herself. Certainly the Burlesque premiere is the appropriate time to tranny it up, but Christina is still young. There is absolutely no reason for her hair and makeup to look like that. What is it that her stylists are trying so hard to cover up? She’s still totally bangin’, you just can’t tell because of all the crap she’s always wearing. What a shame.

Christina Aguilera at the Berlin premiere of Burlesque

The dress is kind of great, like a modern version of something Cher would wear, which is pretty appropriate, given the event. But the hair! The makeup! Good lord, is that a pink braid wrapped around her head? And how much lipstick do you think she goes through in a week?

Repeat Offender: Eva Mendes

Eva Mendes in Prada at the Marrakech Film Festival

Another famous-for-being-hot no-talent that I love to hate, here’s Eva Mendes doing her best saloon whore impression. The slight differences in color between her skin, her shoes, her dress, and her purse are so distracting. But it’s not the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen her wear…

Eva Mendes in Christian Dior at the Marrakech Film Festival

… because this is. Seriously? We’re seriously going to start wearing this color? A floor-length  satin banana yellow gown with white embellishments? Oh, and brush your fucking hair, Eva. You’re wearing Dior. Show some respect.

WTF Moment of the Month: Marion Cotillard

Marion Cotillard in Christian Dior at the Marrakech Film Festival

I actually screamed out loud when I realized the woman in this photo was Marion Cotillard, who I usually consider one of the more beautiful and stylish women in Hollywood. (I mean, she’s French! How could she not out-fabulous us all?) But apparently I was extraordinarily mistaken. There’s just so much wrong here. First, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT PERM? I mean, I just cannot even fathom how someone thought this would be a good idea. This is such a clear example of celebrities who surround themselves with yes-men, who fawn over them and tell them how oh-so-fashion-forward they look when they really just look like hot tranny messes. At least, I hope that’s the explanation, otherwise someone ACTUALLY BELIEVED MARION LOOKED GOOD LIKE THIS.

And the makeup is almost as bad. Totally overdone. Though it’s practically demure compared to this gown, which is possibly the stupidest thing on earth. If someone described a feathered halter dress with a giant peekaboo cleavage hole and a giant blue leopard print all over it, you’d prescribe them an anti-psychotic medication immediately. But here Marion is, in the worst Dior creation I’ve ever seen, and looking mighty pregnant in it at that.

Marion Cotillard in Christian Dior at the Marrakech Film Festival

Oh, thank the lord. Someone threw a decent dress on her, scraped off that clown makeup, and straightened that godforsaken perm. It’s still kind of lumpy and misshapen, and I’m not convinced she’s not with child, but it’s a complete 180 from the dress before, so I can’t complain.

Gleeks Gone Glam

Gwyneth Paltrow in Monique Lhuillier receiving her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

Recent Glee guest star (who, it is rumored, will be returning to the show) rocks a little bridal cocktail dress as her star on the Walk of Fame is unveiled. I think she looks about as boring as boring can get, which is unsurprising, considering it’s Gwyneth.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Emilio Pucci at an LA screening of Country Strong

Wait. Is that – where exactly does that slit go?

Gwyneth Paltrow in Emilio Pucci at an LA screening of Country Strong

Oh. Oh my word.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Emilio Pucci at an LA screening of Country Strong

Oh, good LORD! What a way to tell the universe you don’t believe in panties, Gwynnie! This is actually downright vulgar. What a desperate cry for attention.

Jayma Mays in Burberry Prorsom at the Hollywood Style Awards

Ick. I usually love our Miss Pillsbury and her adorable outfits, but I’m not liking this. Too many colors and textures – the effect is unpleasant. The dress is unflattering – this woman is itsy bitsy, but you’d never know it from this photo. The styling is just completely off, and her mousy features can’t really handle that much lipstick.

Jayma Mays at the Late Show with David Letterman

This, on the other hand, is bright, chic, and beautiful. There’s still too many different colors going on with the accessories – we don’t need everything to match, but we don’t need everything to clash, either – but I think it was daring to choose those shoes, and I worship this iced periwinkle color on her.

Lea Michele in Giorgio Armani at Billboard’s Women in Music Awards

It’s a little figure skater-esque, and this bitch needs to wear something other than black nail polish just once, but I still think she looks quite beautiful. I think the side bangs flatter her face much better than the straight-across bangs, and I think the curves of this dress are quite beautiful. Perfect makeup, too. But she could have styled it up more with better shoes or more jewelry.

Lea Michele in The Row at the Hollywood Style Awards

Oy. This is a straight up disaster. She actually looks like she’s wrapped in a white towel, having just got out of the shower. Like I said, these big bangs don’t do much for her face. Us Jewish-looking ladies know that a side-part is much more flattering to our features. And us tiny girls know better than to wear stiff, almost-but-not-quite full-length gowns that make us look short and squat.
Check back later today for The Month in Celebrity Fashion: Part II!

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