Welcome back to the sometimes-glamorous, always-fun-to-mock Emmy Awards red carpet!
Don’t miss Part One of the Emmys Red Carpet, darlings!
JULIANNA MARGUILES // gown by Armani Privé
Alicia Florrick on The Good Wife // Winner, Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama
This Armani Privé collection was very futuristic – alien chic, if you will. Julianna Marguiles is beautiful and fashionable, but this is SO not her style, and you can tell. The hair and makeup are too old Hollywood for this stiff, shiny, weird gown. And those rhinestones taped to her tits look cheap and craftsy, like a bad Project Runway challenge.
AUBREY PLAZA // gown by Juan Carlos Obando
April Ludgate on Parks and Recreation
I just don’t understand how you can see a rack full of dresses and pick the one that gives you muffin top. I don’t understand how you can look in the mirror after you try on the dress and say, “Yes, this is exactly what I want!” The hair is a half-assed attempt at old Hollywood glamour, the matching bracelets are ridiculous, and the makeup is too heavy.
Jenna Maroney on 30 Rock // Nominee, Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy
Oh, honey. Lay off the spray tan, for God’s sake, unless Jenna Maroney is planning on jump-starting her career by sleeping with The Situation on Jersey Shore.
HEIDI KLUM // gown by Christian Siriano, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Host of Project Runway
I loved this at first glance, but the longer I look at it the worse it gets. I think I like the idea of it, but the top is so boring and such a blah color that such a voluminous skirt just feels discordant. Also, look into necklaces, Hollywood.
PADMA LAKSHMI // gown by Armani Privé, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Host of Top Chef
We can all learn an important lesson from this: Wearing a satin dress close to your skin tone makes you look like your whole body is melting. Oh, and that hair sucks.
CAT DEELEY // gown by Monique Lhuillier
Host of So You Think You Can Dance
Beautiful but boring dress; fierce hair; cute bracelets. The purse is adorable, but not nearly formal enough.
Sally Draper on Mad Men
She is my new style icon.
ELISABETH MOSS // gown by Marchesa
Peggy Olson on Mad Men // Nominee, Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama
STOP WEARING NUDE DRESSES. She just looks naked and covered in shiny leaves. And that hair has got to be a joke.
CHRISTINA HENDRICKS // gown by Johanna Johnson
Joan Harris on Mad Men // Nominee, Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama
Joanie looks a little stuffed into this constricting dress, but she pulled it off. The top half of the dress is much nicer than the bottom, with that sad little train and drooping, pulling fabric. Hair is adorable, and makeup is much better than usual.
Erin Hannon on The Office
Cute dress, but those bangs make you look like a five-year-old.
Santana Lopez on Glee
Beautiful dress; surprisingly understated, though. It may even be a smidge too demure for her.
JENNA USHKOWITZ // gown by Ghadah Paris, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Casadei
Tina Cohen-Chang on Glee
The dress is at least interesting, but I don’t think any part of it looks expensive or well-made. And her makeup artist needs to be fired immediately.
EVAN RACHEL WOOD // gown by Elie Saab, purse by Judith Leiber
Veda Pierce in Mildred Pierce // Nominee, Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Head-to-toe glam. The black gown on her white skin is a little overwhelmingly severe, but the soft fingercurl in her blone hair helps off-set that. It fits her like a dream, and she’s working the hell out of it, I’ll give her that.
GWYNETH PALTROW // dress by Emilio Pucci
Holly Holliday, Glee // Winner, Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy
I saw some bloggers defending this, saying that Gwyn is fashion-forward because crop tops are all over the Spring 2012 collections. Crop tops are indeed back, but fraying crop-tops with mega-high-waisted skirts AS FORMALWEAR certainly are not. So don’t try and excuse this travesty by admiring Gwyneth’s eye for trends – this is batshit crazy in any season.
JULIE BOWEN // gown by Oscar de la Renta, purse by Judith Leiber
Claire Dunphy on Modern Family // Winner, Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy
Dress like a winner, and the Emmy will come to you. Julie Bowen looks SMOKIN’ in this gown, giving us all a much-needed reminder that Sofia Vergara is not the only MILF on Modern Family. Love the plunging V-neck (although I was holding my breath in fear of a nipple slip during her entire acceptance speech), love the print, the accessories, even the stick-straight ponytail. Nice work, Mama Dunphy!
KRISTEN WIIG // gown by Zac Posen
Saturday Night Live star // Nominee, Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy
This gown is STUNNING. Like, seriously beautiful – and you know how I love the woman who dares to wear brown on the red carpet. However, Kristen is not quite ready for a dress like this. First of all, it’s miles too long on her, and the bust hangs six inches below where her actual breasts end. It fits her hips beautifully, but nothing else. And darling, just like you paid someone to pick out that gown, you need to pay someone to do your hair and makeup too. A professional next time!
Jeff Winger on Community
The skinny-skinny-skinny pants are RIDICULOUS on a man as tall and lanky as Joel McHale, and for God’s sake, can’t you shave before the Emmys, even if they did snub your show? However, the jacket is kinda cute.
Finn Hudson on Glee
I’m never all about the white bow tie, and he still doesn’t know how to stand on a red carpet, but it’s a fabulous tux and he looks handsome as hell.
Kurt Hummel on Glee // Nominee, Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy
Cute, but the pants are a little too short.
DARREN CRISS // suit by John Varvatos
Blaine Anderson on Glee
PERFECT suit – not a crooked tie or a too-long hem in sight. John Varvatos really knows what he’s doing. And I think the nerd glasses are so goddamn charming.
Artie Abrams on Glee
If you can’t tie a bow tie, don’t wear one. Also: that hair. It needs help.
Noah Puckerman on Glee
Nerd glasses don’t work as well with a lopsided mohawk. And Mark Salling looks like he’d rather be on his couch with a beer than at the Emmys. Or maybe he’s just standing like that because he really has to pee.