When you play the Game of Fabness, you win… or you die.
LUPITA NYONG’O vs. CATE BLANCHETT
LUPITA: Purple and white on a black background? I’m not sure I recognize that Westerosi sigil, Lady Cate.
CATE: Well, I’m not wearing my house’s colors at the moment, but can’t you tell anyway?
LUPITA: No, I’m afraid not, Lady Cate.
CATE: I have blonde hair, two golden statues (I call them “Oscar”), and I’m sharp-tongued and vain. Isn’t it clear I’m a Lannister?
LUPITA: Did you say you have only two golden statues?
CATE: Well, how many do you have?
LUPITA: That’s not the point. I just thought “all the gold in Casterly Rock” would mean a bit more than two gold statues. Unless you’re one of those Lannisters from Lannisport?
CATE: How dare you!
LUPITA: There’s no need to get so defensive, Lady Cate.
CATE: And what would you know of the noble houses of the Seven Kingdoms? What are you, some dancer from the Summer Islands?
LUPITA: For your information, I am Queen Lupita of House Beyoncé, the first of her name.
CATE: I – oh – my goodness – Your Grace, I can’t believe I didn’t know it was you!
LUPITA: You may have failed to recognize the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, but I’m sure you will remember my house’s sigil – it looks like this:
CATE: Of course, Your Grace. Please forgive me for my ignorance, Your Grace.
LUPITA: Did your septa teach you anything as a child? The proper style for addressing a royal from House Beyoncé is not “Your Grace.”
CATE: My deepest apologies – please, Your – um, Queen Lupita, how should I address you?
LUPITA: “Your Flawlessness.”
CATE: Yes, Your Flawlessness. Of course. Please accept my most sincere apologies, Your Flawlessness.
LUPITA: You are forgiven, Lady Cate.
CATE: Thank you, Your Flawlessness. You are ever so gracious.
LUPITA: Well, I would not have become Ruler of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm if I did not know how to react to the ignorance of the lesser houses.
CATE: Yes, Your Flawlessness. Do they teach a particular method of dealing with silly ladies like myself in your noble house?
LUPITA: But of course. It involves eye-rolling, kiss-blowing, and waving, and looks something like this:
CATE: Ah, yes. I’ve seen it before, my lady. Perhaps on your banners, during times of battle?
LUPITA: No, my sweet Lady Cate. During wartime, we cover our banners in a special House Beyoncé wartime sigil:
CATE: Of course, Your Flawlessness. I don’t know how I could have forgotten your wartime “bitches” sigil.
LUPITA: Your ignorance is showing again, Lady Cate. Surely a septa or maester taught you the words of House Beyoncè?
CATE: I – Your Flawlessness, I’m sure I was taught them, but my mind is failing me at the moment.
LUPITA: As I’m sure it will many more times in the future. Know these words, Lady Cate, for they are the words of my noble house: “Bow down, bitches.”
CATE: Yes, Your Flawlessness. It is known.
© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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One response to March Fabness 2014: Final Four, Part 1
Cate Blanchett ftw!!