EMMA WATSON vs. KIERNAN SHIPKA
EMMA: Good morrow, Lady Kiernan!
KIERNAN: It is ever so lovely to see you on this fine morning, Lady Emma.
EMMA: Tell me, what brings you to Diva’s Landing, the greatest city that ever was or will be?
KIERNAN: I am here for the tourney of a lifetime, to bring glory and pride to my house.
EMMA: Oh, is there to be a melee today?
KIERNAN: But of course, Lady Emma! Only the most powerful will survive!
EMMA: And you think you’re the most powerful, do you, Lady Kiernan?
KIERNAN: I do, Lady Emma. I am quite knowledgable, and knowledge is power.
EMMA: Knowledge is not power. Power is power. And fabness is power.
KIERNAN: Well, I’ve got that too. Now, I think you’d better call your squire to help you don your armor for the tourney.
EMMA: My impeccable style is my armor; my flawless makeup, my shield.
KIERNAN: Oh. Well, best of luck with all that.
EMMA: What of you, Lady Kiernan? Do you plan on wearing a suit of armor for the melee?
KIERNAN: Well, I’m afraid that if I don’t –
EMMA: Afraid? AFRAID?! Oh, my sweet summer child, what do you know about fear?
KIERNAN: I know plenty –
EMMA: You know NOTHING, Lady Kiernan. Fear is for the championship round, for the final two, for the moment where one of you will die and the other will live forever as the singers write songs of your triumph. I have survived such a storied battle not once, but twice.
KIERNAN: But how, Lady Emma? How did you win March Fabness two years in a row? How did you come to be the legendary style warrior that you are today?
EMMA: Surely, you already know. You said it yourself, you are a smart girl. It’s your only redeeming quality – that, and your cheekbones.
KIERNAN: Um, thanks? I think? But I’m still not sure I know the answer.
EMMA: Tell me this, then: what do we say to the God of Bad Style?
KIERNAN: “Not today.”
EMMA: That is correct, Lady Kiernan. Now, yield, and bend the knee, and perhaps I will permit you to escape this battle with your life.
KIERNAN: But – I – you can’t –
EMMA: Has anyone ever told you you’re as boring as you are ugly?
KIERNAN: No, but I can only assume that means I’m positively fascinating.
EMMA: See how far cleverness gets you, Lady Kiernan. Now, bend the knee, or this will be the last time you have knees.
KIERNAN: NEVER! I will die before I yield to you, Lady Emma.
EMMA: Fine, then. You’re a fool to think you can survive this battle. Say a final prayer to the God of Bad Style, as it may be your last.
KIERNAN: “Not today.”