Well, at least this episode had Dita Von Teese. That’s something!
Previously: We were forced to pretend Heidi had good taste, and the editors went completely apeshit with special effects.
The Challenge: In teams of two, the designers had one day to create an unconventional wedding dress, and a companion look for the same woman to wear to her wedding reception. The only thing more unreasonable than expecting the designers to create a red-carpet-ready gown in a single day (like they did in the last episode) is expecting them to create a WEDDING gown in a single day. No wonder everything on the runway was a mess – the producers once again refused to give the designers even a fraction of the time necessary to complete this challenge in a remotely fashionable way. Does anyone else remember a time when one-day challenges were at least somewhat of a rarity? Enough that Heidi had to say “and designers… this is a ONE-DAY challenge,” and everyone would moan and groan and panic? At some point, one-day challenges became the rule rather than the exception, and I just can’t stand it.
Guest Judges: Fabulous burlesque performer and fashion icon Dita Von Teese, who was refreshingly candid and cool, and fashion blogger Chiara Ferragni.
Alexander & Samantha
It looks better in pictures than it did on the runway. The darker-than-red skirt and the yellower-than-white embellishments make this dress look old. Not old-fashioned old, but literally decomposing in someone’s attic old. It’s a bit on the depressing side, and it’s nothing we haven’t seen before, but again, let’s blame the producers for their absurd time constraints instead of the designers. It’s just so much more fun.
Not remotely interesting, but at least it’s not black! This felt more like a cheap knock-off of a designer dress than anything else.
Team Amanda & Korina
Was the manufactured drama between Amanda and Korina completely exhausting, or what? Off-screen, Korina allegedly called Amanda a phony, and then they had an awkwardly-edited conversation that was supposedly about that, but really seemed to be about something else entirely. Who gives a shit? Both of these women are boring, and Amanda’s “I can’t believe everyone thinks I’m a phony!” felt, well, phony. But hey, the dress is actually cute. It’s more teenage pop star than nontraditional rock wedding, but at least it’s chic and wearable. God knows not everyone else achieved that.
I’ve had more than enough of Jessa’s mean girl attitude, but honestly, I don’t hate this. Yes, the pants are too tight, because Amanda apparently didn’t think to get this model’s measurements before sewing these pants for Korina. But I think it fit the challenge moderately well, and it was at least kind of interesting. Almost. A little bit.
Team Emily & Fäde
Emily and Fäde were only sort of in the top – Heidi seemed to enjoy their looks, but no one else did. I absolutely adore Dita for calling this look out for what it is – a cliché parody of a goth wedding. She actually seemed personally offended by this dress, and I found that kind of hilarious and endearing. This woman wed Marilyn Manson – if anyone has a right to be offended by silly, witchy knock-offs of goth-couture, it’s Dita Von Teese. I personally didn’t hate this look, but I can see why Dita did.
FÄDE ZU GRAU
The judges liked Fäde’s look marginally more than Emily’s, but it still didn’t get quite as much love as I think it deserved. Again, it might not be special enough for a wedding, but it’s a killer cocktail dress, with lace and hand-painting and asymmetry and that general city-girl cool vibe that all Fäde’s looks seem to contain.
Team Kini & Sean
Kini’s ego is going to get the better of him soon, right? He went from sweet and adorable, to a little too braggy about how quickly he sews, to stubbornly insisting to the camera that he was ROBBED because he didn’t win this challenge. Yes, he can sew at a speed that boggles the mind. But I don’t think he’s one of the better designers of the group, and I think he really lacks originality. If the judges had given the contestants two days instead of one, Kini’s speed would have mattered less, and I don’t think the design of his garment would have lived up to the rest. This dress would have snagged the win from me simply by default, but only because nothing else managed to be well-executed and vaguely challenge-appropriate. It looks like something Dita would wear, but only because it also looks like a Zac Posen rip-off.
The top moved beautifully, but the pants are incredibly awkward. And there was no reason to give Sean the win for this, other than to continue this season’s completely insufferable trend of giving out multiple wins so that some designers can become more hated by their competitors.
Team Sandhya & Char
This was clearly the bottom team from the start of the episode. They chose a bad color, and just made more and more terrible decisions after that. I was shocked by how poorly executed this dress was. When Heidi lifted up the model’s skirt, it was tucked and pinned and just generally a disaster under there. Sandhya at least attempted to do something interesting with the bodice – sure, it came out looking pretty awful, but that attempt alone was enough to save her from elimination.
And it’s goodbye to Char, who was the only designer whose personality I actually liked from the beginning. I’m sad to see her go, because I think she’s one of the only designers of the last few seasons who’s actually enjoyable to watch. I actually got misty-eyed when Tim said goodbye to her – and it’s been years and years since that’s happened for me on this show – but I can’t disagree with this elimination. This really did look like little more than scraps.
Judges’ Top 4: Sean, Kini, Fäde, Emily
Diva’s Top 4: Kini, Fäde, Sean, Amanda
Judges’ Bottom 4: Alexander, Samantha, Sandhya, Char
Diva’s Bottom 4: Alexander, Samantha, Sandhya, Char
Next time: The designers get inspired by crazy-expensive jewels and probably still don’t have enough time to make anything decent in S13 E07 – Chopard.