This bracket is already breaking my heart, you guys.
CAMILLA BELLE vs. CATE BLANCHETT
Camilla: Stop copying me.
Cate: Bitch, stop copying ME.
Camilla: Like I would even copy someone who’s pushing fifty.
Cate: Like I would even copy someone who I’ve never fucking heard of.
Camilla: Oh, right. Like you’re not wearing the funky 70s grandma version of my dress right now?
Cate: No. You’re wearing the cheap mod knock-off of my dress right now.
Camilla: Well, at least we can agree on one thing.
Cate: That you’re tacky, and I’m infinitely more famous than you will ever be?
Camilla: No, actually, I was going to say something polite and respectful.
Cate: You really don’t understand trash talk, do you?
Camilla: “Trash talk,” Grandma? It’s “throwing shade” now. Learn about it.
Cate: You kids today. You’re just adorable.
LUPITA NYONG’O vs. ELIZABETH BANKS
Lupita: Now THIS is a fucking fashion battle.
Elizabeth: I almost feel bad for the voters, don’t you?
Lupita: I really do. I can’t even believe you can fit this much fabness into a single match-up.
Elizabeth: We defy physics, so infinite is our fabness.
Lupita: And also, come on. Who on earth is more likable than we are?
Elizabeth: Nobody! Except maybe Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Watson.
Lupita: Fair. But 30-something and 40-something women need imaginary celebrity best friends too.
Elizabeth: Hear, hear.
Lupita: I mean, look at us. Look at these textures.
Elizabeth: Your pearls, my beading – we are unstoppable forces of fabness.
Lupita: Let’s give them our best Elie Saab florals and call it a day.
Elizabeth: Amen. And let’s also get some brunch.
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY vs. ZOE SALDANA
Keira: Congrats on the new baby, Zoe! You certainly set the red carpet on fire this year with your maternity style.
Zoe: And same to you, Keira. We really should have done a world tour together or something.
Keira: We both did excel in the art of masking our ever-so-slightly expanded tummies with florals.
Zoe: And forced-perspective cinched waists.
Keira: And we both opted to give our respective fetuses some extra breathing room in blue gowns.
Zoe: We look like fertility goddesses of the sea, Keira. I could not be more proud.
Keira: I love that we both know the importance of wearing purple during pregnancy.
Zoe: Duh! It’s the color of royalty, and you KNOW the babies we’re popping out are going to be royal as fuck.
Keira: You clearly know A) when to bring the drama and B) how to make a dress out of curtains like Mary Poppins.
Zoe: It’s skills like those that make me such a good mother, and generally fabulous person.
Keira: Amen. Let’s schedule a playdate for sometime after I give birth/announce to the public that I have already secretly given birth?
Zoe: It’s a date.
EMMA WATSON vs. EDDIE REDMAYNE
Emma: Eddie, darling! It’s so good to see you again.
Eddie: Oh, same to you, Emma. It’s been, what, four years since our My Week With Marilyn press tour?
Emma: Time flies, and you and I get more stylish with every passing day.
Eddie: And, let’s be honest, we were pretty damn stylish to begin with.
Emma: Well, you can’t blame other people for not being able to keep up with us, sartorially speaking.
Eddie: Exactly. We’re English, and we’re beautiful. How can mere mortals even compare?
Emma: They can’t. We’re basically the Will and Kate of the acting community.
Eddie: Oh, god, no. We’re MUCH more stylish than those two fuddy-duddies.
Emma: Another excellent point, my dear Mr. Redmayne.
Eddie: Why thank you, the ever-so-elegant Ms. Watson.
Emma: Now, don’t think all these niceties mean I’m not about to beat your ass into the ground, metaphorically speaking.
Eddie: I wouldn’t be so sure. If anyone can unseat Emma Watson, it’s the male version of Emma Watson.
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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