The wait is over! Let the Sweet 16 finally begin! 

EMMA STONE vs. LILY COLLINS

Emma: How can I just let you walk away…

Lily: What?

Emma: …just let you leave without a trace…

Lily: Oh, not this again.

Emma: When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooo, you’re the only one who really knew me at all…

Lily: Seriously. Please stop it.

Emma: How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave?

Lily: I WILL leave, if you don’t stop taunting me with Phil Collins songs!

Emma: ‘Cause we’ve shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears, you’re the only one who really knew me at all…

Lily: I get it. He’s my dad. It’s hilarious. Have you got anything else to say? 

Emma: ….

SO TAKE A LOOK AT ME NOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!!

Lily: My life is the worst.

KIERNAN SHIPKA vs. MARION COTILLARD

Kiernan: YAAAS, KWEEN.

Marion: I’m sorry, I do not understand zees words.

Kiernan: Oh, sorry. It’s what young girls and drag queens say when they approve of something.

Marion: Pft. Americans. Was the English language not already ugly enough?

Kiernan: I dunno, but I think it’s kind of cool that our outfits match so well.

Marion: Well, fine, so do I. But only because you’re uncommonly fabulous for such a young girl.

Kiernan: Thanks, Marion! And you’re surprisingly down-to-earth for such a … well… French person.

Marion: I will take zat as a compliment.

Kiernan: Well, that’s awfully nice. Why do I get the feeling you’re sucking up to me?

Marion: What? Non! Never!

Kiernan: Ugh, don’t even. You think I can’t spot someone seeking Mad Men spoilers from a mile away? Shit, I was trained for that before I was fully potty-trained.

Marion: JUST TELL ME SOMEONE KILLS PETE CAMPBELL PLEASE

COCO ROCHA vs. JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Coco: Sup girl.

Jennifer: Oh hai Coco! What are you doing in these parts?

Coco: Oh, the usual. Looking amazing, and hoping I can wear enough fabulous tuxedos to outweigh your powerful America’s sweetheart vote.

Jennifer: Who, me? America’s sweetheart? Why, I –

Coco: You can drop the act, you know. It’s just us girls here.

Jennifer: Oh, thank God. It is so fucking exhausting having to pretend that you LOVE that every basic bitch on earth thinks you’re her imaginary best friend.

Coco: I know. I want to cringe when I even breathe the same air as non-famous people.

Jennifer: Well, at least they don’t think YOU’RE capable of helping them survive the apocalypse with your keen hunting and gathering skills. If shit goes down, I’m going to have half a million tweens in my backyard sharpening arrows for me.

Coco: Wait, you’re not really good at archery, and killing squirrels, and shit??

Jennifer: Um, no.

Coco: Oh, shit. I have to completely rethink my plan for the apocalypse now. I better call Emma Watson and see if she can cast some protective spells around me, just in case.

Jennifer: Coco, I have some bad news for you…

JENA MALONE vs. UZO ADUBA

Jena: PLEASE give me a role on Orange is the New Black.

Uzo: Uh, I don’t actually make the casting decisions.

Jena: Whatever. I’m imagining a girl, a tough one, in her late teens, maybe early twenties.

Uzo: Mmmhmm?

Jena: She’s angry and alone and totally deadly.

Uzo: Sounds good so far.

Jena: She’s great with an axe, and better with two.

Uzo: An axe? Really?

Jena: Yeah. And she’s in jail for assault and battery, murder, public nudity, and inciting rebellion.

Uzo: … is she by any chance from a place with lots of forests? Maybe even a lumber district?

Jena: Oh my God, yes! How did you know?!

Uzo: You’re an idiot.

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© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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