It is ON.
NAOMIE HARRIS vs. TAYLOR SWIFT
Naomie: *under her breath* Maybe if I stand very, very still, I can avoid being drafted into her squad.
Taylor: HI NAOMIE!!!111
Naomie: *mumbles* Copying my pose AND my outfit? Really?
Taylor: IT’S SO AWESOME TO SEE YOU
Naomie: *mutters* Do you prefer fashion victim or ensembly challenged?
Taylor: LOL THAT’S MY FAVORITE MOVIE
Naomie: *murmurs* Metallic houndstooth pajamas? Being a pop star looks terrible.
Taylor: WHAT HAHA ALL I HEARD WAS STAR
Naomie: *whispers* Anna Wintour called and even she doesn’t want that hairdo back
Taylor: I KNOW DOESN’T IT LOOK AMAZING
Naomie: *sighs exasperatedly*
Taylor: NO, YOU’RE AMAZING
Naomie: You are uniquely exhausting.
Taylor: OMG THANK U
EMMY ROSSUM vs. LUPITA NYONG’O
Emmy: Is that really what your life looks like?
Lupita: What do you mean?
Emmy: Do you just permanently look like the most beautiful and interesting and charismatic person in the universe?
Lupita: What, this old thing?
Emmy: I mean, I look amazing and all, but your whole life is a magazine editorial.
Lupita: I guess.
Emmy: What’s with the lips? Did you blow a smurf?
Lupita: I resent that. If you can’t wear blue lipstick to a Star Wars premiere, when can you wear it?
Emmy: Well, never, I guess.
Lupita: I suppose that’s fine for basic bitches like yourself, but I like to live a bit more dangerously.
Emmy: I’m not basic! I’m wearing a single glove! Or maybe a cuff! Or possibly my nails got caught on my skirt and I can’t get un-stuck!
Lupita: Are you sure you’re a celebrity?
Emmy: Honestly? Not really.
Lupita: Well, my dear, on that much, we agree.
CATE BLANCHETT vs. RACHEL MCADAMS
Cate: Hello there, Rachel.
Rachel: Hi, Cate! How are you? Say it.
Cate: I’m – I’m well, and yourself?
Rachel: Fabulous! Say it.
Cate: I’m sorry, what are you trying to get me to say?
Rachel: What? Nothing! Say it.
Cate: I’m sorry, but I don’t quite understand what’s going on here.
Rachel: Nothing! It’s a fashion battle! Right? SAY IT.
Cate: I – is there some sort of medication you should be taking but seem to have forgotten?
Rachel: No, of course not! SAY IT.
Cate: Are you sure? I think there’s a Xanax in my purse somewhere.
Rachel: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SAY IT.
Cate: OH MY GOD JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT ME TO SAY
JANELLE MONAE vs. KRYSTEN RITTER
Janelle: Oh, shit. It’s Jessica Jones.
Krysten: Janelle! Do you watch the show?
Janelle: What show? Jess, I have something to tell you.
Krysten: Um, Jessica Jones. The show I’m on. You just said it.
Janelle: Haha, funny. But seriously, this is important, Jess.
Krysten: Why are you calling me that?
Janelle: I SAW HIM, JESSICA. THE CREEPY PURPLE DUDE.
Krysten: No, you didn’t.
Janelle: I swear, I did!
Krysten: He’s not REAL, Janelle.
Janelle: He is too! He’s that Doctor Who looking motherfucker!
Krysten: No – I mean, yes, he is, but –
Janelle: DON’T EVEN TELL ME YOU’VE TEAMED UP WITH BARTY CROUCH JUNIOR, JESSICA. I CAN’T EVEN HANDLE THAT RIGHT NOW.
Krysten: Uh, I swear, I haven’t. Can I go now?