Happy weekend, judgmental bitches!
NAOMIE HARRIS vs. ZOE SALDANA
Naomie in Self-Portrait; Zoe in Dolce & Gabbana
Naomie: Seriously? A pajama top and jeans? Did no one tell you this was a fashion competition?
Zoe: My feet are pointed like Barbie’s. Isn’t that enough?
Naomie in Mugler; Zoe in Victoria Beckham
Naomie: Are you really so D-list that you have to carry your own umbrella? How sad.
Zoe: It actually has a string attached to a stationary drone. This is the only thing that’s keeping me upright in these shoes.
Naomie in J. Mendel; Zoe in Givenchy
Naomie: Do you ever do anything but complain about your heels?
Zoe: … Not really, no.
Naomie in Gucci; Zoe in McQueen
Naomie: Hasn’t anyone ever told you that pain is beauty?
Zoe: Hasn’t anyone ever told YOU to live long and prosper?
Naomie in Carolina Herrera; Zoe in Gucci
Naomie: Um… no.
Zoe: That’s okay. It’s probably not because no one gives a shit whether you live long. Or prosper.
Naomie in Armani Privé; Zoe in Dolce & Gabbana
Naomie: How many peacocks did you prevent from living long and prospering in order to make that dress?
Zoe: Sixty-three.
KERRY WASHINGTON vs. KIRSTEN DUNST
Kerry in Carolina Herrera; Kirsten in Rodarte
Kerry: How are you, Kirsten?
Kirsten: Oh, Kerry, I am just LOVING you on Scandal right now.
Kerry in Dolce & Gabbana; Kirsten in Chanel
Kerry: Really? Hm.
Kirsten: Now, you better not spoil anything for me.
Kerry in Dolce & Gabbana; Kirsten in Valentino
Kerry: Honey, I couldn’t if I tried.
Kirsten: What does that mean?
Kerry in Rodarte; Kirsten in Dior
Kerry: Uh… nothing.
Kirsten: Well, you clearly meant SOMETHING.
Kerry in Dolce & Gabbana; Kirsten in Maison Margiela
Kerry: Honestly, I gave up watching Scandal like three years ago.
Kirsten: But you’re the star! You’ve filmed the episodes, you still know what’s going to happen, right?
Kerry in Roberto Cavalli; Kirsten in Givenchy
Kerry: Oh, of course. Yes. It definitely hasn’t been a CGI version of me for the last several years. Nope, no way. All me, baby.
Kirsten: I don’t even know what to do with this information.
AMY ADAMS vs. CHRISSY TEIGEN
Amy in Chanel
Amy: Good morning, Chrissy!
Chrissy:
Amy in Altuzarra; Chrissy in Alon Livné
Amy: CHRISSY! Wake up!
Chrissy:
Amy in Atelier Versace; Chrissy in Dion Lee
Amy: You are an uncommonly strange person, do you know that?
Chrissy:
Amy in Tom Ford; Chrissy in Hellessy
Amy: Seriously, did you take some kind of unprescribed drug? Or is there a prescribed drug you SHOULD have taken?
Chrissy:
Amy in Tom Ford; Chrissy in Michael Kors
Amy: I’m worried about you, Chrissy.
Chrissy:
Amy in Brandon Maxwell; Chrissy in Yousef Akba
Amy: That’s it. One more weird face from you and I’m calling the cops.
Chrissy:
RAMI MALEK vs. KATE MIDDLETON
Kate in Naeem Khan
Rami: Pardon me, Your Highness. Had I known I’d be competing with royalty today, I would never have worn a bomber jacket, no matter how fly it is.
Kate: Oh, you’re fine, you adorable little thing.
Kate in Erdem
Rami: But I’m not even wearing a tie!
Kate: My husband wears a tie to sleep. The tielessness is part of your charm.
Rami in Dior; Kate in Roland Mouret
Rami: If it isn’t improper, might I say how lovely you are in that shade of blue?
Kate: *giggles uncontrollably*
Kate in John Lewis/Tory Burch
Rami: Apologies, Your Highness. I’ll button this up right away.
Kate: Do you have to?
Rami in Dior; Kate in Jenny Packham
Rami: I just feel so terrible for not showing you the proper amount of sartorial respect.
Kate: Rami, clothed or unclothed, I’m just thrilled to see you.
Rami in Dior; Kate in McQuen
Rami: Your Highness! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were flirting with me!
Kate: Hmph. Guess I wasn’t obvious enough.
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Respond to March Fabness 2017, Round 2: Valentino & Givenchy Brackets