Welcome back into my loving, judgmental arms.
Best Dressed: BILLY PORTER
cape and suit by Randi Rahm, shoes by Gucci
WHAT, I ask you, have we as a nation done to deserve the glory that is Billy Porter in this cape? We are so unworthy of this blessing from the Pose star, Broadway legend, and now motherfucking fashion icon. Woe betide the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for neglecting to give Billy Porter the win in his category, thus depriving us of the joy of watching him storm across the stage in this cape. This fucking cape. I will name my firstborn after this cape. She will be named Billy Porter’s Cape, and she will be grateful. That is all.
Runner-Up: LUPITA NYONG’O
gown by Calvin Klein, jewelry by Bulgari, shoes by Aldo
Is there a star out there more consistently flawless on the red carpet than Lupita? This woman DELIVERS. Color, texture, shape – all gorgeous. The faux-hat hair and jewels – stunning.
Honorable Mention: SANDRA OH
gown by Atelier Versace, jewelry by Forevermark
Our darling host Sandra slayed in all three of her gowns, but the red carpet gown was my favorite. The ruched shoulder, the old Hollywood hair, and the shit-ton of bangles just work perfectly on her.
ANDY SAMBERG and SANDRA OH
gown by Versace
Loving that tuxedo cut.
gown by Stella McCartney
The disco sleeves are not my favorite, but let’s all just live in the total fantasticness of this moment for awhile, shall we?
gown by Givenchy
I’m fairly certain I’d hate this without the jacket. But the jacket is DIVINE, and brings this look to a “if Liza Minnelli went to space” kind of place. And readers, that’s the only place I ever want to be.
gown by Armani Privé
She’s time-traveling Nicole Kidman, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Regardless, she looks lovely in winter white, and the necklace is delicious.
gown by Christian Siriano
At any given moment, in any location, Judith Light is living her best life. LOVE this super-length gown on her itsy-bitsy frame, and the necklaces are fun as hell.
Also: this is the energy we’re bringing into 2019, folks.
gown by Monique Lhuillier
The color is just this side of a vericose vein, but it’s awfully pretty, and the earrings really pull the look together.
gown by Zuhair Murad, jewelry by Harry Winston
As a 5’0″ lady, I can appreciate a gown that makes a short woman look positively statuesque. A+ on this cut, fit, and draping for that achievement.
gown by Vera Wang
I spent this holiday season watching Crazy Rich Asians on a plane and devouring the book, so pardon me while I stan all over everyone from this movie. Constance is so beautiful it hurts my feelings. This dress disappoints a little bit in photos because of the lack of color, but it looked stunning on television, and that pop of color with the orange sash was a very necessary detail. The necklace is gorgeous, but I think something sleeker would have worked better with this dress.
tuxedo by Givenchy
I want to accidentally cut my face open while nuzzling those dazzlingly sharp cheekbones.
gown by Reem Acra
Love the color, but I think the star print dresses it down a little too much.
gown by Monique Lhuillier, jewelry by Irene Neuwirth
Alright, who put her dress on sideways?
gown by Moschino, shoes by Jimmy Choo
It’s not particularly offensive, but this styling really walks the line between “effortless” and “no effort.”
IRINA SHAYK and BRADLEY COOPER
Irina’s gown by Atelier Versace
Bradley’s tuxedo by Gucci
They look like cake-toppers at a Vegas wedding, but more smug.
gown by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Tyler Ellis
This makes me tired.
gown by Burberry
I’m usually buying what Jessica’s selling, but she looks like an unusually happy and newly-wealthy widow at her husband’s funeral.
gown by Zuhair Murad, jewelry by Roberto Coin
I can never find it in my heart to have opinions on Halle Berry’s fashion. I truly believe she’s been wearing the same three dresses for twenty-five years and she’s just so beautiful that nobody cares.
gown by Pamella Roland
Muppet, but make it drag.
gown by Reem Acra, jewelry by Chopard
Worst Dressed: AMBER HEARD
gown by Monique Lhuillier
I thought this was the worst thing I’d see on the red carpet.
Then I saw the back.
This is a crime against humanity.