Posts filed in:Awards Show Fashion

All the glamour and garishness from the biggest award shows in Hollywood and beyond.

The 2010 VMAs Red Carpet

Rihanna

Let’s study this from top to bottom.

  • I’m so over Rihanna’s Elmo hair, it’s not even funny.
  • Really? A hippie headband? Who is she, Mary-Kate Olsen in 2008?
  • What’s going on with her breasts? Pardon me, but she looks like her implants deflated. Invest in a push-up bra or a new plastic surgeon, honey.
  • What a pathetic attempt at a Madonna costume. One crucifix necklace, a bra-esque top and a big poofy skirt? Put a little more effort into your imitations.
  • I kind of like those boots. Because Rayanne Graff would have worn them.

Emma Stone in Pucci

Emma Stone, why so serious? You keep getting cast in movies, you are everyone’s go-to for the cute little alternative vixen. And your lisp is so precious, I can’t even handle it. So dress up! No reason to wrap your face in a frown and your body in a cheap bag of garbage. Wear something bright, feel good in it, and light up the red carpet like I know you can.

Kesha

And I thought Emma Stone’s dress looked too much like trash bags… now I can see that that was a subtle take on this trash-tastic ensemble. But what’s far worse than that dress is what I thought was a scarf and now can see it’s KESHA’S HAIR. That giant braid is longer than the bitch’s arm.

Ashley Greene in Giambattista Valli

Surprisingly cute, classy and formal, considering it’s the VMAs. The bodice is adorable, I like the draping on the skirt, but I think she could use a really blingin’ necklace. Cute bracelet and purse, though. And SMILE, BITCHES! It’s the VMAs. It’s not like any of these awards actually matter. Just have a good time.

Katy Perry in Marchesa

Katy Perry's nails

I’m not much of a Katy Perry fan, and I usually hate how she styles herself, but even I must admit that this is kind of adorable. It’s like the super-gay version of Ashely Greene’s dress.It’s more appropriate for an ice dancer than a red carpet, but it’s sexy and intriguing and costumey and fun. I hate the pink lipstick and the shoes are kind of immature, but I love the illusion of nudity and the way the skirt ways. And check out her fingernails – individual faces of her beau Russell Brand. Creepy, but if I was the woman who got Russell Brand to settle down, I’d show it off too.

Florence Welch in Givenchy Haute Couture

Oh my God, it’s Florence. She is a total powerhouse with a ridiculous voice – she’s a true artist, which is why she gave by far the best performance at the VMAs. It also didn’t hurt that she was basically the only performer who didn’t lip sync, and furthermore, she’s that rare performer who STILL SOUNDS FUCKING AWESOME when she’s singing live and running around the stage like a maniac. Her and Gaga are the only artists in recent VMAs memory to achieve such a thing.

I’ve known for months that Florence was a crazy-amazing musician, but until the VMAs, I didn’t know that she’s also a total fashionista. She’s wearing Givenchy haute couture and NAILING it, which is something that a fashion newbie just can’t do. It’s totally glam, but that zipper down the middle keeps it a little more casual and appropriate for the event. And that gold color against her jaw-droppingly red hair is perfect. And I love a redhead who’s not afraid to rock red lipstick. Perfect fit, adorable purse, and a long-sleeved formal gown is always interesting.

Lady Gaga in Alexander McQueen

Lady Gaga in Alexander McQueen

What on earth could be more dramatic than wearing head-to-toe McQueen from his final collection? Only a diva in the truest sense of the word can get away with that. She’s posing like she knows she’s winning Video of the Year – I mean, it’s not like anything can even compare to “Bad Romance” – and the fact that she can walk in those twelve inch – yes, TWELVE inch – heels is simply astounding. And honestly? It’s not that insane, for Gaga. It has an element of wearability that many of her outfits lack. I mean, she’s still wearing a mohawk made of feathers, but at least you can see her face.

Lady Gaga in Armani

It took her ten minutes to get on the stage in this, but from what I can see, it’s gorgeous and dramatic, like the Lady herself.

Lady Gaga in Franc Fernandez

And here is the infamous meat dress, which everyone found shocking because they didn’t see the meat outfit she wore on a magazine cover last week. And yes, friends, this is actually raw meat. I actually think the shoes and hat are awesome. The dress, well, just looks like meat. I know that’s the point, but it could have a little more design to it. (I say this having never tried to sew meat together before, so forgive me for my ignorance.) And there’s something so glamorous about raw meat accessorized with a shitload of diamonds. This is the extreme version of gritty-meets-pretty. Or gritty-meats-pretty, I suppose.

And whether you love or hate this, or it just makes you hungry or nauseous, you can’t deny that Gaga saying, “I never thought I’d be asking Cher to hold my meat purse!” is probably the funniest thing in VMAs history.

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Project Runway recap will be up tomorrow! Check back later for that post and your weekly fashion recap.

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Emmys 2010 Red Carpet

Grab your leopard-print snuggie and a bottle of wine, bitches, ’cause this could take awhile.

Mad Women

 

I’ve been trying for days to like this dress, and I just can’t. It just looks like melted-down solo cups. The texture is horrible, and those cones on her boobs are absurd. That blue might be one of the best colors I’ve ever seen on the red carpet, particularly with January’s coloring, but even that can’t save this hot disaster. And that hair? If you want to have sex in the limo on the way to the Emmys, more power to you. But that does not give you license to have sex hair on the red carpet. Your all-American beauty looks will only take you so far, January. They may get you an Emmy nomination, but you won’t get this Diva’s approval until you learn how to dress.

 

 

My sister Haley brought up an intriguing question to me today: Does Christina Hendricks have an unusually small head? Or, as I posited, is it merely that any head would look tiny atop those giant hooters? Just something to think about. Regardless of the answer, Hendricks is rocking this dress. Totally unusual color, and it complements her hair beautifully. Redheads always rock green and purple outfits, and Miss Joan is no exception. Loving how this dress cinches her waist, shows off her ta-tas without looking vulgar, and then gets all soft and billowy and feathery at the bottom. I think there’s a little too much length at the bottom, but it’s a small complaint. And the sleeves are to die for.

Elisabeth Moss in Donna Karan

Beautiful, simple, and classic, just like Elisabeth Moss herself. The draping is incredible, the color makes her glow, the shoulder piece adds a little intrigue, and I even like the train (and I hate trains). The bling is AMAZING – those bracelets are seriously opulent – and nothing’s better than that sassy little smile.

 

Kiernan Shipka in Papo d’Anjo

You can take your Bettys and Joans and Peggys, but Sally Draper is the real deal. That dress is precious, the hair is awesome, and my ten-year-old self would have killed for those little tiny high heels. Also, her name is Kiernan Shipka, which is awesome.

Modern Ladies

 

It’d be fine without the awkward stripe down the middle. It’s a perfect cut and color for her, but I wish it had some more intrigue and complexity other than the stripe, which is just not particularly beautiful. But the hair is amazing.

This just has too much going on. Less is more, people, and those ruffles over her boobs are just masking Julie’s beauty. This bitch doesn’t age, and has the hair and skin of a freakin’ newborn, but I look at this photo and I only see fabric, not the fabulous woman underneath it.

This is incredibly mature (but not aging) for someone as young as Sarah Hyland, who plays Claire and Phil’s oldest daughter on Modern Family. And she is rocking the hell out of this dress. The fabric is so luxe, it looks like liquid. It also makes her look about six feet tall and totally stacked. The braided/twisted straps are a dream, and the hair is perfect. I hope she doesn’t end up doing crack in five years.

 

 

 

And our favorite middle child is also nailing something chic beyond her years. I could do without the Bat Mitzvah hair and the embroidery on the bodice, but I’m loving the black-on-blue skirt and the funky, stylistic draping.

Glitter Queens

 

Easily the best dressed of the night, Claire Danes proves that simplicity is the name of the game. This dress is phenomenal and it fits her like a glove. I love that the color is just a sparkling version of her own skin tone. I may prefer her with bottled-red hair and flannel shirts, but I will always love Angela Chase.

Jennifer Carpenter in Oday Shakar

Stunning.

Gleeks Gone Glam

 

Hello, gorgeous! This was my other favorite gown of the night. Not every designer can take a 5’2″ girl and make her look statuesque, but of course Oscar can! The color is amazing, the gown is divalicious, her jewelry is awesome (I bet we’re going to see knockoffs of that necklace EVERYWHERE), and this bitch knows how to POSE. The hair could have been a little more formal, but that’s my only complaint.

 

 

Jayma’s beautiful, but this dress is Lea’s dress’s less hot little sister. The jewelry is tacky and her hair is a mess.

 

 

The cutest little queer on two legs. LOVING the treble clef pin on his lapel!

Work it out, Quinn! Black and pink lace together is one of my favorite things on the planet, especially in formal wear. Gorgeous dress with perfect hair and makeup to boot. But she does look a little sad, especially for a ridiculously hot girl on a hit Emmy-nominated TV show. Maybe she’s sad because she’s secretly in love with Matt Morrison, who is over her right shoulder, staring at her shoes instead of her ass. He’s a closet case, honey. Move on.

 

Brittany pulled out all the stops, rocking some serious old-school Hollywood glam. Very impressive for such a red carpet newbie! The makeup artist was a little heavy-handed, but the hair is flawless.

If you took Cha Cha DiGregorio from Grease and added a Lady Gaga wig, you’d get this photo. Seriously, Naya, we all like to play dress-up, but this is your first Emmy red carpet. Is this how you really want to be remembered? In a slutty 80s prom dress, boring shoes, and a hairstyle so stupid even Rihanna hates it?

Funny and Fabulous

 

Holy couture! Kathy Griffin’s body has never looked better, and it takes a confident bitch to rock Oscar with that much certainty. Get it, girl.

Amy Poehler gave birth THREE WEEKS AGO and already looks this good. We should all be so lucky. The color is gorgeous, her tits look amazing, and she’s allegedly wearing half a million dollars worth of Stephen Russell jewelry, though I can’t really see much of it.

Tina Fey in Oscar de la Renta

I could do without the hieroglyphic print, but for a woman who never looks comfortable in a dress, Tina is posing the hell out of this Oscar gown. It’s incredibly flattering to her figure, and it’s much funkier and fancier than she usually goes. It’s curve-hugging but not tight, and the hair and makeup are looking beautiful. Kudos to Ms. Fey for taking a fashion risk and finally having it pay off.

Funny and Feh

Mindy Kaling in Aguri Sagimori

I think Elvira wore this to her high school prom. The shoes are cute, but that hair is much funnier than this season of The Office and this haphazardly-draped crinoline disaster is no better. And a petite girl should know better than to wear a dress with such wacky proportions that ends in the middle of the calf. Unless you’re a supermodel, that’s going to make you look stumpy.

Kristen Wiig

Awful print, stupid belt, poorly fit, and stupid shoulder ruffles. Plus I don’t like the hair or makeup, and the purse is too busy. Fire your stylist, Kristen.

New Diva on the Block Award

 

Last I checked, Nina Dobrev was just another teen mom on Degrassi, and then she was just another teen vampire on Vampire Diaries, and then suddenly she was KILLING IT on the red carpet and performing in the epic Emmys opening number alongside the Glee cast, Tina Fey, Jon Hamm, Betty White, and the rest of TV’s elite. I can’t even believe how stunning she looks. The dress is borderline bridal, but it’s exquisite. The draping at the top is actually breathtaking. The hair is classy and glamorous, and those earrings were the perfect choice. Keep it up, Nina! Looking forward to seeing what else you’ve got.

 

Hottest Couple

Neil Patrick Harris (in Calvin Klein) and David Burtka

NPH’s suit is beyond chic. It seems men fall into two categories: basic boring suit/tux, or trying and failing to spice it up. Neil Patrick Harris, of course, is classy and stylish enough to pull off a funky suit and just look even more dashing. And David looks adorable, as always.

Worst Dressed

 

Oh, lord. A potato sack on top, a magician’s slutty assistant on the bottom, fugly shoes, and way too much jewelry. And that hair? Unless you’re in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerrys, that mess is inexcusable.

 

 

 

Nope. No. Just… no. Your puke-colored, flowered and rhinestoned dress should not have love handle cutouts.

What part of wearing a purple hairy tiered gown appealed to Emily? Because I think she needs to seek mental help.

Stephanie Pratt in Marciano

Sometimes I forget my pants in the limo too, Steph. It happens.

Lo Bosworth in Karen Caldwell

Lo Bosworth thought she was dressing like Mad Men here. She didn’t get the memo that a dress that looks amazing on a 1960s secretary in an office does not necessarily look awesome on a 2010 red carpet. She looks like she’s off to a business lunch, not an awards show. And that skirt should be about four inches shorter. The shoes don’t go, she’s wearing a stupidly large number of rings, and the hair is so bad, it’s almost funny.

Kate Gosselin in Carmen Marc Valvo

For the love of God, just go be with your children and leave us all alone.

Anna Paquin in Alexander McQueen

I love a girl who’s loyal to a designer, especially McQueen, but there’s a time and a place, and this ain’t it. The armored top looks insane, and the skirt is totally wrong. Way too many bracelets, and no hair style to speak of.

Heidi Klum in Marchesa

We get it, Heidi. You like short dresses. But you’re also not 18 and while I’d never tell a woman who looks as good as you that she needs to cover up, this shtick is getting a little tired. It’s not that you’re too old to wear dresses that show your cooter – it’s that your vagina must be tired of all the attention, because we’re tired of seeing her. And is your hair in a flip? The same style that all the boys in my middle school were rocking circa 2001? Because it didn’t work on them, and it sure as hell doesn’t work on you.

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Later this week: Your weekly fashion recap (cover all things non-Emmys, from red carpet to editorials and more) and of course, your weekly Project Runway recap! Follow @democracydiva on twitter for updates.

 

 

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Teen Choice Awards 2010 Red Carpet

Glee Dos and Don’ts

Jenna Ushkowitz in Tadashi Shoji

Glee‘s resident “Asian” (not to be confused with “Other Asian”) finally looks chic, mature, and utterly fabulous on the red (well, technically blue) carpet. Nude dresses are all the rage, and the interwoven print of those two different fabrics is subtle but gorgeous. I’d have done a lighter shoe (the dress is so pale, plus it’s the middle of the summer) but this is definitely a hit. And her makeup looks absolutely beautiful. She’s glowing.

Naya Rivera

Kudos to Santana for stepping outside the box. It feels like at every red carpet event, young Hollywood tends to wear the same short, tight, sparkly dress over and over again. Just seeing a different silhouette is refreshing. I’m not in love with the pattern (it matches my bedding perfectly, but I’m not sure it’s great on a dress) but it fits her well. I love the length and the way the skirt flares out. I do wish she’d worn a little bling, but she chose the right shoes, and her hair and makeup are natural-looking and perfect. She’s an incredibly beautiful woman, and with a little coaching (and the right gays) she could become a real fashionista.

Heather Morris

Everybody’s favorite dumb blonde is a beautiful girl who consistently looks terrible on the red carpet. This poor girl has no idea what works for her and what doesn’t. First of all, her hair always looks stupid. I don’t understand why she can’t be content to just show off the natural beauty of her gorgeous blonde hair. And her makeup always ages her about ten years. On Glee, Brittany looks fresh-faced and youthful, but this sort of looks like she used ten pounds of makeup to try to achieve a “natural” look. And the outfit is clearly a disaster. Is it an ugly dress, or is it a mismatched top and skirt? The patterns are too much, the proportions are way off, and the fit is terrible. And I’m not sure whether or not I support those shoes. I’m wary of them, to say the least.

But zoom in on that big chunky cuff bracelet, with the exposed zippers and the gold and silver safety pins. That bracelet is gorgeous, and huge, badass bracelets are uber-trendy right now, from the Chanel runway shows to the street. So I am holding out hope for you, Heather, because I know you have potential.

Jayma Mays

I think this is a great dress for Jayma. It says “I may not be a teen, and I may play a teacher, but I’ve got style and a teensy waist and am overall adorable.” Seriously, her tiny little figure is too cute, and the dress is perfect for her. All Jayma needs is some help with accessories. The belt only distracts from the beauty of the dress, and I don’t like those shoes with it at all. And girlfriend needs some bling. But the dress is supremely cute and the hair and makeup are perfection. Keep it up, Emma!

Lea Michele in Naeem Khan

First of all, let’s say what needs to be said: Lea is looking a little thin lately. She used to be normal-woman thin, but now she’s Hollywood thin, and although she looks incredible, I think there is cause for concern. Lea, do not lose another pound, especially if you’re going to be flying back and forth between LA and New York every day to film Glee and perform in the Funny Girl revival. You’re way too classy to become one of those scary-thin, coked-out, over-extended Hollywood starlets. You’re a nice Jewish girl from Jersey – please don’t turn into Lindsay Lohan.

All public service announcements aside, Lea Michele is once again KILLING IT on the red carpet. This dress is mega-sexy, but not inappropriate for a teen event. Her legs are astounding, the Christian Dior shoes were a stroke of genius, and her hair has never looked better. That natural windblown beach hair look is great for her. She could have eased up on the makeup a touch, but that’s a minor complaint. Say what you will about this diva, but bitch knows how to dress like a winner.

Gomez Gone Wild

Selena Gomez in BCBG Max Azria

Selena Gomez in BCBG Max Azria

The little white dress, like the little nude dress, has taken over the red carpet recently. And Gomez rocks the look, particularly because of those fabulous, 1970s sleeves. The hair is effortlessly beautiful, and the makeup is fresh and natural with heavy eyes, which I love. The shoes aren’t for me, but the black nail polish is badass against the white dress. (Remember: black nail polish is okay on the red carpet; it’s dark toe nail polish that makes starlets look like they’re growing fungi.)

But once you see the back, the look goes from fabulously 70s to Studio 54 cage dancer. I’m not saying I hate it, but there’s something a little trashy about all that silver running down her back. But I do commend her for steering away from the shiny, tight, short dresses or red cocktail dresses that she and Taylor Swift basically live in at most events. It’s always good to try something new, even if from the back she looks like a Cher video.

Worst Dressed

Emma Roberts in Brian Reyes

Emma Roberts

Oof. This is a disaster for quite a few reasons. That lime green color is terrible on Emma’s ghostly white skin. I’m pale as can be, but even I know that porcelain-skinned girls need to stick to certain colors or get a tan before appearing on the red carpet. Her skin looks grey, the shoes are too much, and the bag is ugly. But what the hell is happening with her makeup? Who on earth told her that brown shadow UNDERNEATH her eyes was a good idea? The grey skin with the brown bags under her eyes makes her look like she belongs in a hospital, not on a red carpet.

Best Reason to Not Loathe Twilight (But I Still Do)

Ashley Greene in Valentino

Simple silhouette with a unique and beautiful print – always a solid choice. Ashley brought out all the stops in this fabulous little Valentino number. The peep-toe pumps are perfect, the purse is cute, and I’m loving the ring on her left hand. And the hair and makeup are flawless. She’s a stunning girl who made all the right choices, and that’s simply unstoppable on the red carpet.

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© Democracy Diva, 2010.

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Tony Awards 2010 Red Carpet

The Worst: Hollywood Wives

Jada Pinkett Smith in Marchesa

Will’s wife is, on a normal day, an incredibly beautiful woman. She’s barely five feet tall, which makes her difficult to dress when designer gowns are made for women who are nearly a foot larger than her. That’s the problem here, with this Marchesa cocktail dress. On a woman with neverending legs, this short, squat dress might have worked. But instead it just packs on bulk to Jada’s itsy-bitsy figure, making her look stumpy instead of slim. Also, did she dip her legs in a vat of olive oil in the limo? She’s awfully shiny.

Katie Holmes in Armani Prive

The hair is limp, she’s not wearing enough makeup, and that dress is just so boring. Mrs. Cruise looks uncomfortable and sad, and those looks don’t work on anybody.

Catherine Zeta-Jones in Atelier Versace

Mrs. Michael Douglas reminded the world of how awkward her May-December romance is at the Tonys this year, by discussing their sex life while accepting her (completely undeserved) award. Let’s talk about the face – just what is going on up there? She looks like she’s had some bad Botox or a botched face lift. And that dress is better suited for a little girl at her first big party than a woman bragging about sleeping with an AARP member. Iced periwinkle can’t be worn by girls over the age of 17. It should be a law.

The Best: Broadway Powerhouses

 

This actually was not one of my favorite looks of the night, but I still enjoyed it. It seemed more appropriate for the Country Music Awards than the Tonys, and although Cheno is tiny, I think that hemline is a bit short even for her. But she still looks every bit the adorable little woman she is, and if the dress were three inches longer, I’d love it.

Idina Menzel in Carolina Herrera

Idina looked simply glorious, and younger than she’s looked in years. Her skin looks flawless, her dress is intriguing but simple; mature but not matronly; youthful but not silly. I think she should’ve done a diamond necklace as well, just to glitz it up, but Idina looks as divalicious as ever.

Lea Michele in Zac Posen

What an astoundingly beautiful color. This is a perfect red carpet look – simple in design, but the color ensures that every eye on the Tonys red carpet will be on Miss Lea. Once again, I’d like to see a blingy necklace, but I don’t think Lea could have picked a more flattering, fun, or stylish gown. Kudos to her!

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MTV Movie Awards 2010 Red Carpet

Nothing provides me with as much fodder for bashing celebs as the MTV Movie Awards – except, perhaps, the MTV VMAs. So let’s start making fun of some fame-whores, shall we?

Least Surprising Fuck Up

 

Lindsay Lohan is wearing a bedazzled floor-length jumpsuit. I can’t say I’m surprised, I just feel the need to remind Ms. Lohan that Diana Ross is calling from Studio 54, and she wants her outfit back. And her cocaine, too. Now, kids, prepare yourself for the close-up:

Lindsay Lohan

Oof. Eyeliner smeared beneath the eyes – any lady who’s ever had a few too many cocktails knows that look, and it’s called DRUNKFACE. But we don’t have personal assistants and stylists who can hold up a mirror to us in the limo and say, “Honey, fix yourself.” So at least we have an excuse for running around with our makeup melting off our faces. Lindsay has no such excuse – she just clearly knocked back several cocktails (let’s hope it was only cocktails… and only several) right before she got out of the car.

And, honey, what’s with the boobs? Didn’t you used to have the nicest rack in Hollywood? Your tatties look very depressed, like they’re running away from that freckly patch beneath your saggy pair. And for the love of God, Lindsay, go back to your natural hair color. You have never looked remotely attractive as anything other than a redhead.

Most Surprising Successes

 

I’m fairly certain I’ve never said one positive word about Kristen Stewart before. She somehow scored the leading role in one of the biggest book/movie series ever, even though she’s unattractive AND untalented AND a total bitch who resents all her fame and success. Honey, nobody made you audition for a highly anticipated movie based on a wildly popular bestselling novel. You knew what you were getting yourself into – don’t fucking mope around LA like your life is so miserable.

Before I go off on a complete tangent, let’s get back to the clothes. Ms. Stewart almost always looks like shit, because she has no style, never stands up straight, and always looks miserable. But I have to say, I think this might be the best she’s ever looked. The dress and shoes are undoubtedly gorgeous, she’s learned how to pose like an actual celebrity, and she almost looks like she’s having an okay time!

Kristen Stewart

And this is definitely the most beautiful her face has ever looked. I never noticed before that her eyes are stunning and her skin is lovely. I wish she’d styled her hair, but then again, this is the MTV Movie Awards. People wear jeans on the red carpet to such a bullshit event. Her makeup is natural and lovely, and she only slightly looks like someone just farted in her face.

Whitney Port in Yigal Azrouel

I don’t like Whitney Port on principle, because she’s another famous-for-no-reason wannabe fashion designer with no discernible talent for fashion. But I think she looks unbelievably sexy here. I hate the thick black eyeliner – I think it emphasizes how heavy-lidded and weird-looking her eyes are – and I wish her roots were a few shades lighter, but I love everything else. The dress is beyond gorgeous. Naked-looking, but not actually revealing. Great color, perfect fit, and those shoes add a level of complex styling that I didn’t know Whitney was capable of. And I think she might be wearing a watch, which I respect, because women rarely do that anymore.

Best Accessories/Worst Britney Impersonator

 

Let’s start with the essentials: the dress. From far away, it just looks like she’s covered in lint. And we’ve all seen this outfit before – it’s just a more modest version of Britney’s infamous nude-and-sequined outfit in her “Toxic” video. But there are actually a lot of things I love about what’s happening here, which is particularly surprising, since Katy Perry is up there with Rihanna and J.Lo on the list of my least favorite celebrities, on and off the red carpet.

I actually love the blue color of the wig. What I hate about the wig is those awful bangs that Katy insists upon wearing even though they look terrible on everybody, particularly Katy, who is not a natural beauty, just a decent-looking girl with a great makeup artist. But I actually think that crazy blue is gorgeous with the dress and just nutty enough for the MTV Awards. Those yellow neon nails are so eye-catching and fun, and the best surprise is how they match the shoes:

Katy Perry’s shoes

Come on. Those shoes are gorgeous in their own right, and the matching nail color is just perfection. There were some great style moments in this outfit, but they don’t quite compensate for Katy Perry’s general suckiness.

The #2 Reason I Didn’t Date in High School…

 

…BECAUSE THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT GUYS ON THE JERSEY SHORE LOOK LIKE. This is not even an exaggeration of what they look like – this is actually how fucking stupid most of the guys in my area actually look, complete with the fake tans, excessive jewelry, and truly horrific haircuts. As Cher wisely said in Clueless, “So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair – ew – and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so!” The styles may have changed, but the sentiment remains true as ever.

For those who were wondering, the #1 reason I didn’t date in high school was because I was only attracted to gay men. But I bet you could have guessed that.

Lord of the Ice

 

Johnny Weir is a rock star. Well, not by profession, because he’s actually an Olympic figure skater, but he has the soul of a total fucking rock star. He’s also one of the only Olympic skaters who actually embraces what a huge homo he is. They all embrace it on the ice – I mean, you sort of have to, as there’s basically nothing gayer than figure skating except ice dancing and Liza Minelli – but J.Weir is loud and proud about what a queen he is. And while he sort of looks like the love child of Lady Gaga and Peewee Herman, I applaud him for that fierce blazer and festively cocooning his neck in crinoline for no apparent reason.

But honey, I’d fix the makeup. Either go all-out, and do eye makeup in addition to the copious amounts of blush and lipstick you’re sporting, or nix the makeup altogether. This just looks unfinished.

Fashion Week Favorite

 

Nothing makes me feel better as a fashion blogstress than when my favorite looks from New York Fashion Week get worn by celebrities on the red carpet. As you may remember, this was the final look in Zac Posen’s Fall 2010 collection, which I blogged about as one of my favorites. Fritzy (that’s what I call Anna Kendrick – the character she played in Camp before anybody but me and Cameron knew she existed) looks utterly fabulous here from head to toe. One of her arms is hidden, but I hope it bears a fabulous bracelet, as she looks a little under-accessorized. But this dress is gorgeous without being too fancy for the event, and that’s a difficult line to walk.

Least Relevant

 

It truly depresses me how hard Christina is trying to be Lady Gaga. Christina, you are not Lady Gaga, and you will never be Lady Gaga. And that’s okay – because you’re fucking Christina Aguilera! You have one of the best voices in pop music history, you had a long and brilliant career, and now you have a beautiful husband and child (both Jewish, I might add). You don’t need to be resorting to auto-tuned vocals and over-sexed, overly dramatic music videos and gimmicky costumes. I love Gaga, but we don’t need more that one of her. Just be proud of being Christina, and people might actually still like you. But now you’re just depressing the shit out of us as you try to cling to your youth and fame. And this dress is downright fugly.

Best Dressed/Most Awkward Presenter

 

I could only stomach about ten minutes of the actual awards show, because MTV hasn’t been relevant to my life since 7th grade, and all I really cared about was seeing Betty White and whether Malfoy would win the award for Best Villain. MTV decided to script a super-awkward conversation between ScarJo and Sandra Bullock which of course ended in a lesbian kiss, because it’s MTV. But regardless of how uncomfortable that is, or how hilarious it was to see Betty White politely clapping while those ladies shared a weak-ass, forced kiss, Scarlett looked simply amazing. I would never have worn something this classy on MTV – I’d have saved it for a more formal or less youthful event – but I can’t deny that this look is nearly flawless. I think she might be wearing blue nail polish, which I strongly oppose, but that may just be the lighting. And again, this dress demands a glittery bracelet or necklace to be complete. But all in all, this ensemble is excellent.

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More fashion to come later, straight from the red carpet at the Sex and the City 2 premieres!

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The Long Overdue Oscars Red Carpet

Let’s get right to it.

Hot Mama

Amy Adams in Alberta Ferretti at the Vanity Fair Oscars Party

By far the most beautiful pregnant woman I’ve ever seen, other than Heidi Klum, who is a freak of nature. The hair and makeup are flawless, and this dress is so earth goddess and yet still formal at the same time. A+, Amy!

Most Overrated

Zoe Saldana in Givenchy

This dress somehow showed up on Best Dressed list after Best Dressed List, and I’m still struggling to figure out why. It looks like three different dresses arbitrarily sewn together. And yes, Zoe Saldana is gorgeous, but I still can’t take her seriously because I will only remember her for her work in Center Stage. Call me nostalgic, I just want to see her being sassy to Peter Gallagher again.

A Trend Done Right

Anna Kendrick in Elie Saab

This season is full-on obsessed with gowns that match the skin tone, which I think can be a difficult look to pull off if it’s not done perfectly. But I think Ms. Anna “Fritzy” Kendrick looks incredibly beautiful. I think I love it so much because she didn’t just rely on the beautiful color to do all the work for her. She chose a particularly intricate dress (the lace embellishment towards the bottom is particularly eye-catching and stunning), and she didn’t distract from the dress with accessories that contrast that beautiful color. She went with shoes to match, and soft-colored and diamond accessories. The hair and makeup make her look angelic. So although I’m getting sick of this trend, I think she nailed it.

The Comeback

Cameron Diaz in Oscar de la Renta

Let’s just say it – Cameron Diaz has looked like shit lately. She always looks like she’s far underdressed, just rolled out of bed, or put on her grandmother’s suit. it nice to see a beautiful woman in a gorgeous (albeit cliche) gown. Lay off the plastic surgery, keep dressing age-appropriately, and you’ll stay fabulous forever, Cameron.

Think of Meryl Streep

Meryl Streep in Christopher March

In the immortal words of Matt Rostowsky, GET IT, MERYL! She looks like she doesn’t give a shit if she wins an award or not – she’s there to have a blast, and she looks every bit the glamour queen. Kudos to Project Runway alum Chris March for another fabulous look that works like a charm on a “real” woman’s body.

Worst Dressed

Vera Farmiga in Marchesa

As much as I love Marchesa, it is not an easy look to pull off. Nor is that color, particularly against the red carpet. And if you aren’t the most beautiful woman in the world, layers and layers of huge ruffles are probably not your best plan. I think the dress is garish and makes Farmiga look much uglier and fatter than she actually is. Vera, you’re good-looking, but you’re no couture model. So stop dressing like one.

Best Dressed

Elizabeth Banks in Atelier Versace

I’m really happy Elizabeth Banks is getting the attention she deserves. I’m a huge fan of Judd Apatow’s films, but I hate that he puts such un-funny women (Kristen Bell, Katherine Heigl) in lead roles. He should just keep casting Banks in everything –  she’s stunningly gorgeous and truly hilarious. This photo is proof that she’s a woman to be reckoned with. It’s difficult to find women who are beautiful, down-to-earth, funny, and well-dressed. Elizabeth Banks is a rare quadruple threat, and I hope she has a long career ahead of her of looking great and making us laugh.

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Red Carpet Redux: The Grammys

Why Are You Here… And What Are You Wearing?

Snooki in a large purple headband

MTV has not been a music television channel for around a decade. Therefore, being the “star” of an MTV show should not grant you access to the Grammys. And anyone larger than Kate Moss should know better than to wear skin-tight horizontal stripes.

On the plus side, she’s not wearing a Bump-It. At least, not on her head.

Dressed to Win

Taylor Swift in Kaufmanfranco

The girl loves her sparkly gowns, but this is a much more mature look for her. The color and neckline are unusual and stunning. This is how a girl dresses when she knows she’s going to win. I would’ve liked her hair to be down, since her hair is insanely gorgeous, and that hairstyle does nothing for her. But kudos, because a pretty girl in a pretty dress is a good thing.

Why? Because She Can

Lady Gaga in custom-made Giorgio Armani Prive

And the back, for the full effect.

Lady Gaga once said that she dyed her hair blonde because she was concerned that if she stayed brunette, people would confuse her with Amy Winehouse. That was the first thing I thought when she stepped onto the red carpet last night – something about the big hair and retro makeup felt fabulously Amy (pre-substance abuse). Anyway, this outfit is terrifically tame as far as Gaga ensembles go. I actually love it, because it bears a semblance of a gown and a sculpture, instead of just pure insanity. It reminds us that fashion is art and art is fashion in a beautiful and modern way. I even sort of dig the bright yellow hair extensions, and I definitely love the little diamonds all over her body, a la Britney in Toxic.

The point is, if I were Gaga (and let’s be honest… I am), and I had the opportunity to dress in off-the-wall costumes designed just for me, I’d do it. She’s innovative and talented and fascinating, and I expect nothing less from such a person.

At Least She’s Alive

Britney Spears in Dolce & Gabbana

Yes, Britney is wearing a sheer piece of lace over a black leotard, which is generally unforgivable. But her hair and makeup actually look beautiful, and more importantly, she looks happy and healthy. Let’s be honest, that’s a rarity nowadays, and I’m just genuinely glad that this girl can make it out of the house with a smile on her face. After a nervous breakdown of that magnitude, under that amount of media attention and scrutiny, that’s all we can expect from Brit right now. Maybe in a few years, I’ll expect her to wear pants, but for now, I’m just happy she’s okay.

You Won’t Be Invited Back

Ke$ha. I hate typing her name.

At first glance, she’s just another idiot with over-processed hair and an ugly dress. But the close-up says it all. That makeup is what I look like the morning after the Rocky Horror cast party. Same for the hair, actually, but mine is one shade of brown instead of eight shades of blonde. And it doesn’t have feathers in it. Or are those earrings? Wait, is she seriously wearing a gold flapper dress? And does she really insist on having a dollar sign in her name? I give it another six months before we forget about her. Go have another cocktail, honey. Enjoy your fifteen minutes while you can.

Four in a Row!

Lea Michele in Romona Keveza

Well, she’s done it again. My little sweetheart/alter ego was probably the only person on the red carpet last night who looked beautiful, classy, and interesting. She looks thin as hell (but I hope she doesn’t lose another pound – she’s a stomach flu away from far too skinny), her legs look long (not an easy feat on a petite girl – can you believe she’s only 5’2″?), and the dress is not only adorable, but very different from the other three looks she nailed in the last month. I don’t have anything new to say about my favorite diva, but I hope she keeps it up.

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SAG Awards Red Carpet

Perfect Outfit for a Different Event

Anna Paquin in Alexander McQueen

Ms. Paquin looks absolutely gorgeous. She pulls off the wild print wonderfully, and it showcases her fabulous body without being over-the-top. The shoes are great, the hair is perfect, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look this beautiful. But this is a bit too casual for this event. Just because it’s not the Oscars doesn’t mean people won’t go super-formal, and when they do, it makes dresses like this stick out. She 100% nailed it, but she should have just worn it to the after-party.

Worst Dressed

Sandra Bullock in Alexander McQueen

Most people are raving about this dress, but I absolutely hate it. The top is tacky (it looks like she passed out under a Christmas tree), and the rest of the dress is boring. She nearly always looks awful, but that’s no reason to call this look a winner. It’s not.

Biggest Improvements

Diane Kruger in Jason Wu

An interesting color that pops against the red carpet. Hair, makeup, and jewelry are great. The fit is terrific. And to think, she wore this hot mess just a week ago.

Tina Fey in Salvatore Ferragamo

A good choice for Fey, who usually either looks boring in black or just plain bad, like she did in this dress at the Globes. A nice (albeit unoriginal) color, cute shoes, great hair, and a simple but slightly intriguing dress. Tina, give your team a bonus for bringing you off the Worst Dressed List.

Repeat Offender

Drew Barrymore in Monique Lhuillier

Dear Drew,

A dress should have one skirt, not two. You also need to look as if you actually slept in your own bed last night; brushing your hair helps. And don’t let your stylist edit the dress so that it basically bears no resemblance to the original. Great as she may be, she’s no Monique Lhuillier. She made a dress go from gorgeous to fug. Let the designers do their job, and then maybe your stylist can stick to the basics, like remembering that you need jewelry and lipstick on the red carpet.

Best Dressed

Lea Michele in Catherine Malandrino

You can’t even call me biased for choosing her again. She looks flawless. She looks better in it than the model, she was the only person on the red carpet wearing this amazing color, she looks more confident than ever, and this was the third awards show in a row at which she looked perfect (she dazzled in black last week, and looked just as fierce the week before. There are so few people who make me think, I can’t wait to see what she wears next, but she’s one of the few.

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Golden Globes Red Carpet, Part Two

Repeat Offenders

Fergie in Elie Saab

This could also go in the God-Awful Colors category, especially against her orange skin. But look, it’s long and Grecian with a train and a sparkly belt! Oh, wait, that’s exactly what she wore at the NYC premiere of Nine! And what Hayden Panettiere wore to the Golden Globes three years ago! And what Jennifer Lopez wore to her birthday party! And, you know, what everybody wears to every red carpet event! If you’re going to pick a boring, redundant dress in an ugly color, just do us all a favor and stay home.

Drew Barrymore in Atelier Versace

First of all, doesn’t it look like she spilled just a bit of champagne on her left breast? If you’re going to drink en route to the red carpet, wear a bib. Also, aside from the fact that basically everyone wore flesh tones (Emily Blunt, Nicole Kidman, Toni Colette, etc.), Drew’s worn this exact color before, and worn it much better. Remember this dress, one of my favorites of 2009? I loved that unique, pink/gold/mauve color. Until she wore the same exact color last night. I’m instituting a new fashion rule: If you wore it to the premiere, you can’t wear it to an awards show where you’re nominated for that same piece of work.

New Moms and Old Broads

Helen Mirren in vintage Armani

Amy Adams in Carolina Herrera

Meryl Streep in Chris March

Mirren brought her A-game in something tight, low-cut, and glitzy – all big risks for an AARP member. And she nailed the look without pulling a Madonna (trying to look half her age). Adams is 35 and pregnant and has never looked better. I generally resent the matchy-matchy accessories trend, but the color of those shoes and purse is so unique and beautiful that I’ll forgive it. And Meryl Streep’s dress is a tad boring, but she’s posing the shit out of it, and it makes her look younger than ever.

Worst Dressed

Heidi Klum in Roberto Cavalli

I’ve already complained excessively about my hatred for mermaid/fishtail gowns, and how people’s calves really do not need that much more room than the rest of their bodies, so let’s move onto the color. People.com calls it light gray, but it’s lavender. It’s lavender, poofy, shiny, and those sleeves are borderline puffy. The only good thing about this photo is Heidi’s truly incredible smile. Then again, if I were a German supermodel with a hit TV show and an adorable family, I’d look happy no matter what I wore, too.

Best Dressed

Lea Michele in Oscar de la Renta

Okay, I know none of you are surprised I chose her for the best dressed. But putting my obvious bias in her favor aside, she looks flawless. Most red carpet newcomers look uncomfortable and awkward (as do some oldcomers – that’s right, Sandra Bullock and Jessica Biel, I’m talking to you) on the red carpet or in couture gowns. It takes a certain kind of person and a certain amount of practice to wear a gown this fierce, and Miss New Diva on the Block is wearing it. The jewelry, hair, and make-up are all flawless, and she looks the way we all should at the awards show for our first big nomination (not to discount her Drama Desk nomination, but most people do) – a tiny bit nervous, but with excitement in the eyes and a hint of a smirk. It’s like she’s saying to the girls who teased her in middle school, I don’t know if I’ll win, but at least I’m here, bitches.

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Golden Globes Red Carpet, Part One

I didn’t even bother to watch the awards show. I really only care about the fashion.

The Worst Color Choices

Diane Kruger in Christian Lacroix

Leona Lewis in Roberto Cavalli

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman wear either of those colors after her eighth birthday. Unless, of course, she is the headliner in an 1980s drag queen prom show, or moonlighting as the Easter bunny. Kruger’s pink gown is a nightmare, from the color to the sleeves to the bow, and her dead-on-the-inside expression doesn’t do much for me. Lewis chose a particularly tacky shade of purple, made even trashier by her Jersey Shore tan and black roots. Oh, and use a fucking steamer, for crying out loud. This photo cuts out the worst of the damage, but Lewis looks like she picked this up off a hotel room floor the morning after a bad decision.

My Golden Globes Dream Date

Matthew Morrison in Dolce & Gabbana

He. Is. Perfection.

When Did She Get So Old?

Cameron Diaz in Alexander McQueen

Heather Graham in Elie Saab

Isn’t there something just plain off about both these ladies’ once-beautiful faces? Close-ups of Cameron’s face showed her looking distinctly Madonna-esque. Heather looks like she hasn’t slept in days. Both women look like there’s a very unpleasant smell right under their noses. And this photo doesn’t show it, but Heather is wearing her hair in a ponytail. On the red carpet. Cameron looks like she did something equally lazy to her hair. Get your shit together, ladies. You’re hot, rich, and thin, but you need more than just a dress to look like a star on the red carpet.

Check back later for more! You’ll see my favorite and least favorite looks of the night, plus more character assassinations!

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